A wife must be submissive yen yen...
Continue ooo...
Keep cheating on her and ordering her about. Beat her on top okay? I wonder how you comfortably eat the meals prepared by a woman you treat that way. You do realize you could die right? Have you red purple hibiscus by Chimamanda? She'll keep quiet and endure till one day she'll lose it and stab you in your sleep.

I doubt that

Most women wouldn't dare stab the man for the same reason they choose to stay in such abusive relationship - the fear of being a single (maybe jobless) mom.


They are also scared of what society will say and how they will be judged. So, they continue to endure torment instead of working away.

CheeZena:
A wife must be submissive yen yen...
Continue ooo...
Keep cheating on her and ordering her about. Beat her on top okay? I wonder how you comfortably eat the meals prepared by a woman you treat that way. You do realize you could die right? Have you red purple hibiscus by Chimamanda? She'll keep quiet and endure till one day she'll lose it and stab you in your sleep.

My sister, hope all is well?

Nobody is forcing women to stay in such marriages !
Blame it on your fellow women who refuse to be financially independent for their own good before going into marriage . Women stay in abusive marriages not because of any societal norms or stereotype but because of their financial status , they're afraid of leaving because they can't fend for themselves.

I've said it before that the reason most men marry poor women isn't because of love but because they know they can cheat ,abuse and do all shîts to a poor woman and she'll be afraid to leave because of her financial status.

Elder0001:
Nobody is forcing women to stay in such marriages !
Blame it on your fellow women who refuse to be financially independent for their own good before going into marriage .
.

Do you also agree that men should cook for themselves and clean up after themselves in marriage?

CHoccolaTE:


Do you also agree that men should cook for themselves and clean up after themselves in marriage?

How's this question in anyway related to the topic being discussed?

Elder0001:


How's this question in anyway related to the topic being discussed?

It's very related.
You said women should be independent to get married and avoid oppression, in that same marriage of independence does the man still depend in her for housework and cooking or does he start doing it on his own?

Why are you trying to deflect?

CHoccolaTE:


It's very related.
You said women should be independent to get married and avoid oppression, in that same marriage of independence does the man still depend in her for housework and cooking or does it start doing it on his own?

Why are you trying to deflect?

I don't like derailing people's threads.

Elder0001:


I don't like derailing people's threads.

OK let me quote you elsewhere in another thread to answer the question.

CHoccolaTE:


OK let me quote you elsewhere in another thread to answer the question.

Leave me alone na

Elder0001:


Leave me alone na

CHoccolaTE:


It's very related.
You said women should be independent to get married and avoid oppression, in that same marriage of independence does the man still depend in her for housework and cooking or does he start doing it on his own?

Why are you trying to deflect?

The man stops being head of the home..
Cooking and house chores become the responsibility of both partners.

Bride price seizes to exist.

Though I don't support men who treat their wives like slaves in the name of tradition and submission because their wives are housewives/jobless.

Most men who tell their wives to quit their jobs/careers to take care of kids always complain later even if they don't complain at home no matter how rich they are.

Elder0001:


The man stops being head of the home..
Cooking and house chores become the responsibility of both partners.

Bride price seizes to exist.

Though I don't support men who treat their wives like slaves in the name of tradition and submission because their wives are housewives/jobless.

Most men who tell their wives to quit their jobs/careers to take care of kids always complain later even if they don't complain at home no matter how rich they are.

The bottom line is that if women are no longer depending on men for money or provisions then no more bearing husbands name after marriage and no more waiting for wife to be cleaner and cook and even the children will have to bear both their names, hyphenated.
You see how everything changes?
The man is no longer head and cannot control the wife and since she now equally provides and does housework it would be very unfair for the kids that she carried and gave birth to to answer only the man's name.

If I say current marriage laws does not make sense anymore some people will now start jumping on my head and saying I am encouraging hoeism.

CHoccolaTE:


The bottom line is that if women are no longer depending on men for money or provisions then no more bearing husbands name after marriage and no more waiting for wife to be cleaner and cook and even the children will have to bear both their names, hyphenated.
You see how everything changes?
The man is no longer head and cannot control the wife and since she now equally provides and does housework it would be very unfair for the kids that she carried and gave birth to to answer only the man's name.

If I say current marriage laws does not make sense anymore some people will now start jumping on my head and saying I am encouraging hoeism.

Your life,your choice.

Abeg you guys should leave women alone

Any man that can not give a woman happiness or make a woman happy

Such a man should not make her sad

CheeZena:
A wife must be submissive yen yen...
Continue ooo...
Keep cheating on her and ordering her about. Beat her on top okay? I wonder how you comfortably eat the meals prepared by a woman you treat that way. You do realize you could die right? Have you red purple hibiscus by Chimamanda? She'll keep quiet and endure till one day she'll lose it and stab you in your sleep.

This above has nothing to do with submission.

A wife is to submit and her husband love.l which is just both of them putting the other first and ensuring they do all to make their partners happy.

Abusing, cheating, lying etc. is not because the woman is submissive or the man is loving.

It is a function of the character of the perpetrator and while we are at it, everyone owes themselves the duty of picking better spouses.

Whose fault if a woman picks a lying, cheating man out of the thousand suitors?

And if we assume that the man changed, what triggered the change? The first time the man cheated or hit her, why didn't she ensure he never tries it again?

When he continued, why didn't she walk out if she is not pleased with it?

We should teach women to pick good husbands and be good wives themselves.

bukatyne:


This above has nothing to do with submission.

A wife is to submit and her husband love.l which is just both of them putting the other first and ensuring they do all to make their partners happy.

Abusing, cheating, lying etc. is not because the woman is submissive or the man is loving.

It is a function of the character of the perpetrator and while we are at it, everyone owes themselves the duty of picking better spouses.

Whose fault if a woman picks a lying, cheating man out of the thousand suitors?

And if we assume that the man changed, what triggered the change? The first time the man cheated or hit her, why didn't she ensure he never tries it again?

When he continued, why didn't she walk out if she is not pleased with it?

We should teach women to pick good husbands and be good wives themselves.

You have two mouths.

You'll contradict yourself more than once in a single post.

If a woman's financial independence was the solution to escaping an abusive husband, most women would be living abuse-free. Unmarried Ladies, don't go and marry an abuser because you have a job. An abuser abuses, regardless of how much you bring in. How many Naija wives are jobless? I do not know of one single abused Naija woman that is unemployed. The ones I have seen were all gainfully employed.

Focus on choosing to marry a non-abuser and do the maths before going into marriage.

@Topic

I doubt submissiveness is dangerous, choosing to marry an incompatible partner is. Submissiveness has become an anthem, maka why? Real men don't shout submission, they don't even mention it. Marriage is a partnership, not slave/master relationship. If the submission song is constantly being played, the marriage has bigger problems. If the husband is cheating and beating his wife, what is she doing about it? Women that claim submission as an excuse to tolerate and accommodate abuse are either intentionally or unwittingly deceiving themselves.

These days, a lot of people just marry who is available and resort to shouting submission (for or against) when problems come up. Who gives a rat's ass about submission? The domineering and controlling species, that's whom! This is not the animal kingdom!

At the very minimum, marry someone that "likes you a lotttttttttttt" let's even put aside the word "love." Someone that would choose you before his/her best buddy. If you're not his/her ride or die, the foundation is already crooked.

Some marriages are wallowing in bad decisions and suffering because of one domineering partner that is being enabled by a wife who thinks not having an opinion is being submissive when it's in fact harming the family. A woman in a marriage with insufficient income sits down and doesn't do anything because her husband says she must not work. That is not submissiveness, it is foolishness. Marriage was not designed to make a woman lose her senses and excuse bad behaviour in the name of submissiveness.

Elder0001:
Nobody is forcing women to stay in such marriages !
Blame it on your fellow women who refuse to be financially independent for their own good before going into marriage . Women stay in abusive marriages not because of any societal norms or stereotype but because of their financial status , they're afraid of leaving because they can't fend for themselves.

I've said it before that the reason most men marry poor women isn't because of love but because they know they can cheat ,abuse and do all shîts to a poor woman and she'll be afraid to leave because of her financial status.

Resist the urge to rationalise it. No human, not even animals or trees deserves such.

Our women are not happy with the men. Most of these injustices again the feminine were carry over from our ancestors. It's difficult being a woman so don't add salt to their injuries.

As an old man, I will share a secret with you. Do you know that how you treat your nanny, workers and that sweet naive girl next door who you took advantage off knowing she can't refuse you have ripple effect on the collective?

If today, the feminine succeeds in upstaging the natural order of the masculine not for balance and respect but for revenge, It would be brutal and yet poetic justice.

May yours truly and his seeds be exempted from that madness. Amin.

CHoccolaTE:


Do you also agree that men should cook for themselves and clean up after themselves in marriage?

If only men knew what they're missing out by not learning how to cook.

How would a human being not know that keeping his personal space clean is his responsibility?

According to Gusteau, Anyone can cook.

I will tell you this...the thing called marriage has tired me no be small

I hope you're alright OP. It is well.

Chubhie:

Resist the urge to rationalise it. No human, not even animals or trees deserves such.

Our women are not happy with the men. Most of these injustices again the feminine were carry over from our ancestors. It's difficult being a woman so don't add salt to their injuries.

As an old man, I will share a secret with you. Do you know that how you treat your nanny, workers and that sweet naive girl next door who you took advantage off knowing she can't refuse you have ripple effect on the collective?

If today, the feminine succeeds in upstaging the natural order of the masculine not for balance and respect but for revenge, It would be brutal and yet poetic justice.

May yours truly and his seeds be exempted from that madness. Amin.

What's this? My post didn't anyway add any salt to whatever.
It's the painful truth.

MMotimo:
If a woman's financial independence was the solution to escaping an abusive husband, most women would be living abuse-free. Unmarried Ladies, don't go and marry an abuser because you have a job. An abuser abuses, regardless of how much you bring in. How many Naija wives are jobless? I do not know of one single abused Naija woman that is unemployed. The ones I have seen were all gainfully employed.

Focus on choosing to marry a non-abuser and do the maths before going into marriage.

@Topic

I doubt submissiveness is dangerous, choosing to marry an incompatible partner is. Submissiveness has become an anthem, maka why? Real men don't shout submission, they don't even mention it. Marriage is a partnership, not slave/master relationship. If the submission song is constantly being played, the marriage has bigger problems. If the husband is cheating and beating his wife, what is she doing about it? Women that claim submission as an excuse to tolerate and accommodate abuse are either intentionally or unwittingly deceiving themselves.

These days, a lot of people just marry who is available and resort to shouting submission (for or against) when problems come up. Who gives a rat's ass about submission? The domineering and controlling species, that's whom! This is not the animal kingdom!

At the very minimum, marry someone that "likes you a lotttttttttttt" let's even put aside the word "love." Someone that would choose you before his/her best buddy. If you're not his/her ride or die, the foundation is already crooked.

Some marriages are wallowing in bad decisions and suffering because of one domineering partner that is being enabled by a wife who thinks not having an opinion is being submissive when it's in fact harming the family. A woman in a marriage with insufficient income sits down and doesn't do anything because her husband says she must not work. That is not submissiveness, it is foolishness. Marriage was not designed to make a woman lose her senses and excuse bad behaviour in the name of submissiveness.

You've spoken the truth but the reality isn't about whether you have a job or not.

Being independent is it. That a woman has a job doesn't necessarily mean she's independent.

If you depend on a man for everything or you're jobless that's what gives him more ego to assault , cheat on you , won't cook , won't clean and all sorts of shît because he knows you'll be scared to leave.

Why do you think men are scared of feminists ? Because they know an independent woman who doesn't depend on them ,share bills and doesn't subscribe to their submission bullshît will leave if they try such nonsense.


That's why we should all be feminists.

Elder0001:


You have two mouths.

You'll contradict yourself more than once in a single post.

Can you point out the contradiction?

bukatyne:


Can you point out the contradiction?

What exactly is your stance? That women should submit while men give just 'love' ? Do men also don't want to be loved ?
Or both partners should practice a reciprocal submission?
Or submission shouldn't be in the equation at all?

First of all ,are you a Christian? If you're, then there's no need to debate with you because Christianity,islam and all major religions don't mean well for women.

sisisioge:
I will tell you this...the thing called marriage has tired me no be small

I hope you're alright OP. It is well.

Sisi,

Kindly let me in on what your idea is of a successful or happy marriage.

Is it achievable in our times?

And how do you advise that present day couples achieve it?

Thanks in advance.

Elder0001:


What exactly is your stance? That women should submit while men give just 'love' ? Do men also don't want to be loved ?
Or both partners should practice a reciprocal submission?
Or submission shouldn't be in the equation at all?

First of all ,are you a Christian? If you're, then there's no need to debate with you because Christianity,islam and all major religions don't mean well for women.

What do you mean by 'just love'?

Do you know what it means to truly love someone and put the person first in everything?

My post is very clear.

Men are to love their wives, wives are to submit which really is same thing.

Yes women would still love their husbands and men respect their wives.

And like Mmotimo said, in a sane marriage, people don't go about harping on submission and love. They both put each other first and let things flow.

Like she also said, enduring abuse and adultery is just that: enduring.

It has nothing to do with submission neither does it have to do with financial power. I have seen women abused by husbands they are feeding; I have seen housewives treated like eggs.

Women should learn to pick good men.

CHoccolaTE:


The bottom line is that if women are no longer depending on men for money or provisions then no more bearing husbands name after marriage and no more waiting for wife to be cleaner and cook and even the children will have to bear both their names, hyphenated.
You see how everything changes?
The man is no longer head and cannot control the wife and since she now equally provides and does housework it would be very unfair for the kids that she carried and gave birth to to answer only the man's name.

If I say current marriage laws does not make sense anymore some people will now start jumping on my head and saying I am encouraging hoeism.

The only thing you are proposing is CHAOS.

Chubhie:

Resist the urge to rationalise it. No human, not even animals or trees deserves such.

Our women are not happy with the men. Most of these injustices again the feminine were carry over from our ancestors. It's difficult being a woman so don't add salt to their injuries.

As an old man, I will share a secret with you. Do you know that how you treat your nanny, workers and that sweet naive girl next door who you took advantage off knowing she can't refuse you have ripple effect on the collective?

If today, the feminine succeeds in upstaging the natural order of the masculine not for balance and respect but for revenge, It would be brutal and yet poetic justice.

May yours truly and his seeds be exempted from that madness. Amin.

Wow, you're a man?
This is nice.

Let's all treat each other decently regardless of gender. No need to run women down or oppress them because your religion told them to submit in marriage.
I agree.

bukatyne:


What do you mean by 'just love'?

Do you know what it means to truly love someone and put the person first in everything?

My post is very clear.

Men are to love their wives, wives are to submit which really is same thing.

Yes women would still love their husbands and men respect their wives.

And like Mmotimo said, in a sane marriage, people don't go about harping on submission and love. They both put each other first and let things flow.

Like she also said, enduring abuse and adultery is just that: enduring.

It has nothing to do with submission neither does it have to do with financial power. I have seen women abused by husbands they are feeding; I have seen housewives treated like eggs.

Women should learn to pick good men.

Because "I am bad" and "I am good" is written in the foreheads of men ,right ?
Btw you didn't answer my question, do men also don't want to be loved ?

Your answer shows you're a Christian and I deeply regret replying you in the first place.
You speak with little realistic points.
Bukatyne please pass.

MilitaryInvade:


Sisi,

Kindly let me in on what your idea is of a successful or happy marriage.

Is it achievable in our times?

And how do you advise that present day couples achieve it?

Thanks in advance.

Hmmmm...it is well.

I think a good marriage is a Union of two who perfectly understand the importance of respect, team spirit , peace, family, fairness and the little things that make the other happy. This is tough but quite simple...just get a good person that shares almost the same views about everything with you.

I think couples should learn to respect, be fair and be each other' peace.

Now who made me a marriage expert? I just want peace in my life biko

CHoccolaTE:


Wow, you're a man?
This is nice.

Let's all treat each other decently regardless of gender. No need to run women down or oppress them because your religion told them to submit in marriage.
I agree.

Iam an old man. I agree that tradition and religion were tools used by men to keep our women down. Religion and tradition are currently imploding as the feminine awakes to her true powers.