Lets say that we are all parents, at what age would you let your children start dating and why that age? or would you rather they not date at all.

Sometimes right after Junior Secondary school is quite right. They would be entering into their teens then and quite vulnerable without parental guidance into that kind of thing.

It right for the children to start dating when they are univesity level, with good guardance from the parents they will go wrong.

When they are financially independent, by age 18. They can have 'platonic' friends before then.

('Dating' is not the only way to get a husband or wife, you know. Some people are moving to a model better known as "courtship". There's a popular book titled 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' that explores this possibility. Here's an excerpt from 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'.

I would prefer my children to date at when they finish their first degree. I want them to be able to focus on their education, their personal development and be able to position themselves to be a great partner and community person. You know bringing something to the table.

Kenya:

I would prefer my children to date at when they finish their first degree. I want them to be able to focus on their education, their personal development and be able to position themselves to be a great partner and community person. You know bringing something to the table.

I like that idea!  I wonder how realistic it is, though.  I guess if you are lucky enough to be able to instill those ideas in your children's heads then that would be excellent.  I wish I was less focused on being in a relationship and more focused on university myself and even though I was never in a relationship through all that time, I have to admit I wanted to be.  It's a very annoying distraction and I think I'm on my way to getting my priorities straight!

Thanks very much for your comment, Kenya!

Here's my word of wisdom for the ladies (of course they never listen to me):

You can get your degree at any age: 18, 22, 26, 30, 40, 50, 60 or even 70. The institutions of higher learning generally do [I]not[/i] discriminate against age.

But you cannot get a fiance at just any age. As you grow older, it gets progressively more difficult to find the right person for you. 'The right person' is usually married by this time.

If you're 20, 21, 22 please face your studies and don't bother about relationships. Guys will still be around for a while. But if you're 25, 26, 27, 28 ... please realise that the world won't be at your feet forever as far as finding a mate is concerned.

So, Jummy, the idea that a young lady who wants to go into relationships has her 'priorities' wrong is a dangerous idea. The world (Nigeria included) is full of beautiful, intelligent, accomplished 30-something year old career women who are unhappy because, after each day's work, they want to come back to a family and not an empty house.

Well, I think for the females after their first blood and the males they could start on their 16th birthday.

Come to think of it don't you see it is not possible to dictate to a child when to date and when not to date? The only thing you can do is to educate them on boy/girl relationship and even encourage them to bring their friends home (especially friends of the opposite sex).

How many of you took your first boy/girlfriend home to mama. You were so secretive about it. Now you want to tell your child when to date? C'mon.

The rate at which generations are changing is very alarming. Have you thought about it that by the time our kids get to the age of dating for them dating or courtship would be such a common thing that holding it with the same value we hold it right now would be total madness to them i think ill wait till i get the kids, then when that time comes ill try and follow the best trend available at that time, touch my principles to it and hope the best comes out of it, i just hope they come to me when they get their first heartbreak

can't just tell them hey 'don't date till you are 99years'. it does not work that way...we all love freedom...i think the best thing is to exercise caution...and educate them about the dos and donts...its hard i know.

i'm sure many dads and mums never liked you guys dating their daughters...especially when they thought you were not grown enough for it

Yeah Jummy you're right. It does sound good and for now it's just an Idea because the truth is you can lead a camel to water but you can't make em drink it.

jummy79:

Kenya link=topic=421.msg4375#msg4375 date=1118259126:

I would prefer my children to date at when they finish their first degree. I want them to be able to focus on their education, their personal development and be able to position themselves to be a great partner and community person. You know bringing something to the table.

I like that idea! I wonder how realistic it is, though. I guess if you are lucky enough to be able to instill those ideas in your children's heads then that would be excellent. I wish I was less focused on being in a relationship and more focused on university myself and even though I was never in a relationship through all that time, I have to admit I wanted to be. It's a very annoying distraction and I think I'm on my way to getting my priorities straight!

Thanks very much for your comment, Kenya!

Particular age for dating? Well I do not think there really is a particular age per say other than when they are midway into their teens.

I think, from the onset we are to get real close to them, be their best friends, know all of their friends I.e let them feel free to bring their friends home especially the opposite sex just like [I]tayotina[/I] said, intimate them about dating and the rest, when they really feel like having one, they would let you know then you take it from there ...

Age 18 seems quite about right to me but i will have to lay down a lot of ground rules and i have to approve of the other individual.

i think it's okay to date when you turn 220

I will answer your question by asking about the morality of the area the child lives. In some parts of the world, kissing is not a sin, others, it is a crime. So, boy dating a girl in some areas is a part of life while in some areas is a crime.
For me, I don't take it for a sin because, I see it as part of socialization.

Ohh people make me sick. Do you really think when you want your kids to start dating is when they will start dating?? Kids are dating at age 12. age 9. infact a age 6 girl is telling me she has a boyfriend, and she kissed him.

All this when will you alow your child to date crap gets on my nerves when i see them. As long as a child is in elementary school and is watching movies, the child has seen everything he/she needs to see, and the next step is to try them.

Don't tell me you will teach you kids in the way of the Lord, because my brothers and sisters, you will be wasting your time. I will let my kid start dating when she gets a boyfriend/girlfriend, walahi be it the age of 5. The only thing i owe her, is advice and teachings. I must advice and guide her. have you not heard that kids do the things you tell them not to do? Incase you haven't I am telling you now that they do. The whole world is changing, everybodies eye is opening. tell me why it is that when a child sees a sex scene he/she closes his eye?? because she/he knows what sex is. This kids already know everything...They close their eyes to make you think that ...ewww that's nasty. But in their mind, they are thinking.."hah, i fooled them again". yes I am a victim. I started dating officialy at age 10, not officially at age 8.

My kids can date at the age she/he decided to date. if my son is 13 and i don't catch letters from girls in his room, i will sit him and ask him if he is gay! if my daughter is 11 and she acts like she knows no boy, i will sit her down and ask her is she is lesbian and i will also pray for her. I can't believe that some parents beat their 17 year old children because they caught them with letters from boys/girls. Oh Jesus... those parents don't want to have me as a child. A mother beating up her 17 year old child because she was talking to a boy when you went to pick her up at school.. . WTF is that?? trash!

My point is, Parents need to leave their kids alone and allow them to be free in expressing when they want to start dating, respect their choice, but make sure you point out the rules in teenage relationships to them. When your daughter comes home, you don't want her to run in the room to start crying, make her free arround you, so she can tell you "daddy, mommy, he broke up with me".

Ohh.. i could go on forever preaching...but some people will say in my mind.. "she is just a spoilt little brat who knows nothing about life". Trust me i do.

Hot Angel, it was a really a wonderful lecture.
I feel it is very natural for the existence of such relationship otherwise, what would have been infactuating among animals after we human beings know they have no sense in them yet, you'll see them courting, is beyond moral control. I believe God made it that way.

i think i agree with seun 18 it should be and it should base on plantonic relationship

when ur mind is ready to handle issues of life i think it starts from 18 but it could really be at any age from 18yrs sha,these days u just have to talk to ur kids when they are still in ur tommy cos when a child comes in2 the world u cant vouch for the child so above all talk more about these issues with them and commit them to the will of GOD cos i want my children to be decent,wateva it will cost me to do that i'll do just that and i believe its not by being strickt that u get them behaiave well and eventually turn out to be decent
just give ur kids the right footing by being a very good example to them by ur ways to then i bet u they wont disappoint u

Once they are through with their studies. Its a distraction sometimes. Platonic relationships r ok while still in school.

I would say 17 or 18. After they have graduated High School but I'm pretty sure they would have gone on dates long before that.

All I can do is raise them while trying to instill in them the knowledge and values they will need to face the world. After that, I pray they make the right decisions.

It's hard to tell a teenager "when I was younger" stories or "I've made that mistake" stories. They are and will be still determined to do for themselves and eventually come to thier own decisions.

Perfect. I second u vexxy.

I won't allow my daughter to start dating at 18 if she's still in secondary school or about gaining admission to University, unless if she's in her final year in University.

Greatpeter:

I won't allow my daughter to start dating at 18 .........

lol
And how would u know if she is or not?

Giving your child attention coupled with good upbringing will take care of that.

Some people have a wonderful upbringing and still do the opposite. Unfortunate but true.

Depends on what the child copied from either you or her mum.


Giving her sex education will take care of a lot of things and directing her to the scriptures and praying for her will be fantastic to her success.

I agree. Sex education is paramount in the upbringing of a child, least they get misinformed on the streets.

But children are going to be children. Adventerous, curious, and at times rebellious.

that's why they need close monitoring, Prayer and the word of God.

At times, it's the clost monitoring that pushes them away. It can also make them afraid to say anything to you if something should arrise.

I have had this friend for over 13 years. She was raised with a close eye. Always going to church, bible study, sunday school (where as my parents stopped going so I never went). She was closely monitored to the point where she would say she's coming to my house, they would see her there. Then when the left she would sneak off somewhere else.

She ended up turning away from God, becoming a lesbian, turning straight, living with every boyfriend she had, got pregnant and now she thinks she married the wrong guy. A bit extreme, yes, your every day scenario? No. But it's important to give a child room to be themselves with your guidance. Not stay on top of them every waking moment.

yep, I agree, give a child room with guidance - but I will not allow disobediance. If I say you cannot date so and so, you cannot. If I say you'd better be home by this time, you better be home or else. My children will learn early to obey me. They will also learn that not only do I not brook disobediance, I also will not support it. Once they're of the age where they feel they can do whatever they want, then I hope they realize that they are fully adults and can support themselves.

I just cannot imagine how Nigerian parents can live with their children clearly disobeying them and yet continue to give the child money, food, and shelter - of course I'm talking about "children" who are 18 or over. If they're underage, well, you just gotta continue working on them while they are under your legal control.

Why does it seem that when it comes to issues like this, people are only talking about girls? Young boys also exist! Or are we still operating double standard sexist values?