... this evening, i came across a thread by @ChildofDoom in the romance section in which he was expressing his hatred for his dad and that reminded me of the similar predicament i used to be in back then.

I used to hate my father back then due to his lifestyle. Immediately my mum died during childbirth, this man just changed, from a chief engineer with two cars to a drunkard.

He abandoned all 5 of us to our grandmother who single handedly raised us and paid for our education from her petty trade while he went into full time drinking.
He never was there to support our grandmother in any way. It was so bad situation that till today, our last born never knew him as her dad, she called him "uncle". She is 12 years now and still believes that our grandma and grandfather are her biological parents.

He will drink and fall down on the road and bruise his face while people passing by will be laughing. The thing got worse that he was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but on coming out, he became twice of what he was till that drinking took his life.

I had no love or sympathy for him. Even while he was critically sick, i refused to travel home to see him or even call to greet him on the phone. But on the day i learnt of his death, i strangely cried so bitterly because i realised he wasn't coming back anymore and i regretted why i didn't get to see him and tell him that i've forgiven him.

I just want to encourage anyone in similar situation to find it in their hearts to forgive because if you don't, and you eventually wake up one day and realised that they no more, trust me, living with the guilt is something you wouldn't want to experience.

To my Dad: wherever you are right now, i want you to know that i've forgiven you.

I just hope i get to have a measure of peace with this.

It's well,my brother.

chii8:
It's well,my brother.

amen and thanks

You just have to forgive and move on with your life else it becomes a burden that weighs you down.

Too late to mend






Never procrastinate the opportunity to express your feelings...whether good or bad. Letting it out takes the 'burden' off you and createa an opportunity to mend ways.


Bro, move on and be good to everyone you get in contact with. All will be fine.

you really lack sympathy ND human kindness.

your dad was going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma that was obviously caused by the death of his beloved wife.....so many people cannot handle loss of loved ones well....they become emotional wrecks and spiral out of control.


You said your dad was doing very well and has a bright future prior to your mom's death.....you guys failed that man.....he needed emotional support and love but his family and friends failed him.

Shame on you all....you are part of the youths buhari talked about.

Nigggah man like u

Oh dear! Poor man...poor children. We all express grieve differently. He couldn't get past losing his wife...poor man. May God rest his soul and give you and your siblings immeasurable peace. Our shoulders have different strength capacity, some just can't take a good hit. It is well.

Your dad couldn't handle the death of his wife. He probably loved her so much, maybe too much. Too bad he died a sad man.

coolcatty:
you really lack sympathy ND human kindness.

your dad was going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma that was obviously caused by the death of his beloved wife.....so many people cannot handle loss of loved ones well....they become emotional wrecks and spiral out of control.


You said your dad was doing very well and has a bright future prior to your mom's death.....you guys failed that man.....he needed emotional support and love but his family and friends failed him.

Shame on you all....you are part of the youths buhari talked about.

Nigggah man like u

It's so easy to judge a situation when we cannot put ourselves in that shoe. In as much as the op has realised his fault, we should also remember these were agonising periods (probably lasting years) for mere kids that expected their dad to be there for them. Enough of the blame game abeg, that's how we got here as a country.

Catharsis...

coolcatty:
you really lack sympathy ND human kindness.

your dad was going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma that was obviously caused by the death of his beloved wife.....so many people cannot handle loss of loved ones well....they become emotional wrecks and spiral out of control.


You said your dad was doing very well and has a bright future prior to your mom's death.....you guys failed that man.....he needed emotional support and love but his family and friends failed him.

Shame on you all....you are part of the youths buhari talked about.

Nigggah man like u

Stick it in that part of your anatomy that rhymes with 'mass'

He said he regretted not reconciling with his dad before he passed on so why the frog are you ranting stuff that rhymes with 'sit'?

Mscheeeeewww.

coolcatty:
you really lack sympathy ND human kindness.

your dad was going through a huge emotional and psychological trauma that was obviously caused by the death of his beloved wife.....so many people cannot handle loss of loved ones well....they become emotional wrecks and spiral out of control.


You said your dad was doing very well and has a bright future prior to your mom's death.....you guys failed that man.....he needed emotional support and love but his family and friends failed him.

Shame on you all....you are part of the youths buhari talked about.

Nigggah man like u

How can you say they failed their father? Rather, he failed them.
Do you know they were children when their mother died, and also needed a lot of emotional support? They were lucky they got a lot of support from their grandparents otherwise their lives would have turned upside down.
Their dad should have got it together because of his children instead of turning to alcohol which would naturally worsen his possible depression.
Please, don't blame the OP at all. Their mum died 12 years ago. He's not blaming the death of his mother on why his life is good or bad.
The dad possibly sank into depr3ssion, but unfortunately mental health s3rvices are not readily and voluntarily accessed.
Its not the children's fault to feel abandoned by their only living parent or to feel disgusted with his lifestyle.

Gofwane:
... this evening, i came across a thread by @ChildofDoom in the romance section in which he was expressing his hatred for his dad and that reminded me of the similar predicament i used to be in back then.

I used to hate my father back then due to his lifestyle. Immediately my mum died during childbirth, this man just changed, from a chief engineer with two cars to a drunkard.

He abandoned all 5 of us to our grandmother who single handedly raised us and paid for our education from her petty trade while he went into full time drinking.
He never was there to support our grandmother in any way. It was so bad situation that till today, our last born never knew him as her dad, she called him "uncle". She is 12 years now and still believes that our grandma and grandfather are her biological parents.

He will drink and fall down on the road and bruise his face while people passing by will be laughing. The thing got worse that he was admitted in a psychiatric hospital but on coming out, he became twice of what he was till that drinking took his life.

I had no love or sympathy for him. Even while he was critically sick, i refused to travel home to see him or even call to greet him on the phone. But on the day i learnt of his death, i strangely cried so bitterly because i realised he wasn't coming back anymore and i regretted why i didn't get to see him and tell him that i've forgiven him.

I just want to encourage anyone in similar situation to find it in their hearts to forgive because if you don't, and you eventually wake up one day and realised that they no more, trust me, living with the guilt is something you wouldn't want to experience.

To my Dad: wherever you are right now, i want you to know that i've forgiven you.

I just hope i get to have a measure of peace with this.

You lack wisdom and i assume you are not married.Your mom while she was alive was the bedrock of your father's happiness.She was why he was alive and thrived.They loved each other and the bond was very strong.He couldn't do anything without your mom.He needed her and loved her desperately.Her death,ripped everything away and drove him mad.Who wouldn't be?Instead of you to have given him emotional support or have his family give him emotional support ,you killed him further by neglecting him.You should be ashamed of yourself.

orbitalgis:


You lack wisdom and i assume you are not married.Your mom while she was alive was the bedrock of your father's happiness.She was why he was alive and thrived.They loved each other and the bond was very strong.He couldn't do anything without your mom.He needed her and loved her desperately.Her death,ripped everything away and drove him mad.Who wouldn't be?Instead of you to have given him emotional support or have his family give him emotional support ,you killed him further by neglecting him.You should be ashamed of yourself.

All this to a boy of 10 years or even less who does not even understand what death means at the time? A boy who saw his father changed to a total stranger as the bond between them stretched too thin.?
You didn't even bother to ask why his parents and siblings didn't come to his rescue but rather you have to berate a poor boy who barely knew his mother and have his father withered before his very eye. Nairaland una fit send someone to an early grave.

orbitalgis:


You lack wisdom and i assume you are not married.Your mom while she was alive was the bedrock of your father's happiness.She was why he was alive and thrived.They loved each other and the bond was very strong.He couldn't do anything without your mom.He needed her and loved her desperately.Her death,ripped everything away and drove him mad.Who wouldn't be?Instead of you to have given him emotional support or have his family give him emotional support ,you killed him further by neglecting him.You should be ashamed of yourself.

I don't expect you to understand how painful it is to be abandoned by your parents while they are still alive.
I get it, he lost his wife but she was also our mother! Her death is not an excuse for abandoning all 5 of his children, abi na we kill her?

Anyways, i've moved pass that ugly incident. It belongs to the past.

Gofwane:
I don't expect you to understand how painful it is to be abandoned by your parents while they are still alive.
I get it, he lost his wife but she was also our mother! Her death is not an excuse for abandoning all 5 of his children, abi na we kill her?

Anyways, i've moved pass that ugly incident. It belongs to the past.

@OP, it's best to ignore these set of individuals that are seating on their "high horses" and passing judgements. They may have done worse in your situation. What if you and your siblings turned out badly, will the government or the children themselves be blamed? Then again, people are just selfish in their judgements.

Nairaland really needs to create a "terrible response" button!