sgtponzihater1:


How exactly can this help me. Where are you heading to with digging into my past?

I am not digging. I am saying, you have provided a voice of reason to others previously.
I vividly recall your exchange with Fatima04 on this thread. And you upheld family values.
This trying times are the times for you to reflect well.

[quote author=RalphJean

@ sgtponzihater1
I will advise that you thread carefully especially in involving lawyers. They can make you miserable financially. Try and resolve the issue (including divorce) amicably. Also start making sure that she contributes to the upkeep of the house else you will be responsible for her 100% after the divorce is confirmed. Also try and find out where her money goes in case you want to share marital assets/debts. I assume she's a doctor so should be able to take care of herself, you need to start documenting proof of this. Do not buy her expensive things. As you are both on the lease, you are both liable for the rent, if you refuse to pay, both of you will be liable, I am not sure how you want to proceed on that front.

sgtponzihater1:


Hard times for me. You will never understand. I can't imagine. Cooking for myself, paying the rent, throwing the garbage away, leaving in the living room, using perfume outside the house because a pregnant woman claims she reacts to perfume. If that happens in pregnancy, what will happen during the nursing stage. I can't deal. Our income are not so different sadly

I personally do not see anything wrong with those. Some pregnant women do react to such things. On the bills, you need to discuss it with her and agree on a sharing formula. If she does not do any chore at home then you may want to do a 50-50 share of bills.

[quote author=dustydee post=84096049]@

...

sgtponzihater1:


Be responsible for someone who earns same as me. Presently we have our names on all our properties, but in reality I paid for it and pay for the rent. I don't mind leaving it all and starting again. I am not yet worth so much. I just want peace and a fresh start. How can I get good affordable help?

Just look at some of the fantastic! Advice you have offered previously.

RalphJean:


Just look at some of the fantastic! Advice you have offered previously.

sgtponzihater1:


She says I am the man sadly. We have had arguements, and I couldn't cope.

I tried a trick and it failed. I told her to randomly call a couple we knew and ask how they share Bill's at home. She called the lady and the lady told her not to involve herself

Then stop paying. This is what you have for the upkeep of the house. If it's not enough, add more.

sgtponzihater1:


Hard times for me. You will never understand. I can't imagine. Cooking for myself, paying the rent, throwing the garbage away, leaving in the living room, using perfume outside the house because a pregnant woman claims she reacts to perfume. If that happens in pregnancy, what will happen during the nursing stage. I can't deal. Our income are not so different sadly

Come on mate....
You were the one who impregnated her ohh...
You want your son to grow up one day and learn that he grew up with a single mother because his father divorced his mum because she was pregnant and vomiting and disliking smells?

sgtponzihater1:


She says I am the man sadly. We have had arguements, and I couldn't cope.

I tried a trick and it failed. I told her to randomly call a couple we knew and ask how they share Bill's at home. She called the lady and the lady told her not to involve herself

This marriage was contracted in Nigeria.
And it was out of Love.
Then emigration happened.
And in less than 6 months of moving to the UK, the marriage is this damaged?
Is this a UK thing or the marriage would have crashed anyway?

And based on some previous replies on Nairaland, the marriage is still fresh.
Come on mate...did you bring this woman to the UK to throw her out after just 6 months?

sgtponzihater1:


Be responsible for someone who earns same as me. Presently we have our names on all our properties, but in reality I paid for it and pay for the rent. I don't mind leaving it all and starting again. I am not yet worth so much. I just want peace and a fresh start. How can I get good affordable help?

Time take YOUR town advice.
Thank me later.

RalphJean:



Come on mate....
You were the one who impregnated her ohh...
You want your son to grow up one day and learn that he grew up with a single mother because his father divorced his mum because she was pregnant and vomiting and disliking smells?

Sometimes going separate ways is better for the child, she can't work and earn money but still refused to contribute to the house.

If sgtponzihater1 stops paying rent and bills both of them will suffer it. What is she doing with her money?

[b][/b][quote author=RalphJean post=840961

....

sgtponzihater1:


Said she want to help all her siblings first. Her brothers need to relocate too. Already helping her brother to do MSC here. I don't have up to 800 pounds save despite working for months and we are in London

I know this is marriage but don't let yourself to be used, marriage is not meant to be endured. Personally i will stop paying the rent and bills and both of us will face the consequences since its joint tenancy agreement.

Don't cook jack, eat-out and clean mouth she will buy food with her own money. You are being too soft that is the problem.

sgtponzihater1:


Said she want to help all her siblings first. Her brothers need to relocate too. Already helping her brother to do MSC here. I don't have up to 800 pounds save despite working for months and we are in London

So she is simply sponging of you, and diverting family funds to her family requirements............

Unreasonable, unrealistic, egoistic etc etc, comes to mind........

Let's not forget or loss sight..... We have only heard one part of this story (we probably would never hear the other side)..........

sgtponzihater1:


Said she want to help all her siblings first. Her brothers need to relocate too. Already helping her brother to do MSC here. I don't have up to 800 pounds save despite working for months and we are in London

You have to start saving now. When the child is born (pray it's not twins), child care will take a big chunk of your money divorce or no divorce.
You either force some bills on her or come up with a story on how your money is required so where urgently and you cannot meet the house hold needs.

[quote author=Lexusgs430

[quote

Sgtponzihater,

Your exploits documented on NL are legendary before you changed Monika.
Did she know about it and is this payback? Is this her own way of ensuring you finish all your money on family things and not have extra for other activities?
I hope you've left that life.
Good luck to you two

justwise:


If you want good property on a cheap then go for Share Ownership or Help To Buy, Share ownership deposit is just 5% and 10% for Help To Buy.

With Help To Buy the govt will gives you 20% loan to be paid back after 5yrs though you need to have Help To Buy ISA account,( Help To Buy ISA will be closing by the end of this month)

Thanks for sharing. I’ve got the lifetime ISA. I think I prefer that because I can get up to 450k in mortgage (not that I am going to though). I’m aiming to save 4K by March to allow me to get that 25% from the gov. Then in two years, we would have like 20k + some more scrounging for a deposit.

sgtponzihater1:


It's an important questions. Cities with 2-3 bedroom around 500-600 pounds would be considered affordable to me and my lovely wife. We can pay those 1000 pound a month flats. Kindly get back to me, so I can make an informed decision on what city to settle in, in the UK.

NB: All agents I meet always ask, what city do u prefer?, and obviously, I don't know which city to tell them.

I need ur answers, as u have always answered before.

YOU JUST HAVE TO RE-IGNITE THIS LOVE.

[quote

sgtponzihater1:


Funny. But are u saying I am suffering based on my past? Only God can balance things for a helpless child like me

She may be punishing you now that the ground is level. Some women carry things in mind and wait to strike.
If her behaviour is changing ,ask her why.

sgtponzihater1:


Said she want to help all her siblings first. Her brothers need to relocate too. Already helping her brother to do MSC here. I don't have up to 800 pounds save despite working for months and we are in London

Time to have a Long discussion with her parents .
I am hoping you established kinship and friendship with her parents, prior to marrying her.

...

sgtponzihater1:

True it's one side of the story. But except the other story would be how I am not supporting her pregnancy enough. Still does not warrant not wanting to contribute to the home

where are both of you parents ........ have you both sat with the parents and go over the issues.. or a couple who has been here for a while . Hopefully maybe mediation can work or counselling . I think you both just need to learn how to be caring to each other, and work together as a team . Marriage is not one sided so if the care is from only one side it wont work .

RalphJean:


Was this your expectation?
And after moving to the UK, she isn’t playing ball?

I can’t believe you’re digging into his past

sgtponzihater1:


God saved and forgave several bad guys even worse than guymandspecies, he has forgiven me. A women just wants to use my head to play ludo at her own instance. I am much more focused and changed now, and hopefully have put my past in the dusty trash of history never to be revisited

Good to hear but you're not in her mind though.
When did she stop loving you?
Were you paying all the bills in Nigeria?
If you were,it will be hard to change things.
Her pregnancy perfume problem and weakness is not abnormal.
My only concern is that you're spending all you earn without any contribution from her making life very difficult.
Tell her you cannot cope and give her a chance to correct this.
Some people.think Nigeria lifestyle can be replicated without understanding the strain and stress it can cause.
You both need to be kind to each other especially at this delicate point of pregnancy.

In a way I think there's culture shock in the mix.
You cannot balance and watch TV while waiting to be served anymore,sadly you will also join hand in doing chores and everyone will act like it's normal unlike Nigeria.

Maybe a neutral party to talk to,Google counselling services.near you
Pele

sgtponzihater1:


My wife doesn't love me. I am scared for my life and want out. She's pregnant, and I can't cope. I need help. I want out!

Hi, been reading your comments/ cry for help.

You sound really desperate, and that’s so sad, nobody should feel like this, especially when it’s brought on by somebody you trust like a spouse.

But she’s pregnant. It’s probably the hormones that’s causing this. Why don’t you wait for her to give birth then see if her head will reset. She clearly wasn’t like this before pregnancy otherwise she wouldn’t be here with you.

Also consider that you’re hurting the child as well, any stress on her might hurt the baby. In the same instance, will not have its father in its life. A lot to consider man, don’t just rush into things.

If what you want is peace of mind, pay for another apartment and leave her to pay for the one you’re currently in. And see if your marriage heals from them. Otherwise remind her that she’s dependent on you, and you can easily send her home (but before you do this, please go to Citizens Bureau and have a chat with one of the workers there for advice- that way, if your wife comes out with allegations, you’ll be a bit covered)

Remember that the law here favours women a lot, so thread cautiously.

sgtponzihater1:


Hard times for me. You will never understand. I can't imagine. Cooking for myself, paying the rent, throwing the garbage away, leaving in the living room, using perfume outside the house because a pregnant woman claims she reacts to perfume. If that happens in pregnancy, what will happen during the nursing stage. I can't deal. Our income are not so different sadly

Hmm I feel like I should take my words back. Hold on one sec.perfume can actually be irritating to pregnant women. A good man should understand this and be happy to spray it outside.

Cooking for yourself? I don’t understand- is she a good machine? Did they burn your hand? That woman is carrying a child and you still expect her to do all the chores, what is she, your slave?

Taking the bins out? Ogbeni haba! She works o- And you expect her to do all this? Your entitlement reeks! My husband washes the plates at home. I’ve never touched bins in my life. Indian food, he stopped eating it cos I don’t like the smell.

Look at me think she was the problem. You clearly are. You’re a wicked man!