Sex can be an incredibly vulnerable experience. For people who struggle with alcoholism, the desire to dull some of the more uncomfortable feelings associated with sex ― like fear, anxiety and insecurity ― can be even greater.

But once you get sober and stop using alcohol as a crutch, you’re forced to feel everything a bit more deeply and clearly ― the good feelings and the bad.

“Sex has become a much more conscious process [since I got sober],” Seamus Kirst, author of Shitfaced: Musings of a Former Drunk, told HuffPost. “Before, I would drink to build up the confidence to flirt with people, and then drink to get through having sex. Besides my one serious relationship, I would usually have sex when I was drunk, so I wasn’t really aware of what I actually enjoyed sexually, and often sex wasn’t even an especially pleasurable experience.”

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