DISCLAIMER: Everything in this rambling was written under the influence of hunger, so I cannot categorically tell you that this piece is best consumed in a state of hunger.
ONE NAIJERIYA
In Adele’s voice “this LIFE is beautiful, but everything seems to be falling apart, the more you look the less you see, ooh-ooooh-ooh-oh, this LIIIIIIFE. Bros no be me talk am ooo, na so Wale Adenuga People sing ooo.
But dis life sef, person go just dey where im d dismantle NIGERIAN jollof rice (full option) with a bottle of coke (mortuary standard) for heaven, na im Angel Michael (Director of Department of Spiritual Securities) go just tell am, guy your time don reach to enter Kirikiri, em sorry na earth I type ooo (dis auto correct sef), just like dat ooo, mtchewwww. Na dis thing make Jabez raise im two hands towards heaven, come shout, WHY ALWAYS ME With suffering induced tears in his eyes. A wise man by name Ikenga once said, “Nawa for dis life” (you bin d expect one strong proverb shey?? Eyaa sorry, but seriously, na wetin d guy talk).
On a serious note, sometimes i go just d wonder wetin carry me come dis life sef and some other times i go d wonder which offence i commit for heaven, wey make dem carry me waka pass USA, UK, Germany, France, China, Singapore, Malaysia, Hong Kong, South Korea, (wait, did I hear u say North KoWhat?!!, enyi respect urself ooo), or even Ghana (common Ghana,….sighs), na im dem carry me come drop for NIGERIA. But wetin pain me pass, no be say dem drop me for Naija, my pain be say na inside ONE NAIJERIYA dem come plant me with better tap root ooo, without my consent ooo, umunne m nakwa echecki ihe a.
My country people i am tired, seriously ike agwula m. I don’t even know where to start, whether na to start from the beginning or na to begin from the starting. Anyway sha, let me end by saying that;
1. IT IS WELL,
2. NOTHING SPOIL
3. HAHAHA....WHO AM I KIDDING?
My broda, it is not well ooo and everything don spoil, azin e don dabaru finish. A country wey carry tribal and religious matter for head like gala, dat one na country? Energy wey dem for use generate electricity, na im dem go use dey shout ONE NAIJERIYA, still the threaten themselves to pack comot from each other dormot at the same time, nna the thing, e no weak you? Na dis thing make my man, Ikenga talk say “Nigeria is no longer a ZOO but it is now an EVIL FOREST”. I for follow am argue dat statement, if no be say i bin d do one kind prayerless dry fasting. My broda, no b small dry fasting ooo, dem no even allow person to swallow even common spit sef.
Well, i don come be say i don come. All i can do now is to work hard and be successful, so dat me sef go fit talk “Veni, Vidi, Vamoose” (I came, I saw, I ran away). So una bin the expect make i conquer abi? abeg make i laff una in agriculture... kwikwikwi. My broda, hear me and hear me well, this country wahala is beyond both physical and spiritual, abeg i no get dat kind strength. The best i can do is to wish good luck to those who plan on becoming conquerors and conqueresses, kai me na grammar connoisseur finally.
Nna, abeg make i leave matter for Matthias, go conquer my village people garri, before dis country go make me vex. And for those of you that will always ask, can anything good come out of village people? The answer is an emphatic YES; my village people garri is GOOD.
I remain your hunger induced humble broda,
Hungarri man.
Remember to always stay hungry. Dazoll
P.s: Abeg, if any of you get the contact of the guy wey the bake dis National cake wey everybody d chop, abeg help a broda out with it. I just won ask am something wey concern issue of National Security. Thanks.