Op, you have made the right choice, no need to banter with people who haven't been there.

Stay focused, eat with them with a long spoon and let them know your principles and interests. Don't ever start what you can't finish.

sharpwriter:


Ehn sure, we know that. But research didn't get to the point of we knowing whether these angels asked for forgiveness or not

Thanks to u that u know that ppl wrote this myth

KOPT33:


You're not wrong about my already made up mind. I brought the issue to Nairaland to get feedback.

If an overwhelming majority of all the wonderful people who chimed in condemned me, then I would have backtracked, the responses were exactly what I'd hoped they would be.

That which you have decided in your heart to do. Do it quickly.



Goodluck

Op i understand perfectly. You are just like my elder brother. My dad died 10yrs ago and since then my brother has been our dad.

He got the items as the dad when we got married. He walked me down the aisle. We ask him for names for our children when we puy to bed.

Even when things were really tough for him, his place never changed.

Your family needs to do the right thing if they want you to get involved.

Financial status shouldn't affect your role as father

I am an absolutist: as far as I am concerned, there was no marriage. I have satisfied my conscience though.

I like you..

Am sure God loves you too..

I feel your shoes..

The Bible says if our conscience doesn't judge us.. Neither will God.

You understand my grouse perfectly. It is actually my sister that has persistently been asking me to do this. My mom asked me once but I reminded her that I am not aware if my sister is married or not so she did not ask further.

My Action Plan

Thanks to everyone who has contributed. An overwhelming majority of people have counseled that I maintain my course as it is the right thing to do. So, I will call my sister today and tell her not to ever discuss her marriage with me. She was 23 years old when she got married, so she wasn't a kid then.

To all the people who are saying I should forgive and recognize the marriage and then help work on mending it: thank you for your perspectives, but it is not the right approach for me.

Some people have asked what will happen to me when I get married: Truth be told, I don't care. When I get to that bridge I will cross it.

U have done well to restore ur leadership by taking the right decision, if they persist ask them to follow the right tradition, if they can't maintain ur distance.

You understand my grouse perfectly. It is actually my sister that has persistently been asking me to do this. My mom asked me once but I reminded her that I am not aware if my sister is married or not so she did not ask further.

My Action Plan

Thanks to everyone who has contributed. An overwhelming majority of people have counseled that I maintain my course as it is the right thing to do. So, I will call my sister today and tell her not to ever discuss her marriage with me. She was 23 years old when she got married, so she wasn't a kid then.

To all the people who are saying I should forgive and recognize the marriage and then help work on mending it: thank you for your perspectives, but it is not the right approach for me.

Some people have asked what will happen to me when I get married: Truth be told, I don't care. When I get to that bridge I will cross it.

My kind of person, been silent doesn't make you a fool...............

I am the first son of my father who is now late.

When my father died some 11 years ago, I relocated to Lagos to finish my schooling. I lived with my aunt then but I had to leave their home because I was being abused. Upon leaving my aunt's house, things became so difficult for me but I persevered with my education till I finished my bachelors.

During my lean years, I fell out with most of my family members. My mom refused to speak to me for three years, I was essentially the outcast of the family. During this period, my mom and some elders in our family gave out my sisters hand in marriage.

The couple had a trad/white wedding. Bride price was paid, all the customs of our people were followed save for one: the consent or knowledge of the first son. I wouldn't get to hear about this marriage until six months later. That night, I cried because their action proved that I was nobody, a nothing to my mom and siblings.

Anyways, I kept on working hard and soon became comfortable. I mended fences with everyone in my family, but even at that, no one offered an explanation why things unfolded the way it did or an apology. I didn't make any noise, I just picked up myself and moved on after committing the lessons learned to mind.

Six years and two children later, my sisters marriage has hit the rocks.

Now they're asking me as the first born to mediate and talk to the man.

I REFUSED.

The man (sister's husband) won't speak to my mom or the other elders he had been dealing with regarding a possible reconciliation. My family know me to be a good mediator and peace maker and they are not wrong.

I refused because there is no point mediating in a marriage that was done over my head.

As it stands now, I have no interest in playing head of house or anything of such nature. I send money, I help make connections, I foot bills for everyone in the family but I leave their decision making to them since they discounted me right from the very beginning. I have no interest whatsoever in becoming a leader in that family.

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

*Shaking my head*
It's not about u but about ur sister and ur nephew and niece. Pls do the right thing. U don't want the children to be raised in a broken home.

drnoel:


[s]*Shaking my head*
It's not about u but about ur sister and ur nephew and niece. Pls do the right thing. U don't want the children to be raised in a broken home.

[/s]

Bull crap