Young man, you have a serious marital problem indeed. First, you have alot to tackle, not just getting your wife home but also finding a way to please your mother and a way to forgive your mom's wife. As a married man, I have realized marriage is not just between the couples, the 2 families are involved (but could be limited if the couples mind their biz). Your mom has been offended badly and, u have also been offended by your wife n family . It maybe easy for u to forgive ur wife for the sake of sex , food, it baby or whatever but how do u forgive ur inlaws whom u much expected to be a role model? How do u convince your mom that your wife is worth living with? Do you kmow mothers feel the pains of their son in marriage more?
By right, your wife has broken the whole bond but you chooses to remain in the marriage for one reason or the other so I suggest you complete the journey you have started by packing the loads back.to.your house. Accept playing the weak role, when you are done getting your wife home, talk sense Into her and indirectly give her reasons to keep away from her sister . You should also be bold to confront her sister's husband to warn his wife, she should leave your home alone for you.. (I just hope your wife isn't from my neighbouring state in igboland cos if she does, then you aren't getting any hope of change) Chukwu gozie gi.

Adamummya:


you are right
maybe op forgot he's the head of the family

Just on point.
First mistake; You involved third party in your marriage.
Second; Owing your inlaw for a long time.
Thirdly; You should have invited your sister to help your mum take care of your mother and not mother inláw. Women are usually so much attached to their mother that it will stair unnecessary comparism between her mom and yours. Of course you know the outcome.
Remedy;
First pay your sistèr inlaw her money, then you can regain absolute hold of your family. Your indeptedness to her is her ticket to batch into your home affairs as she want.
Secondly; let your home affairs be between your spouse and you. Marriage is between two people and ñot two familïes. Challenge between two people living together is enough then âdding family would make it too much.
Thirdly; leave your spouse with hër sister until you pay the dept. Your wife serves as colĺataral heŕe. It means you must do everything within your meañs to päy ASAp.
Finally; you bring your spouse home and renew your union. Stop stayìng away very late. Gentle men don't do that. Then love your spouse at all time and give room for her opinion in your decisions.

My tradition as an igbo man, if a wife leaves the husbands house on her own without the husband sending her away, she is not intiled to that house again until she brings her people and officially plead with u for forgiveness. if you accept her terms for the seek of the so called peace then be rest assured that you might not get the peace. i feel ur pain bro.....be a man

grandstar:
TV

The fault is entirely yours I am sorry to say.

You are facing serious financial difficult and your wife and her family are standing by you and even helping you out financial and still respect you

Is that the time to bring your mum who is a 110% financial liability home? She even said you should come and pick her up faraway. She can't even afford her bus fare from her town to Lagos.

If your wife did likewise, you'll be seething feeling she's indifferent to your finances

It was inconsiderate of both you and your mum.It is the resentment in your wife that has now boiled down to this! A little leaven ferments the whole lump.

Best you makeup with your wife and make sure your mum only comes by when your finances improves.

Your wife is still madly in love with you. You d as Ted for 8years remember? I'm sure girls would have made fun of her when you were a nobody.

It's like 2 siblings who are always fighting. If one of them should die, won't the other be devastated? Or do you think the living sibling would be happy? The living sibling would do everything just to have one more hour with him or her.

Pamper and sweet talk your wife. She's just doing shakara and sulking. She wants you to beg. She may even know she's asking for too much but give it to her.

Your mother, the same mother that changed your dirty diapers. This comment breaks my heart

You dated her for 8 years & still couldn't read the signs her family is that way.. You seem not to be able to handle things firmly as a man should. They perceive this weakness & are using it to their advantage. Brother u gats to be strong otherwise u will be fighting domestic issues instead of fighting to bounce back for ur child. The real problem is her family although she has her faults too. Be a man, be firm , make decisions & follow through with it. Your marital issues should between the two of u except it gets worse before u might involve family into it.. How can she be reporting u to her sister & u see nothing wrong there.. U need to man up & take control of ur life & marriage b4 they crash u. And u said u grew up in a broken home. I am a product of one myself... Although i'm not yet married, i set the pace n take the lead & don't tolerate third party interference in my matter bcoz i know what it can lead to..doesn't mean i don't respect my partner. Btw check ur woman too on the sending nudes of her friend to a man... If she see's no fault in it then am afraid same thing applies to her. Bitter truth is If she's pimping then she can be pimped...
And stop reporting ur issues to her sister or her mother what..what are u? A kid? If u must talk ,talk with ur dad or uncles or elder brothers but don't report ur issues to them except it gets totally beyond u then seek their opinion. You just give ur wife ppl body to see finish.... Whatever u choose to do, do for ur child's sake & demand ur respect it will help u later.

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

I have read every of your statement.
Chart me up on WhatsApp+2349091697034 concerning this matter
Am I. Opeyemi Bamidele

stacyadams:
so many people will be disappionted when i impregnate a baby mama,and train my kids ,,,,while they re waiting for my traditional,church and court wedding

I advise you Man Up and take charge of your home,you can bring her stuff back but warn her anytime she takes her stuffs and leave your house that will be the end... Yes God hates divorce but I can't condone infantile stupidity

Your wife sister is the major cause of the problem in your home. Perhaps, you have put too much trust in her. I will advise you to try as much as possible to talk to your wife and if possible, change your current location to create enough distance between you and your wife sister. I pray to God to help mend and sustain your marriage.

Tufiakwa..... I think I will stay single forever

We're both on same page. How would a wife boldly disrespect her mother inlaw without feeling remorseful. Is that one a good wife.

DrinkLimca:
Op have you listen to patoranky''s song with Becca?

The lyrics is this love e nor by force, if you nor want, make you divorce..

Op the reason why your wife and her sister treated you and your mother with so much disrespect is because of the money you burrowed from her sister and it's because you over pampered her even to the detriment of her disrespecting your mother in your own house..

I will advice you to do everything humanly possible to pay off the debt, even if it means selling your car or other valuable you have..

After you pay off the debt,, just inform her and her family that you are completely and totally done with her,,

Please i beg you,, don't ever take her back..
infact tell her never to come near you again in her life..

Inform her family to give you back the bride price and be serious about it..

Give yourself time and take care of your child and your mother.

I repeat take good care of your child and mother and don't ever allow a bitttch disrespect your mother again...

TrueHeart365:
Lol. I read. Your story and laughed. Bro, your wife is not even close to what my bro's wife is. It was bad to the extent she wanted to stop my brother from seeing every member of his family just cos her papa get money.

My brother just left her to stay in her family house for almost a year with their daughter(he was ready to damn the consequence than live a miserable young life). Never begged her and even started dating in case the marriage fails.

Till now if I go to their house, baby girl dey greet me with respect.

You need to show your immature and spoiled wife your emotions are in check.. Be a man and be firm with your decision.

Divorce no be disease especially when you wifed the wrong person.

I'm speaking from a very personal experience.

Be a man and be firm with your decisions. I love that statement. If not women will put a rope on your neck and drag you as much as they want.

youngalex:
I advise you Man Up and take charge of your home,you can bring her stuff back but warn her anytime she takes her stuffs and leave your house that will be the end... Yes God hates divorce but I can't condone infantile stupidity

Do you even know what you're saying at all? A woman packed out of the house and you expect the husband to help her bring them back Your mumu no be small

lowkey28:

Do you even know what you're saying at all? A woman packed out of the house and you expect the husband to help her bring them back Your mumu no be small

You are funny. Did you see the girl creating threads on nairaland that her marriage is about to collapse... No....cos she does not give a fvck about the damn marriage. The op wants the marriage to continue more than the wife so he may as well get his act together and go and their carry load. After all he is the one crying all over nairaland about his marriage

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

One thing i was told during marriage counseling was never to discuss family problems with a third party. Obviously you guys missed the memo.

Try to take your wife away from her family else what you fear will eventually happen. Both of you should stop discussing your marriage with anybody. That way you guys have a chance to sort it out on your own. If your wife had no where to go, she would never have to pack from your house.

Bro, pay off whatever you are owing your wife's sister. This are women.. Their understanding of lending money to a male is bit weird. I lost respect to a girl that borrowed money in the past, not because i didn't pay her back but because of way their brain is twisted.

Pay her back, bring back your wife in which ever way u want and stop bringing in family member to your house.. If possible pack out from where u are living and go far away from socalled sister in law.

MrBottle:
You are funny. Did you see the girl creating threads on nairaland that her marriage is about to collapse... No....cos she does not give a fvck about the damn marriage. The op wants the marriage to continue more than the wife so he may as well get his act together and go and their carry load. After all he is the one crying all over nairaland about his marriage

Well I hate marriage so I don't see myself getting one, If he wants the marriage to continue then he should keep acting dummy for the rest of his life. I advice him to listen to Lucky Dube -Woman. And listen carefully to the lyrics of the song. That should help.

God will fix your home.. Yiur sister in law is your major problem anything she ask your wife to do is afar she will do... Tell your wife to stay clear from her if she still want the marriage... If the truck is still forsale am interested in it whatsap

SaudiBoy

You need to speak with her sister's husband. Plead with him to stop his wife from interfering in your matrimonial business and if she doesn't stop you might do something drastic.

I feel like the sister has something against your wife. She wants her matrimonial doom and she is working endlessly to see that happen. Perhaps you could use that angle to speak to your wife, her mum and other family members.

Op sorry oo. You married a kindergarten kid that doesn't understand what marriage means. She doesn't understand what it means to become a mother and doesn't have the maturity and understanding to run a house as a wife. Hence she needs to run to her sister for directions every time. Now the sis in-law is a stupid person. Before I go on, how old is the sis in-law? She must be a kid also for being that much stupid.

Now, my advice, for the sake of love go and carry your wife loads. Before that, hold a family meeting between your wife, sis in-law and her husband and let her husband know firmly that if sis in-law repeats what she did by driving your wife away from her matrimonial home, you won't take it lightly with them. Tell her that she can't dictate how to run your family just because she loaned you money. Tell her she should allow her sister to grow up and raise and enjoy her family peacefully.Pay her back her money ASAP and never you seek any financial assistance from them again.

When your wife gets back home, after few days, have a heart to heart discussion with her. Let her know how much you love her and the baby. But make it clear how much she hurt you by her actions. How she starved your mom and disrespect her. Let her know that she needs to apologise to your mum. Let her know she needs to grow up and be a woman and that if she continues following her sis advice she won't be able to raise a happy family. That you should be her number one confidant and not her sis.

I feel like chatting you upon WhatsApp because I can't say all here. I'm married with two kids, so I can see what you are into. There's something more hidden that I perceive. O8i 65,35,97,46 decode it and talk to me on chat.

Remember real men has got secrets to protect there household like a country does to protect her citizenry!! Talk less n do more!! You needing permission/approval from your wife to get get your mama is “ you need to grow the f**k up & act like a real man.”
FYI you are in for some deep shit... instead of resolving the problem, man up & boss up, your wife bring come house you knack knack knack clean mouth they tell us e sweet- continue continue knocking itti Mr mad sex!

I’m strongly convinced you know what to do! But your marriage will always have a comma!

@OP,never keep three women under same roof for more than three hours.

Having your mom, mother - in- law and wife all living with you is a recipe for disaster

Go and pick up your wife, biko. Then set the rules. Too much outsiders in your marriage. Biko man up and steer the ship of your marriage. Deal with your marital problems internally. I don't see any big deal in your write up.

Delete her from your memory. You enter one chance my brother. You will die if u don't run for your life. This is not ur wife. This is a normal Yoruba scenario.

Forget her. It took me ten years to stabilize from this kind of family. Forget loving her.

SaudiBoy:


Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

Bro, go and pay ur sis back her money, women work a lot with perception and your sis has seen you as handicapped. Even when you don't have bro, learn to manage on your own or using assistance from friends, if you were financially buoyant (or at least not known to be struggling by your inlaws), I believe they will respect you more.

Also, avoid going there frequently and keep ur wife away from them.

https://www.nairaland.com/4351460/lessons-marrying-rich-family

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

Soft pedal on your ego, talk more to your wife and try to understand her more, your wife appears to love you so put in more effort to save your marriage. Move away from where you live now if it's close to her sisters.

And NEVER forget your mum because of your wife or in-laws.

OP.... post partum depression

Plus wrong advise from her sister.

I think u should go and get ur wife, let's put the ego aside. Pls fight for your home . She just wants to feel wanted .....oblige her and when she returns, give her as much help as u can afford (both with the house and baby.)

Then subtly talk her into seeing her wrong... u shouldnt force it on her .this will take some time. When she sees her wrong, gently get her to apologise to ur mum...very important.

Also ensure you pay up ur debt, keep wife away from that sister... she is toxic.this will be difficult. ..I don't know how you will achieve it

Guy I've been there. Stay off your in-laws. Trust me, you're better off with your wife alone. And let go of pride in your marriage bro

Broda u dnt seem to understand ure too soft.I know there's always two sides to a story so this your account is definitely not complete. Now moving forward, it's clear ur wife needs a break . she got married at 18 as u claim, she hasn't flexed life. She's def in need of a different man.as for her sister....she def has a weak husband so blackspot her.The divorce threat is a rarce, ask her for it ...insist you wnt it. Since u live in a big house employ a nanny tht can Cook, without saying a word to her.....I guarantee u shell cone running bck. If that doesn't work, the marriage has crashed. Move on

I know the love a father feels for a newborn. But once u and the mum are in bad terms, shell use the child to get back at u. I know how painful it can be. Which is why its imperative u learn how to drop attachment to kids, afterall they're visitors who will forget you when they grow. What matters most is you don't dvlop a bp. Your wife would come and cry the loudest if you die. If she wants to bear the liability of training a child alone let her suffer herself. When she gets older shed realise how Stupid she was. Finally she can't drop ur child with her sister and take off. Youll be granted custody if you litigate

OP, I am a woman,plzzzzzzz,dont beg her more than you ve done, if a woman finds a man that does nt raise his hand on her despite all u ve written that she has done, then she does nt knw wat she has. I agree wit alot of people saying she s immature. Sincerely speaking, if u beg her to come back, she wld always use packing out of the house as a tool to get u wenever issues arises.. I used to use breaking-up as a tool too bt wen my guy suddenly asked me to leave without begging me bak as he use to do, i ve since stopped talking abt it cos i knw i was nt ready to leave him atall but he was always hurting weneva he hears anything abt breaking-up. If she wanna stay in that marriage, den she wld have to use her head to tink herself, reallu, she does nt need any1 to even talk anysense into her. And plzzz, cut off al third party.

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My own opinion is that you go and carry your wife, not because of love or.anything, but because you shouldn't leave her with toxic influencers. Totally Ignore her that first day, and see if she will get sense and apologise. If she does not by morning tell her you want to have a word with her later in the evening and keep her expecting.

Have a heart to heart talk with her, then move on to a tougher stance. Tell her even if she is still immature, in marriage she should at least pretend to be mature. Tell her not giving your mum food was the greatest disrespect, and she needs to apologise for those wrongs. Tell her packing out of the house at the instances of her sister was wrong, and you won't tolerate her leaving her own marriage again to come and destroy your own.

Start taking control. Start making your decisions yourself. You didn't need to ask her permission to go pick your mum. Tell her " honey, my mum is coming over, and I am going to pick her up tomorrow". Don't open it up for argument, but only suggestions.
Don't say " I am thinking of going to pick my mum up instead of her using public transport".

Ishilove:
This story is very irritating