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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Marriage Kitchen Wars (4628 Views)
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Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Nobody: 9:26pm On May 20, 2018 |
@op,ur question is very OK and u are a good man by not descending on them cos some people will do that. When things are tight,everybody should tighten belt. Unless it's not the present day Nigeria where lots of people are relocating to the village because of hardship. U may plan to use 20 in a month for feeding but because of wasteful expenses, it won't be enough and there are kids to be fed which is actually the most important. It might be that ur wife don't want to lose face that's why she don't want to let them know things are hard which is not good on the long run. And her siblings should have seen the handwriting on the wall and behave themselves. When things get better, things will change. They don't actually love their sis cos their actions can destroy her marriage. It's mere food but mere food is bought with money and there is limited money flowing in. If she refuse to tell them to take it easy, call all together and explain to them patiently that things are not rosy in ur family so little cent counts. But also reassure them that u will give them special treat once things improve. Of course they will be very grudging and grumble. Might interpret it wrongly but that shouldn't stop u from doing the right thing. Any reasonable person will know u are trying to save for ur immediate family which is the ultimate. Nigerians and not minding their biz. What is happening will also pass and there will be plenty in the house. One of life's stumbling blocks that will make the steps steady. Good luck When it happens,those scolding u it's just mere food won't be there. 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Heebah: 10:06pm On May 20, 2018 |
Op u really need to calm down oo. Its just food na....common food o. I dont think u should make a big deal out of this. Remeber,God loves a cheerful giver,dont u know u get rewards n blessings from God as ur inlaws eat ur food. God who provided u with d means will always be ther for u. Pls dont scold ur wife,as long as her siblings do not disrespects u or her den all is well. Learn to be tolerant. |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by nuelyoyo(m): 10:06pm On May 20, 2018 |
Eberechi24:Pls try to understand the OP. He has clearly admitted that things are tough for him right now. In life, you can't give what u don't have, u don't expect a man who is struggling with finances to live a life of excesses. How can the man of the house eat with a piece of meat and in-laws who came visiting will be eating with two pieces? It may sound irritating to you coz u have enough to throw around, but others may not be in ur position. In all ur replies to the Op, u never showed that u even understand his situation. Learn to show empathy. Cc tbanj07 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Heebah: 10:11pm On May 20, 2018 |
tbanj07:No one understands cos u dont make sense. Na u be d only poor man for dis world? U r just going on n on about how u r low on resources,u r not d first n wont be d last. Being stingy about food will not enhance ur resources. Try n give more den see how God will bless u with double. All i see is a stingy and paranoid man. Get a grip. |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by ststyreal(f): 10:13pm On May 20, 2018 |
tbanj07:Oga na wa ooooo. Are you a man or a woman? Your wife should be the one worrying about this not you. They are your family indirectly and if madam has given them the permission, I see no big deal in it. There is nothing in this world, just live a simple life and forget all these petty protocols. As long as they aren't disrespectful to you or that they dish before you, I see no fuss at all. This world na jeje ooooo. All this things we are carrying on our head thinking the world belongs to us ends in one seconds. We are only living by the mercies of God. Allow them to be free, in as much as your wife isn't complaining, just overlook cos to me,they are too petite an issue for a man of the house to be angry about. |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Artistree: 10:24pm On May 20, 2018 |
tbanj07:I think everyone is attacking you cos you sounded like it's an abomination for them to touch your sacred pot of food, not that you don't have enough to eat. Are they wasting the food? What's your grouse exactly? If you know you would nag someone with the food you're providing it's better you ask them to stop visiting you cos you're sounding like a broken record right now. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by ststyreal(f): 10:24pm On May 20, 2018 |
tbanj07:Oga please check yourself, your attitude is bad! You are behaving like a woman. Pray to God to bless you and not this attitude you are putting on. Honestly, your wife is trying, I can't cope with someone like you! You are so annoying with this attitude of yours. I'm really sorry if I sounded insultive, but this is the mood your thread puts me in. 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Eberechi24(f): 8:41am On May 21, 2018 |
nuelyoyo: I understand him perfectly well and I sincerely sympathize with him but dear dwelling on our shortcomings just because things are hard is draining. Remember he never accused them of wastage but going to pot without permission. my dear if we start paying attention to everything just because things are hard I bet you we might end up not wearing clothes just save money. ln life we just have to happy with the little we have that's where we derive our satisfaction not amount of food we eat. I still wish OP Blessings 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Artistree: 8:51am On May 21, 2018 |
Eberechi24:That's the point, he didn't initially state that they were wasteful, rather, that they dared to go to the pot of food in his house and that's why everyone attacked him. He now changed it to the fact that they are managing. He should kuku send them home na, instead of nagging 4 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by carammel(f): 9:35am On May 21, 2018 |
oyb:Oga is not angry about the food they dish from his pot, he is only angry because he has to feed extra mouths. If it was him and his madam alone, the food would be enough to go round. 4 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by ImaIma1(f): 12:05pm On May 21, 2018 |
tbanj07: Oh ok. I see your point. I think your wife needs to stop putting up an appearance like there is plenty at the jeopardy of you and your children especially as she knows the situation is tight at the moment. She is serving them 2 pieces of meat and when the meat finishes, you and your children will have to eat your food without meat because of her indiscretion. Women should be wise and be able to manage resources. If she jokingly tells her siblings not to go near her pot of soup and she serves it herself, i doubt they will feel bad. Discuss with her and try to reason with her to see things as they are. The situation is temporary. Tell her that when things get better, she can give them five pieces of meat or better still, kill a cow and give them to take home. And tell her you trust her to be able to handle things without you getting involved and looking bad. And dishing out food from the same pot you eat is not an offense. However, your wife should not allow anyone just go to the pot without permission. 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by UjuJoan2: 3:01pm On May 21, 2018 |
tbanj07: No matter what you do, if you have the time to go to the kitchen and check who is dishing food, you are a broke man. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by tbanj07(m): 3:46pm On May 21, 2018 |
nuelyoyo: Thank you! 4 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by tbanj07(m): 3:49pm On May 21, 2018 |
ImaIma1: Thanks! 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by budaatum: 5:08pm On May 21, 2018 |
tbanj07:I wonder why people aren't hearing you say you are managing what you have! I wonder too how your wife would feel if your family helped themselves to her cooking. It wouldn't surprise me too if the servings they take for themselves is not much more than you get served. Or do you serve yourself too? They are guests in your house and should not even be going into your kitchen if you asked me, and if your wife has any regard for her home, she would stop treating it like it were her and her siblings father's house! You've told her. If they go in my pot again, I will not eat from that pot until new food is cooked, and I will go eat out, deducting the cost from what I give my wife until she gets the message (which, apart from cost, is a matter of respect!) Personally though, my wife and I are on the same page, or "Houston", we got problems far greater than a pot of food in my kitchen, I think. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by budaatum: 5:18pm On May 21, 2018 |
Oh, one more thing op. I am likely to call you names and insult you if it is my nature to behave as your in-laws do. It is how I would justify my own scrounging - by defending other scroungers - and you would not be being smart if you consider my opinion in such circumstances. Intelligent people would tell you to kick those scrounging in-laws out of your pot. They don't sound like they will be there to assist you when your pot is empty! 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by ahnie: 4:26am On May 22, 2018 |
Heebah: You don't really get the picture...do you?he has limited resources,they ve kids to be fed.wifey not working.inlaws harrassing them foodiecally.he has the right to scold his wifey calmly.things are well with them. 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Heebah: 4:35am On May 22, 2018 |
ahnie:I wish him well |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by armyofone(m): 5:02am On May 22, 2018 |
Op, set a rule for first email and wait for a reply from you and your wife if they can come or come at another future date. It can be financially draining to have extra someone to care/feed when you are "managing" 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by bukatyne(f): 9:11am On May 22, 2018 |
tbanj07: I was waiting for you to hit the nail on the head. On the average, a husband wouldn't really know in details who dishes food per time. Your wife should be able to subtly tell her family that things are tight without you prodding her. Since this is not the case, tell her that your financial situation at this time cannot cater for extra mouths so she needs to tell her family to adjust. 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Acidosis(m): 10:11am On May 22, 2018 |
OP, you have to understand that family relationships differ. There is no way two families can share same norms, same principles, discipline, morals, values, culture or way of life. That's why marriage is all about tolerance and understanding. You must understand that your wife and her family were raised under a different setting. Tolerance comes after understanding (it doesn't mean you must tolerate anything and everything though). Some folks were raised to dish food individually. I wasn't raised that way too, where I come from, whoever prepares the meal serves everyone. As petty as it sounds to some, it is a great deal in some families. So I quite understand your point, and you do not deserve to be insulted. Having people walk into your home and serving meals in your kitchen at will is somewhat out of place in some families. I've seen families where guests, especially in-laws walk into their sister's/brother's bedroom at will. Some people were not trained to respect "privacy" and "boundaries". This is a new family, together with your wife, you can set your own rules and principles, but you need to go about that the right way. 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by joy199(f): 11:49am On May 22, 2018 |
tbanj07:Only broke people act this way, bros calm down, just because they dish from your pot, Common food. 1 Like |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Eketem: 12:58pm On May 22, 2018 |
I was irritated at first but later I understood. Things are not very easy in Nigeria right now. Why isn't wify working though? Hope you didn't stop her from working? Your wife needs to be honest with her sibblins, they may think things are rosy so they should go to their sisters house and enjoy, things are obviously not. Meat is very expensive now even me who used to be very free with meat in my house I have started telling my maids that if they finish the meat in their stew before the stew finishes then they should take the stew like that, before I will just boil meat for them and they will be eating two or three per meal. Now economy don show me pepper. Today the maid told me their bornvita was finished I told them to drink lipton, me that I am drinking black tea no milk to loose weight I haven't died. The economy is bad food stuff is expensive, they cannot be eating without consideration to his pocket and be making them run out of food and meat for the kids. Your wife should be more sensitive to the times 7 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by bukatyne(f): 2:04pm On May 22, 2018 |
Dyt: 100% co-sign. The wife should cover the family's secret of lack. How does someone go about eating two pics of neat in another person's house 7 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by armyofone(m): 3:42pm On May 22, 2018 |
He is broke/has limited resources - he already said it. Food is not common because you would need money to buy it and most people don't understand when something is free "I'm a guest- I must enjoy" joy199: 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Eketem: 6:53pm On May 22, 2018 |
Nigerians guests are just like that show up without announcement, come empty handed won't contribute and expect first class room service 6 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by Eketem: 6:53pm On May 22, 2018 |
Nigerians in law guests are just like that show up without announcement, come empty handed won't contribute and expect first class room service 2 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by joy199(f): 9:16pm On May 22, 2018 |
armyofone:if that is the issue, then he should discuss with his wife about not welcoming any visitor to avoid things like this. |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by MMotimo: 11:02pm On May 22, 2018 |
OP's original posts were confusing. Bottomline is you can't afford to feed them at the level they desire. The simple solution is to have your wife communicate that. "I cannot afford it" should not be a hard thing to say. You went on about dishing food from same pot your food comes from, etc and that just clouded your main point which is - you are financially challenged at this time and cannot afford the extra mouths. That is not a crime and it should not be hard for your wife to communicate to her siblings. If she feels badly about it, maybe that can motivate both of you to ensure your wife finds work. 6 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by addictiv(m): 2:03am On May 23, 2018 |
@op. It's your wife, it's ur food, it's ur life. I really wonder why people tend to focus on little insignificant things rather than the important ones. If you really don't like them dishing from your pot. It's simple, man up and tell them straight to their face. No need beating around the bush. And they ll get the message clearly. 3 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by NoToPile: 8:08am On May 23, 2018 |
bukatyne: @bolded I wonder ooo @topic people are saying ordinary food ![]() Food is not ordinary when you have lean resources, a lot of families are managing. Food stuffs are expensive now even those of us living in areas where you have farm markets not to talk of those in town. Wifey should be the one to cover that end. 5 Likes |
Re: Marriage Kitchen Wars by frozen70(f): 1:43pm On Nov 11, 2018 |
yettymuse: Let him be ranting Most men don't know that the house belongs to the woman That's why you see people living or coming and going out of the house are mostly from the woman family Him never see anything, He want yo start an endless family war |
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