I dated this Good looking guy and I thought I could change him
But it was the biggest mistake I've made in my life because He prefers Guys.
whenever we have sex, he will scream out a guy's name.
well I cut my losses and dumped him in the end.

Wow! that is very deep. I just have a question. How did you get him to sleep with you?

its definately impossible to change someone,think adjusting and having respect for each others preferences is better.thats y i always advocate marrying someone that u can withstand their behaviour.so y dont u people start looking for someone that can live with u not somebody u can live with uh.cheers

Caradona:

I dated this Good looking guy and I thought I could change him
But it was the biggest mistake I've made in my life because He prefers Guys.
whenever we have sex, he will scream out a guy's name.
well I cut my losses and dumped him in the end.

oh my God,did he actually confess or u r just insinuating

@ Seun001

when he asked me to use intimacy gadgets on him, I thought he was just been freaky.
Then my Older Brother who is the same age as him, said they had sex.
My Brother is not gay, he is just been freaky

not funny,i guess.

None is perfect,so definitely change is inevitable.

yeah, as long as its for my own betterment, my spouse actually changed many things bout me

Change they say is the most contant thing in life, When we talk about changing for your spouse I don't see any thing wrong with it at all, The problem I see is changing for the worst and not for the better,

Every body has a bad side and if your spouse comes in to your life and helps you change your bad parts then I think that's a positive change, But if on the other hand your spouse causes you to have negative change then that's bad,

Sometimes the problem we have is pride, there's nothing wrong with changing for your spouse, if it's a positive change.
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U have put it just as i would, nothing wrong in changing for the best, especially if its for ur man. Would do it any day any time. But hope he would do same for me?

No body changes anybody from good to bad. People would want to change for the better therefore i think some times we can change people we meet. But some times also things are taking for granted especially when the woman wants to change the man to suite her kind of man. Most times she ends up been bossy and trouble ensues thereafter.

i guess making 1 or 2 changes is not too much,so far it does not change the basic !

and i expect the same thing

Be real. I mean be natural in everythin you do. if at all it does nt do anything it commands respect.
So at any time of creating inspiration btw u & spouse she sees you as a KING of the house and can never be able to change you. well my spouse can change me if she has a right attitute while i dnt have but when i hv a right & she doest hv' she can't infect me with hers.

Follow the proceedure above nd achieve a pace of ur life,

Swaltz

I can.What's the point of being rigid since I opted for union of body ,spirit and soul with her.My personality has to change and likewise hers.Man's strength is not determine by rigidity but by wisdom to change for the better

I agree, so long as the change is not imposed as a demand, then change is definitely good. Many ppl don't like the thought of change, though. In many ways, we all like to remain in the familiar, whether good or bad. However, if we see that the change presented is for our good rather than pooping the party, then we will definitely embrace it. Would I let my spouse change me? Yeah!

As you all know that the only thing that is constant in life is Change itself.

My spouse can change me if it's going to be for my own good, but i will apprc8 it if he can take me for who iam.

Well seeing as though I don't think anything is seriously wrong with me um heck to the no I won't change to please my bf's or husband's family. I don't want a weak man whose partnership in OUR relationship is run by his family, it shows he has no spine, or guts or brain of his own. I don't mind a bit of compromise but trying to change who I am or fake it to please people no, I'd rather be disliked for what I am than loved for being what I'm not.

Let me state clearly here that nobody is perfect, as such theres bound to be grey areas in your life thats y we look for somebody to complement us. With that being said it would be a mistake to try to change somebody, it is beta to accepts the person with all their fault the way they are else na emotional wahala you give urself if u belive say u go fit change that person.

Yes the person might attempt to change for you and by doing that u put that person into alot of pressure because that change is alien and does not come naturally hence there would come a time wen the person would crumble under the pressure of changing for you and bounce back.

take heed b4 u say " U R NOT THE PERSON I MARRIED, YOU HAVE CHANGED" na lie.

This isn't about changing who you are. Some people have some criteria in what they look for in a partner. You can only change things that are possible. For example, if you are looking for an Ibo wife, you are not going to meet a Yoruba lady and ask her that you want her to change to an Ibo lady. No it doesn't work that way.

Is very simple, this is only before marriage, because after marriage na you sabi. Tell this person that there are things that you look for in a partner and that they met some of it and not all of it. Things like drinking alcohol, smoking, using drugs, going to night clubs [adult clubs:watching nude dancers], coming home late[if you are dating how would you know if the person comes home late since you don't live with the person I guess? Call them around 12am, if you hear loud music or if they don't answer something might be up]. You can even change the person's career or the kind of friends they hang out with. Just tell them that you don't like their career with good reasons. For their friends, may be they are party people, drug addicts or what ever, let the person know that their friends sucks. It is very simple, he/she change what you want or you keep it moving. There are too many fish in the ocean.

After marriage, you shouldn't be changing anything you knew prio unless is something that developed. Some people think that is not okay to change something about your partner, basically you are saying is okay to put up with all the person's shit, no good relationship require change and sacrifice if you don't know ask those that have stayed married for years not those that are on their 2nd, 3rd, 4th marriage.

If you disagree go figure.

[/#1 rule of a relationship, do not try to hide who u are. Hidding who u are won't allow the relationship last. Let the guy or the girl know your real attitude and behavior.

I am never going to hide my behavior just to please my boyfriend, never.quote]

well said jungle queen

Important questions:

Is he man enough to take me as I am?

Why does he want to change me? For his own benefit or for both of us?

Can I really change? What if I can't? What happens then?

I would let my spouse change me, for the better though, I mean why not??

I want to be a better person and I want to please him, of course I'll think of the consequences to this change, like loss of my dignity (note how it is dignity not pride!!), loss of what makes me me, , loss of my morals etc

To me, if you[i] really[/i] love someone then you shouldn't really have to try to change them.
Just love and accept them for what they are and if you don't, then find someone else.

To all those who cant be changed thats cool, i believe we all come with the good the bad & the ugly sides of us in varying degrees.

Learning to accept you're not perfect is the beginning of your being a better person.

Whats that saying again "its only those who love you that correct you"

, you do have a choice though,abi?

you dont change for your partner &tomorrow you also see something tou dont like how do you raise it?
From there on what happens to the relationship?

Sure, I'm not perfect, I have some flaws here n there and wud be more than grateful to God if I cud find someone that wud encourage me to effect the changes I so desire
Yes! Yes!! Yes!!! I would let my spouse change me if it'll mean becoming a better me.

My bad habits, yes.

If there's anything i hate the most. . .it's being toyed with or manipulated. Why would i let a women change me? This is one of the reasons i'm not so keen on marriage.

sure i would change some. We all do without realizing it. It is natural. What do you think, U live life on an island? Egocentric.

@topic i say yes!

As stated in self esteem article www.naijacoach.com
". As long as I don’t put more weight on their needs or their perception of me; as long as I don’t get caught up in feeling like I need their approval or that they shouldn’t be angry with me I can easily stay solid and true to myself, honor my truth about what I need, feel, and want." -
[url]http://naijacoach.com/2010/12/what-does-self-%E2%80%93-respect-really-mean/[/url]

From my observation (which could be inaccurate), it's usually the women who try to change their men more often than not. As soon as the dotted lines are signed, she becomes "madam".All of a sudden, she doesn't like him spending his usual hour or two during the weekends with his buddies watching the Carling cup, she doesn't like his goatee beard, she doesn't like him in the kitchen (even though he cooks better than herself), she doesn't like the idea of his younger siblings coming around without her approval, she wants to know everything about his finances and investments (but it's okay if she keeps her's on the hush hush), she hates seeing his female friends but there's nothing wrong with her seeing and keeping hers, she wants to know everything going on in the guy's head but she has an avalanche of secrets and buried skeletons the guy has virtually no idea of . . .

***and the beat goes on***

harakiri:

From my observation (which could be inaccurate), it's usually the women who try to change their men more often than not. As soon as the dotted lines are signed, she becomes "madam".All of a sudden, she doesn't like him spending his usual hour or two during the weekends with his buddies watching the Carling cup, she doesn't like his goatee beard, she doesn't like him in the kitchen (even though he cooks better than herself), she doesn't like the idea of his younger siblings coming around without her approval, she wants to know everything about his finances and investments (but it's okay if she keeps her's on the hush hush), she hates seeing his female friends but there's nothing wrong with her seeing and keeping hers, she wants to know everything going on in the guy's head but she has an avalanche of secrets and buried skeletons the guy has virtually no idea of . . .

***and the beat goes on***

i know some ladies go too far (like you have described ) but when a man becomes married, he need to understand he has responsibilities -more towards his family than his friends, Grow up and be reasonable! So you shouldn't wait for your wife to change that,

Nevertheless i dont support excessive "mother hen attitude" , esp. when you are not willing to be given the same treatment