I am always having issues with my wife, she has little or no regard for me, she can shout and say anything that comes to her mind when she is angry, when she's done she walks away not providing opportunity for us to discuss it. Recently we had a disagreement she wanted the kids to stay home with me while she goes to the pharmacy shop she is learning, I told her to go with them like she has always done and I did that because her decision to go for the pharmacy I disagreed with it from the very beginning but she said she will only go when kids are in school but now she takes them with her whenever they don't go. I have always told her to get a house help that will come assist and go back home in the evening she refused, I come from work all I hear is stress this stress that, she let's out her frustration on us all, what really gets me is the things she says with so much bitterness, sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad persin. All this reoccurring issues make me feel like I have failed inspire of all the successes in my life. Pls advise

Limit talking for now and keep mute to almost everything she does....... Believe silence kills faster

When did all these behaviour start coming up

Normal women blackmail, they would claim wise and go ahead unilaterally with their decision, when it backfires, they want to drag everyone down with them.

However, "kids to stay at home with you", does that mean you are not engaged currently?

That may also be a source of disrespect, as the wife sees herself going to source for livelihood and you do nothing at home.

If otherwise and you are engaged and maybe on a break, it would be wise to firmly discuss the househelp issue with her

I have a very good job but have been on break for a couple days now, she did not go out to fend for the house but insisted she can't just sit at home with the kids(3yrs) doing nothing. Sometimes feel I should just go get another apartment and let her be but always having thinking impact on kids.

Holocene:
When did all these behaviour start coming up

A little after our marriage

That is marriage ,what you are facing is a daily occurrence for some. Is it fair? Absolutely NOT, sometimes we think we are so perfect for our spouse by being silent but silence too can make things worse in marriage.
My advice is that you call her and discuss with her concerning her walking out on discussions and shouting, that's very rude. Was there a tangible reason for you disagreeing for her to go and learn? If not retrace your steps cos she has a life too and dreams that needs fulfillment, then about her complaining,most women want to talk about all their stress during the day cos that's how we unwind, it's frustrating for men cos they ain't built that way ,but in all listen to her. They are ur children too so stay with them and stop demanding for a househelp when she obviously doesn't want one.
Lastly you are the head ,which means if ur marriage works then it's because u are a good leader, stamp ur feet and stop allowing her curse you out, not all women use ill words towards their hussy and if she refuses to stop and it's affecting ur health ignore the heck outta her, don't listen and don't talk, but eat O! Except she is ready to stop . U have not failed cos here you are trying to proffer a solution, and I hope u don't insult her too.
Stay with ur children too if she complains she is tired and u are free,that is why u are her husband.

Ask her what is frustrating her. Something is on her mind and she is not saying it. Or maybe She feels that you're not doing much at home to ease her stressl. You wife no go school she wants open pharmacy. Hmmmmmm

gare2510:
I am always having issues with my wife, she has little or no regard for me, she can shout and say anything that comes to her mind when she is angry, when she's done she walks away not providing opportunity for us to discuss it. Recently we had a disagreement she wanted the kids to stay home with me while she goes to the pharmacy shop she is learning, I told her to go with them like she has always done and I did that because her decision to go for the pharmacy I disagreed with it from the very beginning but she said she will only go when kids are in school but now she takes them with her whenever they don't go. I have always told her to get a house help that will come assist and go back home in the evening she refused, I come from work all I hear is stress this stress that, she let's out her frustration on us all, what really gets me is the things she says with so much bitterness, sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad persin. All this reoccurring issues make me feel like I have failed inspire of all the successes in my life. Pls advise

this epsitle you just wrote here, print it out and give it to her to read.

she is the one you should talk to, not us.

Your wife is struggling to cope with the children. It's as simple as that.
You may have to revisit getting a nanny or putting them in day care instead while she goes on to learn her trade.
Why should it be a problem for you to spend time with your children though? You are also obviously trying to avoid looking after the children, probably because they are a handful?
Don't you think its better for the children to be at home, instead of following their mum to a place where she is learning a trade?
I'm sure its not an exactly conducive environment for children, so when you can, stay with them.

gare2510:
I have a very good job but have been on break for a couple days now, she did not go out to fend for the house but insisted she can't just sit at home with the kids(3yrs) doing nothing. Sometimes feel I should just go get another apartment and let her be but always having thinking impact on kids.

You've been on break for a couple of days and can't baby sit your kids?

She's been taking them along to work before but just wanted you to look after them for that day, what is wrong with that? Are they not your kids?

By the way, why were you against her idea of learning a trade from the onset?

this are issues that happen in most marriages...your wife needs help,, probably she is kind of tiered and frustrated with the kids, it happen to most woman...you can at least try to help with domestic work..and most importantly just like u have sat down to write this, try discuss with her let her know how you feel about her shouting and all insult... communicate with her and most importantly pray for your home.

You don't seem supportive of her goals and aspirations and it seems she has gotten frustrated with your lack of support and is lashing out.

How can you ask her to take the kids to her work place do you take them to your own office? Are they her kids alone?


Getting a househelp who will pay?

It seems you had an agreement that she will stay home for a while then learn a trade or go back to work and now it's time you don't want to support her.

She sounds like someone tired and fed up

You both need a neutral party preferably a qualified counselor so both of you can open your mind and listen to what the other is saying and meet in the middle

This is the best time to divorce before somebody kill somebody. The stench of frustration is reeking seriously from both of you...

Eketem:
You don't seem supportive of her goals and aspirations and it seems she has gotten frustrated with your lack of support and is lashing out.

How can you ask her to take the kids to her work place do you take them to your own office? Are they her kids alone?


Getting a househelp who will pay?

It seems you had an agreement that she will stay home for a while then learn a trade or go back to work and now it's time you don't want to support her.

She sounds like someone tired and fed up

You both need a neutral party preferably a qualified counselor so both of you can open your mind and listen to what the other is saying and meet in the middle

Twice I have made attempts to get a house help through an agency but she rejected, right from day 1 I told her I don't want a sit at home wife, I used to do all the helping evening going to market after work etc but all of these were never appreciated, I still help in every way possible, but for how long should we continue like this when it can be better, I have her pharmacy as part of my plans so when you talk of support I need more insights

What more can I say, the few comments I have read are just what you need. Your wife is frustrated with the kids. The first thing that wears a woman out is parenting! Especially when she's doing it alone, you want the kids to go with her to where she's learning a trade so the whole world can know she's the real Please stop!

You intentionally wanted to 'frustrate' her and you're wondering why she's lashing at everyone in the house? Please enh I understand you also want to use this your small break to relax and take a good rest, but biko, parenting isn't for the woman alone, either reaffirm your stand about getting an extra hand or you render a helping hand.

gare2510:

Twice I have made attempts to get a house help through an agency but she rejected, right from day 1 I told her I don't want a sit at home wife, I used to do all the helping evening going to market after work etc but all of these were never appreciated, I still help in every way possible, but for how long should we continue like this when it can be better, I have her pharmacy as part of my plans so when you talk of support I need more insights

Why can you not take care of your own kids since you are home for a few days? One would think you would be looking forward to an opportunity to bond with them.

Some women have phobia for househelps because of security and other challenges, find out what she has against helps and work with her to resolve it, don't push away her concerns on this.


I think she is at that point where she feels she hasn't achieved much and she feels somehow she is not getting enough support, case in point you telling her to go to her place of work with the kids while you will be home doing nothing.


In your first post you said you didn't support her going to learn at the pharmacy so I don't understand your current claims of supporting her dreams on this.

gare2510:
I am always having issues with my wife, she has little or no regard for me, she can shout and say anything that comes to her mind when she is angry, when she's done she walks away not providing opportunity for us to discuss it. Recently we had a disagreement she wanted the kids to stay home with me while she goes to the pharmacy shop she is learning, I told her to go with them like she has always done and I did that because her decision to go for the pharmacy I disagreed with it from the very beginning but she said she will only go when kids are in school but now she takes them with her whenever they don't go. I have always told her to get a house help that will come assist and go back home in the evening she refused, I come from work all I hear is stress this stress that, she let's out her frustration on us all, what really gets me is the things she says with so much bitterness, sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad persin. All this reoccurring issues make me feel like I have failed inspire of all the successes in my life. Pls advise

You are not a supportive husband so do not expect any support in return. It is not your job to kill your wife's dreams but it is your job to look after your children.

Mindfulness:


You are not a supportive husband so do not expect any support in return. It is not your job to kill your wife's dreams but it is your job to look after your children.

Don't draw hasty conclusions, my not agreeing with the pharmacy thing had nothing to do with killing her dreams cos I brought up the pharmacy idea but timing without plan for the kids, I suggested a maid she refused but said we will manage I told her later you will feel trapped and overburdened she did not listen, now this and I am not supportive, fair enough I have gotten some great insights from what some posters have said which I will explore. Thanks all the same

gare2510:

Don't draw hasty conclusions, my not agreeing with the pharmacy thing had nothing to do with killing her dreams cos I brought up the pharmacy idea but timing without plan for the kids, I suggested a maid she refused but said we will manage I told her later you will feel trapped and overburdened she did not listen, now this and I am not supportive, fair enough I have gotten some great insights from what some posters have said which I will explore. Thanks all the same

Sigh, for women having a career and having kids is more challenging. Spousal support is important , I hope you both find a balance

gare2510:

Don't draw hasty conclusions, my not agreeing with the pharmacy thing had nothing to do with killing her dreams cos I brought up the pharmacy idea but timing without plan for the kids, I suggested a maid she refused but said we will manage I told her later you will feel trapped and overburdened she did not listen, now this and I am not supportive, fair enough I have gotten some great insights from what some posters have said which I will explore. Thanks all the same

Sorry, that's not what you said in your initial post. However, don't frustrate her because she does not want to have a maid. Just help out whenever you can. They are your kids. I don't understand why you would not want to spend time with them when you are free. And it is wrong to use your kids to pay your wife back. Kids should never be used for this purpose. It will backfire.

gare2510:

Don't draw hasty conclusions, my not agreeing with the pharmacy thing had nothing to do with killing her dreams cos I brought up the pharmacy idea but timing without plan for the kids, I suggested a maid she refused but said we will manage I told her later you will feel trapped and overburdened she did not listen, now this and I am not supportive, fair enough I have gotten some great insights from what some posters have said which I will explore. Thanks all the same

If couples can look after their kids themselves, the better. Getting reliable, safe maids in Nigeria these days is not easy especially from the different stories we hear so that may be your wife's fear.
Don't forget that a lot of female professionals in hospitals who do shift jobs like Drs, nurses, pharmacists do nights, and yet still have children. The fathers look after their children, feed them at night, bath them in the morning and sort out breakfast, and finally drop them off in school before their wives arrive from her shift work in the morning. And these women do shifts regularly. The men in question are also not layabouts and also have their own jobs, which may be more flexible or even fellow Drs or nurses too who do night shifts. They just have to make things work for the common good.

gare2510:
I am always having issues with my wife, she has little or no regard for me, she can shout and say anything that comes to her mind when she is angry, when she's done she walks away not providing opportunity for us to discuss it. Recently we had a disagreement she wanted the kids to stay home with me while she goes to the pharmacy shop she is learning, I told her to go with them like she has always done and I did that because her decision to go for the pharmacy I disagreed with it from the very beginning but she said she will only go when kids are in school but now she takes them with her whenever they don't go. I have always told her to get a house help that will come assist and go back home in the evening she refused, I come from work all I hear is stress this stress that, she let's out her frustration on us all, what really gets me is the things she says with so much bitterness, sometimes I ask myself if I am a bad persin. All this reoccurring issues make me feel like I have failed inspire of all the successes in my life. Pls advise

Your wife is abusing you emotionally. You are mandated by our ancestors to provide clear cut leadership for your family. I don't know the blueprint you adopted going into marriage but i feel clearly defined areas of leadership and fellowship or 50:50 in terms of partnership is essential and necessary in an ideal marriage settings.

You need to sit your wife down and discuss all issues holistically and let her understand her roles and act accordingly. Activate your charms and rekindle those old flames you both shared before the burden of marriage got the best of you guys. Do this for a week before the sit down.

This is your ship your creation. You must not fail in this duty cos we all in the larger society will feel the ripple effects.

No, you are not overreacting.

Thankyou all for your advice, scoldings, reassurances etc, sometimes we need to vent. At least the family forum on nairaland provides the forum without been accused of taking family matter outside. There is hope.

gare2510:
Thankyou all for your advice, scoldings, reassurances etc, sometimes we need to vent. At least the family forum on nairaland provides the forum without been accused of taking family matter outside. There is hope.

I like you, you are a listening man, it will get better. I wish she was reading this too so I could scold her for walking out on you. Issues can be resolved without rudeness

Lol marriage wahala again. I believe men should go there own way. Join the group on reddit. MGTOW. The hassle in marriage is too much. So many married folks dreaming for being single. I think we should embrace the babymama policy. Too many tales of woe

Chubhie:

Your wife is abusing you emotionally. You are mandated by our ancestors to provide clear cut leadership for your family. I don't know the blueprint you adopted going into marriage but i feel clearly defined areas of leadership and fellowship or 50:50 in terms of partnership is essential and necessary in an ideal marriage settings.

You need to sit your wife down and discuss all issues holistically and let her understand her roles and act accordingly. Activate your charms and rekindle those old flames you both shared before the burden of marriage got the best of you guys. Do this for a week before the sit down.

This is your ship your creation. You must not fail in this duty cos we all in the larger society will feel the ripple effects.

In my opinion your 1st paragraphy ill advising

Why

The guy is not supporting the wife, the wife is learning so that one day she qualify get a job and bring more income on the table, we mainly work to provide for our kids to have better future or start in their lifes

Looking after kids is nolonger s traditional role of women? The world has changed forcing women to go out and wotk like men, hubby should supoort wife by either hubby finding a maid, sending kids to after skol care or arrange a pattern that works around there kids

A maid or after skol care are expenses on their own if the hubby was bringing enough on the table, one of the two would have happened long back and they couldnt be fighting right now


Sure what time of men who let wife go with kids to work/learning place

Whether wife wants to uplift herself atlist she getting herselft educated to provide for the kids

Sometimes tradition doesnt put food on the table u need to adjust with times, all the ladies u see in streets didnt wait for traditional roles for hubby to go out and work while they just sit home doing house chores, hunger and desire for better life made them go out and put few dollars on the table

OP why do you not want to babysit and/or bond with your kids? To the extent of telling your wife to take them with her while she is going to the pharmacy. What then will you be doing with all your time off? Being a father is not just about providing materially. When the children grow up and aren’t close to you, you’ll be the first to complain.

Phut:
OP why do you not want to babysit and/or bond with your kids? To the extent of telling your wife to take them with her while she is going to the pharmacy. What then will you be doing with all your time off? Being a father is not just about providing materially. When the children grow up and aren’t close to you, you’ll be the first to complain.

So I have been doing the babysitting and even more I get to clean the house anytime I am home and the fact I am on break doesn't mean I still don't get online and work. There are days I notice she is stressed I have take the children out to give her time to relax, these are just measures that are meant to ease the burden but doesn't solve it, get a maid so some of the workload be delegated you refused. I leave the house by 6am come back by 6pm. I am not supposed to be tired too

ZIMDRILL:


In my opinion your 1st paragraphy ill advising

Why

The guy is not supporting the wife, the wife is learning so that one day she qualify get a job and bring more income on the table, we mainly work to provide for our kids to have better future or start in their lifes

Looking after kids is nolonger s traditional role of women? The world has changed forcing women to go out and wotk like men, hubby should supoort wife by either hubby finding a maid, sending kids to after skol care or arrange a pattern that works around there kids

A maid or after skol care are expenses on their own if the hubby was bringing enough on the table, one of the two would have happened long back and they couldnt be fighting right now


Sure what time of men who let wife go with kids to work/learning place

Whether wife wants to uplift herself atlist she getting herselft educated to provide for the kids

Sometimes tradition doesnt put food on the table u need to adjust with times, all the ladies u see in streets didnt wait for traditional roles for hubby to go out and work while they just sit home doing house chores, hunger and desire for better life made them go out and put few dollars on the table

By His Grace finance has never been an the issue, I am not against her self improvement plans also, get a maid, no ! (mind u I will pay o)

gare2510:


So I have been doing the babysitting and even more I get to clean the house anytime I am home and the fact I am on break doesn't mean I still don't get online and work. There are days I notice she is stressed I have take the children out to give her time to relax, these are just measures that are meant to ease the burden but doesn't solve it, get a maid so some of the workload be delegated you refused. I leave the house by 6am come back by 6pm. I am not supposed to be tired too

What exactly is her issue with the maid? That should be resolved, it is unfair to have you get home and start another brand new job.