I once heard someone say that people are not scared of dying at death. The only scare is to realise at the end of life that one had not lived! What an irony.

As I grow up and see myself transforming from a child to a boy, and then a youth and now a young man, I am grateful for one thing, I do not regret any stage in life. Whenever I reminisce on my past, it is always filled with memories. Sometimes people see me laughing out loud and without cause – if they only knew!

As a kid, I played. I was rough and the scars are there today to remind me. I had energy! I climbed trees, built cars from used milk tins, ran used tires, amassed rubber bands, played soccer with bottle corks, played street football, built torchlight with batteries and small bulbs, ran, trekked long distances, travelled a lot with my parents, visited the zoo and other sites, hunted bush rats and learnt crafts (tie and dye, car repair). I had fun. There was the communal sense of living. Neighbours watched out for the neighbourhood kids and corrected them appropriately.

My rough and playful life never affected my academic performance. When I go through my result sheets, I wonder how I achieved that balance. Fast forward to high school and my play evolved. Took alcohol for the first time in JSS3 and contemplated having a girlfriend in JSS3. I can still remember the shock in my mum’s eyes when I sincerely approached her to inform her that I was going to have a girlfriend. She discussed it with my dad that night and Sunday evening, my dad and I drove around town discussing my future and the importance of timing. I decided to postpone having one till I had completed my SSCE. Rounding off a PhD now, and I’m still postponing having one!

At the university, times had changed. Competition had become rife and the expectation bar had been raised. The disruption caused by computer was beginning to be felt. Though my life was quite stereotypical – class, church, room, I watched films. I watched all kinds of series/films/cartoons – Prison Break, Vampire Diaries, 24, Supernatural, Smallville, Justice, Alias, Commander-in-chief, 13, Ice age, Tom and Jerry, Penguins of Madagascar etc. I read wide- novels, magazines, the economist, Time, Newsweek etc.

Fast forward to postgraduate studies and the game changed. I suddenly discovered a new world. While most of my colleagues faced studies seriously, I wrote conference papers and applied for travel grants. I travelled and visited places. France, Belgium, Amsterdam, Chicago, Atlanta, Montreal, London etc. Despite all these distractions, postgraduate studies was completed at top 5%.

As I gradually complete doctoral studies, I have suddenly calmed. No conference paper so far. Concentrated more on Journal articles. My interests seem strange to me now. More interested in starting a family, paying more attention to generating income as against spending, interested in investments, thinking money. I am even exploring monetizing my publications! It’s all fun as I guess a few years from now I would look back and have a good laugh.

In my little journey thus far, I have learnt the following:

1. Life is only forward – As a Christian, I understand and appreciate the blood of Jesus making one whole, but then I also know that lost time is always hardly ever regained. Life is ever moving and one can’t go back to change things. As an undergrad, my roommate once told me that if I can graduate with a first class at university and I fail to do so, I will always live in regret all my life irrespective of how successful I become. Today I look back at uni and feel very happy. Those words pushed me to the edge and I have no regrets for the time spent at uni. I can’t go back to make memories of my childhood or youth stage. I cannot go back to create memories during my masters. I have even forgotten the names of very close childhood friends, but then I still have memories of the times we shared.

2. You can never jump a stage – Michael Jackson was rumoured to have been a child molester because he didn’t have his childhood. I weep when I see youths struggling to be men. Students who have become papa and daddy and are thus forced to act as one. Being papa and daddy is beyond action. It is a sum total of experiences. Growing and getting grounded through a stage in life is important. It is what prepares one for the next stage. I have always seen these youth papa’s return to be youths again. Of course, life’s vicissitudes cannot be predicted – death of a parent, poverty, etc., but hey, if that’s not your case, live life! When I explain to people that I’m from a middle-class background (that the Nigerian government is fighting hard to eliminate), they find it hard to believe. My background or prevailing circumstances have not hindered me, rather I have harnessed it to get the best there is out of life.

3. When you are dead, you are dead – I remember being at the death bed of a fellow corps member hours before he would eventually die and years after his death life has continued, his memory forgotten, things back to normal. People have even forgotten that he lived. What then was his portion here on earth? What was his own benefit in living? Forget about touching life and adding value for now, what was his take from life? Is he somewhere reminiscing about his time on earth and nodding joyfully? Are there memories he can recall and smile? Being at his death bed has not prevented me from aspiring for better things in life neither has the NYSC scheme been scrapped. Life has moved on! In fact, refreshments were served at his funeral!

4. Timing and balance are important – recently I have been asking myself tough questions. I heard someone saying that all we are meant to do in this world is evangelise – preach the gospel! The person went on to talk about Jesus having no time for rest because of His earthly engagements. I have been wondering what Jesus was doing from birth till age 30. Why did He have to start His ministry at 30 years? Does Jesus’ commandment to preach nullify God’s injunction to go out and dominate the world? Timing and balance seem to be the answers. I am discovering that there is time for everything that God had to take time off to rest! Jesus had to grow in wisdom and the Spirit. There are things I cannot do again. There are scholarships I cannot apply for again because of age restrictions. I am discovering that even excellent efforts get useless results when applied at the wrong time. I am also coming to terms with balance, ensuring that my resolve to live life does not conflict with my goal of getting to heaven. I hear someone say you cannot serve 2 masters (then my piece is being misunderstood).

5. Take responsibility for your life – There was a time when my mum bathed me. Then my dad supervised my bathing and later I could bathe by myself. There was a time when I was carried as a kid. Now I walk on my own. There was a time I received allowance as an undergrad from my parents now I fend for myself. There was a time I was told what to do, now I make those decisions myself. Why then should I allow someone control or dictate my life under the guise of religion or culture? Will I blame my pastor tomorrow because I followed his advice and ended up a failure? Will I blame my priest for advising me to marry that lady who is now a terror? I am learning to say to people thank you for your advice and that’s it. What I’d do is my business. Take actions now. Make sensible mistakes now and learn from them (there are mistakes that should not be made though). Be the pilot of your life’s affairs. Never leave anything to chance. Take responsibility now to avoid being a liability tomorrow. Avoid a situation where you have to blame people for your woes.

6. Let them say – I can remember seeing this sticker with the inscription “Let them say.” I tell you, I’ve heard people say things. Rewind to year 2 at the university. A senior colleague was intimating me on the impossibility of my finishing with a first class. Strive for a good 2.1 (2.1 is 2.1) as you did not end year 1 with a first class. It has never been done was his categorical statement. Well the rest as they say is history. During NYSC, I paid a routine visit to my alma mater and a lecturer confronted me asking why I hadn’t picked up my master’s form yet. You are a university scholar so no fees. I would like to school outside was my candid response. “No problem, if you like apply to United Nations, we will be waiting for you” he responded. Well the rest as they say is history. I have long learnt to put what people say in a recycle bin. During my spare time, I peruse to see if any value could be gleaned and quickly empty the bin thereafter. God gave us mouths to talk, hence people will always talk! Do (with caution) what you wish. You want to go golfing, please do. You love swimming, then take a dive. You fancy travelling, then start saving. Have fun, get a life outside the norm. let your hair down and thoroughly have fun. God takes delight in people who enjoy life.

7. Add value – in life, nothing leaves a lasting impression like impact. Ensure that as you meet people they have something to remember you for. Oh, I miss A because of his funny way of talking or oh I miss B because of her encouragement or damn, I miss C because he always had a way around this problem. Let people always feel your absence so that they can anticipate, celebrate and treasure your presence. Do not be a nuisance in life!

Please note that in enjoying life, responsibility is implied. Think of my write up as an advert for a beer but with a caveat “Drink responsibly, not for persons under 18.” Moderation and balance in life facilitate and ensure memorable living. You only have one life to live, please enjoy it!

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