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Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals - Family (3) - Nairaland

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Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Paye79: 7:18am On Sep 06, 2018
Well I think you are a bit self centered.
Did u agree with ur husband not to have kids for two years.
U mustn't allow such issues to test your ability to stay or not.
My dear open ur eyes. Am sure ur husband needs kids.
Do the needful. U need to grow up too. Masters and PHD isn't maturity

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Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Nobody: 7:18am On Sep 06, 2018
Hello. First of all, I blame your husband for not being able to counterbalance the relationship existing between him and yourself and that of his mum though I'm still coming back to you, woman. I also experienced same in my early days in marriage when my mum came visiting. My mum didn't even do one-quarter of what your mother inlaw did to you when my Wife began to complain. I had to calm my mum down and also told my wife to take it easy and try to study her and her character especially when it comes to preparing her meal and serving her the time she needed one, my mum loves dry fish with vegetable soup alot but my wife would always complain that she's tired of preparing her soup separately as it's stressful. On one occasion had my mum wanted to leave for Ekiti without giving us any notice the previous night . She had packed all her things without us knowing. In short, I had to play a husband with 2 wives' role in the house on several occasions otherwise, things would have gone out of control. One thing that amazes me is that no matter how old or mature our mothers could be, they still behave like babies and always see their daughter inlaws as rivals hehehe. If you leab to your wife more than you do to your mum whenever she visits, she'd complain and vice versa.

Now to you woman, you shouldn't allow your career to encroach on your marriage. Career women always find it difficult to cope with marriage. Career is an institution on its own, just like marriage is and they're both different. Many wives had resigned their appointments from their well-paying jobs in order to keep their homes, which is more important. My wife and I would go to work early momo, leaving our little girl and first born under the care of a nanny. By the time we got home, our daughter had slept off probably on empty stomach because she wouldn't eat anything until she sees us. If mama was also around, her meal would have got cold inside the cooler by the time we're home. I sat my Wife down one day and pleaded with her to resign. She was a manager in the company at such a young age while I was also on a well-paying job. After a while, she accepted and resigned. I told her I'd share my salary with her and she agreed. Now, she's a businesswoman of repute cos I compensated her well. I later resigned from my job to set up my business over a decade ago. The rest is now history and I bless God . We never took a maid. She was always there for my children whilst she was out of her employment I want you to consider this Madam. Your age too is of a great concern because after you've made all the money, I'm sure you wouldn't be glad to donate them to charity. You need to have children who will be your Joy at old age. Be that as it may, I have noticed one thing in everywoman. 99.9% of women don't like seeing their mother inlaws. If they ask their men when meeting for the first time about their mums, it's not that they like them so much but they just want to know if their mothers are still alive or not. They don't want their mother inlaws alive. There's something called the law of karma which is very stubborn. No matter how religious or fervent or nice you are, the law would definitely come for you at the nick of time. The way you treat your mother inlaw is the same way you'd be treated in your time. This law keeps raging because that's the way women have been from time immemorial. Be at peace with your mum inlaw and reconsider your stand on childbearing. Good luck to you

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Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by wizod(m): 7:22am On Sep 06, 2018
puresaint:
Been on protection at 38 for the reason you just stated up there... Hmmm.... don't go and be disturbing God later.
which protection? She's on her menopause

1 Like

Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by ikept(m): 7:23am On Sep 06, 2018
I'm still sleeping.... I'll advise u when am awake.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by thegoodone1234(m): 7:23am On Sep 06, 2018
If you love your husband pregnant for him and give him child, It will increase the love between two of you. But if you can't copy with him , look for another man you know you love.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by wizod(m): 7:24am On Sep 06, 2018
Okwesa:
Joker!

A sane 38 year old would be desperate to have a child.
she has entered menopause already. Let's not mind her

2 Likes

Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by 001bumsa: 7:28am On Sep 06, 2018
mrbyron:
Your mother in law tells you she will take your child and tell her son to chase you away if you give her a grandson. With all you education and exposure, how did you believe she can do that so easily. I just think you are generally put off with having a child and any slight deterrent will encourage you carry on.
She can do it, i am a case study. I did not know that my mother inlaw disapproved of my marriage to her son. And for eleven years she did every possible thing for me to leave my matrimonial home. She has gotten her way at long last and do you know that i can't have access to my children. Not even after I've been granted custody in court. They are using their connection and juju. Pray you don't have monsters as inlaw.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by deliveryboy: 7:30am On Sep 06, 2018
Women will steal a man's sperm and get pregnant, then start bragging about being a super woman who did everything all by herself. Guys stop allowing women steal your precious sperm, those children are yours and the decision to have them is important to you too. Be wise and avoid these dangerous female reptiles.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by qenneth: 7:47am On Sep 06, 2018
You're not yet matured to be married. You are your mother in-law's wealth, nobody will like to waste his/her wealth. When your mother in-law corrects you, you'll say that she hates you. Go ahead and do what you feel that is good....My advise to you is to listen to your husband and give maximum respect to your mother in-law.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Basseybruce: 7:51am On Sep 06, 2018
Pachesky:
Made up story as usual..but for the sake of commenting, some women need to understand that for most men their first love is their mother. You have no idea what she must have gone through for them over the years. The sacrifices, that listening ear when we fathers are not available for some reason, constant encouragement the list goes on.
Point is you cant just come in and act like spartacus with the "Kill them all" mindset.. remember she loves her son and has his best interest at heart so she will be overprotective at the initial stage. Prove to her that you also have his as well and watch her back off over time as she knows a better caretaker has emerged.
Final note, best strategy for young women in marriage is to win over your mans mother( some mamas strong ghan!!! angry )not only will he love you the more but also you have a new ally when the going gets tough..She will fight your battles for you will you the lady will hold your peace..
Pls, kindly send your mtn number to 080.636.7185.1, I need to send something to it. Though may be small.

Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Slazim: 7:54am On Sep 06, 2018
spiceadole:
The number one problem of wives is their murder-in-law...
You are not alone in this.

Naturally, women hate their sons' wives.

Just go ahead and have kids.. With your education and exposure, you should not scared of her empty threats.
That's not true my dear, I saw the relationship between my late granny (God rest her soul) and my mum, the thing was beautiful. Now my own mum and wifey do two aside sef sidelining me (I would be forming jealousy but deep down am happy they get along well). So it depends on the woman in question.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by monnex: 7:56am On Sep 06, 2018
It is very obvious you are plain stupid or carried away by career. At 38 you think pregnancy can come at a snap of your fingers. Average age for menopause for Nigerian women is 48, meaning you have a 10 yr window to get pregnant and that is if everything is OK . Even at 30 fertility rate has decreased,have u gotten pregnant in the past?, are you certain the protection u use is working or your severely depleted ability to get pregnant is fooling u, have you even thought of chromosomal abnormalities common in women who give birth at advanced age, down syndrome and the rest.When the chips are down, you may regret the time u had and never utilized. You are not ready my dear, so I advice u face your all gratifying career and allow that man you married to have a children with a more serious person. My opinion.

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Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by vicfy(m): 8:04am On Sep 06, 2018
Continue being in protection untill menopause comes knocking. Anumpam!
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by divinelove(m): 8:04am On Sep 06, 2018
Jeez at 38 you are on protection without the knowledge of your husband. woman you are selfish and should have remained unmarried.

Anuofia

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Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by frozen70(f): 8:06am On Sep 06, 2018
Well I think your mindset is playing game with you and you are the lead character

Pregnancies are easier to carry and have less risk before the age of 40yrs

If I may say, you are the one attracting all these issues to yourself

My advice, get pregnant now and let there be peace at home and in your marriage

Even if you don't trust the marriage or his family, have the child and care for the child you are a carer woman you can do it alone

You are the one to benefit from it because if the family chases you out of which I know they won't do so, go to court and the child will be given to you automatically

Remove your ego and reconcile with your mother in law, you can't be happy with the entire family if you don't make peace with her

Don't let anyone reconcile both of you, do it your self by inviting her over to your place

She is worried that her son's first marriage didn't yield any fruit and the second marriage its showing same sign. If you are the one will you be happy?

The onus lyes in your hand.
You are the one to bring happiness or sadness into your marriage

If you read very well I did not mention your husband here
I can't see where he is being faulted

So he is seating on the fence but bear in mind if it gets worst he will side his family

No man wants his mother to be insulted by his wife, most times they get confused on who to stand or support among the two females
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by 12345baba(m): 8:10am On Sep 06, 2018
the person that made up this story will thrive well in apc or pdp. lies everywhere
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Centcanada: 8:19am On Sep 06, 2018
Nothing much fellow Nairalander. Talk about happiness. Talk about your husband attitude. Believe your own mum, your home will be calm, and you will see the true love of your husband when you have a baby for him. Do not Mind your mother in-law. Some are so nagging type but don't allow it to way you down. A baby is always a blessing at home. Go ahead and have one and you will give a testimony of your happy restored home. Wish you good luck
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by wallymore(m): 8:26am On Sep 06, 2018
U are too self fish... with the level if ur education u never learn. What is the benefits of marital if u cannot get pregnant and make ur husband happy. U both make up the families not ur hubby mother. U are on drugs I think so. Better remove that family planning stuff u did to ur self and get pregnant and make the family move on... I'm sorry for u at 38years u Neva drop 1 child. I only pity the man because over 40 years he ask no issue. Think abt ur life.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by springtech(m): 8:43am On Sep 06, 2018
I would like to ask you, what exactly do you want?
Are you really into the marriage at all?
Possibly you are not keen on keeping or fighting for peace in your own home.

If you are keen on being happy in your home.
If you are keen on keeping your marriage then you will do everything within your power to make it work including winning your Mother In Law to your side, having your own child, understanding the Son-mother relationship and respecting it.

My dear, it doesnt matter what the society tells you but get this fact clear, YOU ARE NOT COMPLETE OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE.

Succcess is all encompassing, it includes business/career, spiritual, marriage, finanace, health.

And it is God's desire for you to enjoy all round success.

Peace unto you as you take steps to keep your home.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by dankol: 8:47am On Sep 06, 2018
Op.. You can't eat your cake and have it.. You fully know you are in Africa with 99.99999 percent of the people thinking the African way. Though personally, I agree with your decision not to have kids in such situation. But this came up because you and your hubby did not discuss it in details before jumping into the hot soup of marriage. Also were you not told when you marry a man, you marry every member of his family? And its only your hubby that can actually fight for you successfully against his family.. But if you take on the fight.. You can never win.. Its the African way.. Anyway.. The way I see it.. Get ready to leave that house for good.. Because if your hubby is against you.. Its a matter of time.. He will boot you out.. But like you said.. Pls don't be pregnant cos it will complicate things for you.. If there is a next time.. Before you jump into marriage.. Both if you should sit down and discuss your future.. And come to a compromise about it.. Talk and discuss every thing talkable.. Ciao
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by no1madman(m): 8:48am On Sep 06, 2018
Okwesa:
Joker!

A sane 38 year old would be desperate to have a child.
Simply put, she no get wisdom
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by madridsta007(m): 8:53am On Sep 06, 2018
Kingsmeal:

I am a 38 years old woman. I got married to my husband when I was 36. I was not really into marriage. So I was not the desperate type. Even when my family,friends,everyone was pestering me about marriage,I didn’t care cos I was happy,living my life,happy and fulfilled.

By God’s grace,I am an accomplished woman. I have a thriving career. I have a house of my own and I have a masters while I am pursuing my PHD. I gave in to marriage when I met my husband through a friend that set up the match making. My husband,let us call him John,was and still is,a real estate developer. He is a divorcee but he doesn’t have any child from his ex wife.

I grew to like him and when he proposed,I agreed to marry him. Unfortunately,I didn’t get to meet his people until our marriage ceremonies. Both of us are adults and we didn’t think it was a big deal. John is over 40 years. But soon after my wedding,my mother in-law began to show herself. It was obvious that she didn’t like me. This makes me even suspect that she was the reason behind the first marriage crashing. Even though my husband said,it crashed cos they realized that they were not compatible. They quarreled a lot until they divorced.

Well, this woman came to visit us shortly after our marriage and refused to leave even after one month. I didn’t mind but for her constant nagging. She complains that I am not a homely wife. That I love my career more than my home. She would curse me and call me names. I was horrified but I tried to keep my cool. When I told my husband,he brushed it aside and asked me to be the bigger person by ignoring the mother.

Eventually she left but anytime she calls,she insults me and says that I should be thinking of having a baby instead of focusing so much on my career. That was when I told her to mind her business and stop calling me. That didn’t go well with her and she told her son who told me I shouldn’t cut off his mom.

Well,I ignored them both until my mother in law made a statement in a text message she sent me a few months ago. After calling me useless and all sorts of name in the text,she then goes to say that if I ever have a child,she would take the child and ensure that her son drives me away. That statement made me go crazy. I called her and told her off. That caused a serious problem between me and my husband . Who as usual,instead of correcting his mom and defending me,goes the way of saying:be the bigger person….I am fed up of his behavior.

He says,in their culture,a child does not confront a parent!…I think that is BS!. His attitude is giving me serious cause of worry. Much as I would like to have a child,I have serious hesitation with bringing a child into a home like this. So,I have not been actively trying for a baby. Its been two years. Everyone is getting impatient that I am yet to be pregnant. But as for me,I am not bothered. I am not even trying to have a baby.This is not the type of home to raise a child.

My mother says I should have a child cos the child will bring peace. But with my husband’s mother’s threat,I am not so sure. Coupled with my husband’s inability to address the issue. My husband does not know that I am on protection. And I am not about to go off protection until I am sure of the situation.


But I am writing cos I need your advise.If you were in my shoes,what would you do? I would like to have a child someday cos I love children but I am not sure of the future of this marriage. Having a child in an unhappy or broken home is not my idea. My mother keeps crying every day that my ‘biological clock’ is ticking. That I am being paranoid and selfish. Of course,she is thinking of her grandchildren more than my happiness.

I am exhausted. What should I do? should I have a baby or wait?…or maybe I should even start thinking of ending this marriage?…clearly,the man I call my husband cares more about his mother than he cares about me…

More below:

https://zenithnaija.com/why-i-do-not-want-to-have-babies-after-two-years-of-marriage/


Seems a made up story. But if it’s true, I’ll want to tell you something: You are a very selfish person. You care only about yourself— it’s very obvious from the write up. Marriage does not work do selfish people.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by HeartOfGold(m): 8:55am On Sep 06, 2018
Well I think you should put aside pride,meet with her to iron out differences. In this case you will have a happy and peaceful home. This is your marriage you have to stay in it, you ain't growing younger.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by samigben(m): 9:05am On Sep 06, 2018
mrbyron:
Your mother in law tells you she will take your child and tell her son to chase you away if you give her a grandson. With all you education and exposure, how did you believe she can do that so easily. I just think you are generally put off with having a child and any slight deterrent will encourage you carry on.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Teespice(f): 9:06am On Sep 06, 2018
milemimi93:
Womb less ho
please pick a struggle.
we both know what I am talking about.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by milemimi93(m): 9:24am On Sep 06, 2018
Teespice:

please pick a struggle.
we both know what I am talking about.
I swear I don't. Would you mind telling me?
God bless you.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Optimist88(m): 10:50am On Sep 06, 2018
Do you have a mother? Is she not disturbing you to have a kid? Mothers can't bear their son's wife not having a kid...including your mother. Also, adjust your love for your career which is at the expense of your home. Have a kid for him a see the changes. Your husband is also facing the same but he seems to be a very matured man to me.
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by Damseldammie(f): 10:51am On Sep 06, 2018
" if I ever have a child,she would take the child and ensure that her son drives me away "...
Àwon olóríburúkú#iyá oko bournvita# Their types are many & the causes of incessant marriage/relationship break up ladies faces these days.
Please, I will say you should run for your dear life... So that you can live to share the story in few years to come. Wish you all the best
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by bettyLad(f): 10:55am On Sep 06, 2018
barren woman looking for excuse for her barrenness .its obvious you have medical condition hence blaming your inability to have a child on someone ..at 38 years with all your exposure and education you think sombody will take your child away from you just like that .even a mad woman will not allow anybody take away her baby . stop looking for an excuse and work on yourself
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by bettyLad(f): 11:25am On Sep 06, 2018
barren woman looking for excuse for her barrenness .its obvious you have medical condition hence blaming your inability to have a child on someone ..at 38 years with all your exposure and education you think somebody will take your child away from you just like that .even a mad woman will not allow anybody take away her baby . stop looking for an excuse and work on yourself .
nobody should quote me cos I know this story is fake and I'm talking to no one
Re: Why I Do Not Want To Have Babies After Two Years Of Marriage - Lady Reveals by mechanics(m): 11:27am On Sep 06, 2018
You have married and don't think of divorce because it's not good thing, and once you do that, it will be on record, so just pray about the issue for God's guidance.

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