Reference:


You have a responsibility to build, to nuture love. True love can only be understood and appreciated with the training only God gives. Quite often the reason why love doesn't grow is because of the weeds of lust. Just as weeds soak up the resources of love and choke it, lust disguises and confuses those who invest in it.

To uproot lust to let love grow the man and the woman must of necessity shut down their emotions, sight, sounds, touch, smell... and rather focus on the objectives of the union. I tell people, if you want to build a relationship you have to think long term in acting short term. Ask yourself what you will feel towards that person in 50 years when typically the woman's bosom is flat and the man has retired, no longer a Genwral in the military or Director of the CBN because folks these days make life's choices on such maundane issues and simply cannot see beyond them.

They 'love' conditionally.... also known as lust.

AkpaMgbor:

it is not risky..I've noticed that it is mostly women who don't believe in the "loving the one you marry" school of thought..I do not mean that as a disrespect, but most humans are not truly capable of true love..if you are a Christian then you will notice that the Bible only charged the men to love their wives but it didn't for the women..the Bible rather adviced women to honor and respect their husbands..the man is given the greater responsibility to love..a woman can be happy in her home if she honors and respects her husband and the man will be happy if he loves his wife..so the man gives love and the woman gives respect..and if you think about it, that is what most men want in their marriage..respect...

jaxxy:


Very good u say women shud respect, bt men shud love. Respect however is also earned not demanded. I have an interesting question for u tho. Can a man love a woman he didn't choose?

Toks2008:
In those days, our parents usually come together, they barely knew each other and they grew in love as a couple and in most cases, grew old together because they chose to love who they married.

They lay little emphasis on feelings, chemistry or even dating/courtship yet had a wonderful long lasting union but today, we want to be sure the feeling is real, we want to fall in love first, we want to be sure we are compatible and we meticulously pay attention to inconsequential matters and looking for faults and even many who tend to believe they got it right still end up breaking up after they eventually get married and i keep wandering what exactly are we getting wrong.

After a thorough research from GOD's words i found out that the ideal mode of marriage laid down by GOD have been abandoned and we have now come up with our own pattern...

Until we go back to the plan of GOD regarding marriage and understand that staying married is not about feelings or compatibility, neither is it about body chemistry or how romantic he or she is because all these aforementioned can never sustain a marriage but it is about growing in love and having a meticulous determination to love who you marry and stay married against all odds.

GOD's plan for marriage is for two people to come together and grow in love not for them to first fall in love before coming together.Genesis 2:22-24

I hope this makes sense.

Toks2008:
In those days, our parents usually come together, they barely knew each other and they grew in love as a couple and in most cases, grew old together because they chose to love who they married.

They lay little emphasis on feelings, chemistry or even dating/courtship yet had a wonderful long lasting union but today, we want to be sure the feeling is real, we want to fall in love first, we want to be sure we are compatible and we meticulously pay attention to inconsequential matters and looking for faults and even many who tend to believe they got it right still end up breaking up after they eventually get married and i keep wandering what exactly are we getting wrong.

After a thorough research from GOD's words i found out that the ideal mode of marriage laid down by GOD have been abandoned and we have now come up with our own pattern...

Until we go back to the plan of GOD regarding marriage and understand that staying married is not about feelings or compatibility, neither is it about body chemistry or how romantic he or she is because all these aforementioned can never sustain a marriage but it is about growing in love and having a meticulous determination to love who you marry and stay married against all odds.

GOD's plan for marriage is for two people to come together and grow in love not for them to first fall in love before coming together.Genesis 2:22-24

I hope this makes sense.

AkpaMgbor:

why should a MAN not be able to choose his woman? A woman will definitely respect the man who treats her with kindness and love..

hippieguy:
The fundamental mistake we make about love is when we think love is some magic spontaneous emotion. Love is a decision and a responsibility. My little summarized opinion.

MissJoy29:

All the bolded are true. Recently, I was faced with a tough decision about marriage. I used to think that it's easy to be with a good man who you are sure of his character (by God's Grace). Hopefully, you will grow to love him. A lot of things are easier said than done. I understood that statement perfectly when I was faced with living with a good man who I don't have any form of romantic affection for. I suddenly realised that this is a lifelong commitment. It's too risky for such a costly gamble. My thoughts were, "what if I never get to love this person? He's a good man but if I don't get to love him, I will be miserable and make him same too.

I refuse to believe that love is just a "passing feeling" that fades easily. So I know that love is important in marriage. How else will I be tolerant, affectionate & overlook some things he does?

Maybe I'm getting things all wrong & I'm seriously open to corrections.

LivingFree:
I'm learning to rise in love... I don't want to fall in love. Aiming for that unconditional love. It starts with total self love and meeting all my needs by myself and then I graduate to a love that has zero conditions. So, instead of the 'I love you if you can do a, b, and c...' it's 'I love you because I am love!'

It's a spiritual journey. I want to be love instead being in love. One serves the ego and one serves the self. It's deep

4FACEADELEKE:
I dont know whats love,an am not interested in all these erotic love,i just need money and more money and more money....The only love i have is the love for humanity and mankind as a whole

LivingFree:
I'm learning to rise in love... I don't want to fall in love. Aiming for that unconditional love. It starts with total self love and meeting all my needs by myself and then I graduate to a love that has zero conditions. So, instead of the 'I love you if you can do a, b, and c...' it's 'I love you because I am love!'

It's a spiritual journey. I want to be love instead being in love. One serves the ego and one serves the self. It's deep

jaxxy:


Very good u say women shud respect, bt men shud love. Respect however is also earned not demanded. I have an interesting question for u tho. Can a man love a woman he didn't choose?

AkpaMgbor:

are you not contradicting yourself lol..check your first summation and the second one

ShobayoEmma:
And what crime will you be committing if you first fall in love before 'growing' in love? Well i think marriage is not a necessity but a preventive measure against fornication.

mimimile93:


never you marry based on love. Marry based on compatbility.

Love is just a feeling that fades away few months into the marriage.

Stycon:


What love are we talking about here please?

"Eros" or "Agape"

We are talking about having romantic kinda love before taking things further, you are preaching about

See, every relationship is obligated to demonstrate "Agape" kinda love but when it comes to this kinda thing that happens between male and female, if you ain't feeling the "eros" please don't proceed! I repeat, abort the mission!

Yes, romantic love needs "Agape" kinda unconditional love to thrive but if you gat to get married, you gat to have the "eros" boiling. How you gonna make that happen is up to you tho

You can grow and over grow in Agape after you got married but don't sell the idea that people should get married if they ain't feeling no spark. And don't get it twisted, it ain't lust!

Modelpearl:
This is it. I just wish every couple will read and understand this piece. or=Toks2008 post=68967984]In those days, our parents usually come together, they barely knew each other and they grew in love as a couple and in most cases, grew old together because they chose to love who they married.

They lay little emphasis on feelings, chemistry or even dating/courtship yet had a wonderful long lasting union but today, we want to be sure the feeling is real, we want to fall in love first, we want to be sure we are compatible and we meticulously pay attention to inconsequential matters and looking for faults and even many who tend to believe they got it right still end up breaking up after they eventually get married and i keep wandering what exactly are we getting wrong.

After a thorough research from GOD's words i found out that the ideal mode of marriage laid down by GOD have been abandoned and we have now come up with our own pattern...

Until we go back to the plan of GOD regarding marriage and understand that staying married is not about feelings or compatibility, neither is it about body chemistry or how romantic he or she is because all these aforementioned can never sustain a marriage but it is about growing in love and having a meticulous determination to love who you marry and stay married against all odds.

GOD's plan for marriage is for two people to come together and grow in love not for them to first fall in love before coming together.Genesis 2:22-24

I hope this makes sense.

jaxxy:


Very good u say women shud respect, bt men shud love. Respect however is also earned not demanded. I have an interesting question for u tho. Can a man love a woman he didn't choose?

babyfaceafrica:
that is very very possible.. some of our parents had wives chosen for them
.

Reference:


If God is the one who chooses you will be empowered by Him to love the woman and vice-versa. If you don't know how to receive things from God then you are not ripe to be married and if the whole thing makes no sense to you then you can always gamble with any one that comes your way....and obviously face the consequences for better or worse.

What you donot know and cannot understand cannot be of benefit to you.

dingbang:
Toks is right, love is a process..it never ends.

You people should read the definition of love in the bible..

It starts with love is patient.

You can never completely fall in love with someone..its not possible.. Its a renewable energy. It regenerates itself.

The only thing you need to do before getting married is to Ascertain compatibility.