oyb:
sex can never be the same way it was when you just got married for multiple reasons

1) you are both past the unlimited energy of youth. can your man still go four rounds straight?
2) you have children
3) you have work life stresses -
4) your bodies are not as taut as they used to be and you both feel less sexy
5) there is six years of baggage getting in the way - the stuff that you don't see during courtship; arguments, infidelity, stinginess, nasty memories

your man is feeling insecure because he is not 'turning you on' the way he used to. he thinks the only reason why that is happening is that someone else somewhere is doing it better.

you have two choices

have a long heart to heart with him
take the american option and fake it.

Married people are talking...
Kids should sit back and learn. Thanks for your input Sir.


Even bf and gf dey tire. How much more married couples

But wait o, are there people that go four rounds straight?

DrinkLimca:
Op calm down..
This and many more are probably one of the trials of marriages all over the world..
Marriage is indeed not just a bed of roses, just like how every good things in life must be accompanied with trials..

If you vagina is loosed, then find some ways to tighten it..

Sometimes you don't have to wait for him to initiate sex, you as the wife should find a way to be in the mood and then go to him...

The problem here is not even him as all men behaves that way, if he says you are cheating it's because of his human nature as all human are jealous..
most especially when it concerns those they love..

So op don't bother yourself as this trials will be over very soon, you as the wife should find a way to spice it up..

Thank u very much, u just said it all. You should find a way to get in the mood and even initiate the sex thing, don't wait for him, haba

ubunja:
thats why i never wanna marry a working woman. too many issues.

Shoroniyen

DrinkLimca:
Op calm down..
This and many more are probably one of the trials of marriages all over the world..
Marriage is indeed not just a bed of roses, just like how every good things in life must be accompanied with trials..

[b]If you vagina is loosed, then find some ways to tighten it..

Sometimes you don't have to wait for him to initiate sex, you as the wife should find a way to be in the mood and then go to him...

The problem here is not even him as all men behaves that way, if he says you are cheating it's because of his human nature as all human are jealous..
most especially when it concerns those they love..

So op don't bother yourself as this trials will be over very soon, you as the wife should find a way to spice it up..[/b]

Maybe with needle and thread abi?

Tomi124837:




Shoroniyen

what??

that aint a man... he is a boy

SoapQueen:


What do men really want? Today, you won't marry a liability, tomorrow, you won't marry a working woman.

SoapQueen:


What do men really want? Today, you won't marry a liability, tomorrow, you won't marry a working woman.

E tire me.

Wonder2018 you are indeed cheating your husband if you don't give him sexual satisfaction. Same goes for men who don't satisfy their wives.
Its not enough to make excuses about your job, a good woman keeps her home first.
Not taking anything away from you as a career and hardworking lady, but look at it in 3D. You even suggesting leaving him to get over his moodiness goes a long way to describe the value you place on your marriage.
Get your grove back, no man likes being denied a gratifying sex, especially in a marriage. All these apply to guys too.

kimbraa:
Quote where she said the attraction is no longer there. What she was talking about is that her sex life changed and coupling with the fact that her husband claims her pussy slacks at times then she's cheating. That is their problem. How would you feel if someone accuses you of something you're not doing? The act of love making isn't all about pathing a woman's leg and getting done with it in minutes. Couples have to be physically and psychologically ready for the act of love making to take its cause effectively. Imagine where you leave your home as early as 6:am, spend 12 hours from 24 working, come back tired, and you'd have to cook or do one or two things before bedtime and someone wakes you for sex...Would she perform? Then when she doesn't, you say it's because another man is involved.

because the man de jobless abi,the man no de work too,na she ist do logistics, make I hear word, if na to de Bleep different guys dem no go tire,u don sign marriage na,only six yrs u de complain, see the baby eye de outside ,nothing like logistics stress, women wen de carry sand de bath their jobless husband steady,na every year some de born sef, na how DAT one wan take run commot for marriage e de so, one dick don tire am, she go no where,for better for worse, logistics or no logistics

Hmm.. I'm not good at this though

LoJ:
The more I read topics on nairaland romance section, the less I believe in this illusion called marriage.

From all indications mariage is a very bad investment. Is this thing called marriage worth all the stress and energy put into it?

from all indication marriage is worth every investment effort n time. all you need do is get the instituter of the institution involved and you'll be good to go

She possibly need to narrate all this to her husband or better still go with him to see a therapist so she can be fixed asap. It's disturbing your husband keeps asking you if you're cheating on him. That's some trust issues. Not his fault though because the area is not what it used to be and he also think for you to have regular turn off you're getting it somewhere else. I hope this doesn't become a big problem in your marriage.

Nothing you say can change his view, so go for counseling. It's better he hears it himself while you work on fixing you.

donstan18:


Stop sugar-coating the truth, the first commenter is so so right. What kind of work takes away your sexual life and stops you from getting wet/h0rny? Was she raped?

A man/woman don't just wake up to loose the sexual drives and attraction he/she has for a partner without being attracted to someone else.

It's either the lady is cheating(which I believe) or she's crushing on someone as a result of a faded character/attribute of her husband.

Stress and complex personal issues drops libido.

SoapQueen:


What do men really want? Today, you won't marry a liability, tomorrow, you won't marry a working woman.

don't cheat simple if you end up working...never... I mean never allow temptation to lead you to cheating. .that is the simple answer

donstan18:


I used couples to make my point when I first mentioned you, so don't see my comments as a man vs woman cheating tendency shii.

I still stand with my point; it's either OP is cheating or she's crushing on someone as a result of a faded character/ attribute of her husband.

Work don't steal sexual drives and attraction for a partner.
Marriage don't steal sexual drives and attraction, it can only get less, not abolished.

u are making a point.

SoapQueen:


What do men really want? Today, you won't marry a liability, tomorrow, you won't marry a working woman.

Me kuma am confused o!

Op, you will be surprise to know that married people don't have as much sex as single folks. It is soooo general, married people over time becomes roommate or neighbours. They have sex off and on, never consistent like single people.

Dear Wonder2018,

I read your narration and it is well understood, then if the First Comment from a nairalander called Khallyella is the axis of reasoning of your husband, then it means I have read both sides of the story, so now let's discuss what is really happening to you and your home, which your husband is not aware of, which is supposed to be his responsibility to utilize the opportunity to demonstrate his capability as a man, but you are the one with a build-up of certain acids and hormones, which alters your mood to the lowest barometer of feeling on the happiness index resulting in a decreased libido.

Stress of work, and managing your home has taken a toll on you, these days even with multiple house-helps, it is still tough. The emotional lows is increasing as there is no more fun in your family. Your husband needs to take you out, take you shopping, help you out with some of the things that bother you, then introduce new games, new movies, new songs into the house. It also helps a lot to change the furnitures, re-design the kitchen and the bedroom with new stuff, that is the best way I handle my own marriage and it is called Spicing Up the home. When my wife becomes bored and tired and wants to go abroad, then I throw some new surprises, then that makes her stay home and I introduce massage sessions, after nice sauna experience daily in the evenings. It does not take much time, but it is a magic wand. Then at least once in a year, you guys can fly to some holiday at any location outside, where you can see new stuff to inspire the marriage and you both. That is why a lot of us travel, it is mostly to help keep the union spiced up.

I totally understand how it feels like, but a husband has a responsibility to play a fast game against the ego, his ego needs to be lectured on the essence of happiness and the compulsion to love his wife intoto, when we love our wives totally, they are so happy that they do not know the game we play outside, and the wife should also understand the need to loosen up sometimes from the stress of work, have alcoholic wines sometimes like 5% conc. hurts no one. Make your marriage heaven on Earth, life is too short abeg.

A man must decide if he is worth being called a Man. Real men do not chicken out of marriages. Because it is a responsibility to defeat every imagined and unimagined obstacles on all levels of Human System of Experiences; Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.

donstan18:


Stop sugar-coating the truth, the first commenter is so so right. What kind of work takes away your sexual life and stops you from getting wet/h0rny? Was she raped?

A man/woman don't just wake up to loose the sexual drives and attraction he/she has for a partner without being attracted to someone else.

It's either the lady is cheating(which I believe) or she's crushing on someone as a result of a faded character/attribute of her husband.

You know nothing. You should keep quiet please.


You lot think the world revolves around sex. Matured couples know you would not always have it sweet sweet like you see in the movies with you guys sweating up and down every single time you get down to biz. Humans are not engines that perform at a determined rate. Even my car would sometimes drive smoothly and sometimes you wake up in the morning and driving feels like you are driving a trailer.

There would sometimes be dry periods and sometimes exciting ones. Once you can make fun of those awful periods and laugh together about it then you truly have evolved in your relationship.

@op.

You guys need to just relax. One thing about sex is if you try too hard to make it enjoyable you get the opposite. Let this pass and bring it up with him later. A change of environment sometimes can do wonders. Maybe you rent an hotel. Nothing stops you from being the one to set things up. You should be willing to improve the atmosphere but also you need to call him out on his words. He needs to apologise to you for his rude comments. Maybe because we allow the bar to be set so low is why most men in Nigeria would say things and walk all over their wives. He is insecure and should watch his mouth.

kimbraa:
Do you know why I love my church? It's House On The Rock, PH. My pastor, Mr Lanre has a special Sunday service called Jesus Alternative where relational and marriage issues are being discussed as it is and this woman's issue was once a topic.

As a married man, he said after six months of marriage or there about; all the sexual urges starts dwindling 'cause you've got more to think of than sex. Your wife fit naked for your front and you won't have a bonner infact, you fit give her wrapper to tie and it doesn't mean you're not attracted to her but that it's human nature. If you did Economies, it's the law of marginal utility. Marriage comes with more responsibilities and it's human not to always be in the mood for sex but couples have to discuss and create a balance. If possible, make out time on when to have sex when both of you could. So back to your question, when this happens, does it mean they're not attracted to each other?

its called laws of diminishing returns..(satisfaction reduces when more of a commodity is consumed)

These romance section children will break homes o!
Stop bringing your marital issues here na!

Wonder2018:
This men though, shout out to all the married women out there who know/ feel they are doing well in this school called marriage, but still getting an F by their examiner the hubby.

After 6years am still not getting it.

I used' to be the sex lover, who I loved intimacy with him from our dating ratings till recently, I won't deny the fact that I observed am loosing it gradually, easily put off, easily tired, not always in this mood, I just want to get in bed and sleep, (I sincerely never saw this day coming, knowing how sexually active I used to be) but whatever, I still make sure am available, i just don't really participate. But does this mean am cheating?

Hubby woke me around 4am and wanted us to get down, I was tired, i just started this new business (logistics) it's taking a ton out of me in a different way, once am tired, nothing gets wet, everywhere is dry and tight. He wanted it from behind, usually I can deal without my vibrator, but I just wasnt in the mood, so I didn't use my vibe, I just took it in that way, it was painful and uncomfortable for me, but I wanted him satisfied.

After we weere done, he said to me it's no more like before, are you cheating on me, and since then hubby has been Moody and all gloomy, I tried to hold a convo with him, but he just isn't interested, all he knows is once my private part doesn't feel the same, them am automatically cheating. I don't think that's fair, what happened to finding out what's wrong with this lady that it seems she is loosing what she used to have, what happened to seeing It from a positive angle.

Am not happy at all, I want to leave him to get over it, but then again I taught, it's not the first time he is asking me if am cheating, claiming the place feels different, when it feels loose, he would say something is different.

Okay here I am stating in 6 years I haven't cheated, sexually or any way possible. So if my body changed, i dont know why it did, if my pussy hole feels larger, i dont know what changed, sometimes am tight sometimes am not, i don't want to be tagged what am not, or to suffer for what am not even close to doing, cause if he wants to make you suffer like he will do it so well, you wont know when you will start begging him to forgive you for what you didn't even do, so please sex therapist in the house come and look into this for us from a different angle other than cheating, hopefully he sees this and reads comments.

Body changes does not automatically mean she's cheating. Men!!! Stop doing it

Why are u telling me all these??
Tell ur HUBBY.. communication is KEY!!!

To those saying stress, I choose to believe is either not telling the entire truth or she is not paying attention to her body.

First , she is attracted to another or admires another from afar which naturally robs her of all forms of sexual attractions towards the hubby.

She should consider carefully which male friend, confidant, biz friend, church member, etc, she admires, shows affection, or compares with her hubby.

Second, stress could be responsible but then, there are weekends and nothing stops her from raping her hubby and leaving him sexually exhausted on a Saturday morning or a day like today that is a public holiday.

Before her hubby started giving attitude, I wanna it's a reoccuring problem. If she plans sex with her hubby way ahead of time, she will create a convenient time for both parties wnd give it to her hubby hot or sweating. What happened to seducing the hobby in ways he has never seen before on a Saturday or Sunday morning before church at least she knows her hobbies schedule.

As for the loosed Vijay jay, there are local foods and herbs that helps in that regard. You don't just sit down and complain.

Imagine reverse was the case, which, in most marriages is always the case, and hubby can get it up when she needs servicing. How will she feel. Is it not the hubby's duty to fix his falling pole.

It's not about the body, it begins with the mind. Even if she is the head of a multi national company, and is always across countries and state, won't she have sex?

Mind you, sex that add to stress, it relieves stress.

Now to possible solution.

First rid us self of any form of attractions towards another, and ....

Nawa ooo...People just dey fvck anyhow, 4am for God's same.. it seems you guys married because of the sex..I just dey see Wet,dry,vibrator,mood etc

No mind me o...I'm just NEGAN

Lots of silly posts from kids on this thread that are in boyfriend girlfriend relationship.

If I don't believe anything the OP says I believe when she says stress is affecting her sex life.
Besides I wonder how you expect her to still be tight that after 6 years

Even this economy can make some couples lose interest.

What I find annoying is the ' you are cheating on me statement' somewhere you have been visiting for past 6 years will it ever be the same?

DrinkLimca:
Op calm down..
This and many more are probably one of the trials of marriages all over the world..
Marriage is indeed not just a bed of roses, just like how every good things in life must be accompanied with trials..

If you vagina is loosed, then find some ways to tighten it..

Sometimes you don't have to wait for him to initiate sex, you as the wife should find a way to be in the mood and then go to him...

The problem here is not even him as all men behaves that way, if he says you are cheating it's because of his human nature as all human are jealous..
most especially when it concerns those they love..

So op don't bother yourself as this trials will be over very soon, you as the wife should find a way to spice it up..

I strongly concur with you

[quote author=Wonder2018 post=67987959]This men though, shout out to all the married women out there who know/ feel they are doing well in this school called marriage, but still getting an F by their examiner the hubby.

After 6years am still not getting it.

I used' to be the sex lover, who I loved intimacy with him from our dating ratings till recently, I won't deny the fact that I observed am loosing it gradually, easily put off, easily tired, not always in this mood, I just want to get in bed and sleep, (I sincerely never saw this day coming, knowing how sexually active I used to be) but whatever, I still make sure am available, i just don't really participate. But does this mean am cheating?

Hubby woke me around 4am and wanted us to get down, I was tired, i just started this new business (logistics) it's taking a ton out of me in a different way, once am tired, nothing gets wet, everywhere is dry and tight. He wanted it from behind, usually I can deal without my vibrator, but I just wasnt in the mood, so I didn't use my vibe, I just took it in that way, it was painful and uncomfortable for me, but I wanted him satisfied.

After we weere done, he said to me it's no more like before, are you cheating on me, and since then hubby has been Moody and all gloomy, I tried to hold a convo with him, but he just isn't interested, all he knows is once my private part doesn't feel the same, them am automatically cheating. I don't think that's fair, what happened to finding out what's wrong with this lady that it seems she is loosing what she used to have, what happened to seeing It from a positive angle.

Am not happy at all, I want to leave him to get over it, but then again I taught, it's not the first time he is asking me if am cheating, claiming the place feels different, when it feels loose, he would say something is different.

Okay here I am stating in 6 years I haven't cheated, sexually or any way possible. So if my body changed, i dont know why it did, if my pussy hole feels larger, i dont know what changed, sometimes am tight sometimes am not, i don't want to be tagged what am not, or to suffer for what am not even close to doing, cause if he wants to make you suffer like he will do it so well, you wont know when you will start begging him to forgive you for what you didn't even do, so please sex therapist in the house come and look into this for us from a different angle other than cheating, hopefully he sees this and reads comments.

Body changes does not automatically mean she's cheating. Men!!! Stop doing it
[/quote
Pls don't quit
Get my book for him: 52 USEFUL TIPS FOR UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
Quote me if you're interested...it's in pdf........N1,500

kimbraa:
I had to read the write-up twice to see if my eyes were playing with me or it was actually as a result of your perception. She didn't say she's not attracted to him but that her sex life changed, and I think being easily put off, not always in the mood, always tired, is as a result of how busy her schedule is. 6years of marriage...after a year, don't expect your partner to be as sexually active as they were while dating or when newly married. The spark dwindles over time and once one of the partner takes cognisance of this, they work on it and bring back the spark but the main issue is the slacking vagina. I'm not a doc so wouldn't know why.

The Baggie slacks after repeated child births. Don't mind the other person that commented, probably spoke thru her slacked veggie

oyb:
sex can never be the same way it was when you just got married for multiple reasons

1) you are both past the unlimited energy of youth. can your man still go four rounds straight?
2) you have children
3) you have work life stresses -
4) your bodies are not as taut as they used to be and you both feel less sexy
5) there is six years of baggage getting in the way - the stuff that you don't see during courtship; arguments, infidelity, stinginess, nasty memories

your man is feeling insecure because he is not 'turning you on' the way he used to. he thinks the only reason why that is happening is that someone else somewhere is doing it better.

you have two choices

have a long heart to heart with him
take the american option and fake it.

Now this is a married man, talking from experience

Solstar:
Dear Wonder2018,

I read your narration and it is well understood, then if the First Comment from a nairalander called Khallyella is the axis of reasoning of your husband, then it means I have read both sides of the story, so now let's discuss what is really happening to you and your home, which your husband is not aware of, which is supposed to be his responsibility utilize the opportunity to demonstrate his capability as a man, but you are the one with a build-up of certain acids and hormones, which alters your mood to the lowest barometer of feeling on the happiness index resulting in a decreased libido.

Stress of work, and managing your home has taken a toll on you, these days even with multiple house-helps, it is still tough. The emotional lows is increasing as there is no more fun in your family. Your husband needs to take you out, take you shopping, help you out with some of the things that bother you, then introduce new games, new movies, new songs into the house. It also helps a lot to change the furnitures, re-design the kitchen and the bedroom with new stuff, that is the best way I handle my own marriage and it is called Spicing Up the home. When my wife becomes bored and tired and wants to go abroad, then I throw some new surprises, then that makes her stay home and I introduce massage sessions, after nice sauna experience daily in the evenings. It does not take much time, but it is a magic wand. Then at least once in a year, you guys can fly to some holiday at any location outside, where you can see new stuff to inspire the marriage and you both. That is why a lot of us travel, it is mostly to help keep the union spiced up.

I totally understand how it feels like, but your husband has a responsibility to play a fast game against the ego, his ego needs to be lectured on the essence of happiness and the compulsion to his wife totally, when we love our wives totally, they are so happy that they do not know the game we play outside, and the wife should also understand the need to loosen up sometimes from the stress of work, have alcoholic wines sometimes like 5% conc. hots no one. Make your marriage heaven on Earth, life is too short abeg.

A man must decide if he is worth being called a Man. Real men do not chicken out of marriages. Because it is a responsibility to defeat every imagined and unimagined obstacles on all levels of Human System; Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually.

Bro u have finish work!
Most folks (especially men) don't want to believe that marriage is not hard... but hard work.
It takes a concious effort to stay in a happy marriage, no auto cruise at all.

Ops have a chat with ur husband n u guys should work something out.