hi guys i need yr opinion on these

there is this friend of mine who runs a business together with her husband but the whole business is in d guys name coupled with their property and even cars owned by them. the company account is also solely in the husbands name.

what advise do u think i shld give her.

Putting everything in the husband's name is very wrong and it puts the woman at her husband's mercy as well as at the mercy of the husband's family if he dies early. I can understand why the man would be comfortable with this situation - he has nothing to lose - but I can't understand while a woman will agree to it - perhaps she's misinformed?

The way my friend's parents do it is that her dad owns 50+x% of the shares in the family business and her mom owns 50-x%. So her dad owns a controlling share but her mom owns almost half of it. If her dad goes to heaven her mom automatically becomes the majority shareholder and hence owner. (So her dad's family members cannot claim ownership at all and even if they try my friend will haunt them in their dreams and tear them apart with her claws.)

thanks seun for that candid opinion. pls guys out there i still need yr views .am waiting anxiously

Totaly WRONG. And every property shouldn't be in the husband name. This is the 21st century. You should tell ur friend to open another account where she puts the money she makes. She should sign a pre-nup. Or something. She shouldnt let everything she works for be in her husband name.

Being submissive to you husband according to the 'bible'... doesn't not mean turning your self to a didirin.

yea i dont think property should be in name of the husband because since u are married marriage is a together thing.
reminds me of the day i asked my mum who owned the house shes like i do and ur dad does so marriage is not about the husband when it comes to property its a together thing

As Nigerians, we all now how in-laws can get with property once their beloved sons are dead, the wives are treated unfairly.
There was a lady that my mum knew, her husband died of an asthma attack, they took away everything from her, all because her husband had everything in his name,the house, the cars, she was thrown out and not allowed to carry anything out of the house.
I think it's highly unfair and a couple should have serious talk about issues like this.

hot-angel:

Totaly WRONG. And every property shouldn't be in the husband name. This is the 21st century. You should tell your friend to open another account where she puts the money she makes. She should sign a pre-nup. Or something. She shouldnt let everything she works for be in her husband name.

Being submissive to you husband according to the 'bible'... doesn't not mean turning your self to a didirin.

Hot A, i totally agree with u

Everything should not be in the husband's name. They could have separate accounts and joint accounts as in one for the man, one for the woman and one more for both of them so they can do what they want with their private accounts and consult each other on the joint account. _{thats what i'll do}

@Hot angel A very nice one.They shd have separate acct.
I aint gonna allow dt wit my man.

No, every property shouldnt be in the husbands name neither should it also be in the woman's name. If its something I bought with my money, it will have my name on it unless I say otherwise. If its my husbands money then it will have his name. Another thing that can be done is to have the kid's names on it. As for the bank account thing, theres nothing wrong with having a joint account, just also make sure you have seperate individual accounts. Money issues are very sensitive in marriage, you have to handle with wisdom. Sometimes my husband buys something and writes the receipt in my name. Honestly I find it hard to do the same. The other time, my mother-in-law wanted to buy IBTC shares for my daughter. My husband asked me to sign it to the bewilderment of his family. I quess its cause he trusts me, but I always wander if I can do that. I love him, thats for sure but I grew up seeing my parents do my money is my money, your money is your money and Its difficult for me to adapt.

naaaaaaaaah!!!i don't think so!!unless the man want's to play a little dirty game,.

I believe if you get married, you're both responsible for everything and since you've become one, both names should be on every property and bills reguardless of who is footing the $$$(mola). In case anything happens.......

hmmmmmmmm,maybe

if the husband put only his name in everything and not sharing with the wife- now tell me is that marriage? oh come on i thought this would vanish from da naija culture by now. a good marriage will have both names on everything even if it is only the husband working.

now i bet some men will not agree with the last statement. i lie??

Well I think the friend should discuss it w/ the husband. There should be a peaceful compromise. She must have some things in her name or both their names. She is really putting herself in dange b/c no one knows what the future shall hold.

I see that aside from Nwoke a.k.a oSeun (and later on to be known as Adamu), the admin, all the contributors to this thread are the female folks.

I will like the male folks to contribute to the thread.

@Ono
Who better than you? Let's hear your contribution.

chinani:

@Ono
Who better than you? Let's hear your contribution.

Chinani, my dear, I like watching from a distance, and then strike later on. Please pardon me. I won't contribute at this time. It's getting a bit hot in here though.

@helen123
I was just thinking: for this your friend, didnt she change her surnname after she got married?, as in why should she be referring to it as "my husbands name".

If I was the wife, my husbands name is my name!, abi

I suggest the MR Lagbaja and MRS.Somebody Lagbaja is stated clearly.If i change my name doesnt make me, him.

If it ours is most say so[b] BOLDLY[/b]

@kimba
Hmmm? Well what about when/if (GOD forbid)her husband passes away. What prevents family members or a business partner or the business financier from saying "Your Mr ---- is with GOD so I say give you ---- Naira"? And what can the woman say? She is now in the position to "accept generosity" and be a charity case. What would her husband say if he could influence this world after he passed. Remember, so much of what we do is to prepare for the future, why not this name business?

Hell no. What if he dies? What if hue's s*hit with money?
What if they divorce. Awwww helll no!"

@chinani
Methinks, ladies need y'all to do a background check to make sure the family members of your hubbies don't have business tendencies.

Seriously, but all the same, i think it depends on the amount of love between the couple. In the past, "I do" was "I do". Now, "I do" has become "I do,, if", and thats where the problem is.

In fact, in case of property ownership, usually, there is 1-owner's name penned down, and then first/2nd-of-kins statement details. I believe its wrong for a married-man to put down the name of his own brother/sister(elder/junior) as a next-of-kin if he has a wife. Its absolutely wrong.

If he states that someone else is his next-of-kin, then I rule out there is a problem in that marriage. Let them work on that marriage first before property.

My mother is the #1 next of kin to my dad, and not even his brothers/sisters can argue about that. In fact, my dad cant even think about such an idea in the first place. Thats how much i know he loves my mom.

Period.

kimba:

@chinani
Methinks, ladies need y'all to do a background check to make sure the family members of your hubbies don't have business tendencies.

Seriously, but all the same, i think it depends on the amount of love between the couple. In the past, "I do" was "I do". Now, "I do" has become "I do,, if", and thats where the problem is.

In fact, in case of property ownership, usually, there is 1-owner's name penned down, and then first/2nd-of-kins statement details. I believe its wrong for a married-man to put down the name of his own brother/sister(elder/junior) as a next-of-kin if he has a wife. Its absolutely wrong.

If he states that someone else is his next-of-kin, then I rule out there is a problem in that marriage. Let them work on that marriage first before property.

My mother is the #1 next of kin to my dad, and not even his brothers/sisters can argue about that. In fact, my dad can't even think about such an idea in the first place. Thats how much i know he loves my mom.

Period.

Chinani, I bet I can come in now, but I'll tread carefully. I fully agree with Kimba on what he's stated.

Except of course, there's more to what ye ladies want than the picture Kimba has described. In that case, let the names of the two people (husband and wifey) be on the owners box. But that'll look somewhat absurd, if you ask me. I think there must be a way round this. Still waiting for more entries from the guys.

Kimba, well said.

Such a thing can not even happen to me in the first place because I want have my own business before I get married and I aint getting married without that.(Yes! That’s a condition) That means my name will be on my thing already and you can’t tell me he will change it to his name when we get married except if he has a business to and we do a merger and of course, I won’t open my eyes and let him use only his name on the whatever merging papers.

To our Uncle, Please what's absurd about writing "Mr & Mrs Ono" or "Adam & Eve Ono" on the owner's box?

@Ono &Kimba
As IAH said, I don't think it's odd to have both spouses name on the deeds to the property/business. In fact, I thought it was common place. The thing about is, say a misfortune befalls the company/biz/property. No one will say "Mr such-and-such come bring proof/money or whatever" they will say "Mr such-and-such, you & your wife. . ." I don't know if businesses in Nigeria pay taxes as in America but in America but spouses can be jailed for evading taxes, money laundering or any other business offense even if only one partner has his/her name on the deed or is an employee. Andrew Fastow of ENRON & his wife are my prime example. (They both got prison terms.)

Furthermore, I'd like to share one of my favorite sayings. It's a Russian proverb; "I told GOD my plans. HE laughed." I think this applies in the this case b/c a man can plan for his relatives to behave in such & such a way after he dies but that does not make it so. Who among us is GOD? Who among us can control life and make it go the way it plans? No one. So we must put things in writing.

But if it as you say and the family is not unscrupulous and the man has designated the wife next in kin, then what is the problem with making it official. This reminds me of when two young people move in, have babies and then say "Why get married we know we love each other. We don't have to prove anything." Well if the the proof is no big thing then get a pen and prove it for Mummy's sake or the baby or whatever. It's a gesture. Women respond to gestures. Why do you think we like getting _dead flowers? Men seem to know what women are made of. (If you don't like it, why marry?) So often I read men write "it isn't easy oo!" but then men are hesitant to show their appreciation. Why so?

kimba:

Seriously, but all the same, i think it depends on the amount of love between the couple. In the past, "I do" was "I do". Now, "I do" has become "I do,, if", and thats where the problem is.

Good point. Very good. But problems are not solved the way they are created. That'd be too easy. For example when a child falls and scraps his knee he cries and cries and cries. The mother cleans him but he may still be crying. Now the original problem is the falling & cut but the new problem is the crying which is exacerbating the pain and holding up the household. So the mother or father kisses the knee "to make it better" and then gives the child a sweet. By solving the problem of the crying she/he has solved the problem of the fall/cut as well and all if forgotten. C'est la vie. Such is life.

IAH:

Such a thing can not even happen to me in the first place because I want have my own business before I get married and I aint getting married without that.(Yes! That’s a condition)

Good luck IAH. Grease your elbows, believe in GOD & yourself and your dreams will be realized.

@Chinani:Hi,sweetheart.
I think if they love one another then,it should be in both they're names.
And Chinani,if you were my wife this would count for you

Hello Mr. IRS. You're right: Where's the love? LOL. I'm glad you're applying this topic in the future.

isho?

@Chinani,
I know we've clashed over divorce in one thread bordering on divorce some time ago. And now this one.

Anyway, I will fall back to my original recipe for this kind of problem(s).

''Go get married and tell us how you solved this kind of problem, if it ever existed, in your home in the first place''

@IAH,
You know, I like people who aim high. My wife's just like that. But,  like your friend Chinani stated above from her Russian proverb,

"I told GOD my plans. HE laughed.",  Who among us is GOD? Who among us can control life and make it go the way it plans? No one. So we must put things in writing''

You'd agree with me that things, often times, don't go the way you want it to go. You can put in so much efforts and pressure and all that, but still have all your hope and desires dashed and replaced with something you hardly wished for. And when it comes to marriage, my dear, I'll advise that much as you aim high in that regard, it's better you come down low at times so that you can get to the top. Maybe I need to understand your aiming high properly with regards to marriage. Correct me. 

And Chinani, I think your advise applies more to IAH, than this situation. Many of the replies to this thread has been from ladies who are not married. Kiddies at best. I will not take their entries seriously.

I will rather have the views of married people, especially those with solid christian background, or people (men and women) with good christian background on this matter. I longed to read something from GL and Flower on this.

Uncle Ono is going to make me argue today, very unusual.
I asked a simple question. What's absurd about putting "Mr & Mrs Ono" on the owner's box? You say you are married. Fine! Since you consider it absurd to have the husband and wifey's name on the owner's box, I can safely assume that you have not included your wife's name on your own properties. If that is the case, I'm afraid and I'm sorry I have to say I don't envy her and I don't wish to have a husband like hers. No offence please, I'm just drawing conclusions from what you said.

ono:

@IAH,
You know, I like people who aim high. My wife's just like that. But,  like your friend Chinani stated above from her Russian proverb, [/size] You'd agree with me that things, often times, don't go the way you want it to go. You can put in so much efforts and pressure and all that, but still have all your hope and desires dashed and replaced with something you hardly wished for. And when it comes to marriage, my dear, I'll advise that much as you aim high in that regard, it's better you come down low at times so that you can get to the top. Maybe I need to understand your aiming high properly with regards to marriage. Correct me. 

Thanks for your advice. but I'm almost there. Thanks again. Actually, if you were bothering on my first post, what I really mean is that I don't want to be in a dependent/desperate state whereby I am doomed if my husband decides not to add my name to his properties. If I have my own things, then I won't suffer if anything bad happens and his family members go haywire. Do you get me?
For the "must do before marriage" part, check----> We all have our personal goals, don't we?

ono:

I will rather have the views of married people, especially those with solid christian background, or people (men and women) with good christian background on this matter. I longed to read something from GL and Flower on this.

Are you saying that all the people who have replied do not have good Christian background? Hmmm I reserve my comments.

Lastly, I should say something about your "Kiddies at best" comment. Psalms 8:2 says "From the lips of infants and children, you(God) have established strength, "

It's wrong and I can't imagine myself in such a situation.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My mom once told me the story of a relative who got married to a second wife (he'd divorced the first) and put all his property in her name, including those he owned b4 marrying her. Eventually the woman died without a child and he realized then that she willed all his property to her family, even though the man had two children with his first wife. She even willed a house in VI to their househelp (I still can't understand why she did that). It was a long legal battle but in the end they managed to work out something. The man is still living with the househelp, who is now grown and even has a child for her late husband. That's the only way he can have some claims on the house.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was shocked to hear that a woman was capable of such dishonesty. Well, marriage itself is a risk, but it's better to be married to someone who really loves you rather than someone who is out to exploit you. Plus, both parties should own the major property and/or be privy to each other's Wills.

I'm not surprised, I know Lady GL will come to the rescue and wield the magic wand and everything will be alright.

Madam, you too much. God bless.

But I didn't get that story you described up there very well.