darlenese:




it's pathetic that there are still people like u who believes if anything goes wrong in a marriage, then it's the woman's fault, it's painful enough that it is only women who goes through the pain of trying to fix the marriage and all the man does is jump from one hole to another, before u come here and blame women, put ur mother, sisters and aunt in her shoes.
it's painful enough already dnt add insult to injury, every woman deserves the best.

You will understand better after having alot of experience with women, just pray you never experience it

A lot of people still don't understand what I meant when I said I've tried everything to make him open up. About making meals... I have a job which gets me back home on time to get food ready. How did he start sleeping in the sitting room? I can't explain it, from watching movies late into the night to "I had a stressful day, just allow me to chill a little here". I can't count how many times I came to wake him to join me inside. He comes in sometimes, other times he gets angry and ask me to leave him. He placed a password on his phone years back, I did all I could to make him see reasons why it's not necessary yet he refused and will rather pick a fight. Initially he calls to inform me he'll be home late if something comes up. Now he doesn't even tell me his whereabouts. I should get back in shape? I'm in shape already.. . I wasn't joking when I said most single ladies have nothing on me. I begged him to join all these social platforms but a lot has changed since he eventually did. I've lost count of waking him up even at night to talk but he won't let that happen, he'll rather humiliate me. Stop asking me to look back and retrace this whole thing. I've done that a gazillion times, yet I can't pinpoint anything. I'm not a saint but the truth is that my parents prepared me for marriage. I came into it with a mindset of making it perfect. I came into it with the knowledge of how to make a man happy for the rest of his life.. . But it's heartbreaking to say I married a man who doesn't need any of that. How else am I supposed to know what the problem is? This is killing me

I married a man who hates men that keep late nights. I married a man who hates men that don't care for their families. Years back he started hanging out with a bunch of night crawlers, I begged, cried and prayed. It stopped at a point but started again. I don't know if this whole thing has to do with the friends he keeps.

Do I make our home uncomfortable for him? No!!! How do I know? He kept telling me of how lucky he was to have a wife like me. He says I give him peace that most married men don't have. He sometimes tell me how his friends are amazed when they complain about their wives but he only has positive things to say about me. Can't you people just see? I don't know if there's anything I've done. I don't know where I've gone wrong!!! I'm dying!!! He is all I have. I made him believe he is all to me. Is he taking advantage of my fragile nature? Is he taking advantage of my kind nature? I don't know but God knows

gabinogem:
Na novel be this abi na true life

no na film trick

FortuneTeller:


This is similar to my marriage except I'm no longer interested in my husband sexually. The lack of good quality sex turned me away from him. We are just good friends. However I don't like porn. I need the real thing. So I will just meet a nice guy and go from there. Please don't kill anyone. It's better to leave or have an affair.

Now I believe the story you posted sometime ago. Have you tried finding out why he does that? I wish you a quick solution

My dear,

If he is not giving you affection and all, he is getting it from outside.

Try and find out, talk to his friends, sneak up on him etc. When you have the facts confront him and involve somebody he respects a lot to talk to him. Somebody he will listen too. E.g. His parent or pastor.

Insist he goes you all go to church as a family. Then encourage him to be active and serve in a department in Church.

A lot of other good advice has been given by others. If he stays in the parlour, stay there with him, be good to him and RESPECT him, etc...

I will be praying for you, but you need to act!

PS: Pornorgraphy and maturation will only open you up for more attacks. Ask God to help you stop...

AngelicBeing:
Hmmmm, Nairaland is full of such stories, they are referring to themselves but they will say, I am asking on behalf of a friend, next story jare, fake people online

I tell you, fake people everywhere.

If u are satisfied within u that u have tried everything humanly possible (this includes involving both families, friends, his colleagues etc) to get him to come around and it's not working, then move to the next step. Trial seperation. Inform him of your intention to move out on a trial basis to see if being away from each other can help sort things out. Then move out.

Option two, I think your husband has fallen in love with another woman but does not have the courage to sent you packing because he does not see any fault in you but want you to make the decision yourself

njele:
Option two, I think your husband has fallen in love with another woman but does not have the courage to sent you packing because he does not see any fault in you but want you to make the decision yourself

Exactly my opinion
She is a good woman
He knows she is a good woman
Sadly he fell in love with another woman
He does not want to hurt her
He keeps away from her
Not knowing he already hurts her
Hoping she would get the hint and make it easier for him

Madam I am so sorry to read this. But just ignore the people blaming you or asking you to retrace your steps and asking when did all started, worse still are people blaming you for coming online to find solace I wish they know how soothing it is to read people's' view and comments when it comes to issue like this. For the fact that you came out for solution already is over 80 percent clear that you are not the cause of this problem. I am man, I know what I are going tru, probably I am going tru same right now. It is tough for a man , not to talk of woman.

darlenese:




it's pathetic that there are still people like u who believes if anything goes wrong in a marriage, then it's the woman's fault, it's painful enough that it is only women who goes through the pain of trying to fix the marriage and all the man does is jump from one hole to another, before u come here and blame women, put ur mother, sisters and aunt in her shoes.
it's painful enough already dnt add insult to injury, every woman deserves the best.

If you want the best, be the best. We ain't gonna give you the best jst cos u a woman. Some of u women are funny, u be doing anyhow and still expect the 5-star treatment.

Brokenangel2:
A lot of people still don't understand what I meant when I said I've tried everything to make him open up. About making meals... I have a job which gets me back home on time to get food ready. How did he start sleeping in the sitting room? I can't explain it, from watching movies late into the night to "I had a stressful day, just allow me to chill a little here". I can't count how many times I came to wake him to join me inside. He comes in sometimes, other times he gets angry and ask me to leave him. He placed a password on his phone years back, I did all I could to make him see reasons why it's not necessary yet he refused and will rather pick a fight. Initially he calls to inform me he'll be home late if something comes up. Now he doesn't even tell me his whereabouts. I should get back in shape? I'm in shape already.. . I wasn't joking when I said most single ladies have nothing on me. I begged him to join all these social platforms but a lot has changed since he eventually did. I've lost count of waking him up even at night to talk but he won't let that happen, he'll rather humiliate me. Stop asking me to look back and retrace this whole thing. I've done that a gazillion times, yet I can't pinpoint anything. I'm not a saint but the truth is that my parents prepared me for marriage. I came into it with a mindset of making it perfect. I came into it with the knowledge of how to make a man happy for the rest of his life.. . But it's heartbreaking to say I married a man who doesn't need any of that. How else am I supposed to know what the problem is? This is killing me

There is someone else in the picture am afraid.

Firstly you have to understand that happiness comes from within, despite your predicament you have to find things to be thankful and grateful for...All is not lost.
I can understand your need for attention, but I will only give you to focus on what you can control and ignore what u can't control. You can't control his actions or decisions, but you have absolute control over your actions, decisions and attitude. I think u should focus on becoming your best self. Not just because you want him to retrace his steps but because u owe it to you. Maybe he comes back , maybe he doesn't, it doesn't mean you should stagnate your life and potentials waiting for attention and validation. You have to find a way to thrive ..

Nesso:

If you want the best, be the best. We ain't gonna give you the best jst cos u a woman. Some of u women are funny, u be doing anyhow and still expect the 5-star treatment.

good, if u want to be treated like a king then treat ur woman like a queen, you can't treat women like slaves and expect a 5 -star treatment as well.
shebi you have sisters

OP, after reading your posts in this thread, it is clear that your husband has another woman he is seeing. Please don't let anyone tell you it is your fault. He's responsible for his actions. Stay strong.

Madam Op..., please don't be so hasty to initiate or have sex with him. Since he isn't faithful, there's possibility he could have contracted STI. God is your strength. Stay strong.

FortuneTeller dear
Can you invest in a good dild!o.
I heard those auto ones are real deal. Do research on the best one out there in the market.

FortuneTeller:


I don't think it would matter as long as I kept it private and didn't divorce him. I've told him several times but he takes it as a joke. He says I should be careful because HIV is out there.

armyofone:
FortuneTeller dear
Can you invest in a good dild!o.
I heard those auto ones are real deal. Do research on the best one out there in the market.

Iranu!!!

Abasha!!!

armyofone:
FortuneTeller dear
Can you invest in a good dild!o.
I heard those auto ones are real deal. Do research on the best one out there in the market.

Are you mad? Why would I use a machine when there are literally billions of men in the world? I'm a human, not a machine.

Emancipate yourself! Iranu ko, Iran ni.

Ranchhoddas:
Iranu!!!

Abasha!!!

Nm

armyofone:
Emancipate yourself! Iranu ko, Iran ni.

You should take your own advice. Emancipate yourself from perverse behaviour.

Whats bad about using it?
Take it easy....and lay off the curse. I didn't come to fight you. Reading your post I thought sleeping with another man when still married is not the best options.

FortuneTeller:


Are you mad? Why would I use a machine when there are literally billions of men in the world? I'm a human, not a machine.

Nothing perverse about using machine-I'm liberal.

Ranchhoddas:
You should take your own advice.
Emancipate yourself from perverse behaviour.

armyofone:
Nothing perverse about using machine-I'm liberal.

Fancy word for perverse.

FortuneTeller:


Are you mad? Why would I use a machine when there are literally billions of men in the world? I'm a human, not a machine.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha..........

Brokenangel2:
I just came back to see if anyone took out time to drop a word or two for me. I really appreciate your inputs. Prayers? I'm ashamed to say I'm tired of praying. We don't even have our morning devotions again. I'm even afraid that this atmosphere is unhealthy for my kids. I don't even feel like going to church today, though my beautiful new dress was ironed yesterday. I'm just tired of smiling outside when I'm actually dying inside. I wish this is a dream or novel. That's my life ooo, last night I felt like ending it all, this morning I feel like holding on whether he shows me affection or not. Loneliness is my best friend. You know what? I'll appreciate it if you all share this story on every social platform you know, especially Facebook. He's active there, he will read it somehow. He will know I wrote this, he just knows how I can pen down my feelings. God bless you all.

While I have personally experienced this and overcame it, I will like to tell you the hard truth.
1. Most marriages go through a story like yours and its a break or make period.
2. The story though very realbwas only told from your perspective. Your husband is human and also has emotions and is silently dying inside while you are here thinking he doesn't like communication.
3. Nobody will help you, not prayers - only you can help yourself with your actions.
4. Its a trying time when the devil wants you to look back and become an irreversible pillar of salt but you have to stand firm and take action.
5. Empty your head and heart and listen to the voice of God within, he will give you the strategy to act. You know your hubby more than anyone and only you know what to act or say and the communication line will open but you are probably too proud to do that now while he is also on his high horse and wouldn't come down to meet you. A wise woman builds her own home.

I can go on and on but I believe the message has been passed.

Brokenangel2:
How do you know if there's anything you did, when he insist you've done nothing? Pity from public? Public that don't even know me in real life? No I don't seek that. I just felt like lifting the pains off my chest a little. For the records, what I wrote here is a tip of the iceberg. I'm not saying I'm an angel.. . But if God decides to judge I and him, he'll die before the end of today because he has done abominable things to me.

You are indeed still very pained from your comment above.
80% of women in marriages have said worse things and still believe so but you begin to enjoy your marriage when you let go and create a new beginning.

I can't speak for your husband but he also acts like most men.
To avoid long speech of argument he will say you have done nothing wrong and everything you do is now OK as long as he can have a relaxed brain.
May have indulged in drugs, alcohol and adultery to cool off thereby hurting you and himself more- assumption ( He needs help).

Because of emotional battery, he isn't withholding sex or affection but cannot give it coz he is still very pained and needs to let go before he can see the damsel in you again.

Though marriage is for two and two makes it work but the switch is in your hands.

armyofone:
Whats bad about using it?
Take it easy....and lay off the curse. I didn't come to fight you. Reading your post I thought sleeping with another man when still married is not the best options.

Madam please go somewhere with such nonsense. A machine in the place of a human being? Haba!

Brokenangel2:
Do I make our home uncomfortable for him? No!!! How do I know? He kept telling me of how lucky he was to have a wife like me. He says I give him peace that most married men don't have. He sometimes tell me how his friends are amazed when they complain about their wives but he only has positive things to say about me. Can't you people just see? I don't know if there's anything I've done. I don't know where I've gone wrong!!! I'm dying!!! He is all I have. I made him believe he is all to me. Is he taking advantage of my fragile nature? Is he taking advantage of my kind nature? I don't know but God knows

He needs help, he is not very expressive and doesn't want to pour out his heart so as not to hurt you more.
If he has a good and trusted friend, then this is the time to involve a third party for good that will make him open up and get the help he needs.

You also need help.