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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart (35387 Views)
My Husband's Family Is Sucking Him Dry / She Is Single And Living On Rented Apartment, Away From Family ! Is It Good? / My Family Is Tearing Apart! Help (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by mazizitonene(m): 10:10pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
better Don't make a mistake you will regret for the rest of your life...... 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by tracyfemmmm: 10:11pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Nigerian fathers. Later they will say their children take care of the mum more. Y won't they when u can't even behave like a father to ur children 9 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by ivolt: 10:11pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Your mon have to be physically separated from your dad, it is apparent that he is being irritated by her presence. He will realise his mistakes but I hope it won't be too late by then Do not send that letter! 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by GoHost: 10:11pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Advi...... |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Donjazzy12(m): 10:13pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Prosper24:You are a very very foolish child to want to confront your Dad this way. This is exactly why my friend believes that male children of today are completely useless and worthless. He has a daughter whom he dotes on and that girl loves her dad so much to the extent she can take a bullet for him. You on the other hand your Dad should have sold you to buy recharge card. You are completely worthless as a son! As far as I am concerned , if you are his only child , then he should count himself childless. 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:13pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
First it sounds like you're siding with your mum, if I was your dad, that would make me even angrier with your mum cause I would think she's turned my kids against me. Secondly, your dad seems bored, I think he's going through a phase, you need to help him through this by constantly reassuring him of the family's undying love and loyalty whilst at the same time letting him know how his actions are adversely affecting the coherence of the family. Finally talk to your Mum, she needs to ignore your father's daliances, it's too late in the game to let his mid life issues ruin her happiness...however, wife battery is not permitted under any circumstances, so if he resorts to that again she needs to avoid him till he gets his temper under control....no use emotion handle this situation, it's very dicey. 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by baby124: 10:14pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
It's your mother you should be advising not your dad. She needs to stop forcing herself to be in his life. The man has proved in actions, words and writing that he no longer wants to be married to her. She needs to separate from him before he kills her out of anger and frustration. Just imagine the irritation you feel when someone is around you, you don't like the person and the person will not go away. That is probably how he feels. Of course he is making all those stories up so that he can easily dump your mum soon and move on to his next woman. Thankfully your mother has a job and has been taking care of her own kids. You need to advise her to either leave him alone or stop telling you about their issues and deal with the physical and health implications of remaining with your father. 4 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Apina(m): 10:15pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Calling ur mum a cheat is simple justification for his own actions. Your father no longer has interest in your mum but what beats me is that he has chosen to neglect his children which is baffling. Or does he think he's gonna bury himself by himself? Instead of sending him that letter, instead remind him of the repercussions of what he's doing presently and the implications for posterity sake. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by SmartyPants(m): 10:15pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Benita27: Very wise approach. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:17pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Donjazzy12:dude dude! What's up with this men; you need to calm the f down, if this guy was a bad child he won't be on nairaland looking for advice. 27 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by agboben(m): 10:17pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
I personally don't think the letter will change anything. It will be you giving him less things to bother about. Domestic violence is a no no. Please be the unifying factor and man of the house. Keep trying and praying. God will help you and your family. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:19pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Just cease contact with him. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Iseoluwani: 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Prosper24: As in I feel your pain, my case Z my daddy spending money for my step mother relations, I love my step mother children so much ( they are children of The dead) My step mother went to her village after my dad spent millions for her related families, built houses for them n all that. She just called my dad that she z not coming again, my dad begged her, sent monies yet she no gree come, she said she will still be his own bit he will have to be sending money over My dad loves eye service, sent for one of her relations, got her a job, where she z been paid in dollars, 40k equ. But me for the past two years no job He keeps telling me no money, my dad can spend 5k for 3 soup in a weak n what do I get nothing or at most 1k to manage. A time came because of his wife, he halted plans for my marriage, gave me 7days ultimatum to park out. Honestly I don't want to remember again(this happened June 2017.. I decided that b4 Sept I must park out, I don't mind leaving in an uncompleted building, Bro whatever it z remember EPH 6:1-3 THE BEST YOU COULD ACHIEVE IS BEEN SUCCESSFUL PLS 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by oglalasioux(m): 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
I believe you are old enough to know that things concerning couples are very delicate. Check out when these accusations of infidelity started from your father. Do a little background check and be sure your mother is clean before you act. Men who love their wives can't get over them cheating (I'm not saying your mum is guilty). Another thing you should consider is that women know how to play the victim very well so watch out. You need your father more than your mum (we are black Africans, remember). I personally lived in hate for 30 years until I found out who was the real enemy. By then the innocent person was dead. I've not gotten over it for 8 years. Don't be like me. 5 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Prosper24: It is baffling, a man 30-year older than his wife of 24years.your father should be over 70 years even if he married your mom when she was just 15years. It is so sad for an elder to behave as such. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Prosper24: Whoever tells you not to send the letter is not telling you the truth...when my father did the same thing, when it was too much... as of 15 years old..the entire house was shocked..i entered the house carried my mothers clothes inside bags and told my mum, let's goi'm tired of all this mess... it never repeated itsle for at least five years...stand up to the guy...i don't need the details..your mum can not cheat, why would she wanna lose it all 11 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by nofuckz(m): 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Hmmm stories' every one of us have stories. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by nkemdi89(f): 10:20pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Please watch over your mum and your siblings, and don't meddle into their lives, because you will create more problems than solution, you were not there when they started their relationship. If your mum is hypertensive this is the best time to support her the most, encourage her with kind words. Try contacting the elders in your family, including your pastor or imam and be prayerful too, because sometimes these cases are not ordinary, it requires prayer and patience. Don't allow the situation to affect your academics and that of your family. Since you have seen the type of man your dad is, strive to be a better man and don't go about hurting other women thinking its a norm. 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by nofuckz(m): 10:22pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Hmmm stories' every one of us have stories, others wish they could switch places with you. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by mrsolutionm(m): 10:22pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
possibly spiritual |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Yoshy: 10:23pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
OP i was in such situation, so i understand your plight. Your mum should never have anything to do with HIM sexually again, she MUST protect herself (advice her please). You must have understood that it's not easy out there, so your hustle must be real. DELETE the man from your life, even though you don't tell him to his face. PRAY, PRAY and PRAY. Eventually, you will learn to live happily without him. 5 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by kachi08(m): 10:23pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
May you find wisdom to tackle this issue wisely. And please don't crucify your dad yet. Points to ponder, reflect back when u were young, is this your dad's way of life? If not, think of when he started behaving like this and the likely causes then seat your mum down and ask some questions. See, your old enough to call your parents to order. Be a man! No family is perfect. May God direct you well bro. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Cladez(m): 10:24pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Benita27:This is the first time i am to agree with you Miss/Mrs Benita 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Monjie(m): 10:25pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
EMMAUGOH:Great advice. Also from Benita: Why not write him another letter, telling him of the good times you all shared together as a family, and stating why you would love him to change and make things work between him and your mum. Do this then invite the elders to talk to them both. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by MARKone(m): 10:26pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
taylor88: Na wah for this your story, so you and your pops shared one ponyor together, Na sacrilege Mr man, that if your story is true. Your palley no even reason say you go where the innocent woman hang her pant, sniff am finish, carry am come show am. 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:28pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Why do you want to do this? See if you are reading this, pls n pls kindly disassociate yourself this, don't even think of it. You are his son, you should never insult him no matter what, it is for the kindred who are older to address it not you, never! Especially the way you want to take it, only bastards do that. I have a very close example, my younger brother did this abominable thing and my dad cursed him, I pray he repent and change his ways! Don't do things to incure your father's curse on you. 1 Like |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by Nobody: 10:30pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
I've had my share of family crisis and discord, most times, it easier to take the side of your mum.. When marriage goes south and thing get to the extent that couples now only tolerate each other because of the children. My advice is that you MUST not in any occasion choose sides. You may be angry at the moment , but I can bet you that in some years time when you are earning income and taking care of them, you'd see things from a different angle. Don't choose sides.. Speak to your dad personally and then, your mum individually. Sometimes a joint or family discussion may work, in other times it doesn't even go any where asides to cause more damage. In some cases, you just have to carry the baggage along hoping that time heals the scars. But never chose sides. Its not your problem, some of these issues run deeper than you think.. Speak to them and let it be... Support them and most of all get on with ur life and hold close to your siblings if you have any.. These guys are already done with their lives, they've made errors, enjoyed , laughed, cried, etc.. You have a lot ahead of you, so don't carry their baggage. Focus on your life and your siblings, try keep the peace (ensure no wife beating and abuses) 3 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by datizy(f): 10:33pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
[quote author=unitysheart post=58961146]But wait o Prosper. You father is almost thirty years older than your mum and the marriage is 24 years old. If your mum married at age 20, means she is 44 now. Is your dad almost 74 years old or there about? [/quote You must be a good mathematician. |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by MadCow1: 10:35pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
Prosper24: So you want to disown your father.. ![]() Now listen before you let the small aji amu (pubic hair) you started growing last week deceive you into doing something extremely unproductive and foolish, go to Mama Tega's shop, collect 1 SK of 200 Naira and rizla, find a nice quiet place where Police no go catch you and smoke the whole thing. When you call down, ask yourself what that foolish letter aims to achieve and what will it solve. Taking your story to be true, that means your mother is in an abusive marriage. I will hazard a guess that you are the Di Opkara (first born Son) of the house. That means you should always be around to protect your mother from your father's wrath in case it goes overboard. If you are not in that house, you can't protect your mother. I am not saying fight your Father, but take whatever measures are necessary to only stop the beating and nothing more. If your father is indeed a philanderer, there is nothing you can do about it. I have a strong feeling your mother will not leave your father so you have to hurry up and grow up, find a genuine hustle, step up and become the provider for your mother and siblings. I can bet your mother will never leave your father as it is almost always the situation in these types of cases. I suggest you start recording these acts of violence towards your mother whenever they happen for posterity sake as you never know when you may need it. But whatever you do, do not leave your mother alone without protection. Also do not confront your father. Nothing good will come out of it. If your father kicks all of you out today, do you have any support outside? If No, then patience and tolerance should become your mantra. Don't antagonize him. Try and consult any elders that he listens to and respects. Approach them with solid evidence like the videos you would have recorded and photos you would have taken and more (not verbal accusations). Only they can talk sense into his head and even then, nothing says he will listen or change. In fact depending on the type of Man he is, it may worsen things. Don't let your tostestorone push you into making any rash decisions. A word is enough for the wise. Madcow.. 7 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by LexngtonSteele: 10:37pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
taylor88: Too much of Lexington Steele movies have made you a novel writer ![]() ![]() ![]() OPURO OSHI ![]() 2 Likes |
Re: Should I Send My Father This Message Our Family Is tearing apart by collum(m): 10:47pm On Jul 29, 2017 |
don't bother sending him such text, just be sending him motivational and biblical mgs..d most important thing is for u to always pray for peace of God to enter ur house, sincerely I have seen dis same situation. .if it is spiritual, psalm 26 vrs 27 should be ur guide..cheers |
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