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Fun Rendezvous - Jokes Etc (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Fun Rendezvous (28469 Views)

Fun Rendezvous (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 11:41pm On Sep 04, 2018
Copied
ANAGRAMS
This has got to be one of the cleverest
Someone out there must be "deadly" at Scrabble..
> PRESBYTERIAN :
> When you rearrange the letters:
> BEST IN PRAYER
>
>
> ASTRONOMER:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> MOON STARER
>
>
> DESPERATION:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> A ROPE ENDS IT
>
>
> THE EYES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> THEY SEE
>
>
> THE MORSE CODE :
> When you rearrange the letters:
> HERE COME DOTS
>
>
> DORMITORY:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> DIRTY ROOM
> SLOT MACHINES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> CASH LOST IN ME
>
>
> ANIMOSITY:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> IS NO AMITY
>
>
> ELECTION RESULTS:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
>
>
> SNOOZE ALARMS:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
>
>
> A DECIMAL POINT:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> I'M A DOT IN PLACE
>
>
> THE EARTHQUAKES:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> THAT QUEER SHAKE
>
>
> ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
> When you rearrange the letters:
> TWELVE PLUS ONE

7 Likes

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 11:42pm On Sep 04, 2018
Once a Guy Buy a Car, Boom! Some Girls Automatically Become Beans, they will be like,
"BABY COME AND PICK ME"
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 11:43pm On Sep 04, 2018
My mum be like "I'm talking and you are quiet"
Me: but mummy
Mum: Keep quiet I'm talking and you are talking.

5 Likes 1 Share

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 10:05am On Sep 06, 2018
You Can't Dance For God That Has Never Disappointed You But You Can Dance To AMAKA DISAPPOINT ME
Don't Worry. Your Thunder Would Be Soaked Inside Engine Oil

2 Likes

Re: Fun Rendezvous by Chrisrare: 2:56pm On Sep 07, 2018
Hahaha... More please.

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by Nobody: 5:44pm On Sep 08, 2018
Nice one bro...kudos

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 4:58am On Sep 09, 2018
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 bus.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:00am On Sep 09, 2018
.

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:22am On Sep 09, 2018
.io

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:30am On Sep 09, 2018
J

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:37am On Sep 09, 2018
H

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:38am On Sep 09, 2018
B

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:39am On Sep 09, 2018
One thing I've discovered is, as you grow older, you begin to steal meat from your mom's pot with more confidence. grin

5 Likes

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:41am On Sep 09, 2018
My Oyinbo friend asked me “why Nigerians will lock their car via remote and hear the
lock sound and still check the door to be sure”?
I told him that we like to
be very sure. Our village people might have played the lock sound in our ear. grin

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:46am On Sep 09, 2018
My mother almost killed me the day I was
sent to go buy salt for jollof rice that was
already on fire, after 2hrs of waiting for
me,only for my mum to come out to see me
in front of the street doing
"change your style, o baby!!!, another style
woooo!,be like that!!"..
I was still " being like that" when mum landed thunder slap on my left ear...
For complete seven days,I was continuously hearing "be like that, be like that"...

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:47am On Sep 09, 2018
Most of you write TV just because you can't Spell TELLHERVISION I think I'm right?

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:51am On Sep 09, 2018
If I drink 5alive and I jump down from 3 storey building, I wouldn't die shebi my life still remain 4
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:53am On Sep 09, 2018
You Can't Dance For God That Has Never Disappointed You But You Can Dance To AMAKA DISAPPOINT ME
Don't Worry. Your Thunder Would Be Soaked Inside Engine Oil
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:55am On Sep 09, 2018
At a burial yesterday, while I was there, my brother called me on phone to ask who killed the chicken at home,... the pasto that was preaching was saying "whoever that killed this man will confess today"....
I tried to reply my brother in a low voice but he couldn't hear me because the place was noisy, so I shouted "Na Me Kill Am".
Brothers and Sisters, the next thing I can remember is that I woke up in a hospital this morning with a swollen face, 3teeth missing and a broken bone..... Dey really rushed me....
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 6:01am On Sep 09, 2018
You cannot view this post because dem no dey rush you grin

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 6:01am On Sep 09, 2018
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Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:00am On Sep 10, 2018
please if you don't know the song just keep quite which one is "rock of ages swear for me"

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:03am On Sep 10, 2018
Na Dem dey rush us Na Dem dey rush us, That was How Emeka rushed Nkechi.! After two weeks Nkechi was now rushing to the backyard to vomit.. Her parents now rushed her to the hospital.. The doctor then rushed her to the lab to conduct a test! Few minutes later The doctor rushed out and confirmed her pregnant!! Nkechi's father rushed her and gave her a hot slap!! sad Her mother rushed and rescued her.. As soon as they got home, Nkechi rushed to Emeka 's house.. But Emeka already rushed out of the window and in a rush, vanished to his village ... . That's how Nkechi rushed out of school.. :. What a rushing story!! No Wahala

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 5:05am On Sep 10, 2018
Stubborn Students Like Us During Exams We Nor Dae Rush For Submit Paper Na Invigilators Dae Rush Us
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 4:03pm On Sep 12, 2018
Debate for today

A man was selling his goat and another man agreed to buy it. The man was using his last money to buy the goat but as soon as he brought the money out to pay for the goat, the goat jumped and snatched the money from his hands and chewed all .Now the question is, who owns the goat:The buyer or the seller?
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 9:47pm On Sep 13, 2018
1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 6years.

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime.

4. Sleeping without a pillow reduces back pain and keeps your spine stronger.

5. A person’s height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep", You can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head.

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing - food, attractive people and danger.

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side.

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years.

11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one every day, it would take over 20 years to try them all.

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping.

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who don’t.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia.

16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!!

17. Our body gives enough heat in 30 minutes to boil 1.5 liters of water!!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell!!

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCl) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today.

23. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

24. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

25. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

26. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts and things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

27. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

28. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

31. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

32. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

33. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

36. Help the needy, Be generous! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'

37. What other people think of you is none of your business.

38. Time heals everything.

39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

40. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you accomplished, today. What if you woke up this morning and only had what you thanked God for yesterday? DON’T FORGET TO THANK GOD FOR EVERYTHING.

3 Likes

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 9:54am On Sep 14, 2018
Copied
MY EX HAS CALLED ME ON HER WEDDING.
WOW I CAN'T WAIT TO KICK THE CAKE BY MISTAKE
Re: Fun Rendezvous by AfricaNigerian: 10:10am On Sep 14, 2018
okikiosibodu:


2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 6years.
reason pls?
Re: Fun Rendezvous by AfricaNigerian: 10:32am On Sep 14, 2018
......

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 10:51am On Sep 14, 2018
WAASCE 2015 Integrated Science
Q2(a)(i) Mention 10 differences between Livestock A (Goat) and Livestock B (Sheep).

Check out the answers a student gave;

1. The goat when you use it for soup it taste waaoow but the sheep when u use it for soup it does not taste waaoow.
2. Goats give soup perfume expecially the boy
goat but sheep don't
give soup perfume.
3. A goat can cross a road wisely but the sheep is very foolish and walk slow on the road.
4. A goat has a sharp brake but a sheep don't
have sharp brake.
5. Goat head is smelling but sheep head is not smelling.
6. Goat is on left side of God but sheep is on right side of God.
7. Goat is stubborn but sheep is humble.
8. Goat can jump and turn 360° but sheep cannot
jump and turn 360°.
9. The goat cries pobebe pobebe but sheep cries beeh beeh.
10 Goat hair is perming but sheep hair is jerry curls

1 Like

Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 11:07am On Sep 14, 2018
AfricaNigerian:
reason pls?
Do you take note of how stressed you are when you stand up after sitting for a long time? One could even be more stressed out than someone who is walking around.
To ans your question.... Let me use a Customer Care Representative as an example. He sits on his chair, attending to calls from customers nd also operating the computer to document each interaction as their complaints, requests and enquiries are been attended to, he tends to be on his seat throughout ( or almost throughout) his shift (NCC has made it mandatory for telcos to ensure the seats available for staff is one that can rotate and the back support is adjustable.... It is meant to reduce stress generally and esp at the spine). If you noticed, banks too makes the rotating chairs available for their staff
Imagine seating for hrs, staring at the computer (that doesn't have screen protect, and the user is not using an eye protector either) at close range, the eyes get stressed with time. Also the indivi have to lean forward towards the PC while working and will have the spine stressed. He might no feel it immediately, it is when he gets home or on his way home he feels the effect. Me for one when patronizing public transport, I will rather wait for the next turn if I get to a park and the only available seat in a bus is one without lumbar support. I only preserve if I am late for where I am going or there is scarcity of bus. The crazy thing about all this is that you don't feel it immediately, it is later you do. Seating for a long time contributes to stress accumulation, and I am sure there will be several other factors attached to it, apart from the one I highlighted.
Apologies for any typo error and my long post. I usually find it hard to keep things short and simple
Re: Fun Rendezvous by okikiosibodu(m): 11:18am On Sep 14, 2018
AfricaNigerian:
I met with one recently.
Few months ago, this particular guy sent me a request on Facebook, on checking his display picture I was scared. Why? This guy looks exactly like me talking about facial appearance, I was scared to the extent that I couldn't accept nor decline the request so I left it pending until some of my classmates told me that there's this particular guy on Facebook that looks like me and this heightened the tension in me as it is no longer me alone that feels I have a clone.
I once experienced one like that too during my secondary school days. This guy joined my school and class, when I was in SS1. My Economics teacher was the one that called my attention to it (I had not met him then), she she saw someone and was calling out my name. She got disturbed when the person didn't respond cos she know I'll never ignore her. She said it was then it dawn on her that he was my look alike. She told the guy to stand up in the class to introduce himself and the whole class was filled with giggles and side comments. Everyone couldn't belive we were different, esp from different parents and states of origin, though we were both Yorubas. I myself watched Men In Black (Will Smith) around that period and was so convinced he was my version from the future. He was a bit lanky that I was though, but more handsome. We had very similar personalities too

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