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Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by THEAMAKA1: 12:38am On Jan 06, 2010 |
why do some people on this forum like to parade their ignorance around? @harakiri you OBVIOUSLY missed the point. and stop bringing up the fact that she is a mod, what does that have to do with it? so a moderator should behave like a mindless bot? i don't think so. stop looking for cheap shots and reply to the initial post @ topic YESS!! this is really sad. it personally hasn't happened to me but i know how the customs work, and parents listen to other adults. im sorry but too many nigerian women (adults/mothers) are gossipers! they go around talking about everyone to everyone. sometimes they can even be spreading lies. instead of the parent to hear the child out, they start ranting all over the place. its really sad how people trust and believe perfect strangers than their own children. i really dont understand this and i think i never will. hopefully that will bump out with that generation and people will learn that communication is key. londoner:yep. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by H2O2: 12:44am On Jan 06, 2010 |
bawomolo:To my knowledge, it's mostly complimentary; a kind of show of respect to the family. not to be taken literally. It's those who take the piss out of it to humiliate the wife that work my nerves. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by dogzymallo: 1:19am On Jan 06, 2010 |
well everything u posted is completely true. mine dont she says that mothers know everything in short all that is good for u that is why she found a husband for my sister and funny enough its not working . for me she is bent on making me suffer if i don't take what she wants. our parents are gradually turning into our enemies. the terrorist muttalab had the same problem. if the parents were close enough with him he wouldn't have gone this far and the church is not helping they rather talk about prosperity instead of that.pls let all pastors and reverends preach about discussions between parents and children plsssssssssssss |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by mamagee3(f): 1:26am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Nigerian parents need to be up and doing with their training. ![]() ![]() |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by mikeoscar: 2:20am On Jan 06, 2010 |
. and what do the kids do when they hear or find out that their parents are turning to strangers for advice rather than talking with them them? @Ifyalways, I think I like the way your mind works. I was just thinking if I was to counsel poster and Friend I will advise her friend/cousin pray and ask God for wisdom to deal with the situation and then discuss the matter with her mum while taking a listening position at first then calmly put your points across. I have hadly known a parent who don't think they are acting in the interest of their kids no matter what they do. They tend to still put you in that cute little baby mould when they approach issues with you, at least most of the times, plus our cultural thing like some people have said. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by yeyeruzi: 2:56am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@michelin89 This has very little or nothing to do with Nigerian culture or with parenting. Here parents do listen to their children when their children is not known to be naughty, disobedient or is not marked with any social vices. People will even give excuses for him or her or them if they are found in a situation that does not tell their known attitudes. You didn't bother to listen to her(your cousin's) mother's side of the story to why she wouldn't listen to her. Your cousin may not be of commendable behaviour lately that led to her story being pushed aside (though she may be truthful or innocent this time around). You, I'm sure, would dismiss your lover's side of a story and would be driven by gossips if your lover is known to be unfaithful even if he is now innocent. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Nobody: 3:08am On Jan 06, 2010 |
yeyeruzi: She is a teenager like any other. She is bound to make mistakes but no parent should allow others label their children, no matter what. You may be the mother but that doesn't mean you can read her mind. You are not the same. Can't they get it? |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by great107: 3:10am On Jan 06, 2010 |
some parent are not ready tolerate their children anymore because of lack of centration due to no job stable job no stable in come and other but yet parent should not allow this to make them far away from their children __________________________________________________________________________________________ www.parentingaffairstips..com |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by sweetpie23: 4:35am On Jan 06, 2010 |
is tradition the elders are always right |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by fifi09(f): 4:35am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@michelin89: how can one contact Seun directly? |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Bokoharam: 7:19am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@poster I disagree dt NIgerian parents dont listen to their children. As a child, my parents listened to me. But, before I conclude, may I know some more detail; 1. How old is your cousin-friend? 2. What is actually the issue that parents are dissatisfied with? 3. What did pple say abt your cousin dt causing the ripple? 4. Tell us more about what the older people saw & complained 5. Chances are that you cousin-friend was doing something mischievous, and our culture does not tolerate that (I may be wrong, pardon me) 6. Chances also are that her parents know her to be naughty, based on previous experiences and observations reacted the way they did (I may also be wrong, pardon me) 7. Your honest response to thiese will help us unravel the mystery abt what went wrong, I would then make my conclusions/profer my advice Bear it in mind that over 80% of parents are NOT mad!!! |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Nobody: 7:34am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Bokoharam: 1. My cousin is 16, a very delicate age for a girl. 2. Her Church members (especially the women) have taken it upon themselves to look at everything she does as wrong and never done before. I have told her to stop confiding in those girls she sees in church because they are extremely bitter and useless. After pretending to help you, they'll go around gossiping about you. 3. They have been saying she is a wayward loose girl. But I can vouch she is a virgin and she intends to remain so until her wedding night. How can people be so jobless? It is so bad the poor girl can't even say hello to any guy. They'd assume she is sleeping with him. 4. They says she dates an older guy. But this guy went with his family to my cuz's mother for an official introduction. It's not like she is hiding it. The mother is aware of everything and supervises everything the girl does. But she has never really questioned her about her intentions in the relationship or else she'd know how serious minded and noble they are. 5. She has never done anything that girls of her age don't do. She is adorable, sensitive and sweet. She doesn't deserve all that they are putting her through. The last stroke of when at a part she was asked by someone to collect a bottle of Guinness. The moment they saw her with the drink, they started saying she was a drunkard. You may say I am paranoid but I believe they are trying to ruin her reputation. Maybe they are jealous because she is pretty, but the situation is so bad that even my mother who is my mum's best friends believes she is loose. If I didn't know her to be a chronic liar, because she did the same thing to me, I'd believe it was true because that's what everyone is saying. You know if nobody stands to contest a lie, the moment is spreads it is taken for granted that it is true. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by jaguar09(m): 7:46am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@Poster, Axeman Now i see why Naija youths will never rise for their right, we are abandoning our culture in all phases and embracing strange cultures all in the name of civilization. i blame all this on the economy of Nigeria. had it been that our leaders do the right thing people will see reason to be proud to be a Nigerian and an African. Remember the bible say "bring up a child in the way of the Lord and when he grows he will not depart from it". @harakiri i concor with you. many Naija youth are derailing from their background, God created you to be a Nigerian and an African for you to fulfill purpose here on Earth, he gave you that identity, culture and race the best you can do is abide by it and be proud of it. see the good in the African and Nigerian culture so that it may be well with you. Being well with you means having Peace with you fellow man. even your enemies will celebrate you because you are fulfiling your purpose. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by vincent10(m): 7:58am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Parents are more experienced than their children. 4get d sayin that d present is different 4rm d past. But rather d past determines d present there4 parent and other adult who av experienced d past can b in d right position 2 put senses into d child heads. These ar what mk African culture d best. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by sayso: 8:07am On Jan 06, 2010 |
jaguar_09: Thank you,I rejected travelling abroad for this same reason and today I thank GOD I did not make that mistake of travelling,9ja has an identity and culture and that should thrive above any other culture to Nigerians.They traveled abroad and 9ja is nowo shit to them. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by titsqueez(m): 8:22am On Jan 06, 2010 |
there is no smoke without fire. . . maybe she no be tear rubber true true ![]() |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by wales(m): 8:23am On Jan 06, 2010 |
They feel the children don't have any thing good to tell them ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Nobody: 8:41am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by gidson12(m): 8:50am On Jan 06, 2010 |
here in Nigeria, i believe a child with credible reputation would be respected by his/her parents, and thereby listened to and guided well by any parents. our culture is a guide to us, Children are like a face to the family, their behaviour could bring either shame or pride to the family, that is why our Nigerian parents are very much careful when training their children because they tell more on the family and on the kid. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Wrex(m): 9:09am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Some parents do listen to their children, do not generalise |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by maxdosh(m): 10:11am On Jan 06, 2010 |
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Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by axeman85(m): 10:22am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@sayso and jaguar 09 you are missing the point here. i am not against brnging up the child in the ways of the lord. BUT when people stat using the bible religion or culture to justify nonsense then thats wrong. read the posters post before just talking. you decided not to travel is your choice does of us that did are happy because i for one am happy i did because if i hadnt i would not have learnt what i learnt or achoeved what i have achieved and wouldnt have learnt that women should be treated with respect and s whole lot of other things which should be done equally with the woan but in naija a man cant be seen washing plate while the woman is sitting down. kasala go burst and tongues will start wagging. @jaguar 09 you are saying peace with your fellow man. did you read the posters original post at all. this girl loves this guy and if the parents continue with their same attitude and succed in dricing a wedge btw them and they go their seperate ways they will be very hurt. so where is the peace there. because this isnt peace for the guys involved its a case of the parents being not only selfish but self centered and not also respecting the wishes of their children. because of this same useless culture as a poster said. the mother brought a guy for the sister to marry all in the name that she knows what is best and today the marriage isnt working, the mother will be in her own husbands house chilling while the poor girl is the one sufferring now. same goes to the church, churches nowadays preach prosperity and forget the cores values of the church. @poster my advvice is for the girl to stand her ground and not let anyone sway her decision and also i dont think writing a letter to the girls church or mother will make any changes, because nowadays you will be suprised and shocked by the actions of some so called men who parade themselves in the name of pastors. @ tha amaka i totally agree with you jare i was and should i say currently a victim, the girl i intend getting married to apart from the tribe differences issues , people started feeding the girls parents false rumors, eg. 1 of the jobless people who calls herself a pastor came to an hotel room i was staying and saw a red scented candle on the table, insted of her to ask what it is she didnt and went to the girls parents that i am using juju for their daughter. and they believed another one is a pastor man who was saying the bad things about marrying from a different tribe just to persuade the girl from changing her mind, instead of him to just counsel her and leave the rest to her as a true man of God will do. all in the name of the money they get in gifts from the girls parents. also illiteracy also adds to this issue with parents not listening to their children as well. because being wise and just and uprigh is not just only about going to school, or going to university its also about reasoning outside the ethcis of culture as well. because sometimes you exect an educated person to reason differently from an uneducated person but you find out that both of them have their heads in the same place. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Secretz(f): 10:39am On Jan 06, 2010 |
When I was in school and some woman used to try and do this kain rubbish with me, my mum told the woman that she should mind her own business that she doesn't recall requesting CCTV on me. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by yeyeruzi: 11:10am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Have seen mothers defend her children when I clearly witness the misdemeanor of their children and instead they blame other children for the wrong of theirs. @michelin89 solution: Encourage your cousin behave. She is 16 and not a kid. Let her stop blaming wolves for her putting on a sheep's clothing. Don't expect people to accept your excuses. If she is sincere then let her sacrifice a little bit of freedom to achieve her mother's trust. She is beautiful [/b]and married and unmarried men will surely look towards her side. Let them be the one to say hello first and she should reply not looking towards their side or look into their faces. Things like this happen and married women will see her as a threat and she(your cousin) could be a little guilty here (No one is an angel here). [b]Lets do things that we will not later struggle to give excuses or explanation for. Let us be in places that wolves won't have a chance to devour us. She'll have to work for this as it is very essential ; we are all social animals |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Nobody: 11:16am On Jan 06, 2010 |
yeyeruzi: Thank you for your advice. I think her being pretty attracts a lot of negative attentions. I know of a girl (a 22 years old psycho) who spread rumours about her because her boyfriend was charmed by my cousin's looks. But it is ridiculous that married women in their 30s/40s would see a 16 year old girl as a threat. Someone needs to grow up. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by bayourfar(m): 11:32am On Jan 06, 2010 |
Y NOT TRY YOUR OWN |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by ravenzord(m): 11:43am On Jan 06, 2010 |
I think some of the posters replying are making a mistake, the issue in question here isn't parents disciplining their children, it's parents listening to other people instead of their children, and making arbitrary decisions concerning their children's lives without consulting the children. Granted that parents should discipline their children, but they should also realize that these children are humans with minds of their own, and they should consult these kids for their own opinions, or their sides of the story. And as for those shouting that it's our culture, it should be noted that culture is dynamic, it evolves, practices that are seen to bring more harm than good are discarded and replaced with more sensible options. I have a coursemate in med school who's failed his professionals twice cos he hates Medicine, always wanted to be an engineer,but his parents forced him to study medicine, cos they're both doctors, right now he's having a hard time coping with a hard course which he hates,and he's gradually developing a hatred for his parents. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Andyjoy(f): 11:51am On Jan 06, 2010 |
@ all This issue has been a burden in my heart recently. Situations where we believe parents or 'elders' as they call it are never wrong when we all know that growth in age does not in anyway equal to growth in wisdom. I believe we all can agree wt me dt the things our parents learnt in 5 yrs, we hv bn able to learn in 1 or less year. The 'elders' should even pray that we get better than them in all facets of life and not try to choke us up with their ego and ignorance. What we need is guidance with space, when we make mistakes, we should be corrected in lov and not frustrated cos we are still learning. I will be a parent one day and I pray I won't join in this trend of frustrating my children, Amen. God help us all. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by otukpo(f): 12:13pm On Jan 06, 2010 |
My parents listened to me. As a growing up child, as much as i can remember, my mom never trusted any outsider more than me. Even if anybody comes to her and say "this is what ur daughter did" , she would say ok and find out from me what happened. And she never discussed me in a negative way to/with any outsider. Thats the relationship i have with my parents. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by Bokoharam: 12:17pm On Jan 06, 2010 |
@poster From your clarifications, I can conjecture that u re probably her age bracket. U therefore need to understnd so many things: 1. Parents are more experienced that their teenage children 2. What an old person sees sitting down, a young person will nt see on top of a tree 3. They r tryn to b protective so u dont fall victim of their fear (some fell victims themselves) 4. I bet u when u grow older, u will understnd why, & laff at your ignorance in d past 5. U telling us that older girls (including married women) are jealous ( I hope dt s wht u mean) of your cuz, makes me feel u re a teenager/adolescent, who does nt yet understnd. Yes, dt stage is very delicate; we all passed thru it; everything u do seems the best & the right thing; any opposition shld be crushed. 6. It is wrong for an old man to come asking for the hand of a 16-year old in marriage; no reasonable parent will take it lightly; if she's living in 9ja, she shld either be in SS3 or just finishing her sec schl. So, dt s funny 7. Dt she's talking abt marriage now(?) makes her look irresponsible b4 her parents 8. She must hv been telling her friends the evil things she did (or does); dt s d reason her friends ridicule her b4 their parents & whoever cares to know 9. She may nt be as decent as she tells u. So, dont think she's innocent. 10. Her beauty might have "entered her head", which could be destructive to her career/life. 11. U appear to b encouraging her in crucifying her parents, by, mayb giving her d impression dt her parents are devils st shld b ignored. 12. She may NOT have told u the whole truth! She may be hiding some things from you. I knw at this age, girls hide a lot & dont tell their friends d whole truth. MY ADVICE: 1. Let your cuz undstnd dt her parents do nt mean bad for her 2. Let her realise dt she is too young to go into some expensive activities, like having suitors & contemplating marriage; as 16, it sounds ridiculous!! 3. What is paramount for her now is to enrol in a University (if she has not) & graduate (WITH GOOD GRADES!); only an irresponsible parent will want her sec schl cert holder-daughter to start talking abt marriage 4. Let her apologise to her parents & promise to b d good girl they want her to be; with this the confidence they had in her will b restored. And, parents will judge less from other parents' views/comments 5. Let her watch the friends she keeps; this is worse known killer of small dreams 6. Let her put everything behind and face her studies 7. You as her friend, need to encourage her too; Sorry, kid sister, I may have been harsh on you. BUt, I just gave u the best advice a BIG brother can give a little sister. Pls, do not take it as hatred. I dont even know u. |
Re: Why Don't Nigerian Parents Listen To Their Children? by otukpo(f): 12:23pm On Jan 06, 2010 |
am surprised at the replies. I know parents who defend their children to outsiders even when they know their children were wrong. Maybe, ur cousin has not been open and truthful to the mother, but that still is not enough for the mom to talk bad abt her with another person. something is def wrong somewhere. But calm down poster, u can talk to her mom and make her understand her daughter well, if u are sure the girl is as good as u think she is. |
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