yea well i kinda cosign some of wat David here had said, plus i think your feeling a bit unsafe cos hes prolly a nigerian, and 2 he treats you in a whole different way, well our ladies round here dont appreciate that tho.

davidylan:

I dont like this post The guy sounds too much like me!

Well ma'am, your basic prob is simple - many of you american women (especially the black ones) are NOT used to men who treat you like a woman, who doesnt yell at you, has a good job, a sense of responsibility and isnt looking to leech off you. This is a new experience for you, for once you're with a man who isnt all about sex, sagging his pants, cursing and having issues with the police or 20 kids by 16 baby mamas.

The problem isnt that this guy is too perfect or may be a scammer, its just that you have a warped idea of what men are based on your culture.

By the way the david here is NOT me.

well said brov

For once I was beginning to think our very own david had finally found the bone of his bone.

Travelista:

His citizenship isn't important in the way you think; it's an issue of whether he's telling the truth. If he starts out the relationship with a lie, then he has to continue to support the previous fib. The main thing is that he's a man she met on Craigslist and (unfortunately) Nigerian men have a bad rep in this country; it's a shame but it is what it is. She has to protect herself and I suggested googling the guy but PinkRiver says she's tried to no avail. I really wish some of you men would stop being so sensitive and be rational. She's met a man on a portal that has been the stomping ground of men looking to kill women; I'm going to be worried whether the man is Nigerian, Apache, German or from the lost city of Atlantis. It's the decent thing to do, so stop acting as if you've been personally slapped and give the girl some useful advice. Damn!  

lol maybe in your own neck of the woods. Where i lived for 5 yrs we were the toast of the town.

pinkriver is going to lose this man . . . all he's done is be good to her and suddenly we're here speculating about his motives, citizenship etc. A relationship is supposed to be built on trust . . . is this how pinkriver starts to build hers? How can you look this man in the eyes knowing that behind him all you do is fret about whether he is a criminal?

What's this nonsense about finding him on craigslist being a problem? Wasnt Philip Markoff (WHITE, son of a doctor, wealthy medical student) from craigslist too? Would pinkriver be equally as apprehensive if she had met a white doctor from craigslist?

Please spare us this nonsense and let a better woman have this man.

I am not a US citizen (only dense people think such a thing can be proven by a google search) but i live here legally, work a job many including pinkriver can only dream of . . . and have a wonderful gf to boot. I'm glad she doesnt go around crying about trying to prove my status on google.

davidylan:

lol maybe in your own neck of the woods. Where i lived for 5 yrs we were the toast of the town.

pinkriver is going to lose this man . . . all he's done is be good to her and suddenly we're here speculating about his motives, citizenship etc. A relationship is supposed to be built on trust . . . is this how pinkriver starts to build hers? How can you look this man in the eyes knowing that behind him all you do is fret about whether he is a criminal?

What's this nonsense about finding him on craigslist being a problem? Wasnt Philip Markoff (WHITE, son of a doctor, wealthy medical student) from craigslist too? Would pinkriver be equally as apprehensive if she had met a white doctor from craigslist?

Please spare us this nonsense and let a better woman have this man.

I am not a US citizen (only dense people think such a thing can be proven by a google search) but i live here legally, work a job many including pinkriver can only dream of . . . and have a wonderful gf to boot. I'm glad she doesnt go around crying about trying to prove my status on google.

about the Google search move, too much Hollywood you know. . .

I recently tried something new, by posting a personal ad on craigslist looking for a "new friend". I wrote that I wanted to meet someone who was educated, a gentleman, and looking to meet someone new as well (with the intentions of our friendship growing into a romantic relationship). A man, lets call him David, responded. We emailed back and fourth maybe twice before he asked for my phone number. We talked on the phone for a short while and then David asked if I would like to meet him for a drink. Since he doesn't drink alcohol, this "drink" literally meant sodas. It seemed like an awkward first date, sitting in the restaurant drinking soda, but we sat and talked for hours. I learned that he was born in America (so he is a citizen), but raised in Nigeria, and moved back to the states for school (and plans to stay here).

He asked me out on another date and the following Saturday we had lunch. We spent a few hours just talking. We have great conversation! We did kiss and was pretty aggressive, but backed off when I told him I didn't want to take it "there". On our next date, I went to his house to watch movies and have dinner, but we didn't do either. After ten minutes of being in the door, he said that he wanted us to continue to get to know each other, but he wanted me to be his. In other words, after only 3 dates, he wanted us to be in a relationship. After some reassurance, I said yes. We talked for hours and kissed for what seemed like hours.

My fear is, this man seems too good to be true and I am scared. He is 29 and I am 27. He says he is in grad school.  He says he he really cares for me and his actions show that he does. He is a true gentleman, loving, and very affectionate. He is also very passionate. He always seems to want to make sure I am okay or taken care of. I have yet to have to ask him to do anything for me, he seems to always anticipate my needs and desires and I try to do the same for him. We seem to believe in the traditional roles of a man and a woman, although we are both very modern in some ways too, maybe me a little more than him.

But I've never had a man who was so, well perfect. He says that he has flaws too, and I know he does, but my real concern is that this is some sort of scam. Do Nigerian men (He is from the Yuroba tribe) like black american women? Enough to want a serious relationship and maybe marriage? Do you think this is some sort of scam? How do I know that he isn't just saying he is a citizen? Will his family accept me? Are there things I should know about the Yuroba men and their beliefs? I really care for him and want to be a good girlfriend for him and maybe even a good wife,, I just don't want to fall for this man only to have my heart hurt. He is the first African man I've ever dated. I usually date black American men. Any advice, personal experience, or comments would be helpful.

My advice

I. Tell a close friend/friends about him and get him to meet them

2.Tell him you would like to meet his friends

3.Do some research,he says he's a student,confirm that
a.what school
b.course of study
c.go the website of that school and confirm that they do offer that course of study

4.as time goes on invite him to a family function


People can't pretend for too long.
Be very very observant ,not just with this man but with every other no matter where they come from.
In a few short weeks his real character will either emerge or you confirm that he is as sweet as you described.
You will get to see his temperaments,his values etc and decide for yourself if the relationship is worth pursuing.

I am a Nigerian woman
Nigerian men are no different from other men when it comes to matters of the heart.
If this man were abroad ,I would ask you to take his words with a pinch of salt,the same if he were illegal,desperate for a green card but he's neither.
Treat him like you'll treat any man you fell in love with
Get to know him and know him well
and if this doesn't work out,I assure you it has nothing to do with his Nigerian origin
You've dated AA men and it didn't work out too,such is life.
I wish you well.

Travelista:

His citizenship isn't important in the way you think; it's an issue of whether he's telling the truth. If he starts out the relationship with a lie, then he has to continue to support the previous fib. The main thing is that he's a man she met on Craigslist and (unfortunately) Nigerian men have a bad rep in this country; it's a shame but it is what it is. She has to protect herself and I suggested googling the guy but PinkRiver says she's tried to no avail. I really wish some of you men would stop being so sensitive and be rational. She's met a man on a portal that has been the stomping ground of men looking to kill women; I'm going to be worried whether the man is Nigerian, Apache, German or from the lost city of Atlantis. It's the decent thing to do, so stop acting as if you've been personally slapped and give the girl some useful advice. Damn! 

Can you sharap!
She's been to the mans house already
Does the poster sound like she's retarded?
If this man turned around to ask her to marry him and file for a green card do you think she won't remember the conversation that he claimed to be a citizen?
If he were a serial killer , do you think she would be alive to start this thread?
what a saddist
A woman is in love,asking for advice and you  are talking nonsense
You should be asking her how to place your own ad

poster how can you be scared of meeting someone on craigslist when you placed the original AD home boy should be scaredfor his safety because two dates and you already acting weird. Nigerians are not all bad there are nigerian men who treat their women and people around them very well and just like any other man from any other country in this world nigeria too has shady people.

omega25red:

poster how can you be scared of meeting someone on craigslist when you placed the original AD home boy should be scaredfor his safety because two dates and you already acting weird. Nigerians are not all bad there are nigerian men who treat their women and people around them very well and just like any other man from any other country in this world nigeria too has shady people.

I tire for am. Did she place the ad hoping no one would respond?

her main fear is that the man is Nigerian

eiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii eferybody oya sharappppppppppppppppppp 0hisi has said it all. . . . . i like that, the only part i wouldn't agree with you ohisi is the Nigerian men and foreign men having the same heart for love. . . . .that one na lie because, a Iranian would blow up his wife and children all in the name of love and making heaven but a Nigerian man would dupe his wife's father to send the kids to school. . . . now thats love in different colors. . .

People WTF is wrong with some of you?!?! Did you not read my original post!?!?!? I care for this man and I WANT him to care for me, I just don't want to look back and say that I was stupid because I fell for something that honestly seems too good to be true. Only time will show that he is the man he says he is AND the man that I believe and want him to be. However, I also recognize that if I were giving one of my friends advice, I would tell her to slow down.

@Ohsisi, THANK YOU! I felt like you and the first two posters were the only ones who attempted to understand where I was coming from. The fact that I am a woman and that I have to look out for my safety is my upmost concern. And I would say that whether he was WHITE BLACK OR whatever. I have fallen for him hard and fast and I was only looking for advice because I know my judgement is cloudy BECAUSE I AM ON CLOUD NINE. I've only known him for a WEEK. Why don't people get that I am scared NOT BECAUSE HE IS NIGERIAN but because he is a man that I know little about (which includes his culture).

I really hope some of you learn how to be more considerate and thoughtful of what people are trying to say. I am not stupid enough to think all nigerians are this way or that just as not all americans are this way or that. Some of you talk about americans in the same way you say we shouldn't talk about you. If I hated Nigerians the way some of you say I do, then why would I have fallen for him!?!?

If everything this man is saying and doing holds true I hope to be with him for as long as he will have me.

follow your heart if you dont wanna be lead astray and that includes being careful too follow ohsisi wit the friends thingy. . . try to know who he rolls with, try to find out how true his school stuff is and i do not mean by using google but by going wit him to school just dont let him catch u doin this cos if he does. . . . u guys are prolly done

davidylan:

lol maybe in your own neck of the woods. Where i lived for 5 yrs we were the toast of the town.

pinkriver is going to lose this man . . . all he's done is be good to her and suddenly we're here speculating about his motives, citizenship etc. A relationship is supposed to be built on trust . . . is this how pinkriver starts to build hers? How can you look this man in the eyes knowing that behind him all you do is fret about whether he is a criminal?

What's this nonsense about finding him on craigslist being a problem? Wasnt Philip Markoff (WHITE, son of a doctor, wealthy medical student) from craigslist too? Would pinkriver be equally as apprehensive if she had met a white doctor from craigslist?

Please spare us this nonsense and let a better woman have this man.

I am not a US citizen (only dense people think such a thing can be proven by a google search) but i live here legally, work a job many including pinkriver can only dream of . . . and have a wonderful gf to boot. I'm glad she doesnt go around crying about trying to prove my status on google.

I'm really tired of your undue aggression. I was concerned about her meeting a man off of CL and possibly rushing in to things; how you and everyone else thought it was an issue of 'Oh, here comes the big, scheming Nigerian!', I have no idea. Whether you were the toast of town or the runt of the litter in your little hamlet is not my concern; I stated my piece and gave her the advice she requested. Why the need for abuse? A lot of you are upset about the rep Nigerians have and that's understandable but stop wearing your hearts on your sleeve; PinkRiver should have been just as apprehensive if the man were White (or Apache, German, etc as I stated in a previous post).

Speaking of being dense, you always twist words around. Where did I say you could use google to ascertain citizenship? I swear, what's wrong with you? This isn't the first time you've tried to put words in my mouth and you need to stop. You're smarter than this, so I'm confused as to why you insist on being such a douche. If you see 'Travelista' anywhere on a page, please skip over to the next posting. You've yet to be positive towards me, so why waste your energy on negativity?

Ohsisi, how you go from this:

0hsisi:

My advice

I. Tell a close friend/friends about him and get him to meet them

2.Tell him you would like to meet his friends

3.Do some research,he says he's a student,confirm that
a.what school
b.course of study
c.go the website of that school and confirm that they do offer that course of study

4.as time goes on invite him to a family function


People can't pretend for too long.
Be very very observant ,not just with this man but with every other no matter where they come from.
In a few short weeks his real character will either emerge or you confirm that he is as sweet as you described.
You will get to see his temperaments,his values etc and decide for yourself if the relationship is worth pursuing.

I am a Nigerian woman
Nigerian men are no different from other men when it comes to matters of the heart.
If this man were abroad ,I would ask you to take his words with a pinch of salt,the same if he were illegal,desperate for a green card but he's neither.
Treat him like you'll treat any man you fell in love with
Get to know him and know him well
and if this doesn't work out,I assure you it has nothing to do with his Nigerian origin
You've dated AA men and it didn't work out too,such is life.
I wish you well.

to this:

0hsisi:

Can you sharap!
She's been to the mans house already
Does the poster sound like she's retarded?
If this man turned around to ask her to marry him and file for a green card do you think she won't remember the conversation that he claimed to be a citizen?
If he were a serial killer , do you think she would be alive to start this thread?
what a saddist
A woman is in love,asking for advice and you  are talking nonsense
You should be asking her how to place your own ad

goodness knows. For a 'Christian', you're deceitfully hostile. What's really good? She's in love/lust, asked a question and I answered with advice. It isn't up to you or me to ascertain if the advice is useful or 'nonsense'; PinkRiver has to be the judge of that. Besides, there are parts of this saga that we don't know and we can't say for sure but from the fragments she's provided, I said she should tread with caution. Now, I'm being attacked? To be fair, the OP sounds like she's in a position to find love wherever it presents itself and to me, that's great but there are unscrupulous people that would love to take advantage of someone like that. It doesn't mean that she's about to be conned because the man's Naija; that would be a silly assumption but she should be careful and get to know the man with her head AND heart.

As for me posting on CL, thanks but no thanks! I'm nervous about PinkRiver (a girl I don't know from a sack of beans) being hurt through the medium and you think I'd venture to use the site? Where do they do that at? You people kill me when you're in attack mode. Seriously, put down you dagger and chill out, Ma. I'm getting married to a *gasp* Nigerian in a few months, so I'm straight when it comes to finding a man that's worth more than his weight in gold. So, thanks for your half-hearted concern.

@PinkRiver: Good luck. I hope you realize that we Nigerians (yes, I'm also Nigerian even though I don't go out of my way to sugarcoat turds for outside consumption) are just like everyone else meaning we have the good, the bad and the wretchedly ugly in our midst but so does every other nationality/ethnicity. I mentioned earlier that David may truly be genuine and looking to settle down but please be careful and take your time. Get to know him and his culture and share yours; many are right about good Nigerian men: they are NOTHING like anything you have experienced up until this point. Approach this like you would every other relationship with an open heart and a shrewd eye. I really wish you the best. *hug*

davidylan:

I dont like this post The guy sounds too much like me!

Well ma'am, your basic prob is simple - many of you american women (especially the black ones) are NOT used to men who treat you like a woman, who doesnt yell at you, has a good job, a sense of responsibility and isnt looking to leech off you. This is a new experience for you, for once you're with a man who isnt all about sex, sagging his pants, cursing and having issues with the police or 20 kids by 16 baby mamas.

The problem isnt that this guy is too perfect or may be a scammer, its just that you have a warped idea of what men are based on your culture.

By the way the david here is NOT me.

Well said. The women here have some major issues when it comes to men. And the men are just as messed up as the women.

poster research this man its your responsibility to take care of yourself.you owe that to you i am infact happy that you are not carried away by emotions even if you were in naija it would still be wise to check out any man you want to be with.My advice would be just try to snoop around pips are going to blast you on trust,building a rship and bla bla bla but like i said check him out real good so u can get some piece.

She isn’t accusing Nigerian men of being bad men, she’s just asking for advice and it just so happens that the man she is currently seeing is Nigerian thus she would like to know a bit about Nigerian men in general, she asked if we thought this was some sort of scam, she would have asked the same questions if the man was from another country.

She’s just concerned, she isn’t accusing Nigerian men of being scammers, though I wouldn’t blame her if she was, like someone pointed out already, our reputation precedes us, I’m assuming she’s actually asking such questions based on having met him online, just because she was the one that first posted the ad does not mean she can’t be concerned.

Perhaps she’d had a past relationship in which the man was also ‘too good to be true’ at the beginning but turned out nasty in the end, even if that’s not the case, she’s only looking out for her wellbeing, she isn’t comparing AA men to Nigerian men, she isn't saying Nigerian men are bad, she isn’t saying AA men are better, she isn’t saying AA men don’t have their flaws, she’s just asking for advice on a Nigerian man whom she stated she's never dated let alone an African.

0hsisi:

Can you sharap!
She's been to the mans house already
Does the poster sound like she's retarded?
If this man turned around to ask her to marry him and file for a green card do you think she won't remember the conversation that he claimed to be a citizen?
If he were a serial killer , do you think she would be alive to start this thread?
what a saddist
A woman is in love,asking for advice and you  are talking nonsense
You should be asking her how to place your own ad

Him having not killed her ‘yet’ does not guarantee that he isn’t a serial killer, I am in no way saying he is, I was just shocked at such a statement.

@ Ibkaye, you took the words right out of my mouth! You said exactly what I was feeling, but I think it better having come from someone other than me since clearly some of the posters here don't understand my reasoning behind some of my thoughts/concerns/questions. Finally some peace. I was beginning to regret posting in the first place. 

@Travelista, I totally got what you were saying about craigslist and I agree with you so despite some of the negative reactions you received, I appreacite that you gave me your honest opinion. Any sensible person would understand that meeting a new man could be potentially unsafe, but meeting a new man on CL could be even more hazardous. I posted on CL because I was taking a chance and with any chance there is some risk involved. So far, my "risk" is paying off in the way of a really good man. Thank you for the virtual hug, I needed that 

@Everyone else, (well almost everyone) thanks for the advice and insight. As an update, I spent more time with David and we had a long talk about a lot of things: how we met online vs a typical setting, his culture, some of the differences and similarities between the US and Nigeria, about me thinking he was too perfect and so much more. Needless to say I feel much better. He UNDERSTOOD why I would feel uneasy about some things. More importantly, he showed me how patient and considerate he could be by taking the time to listen without being defensive or jumping to conclusions. I am still going to keep my eyes open (I don't want to be a dumb girl in love/lust who is blind to the important stuff) but, I really think this is the start of something wonderful. I am excited about what the future may hold for us! Wish us blessings in our budding romance!

(@¿@) huh!

RUN for your life!!!

pinkriver:

@ Ibkaye, you took the words right out of my mouth! You said exactly what I was feeling, but I think it better having come from someone other than me since clearly some of the posters here don't understand my reasoning behind some of my thoughts/concerns/questions. Finally some peace. I was beginning to regret posting in the first place. 

@Travelista, I totally got what you were saying about craigslist and I agree with you so despite some of the negative reactions you received, I appreacite that you gave me your honest opinion. Any sensible person would understand that meeting a new man could be potentially unsafe, but meeting a new man on CL could be even more hazardous. I posted on CL because I was taking a chance and with any chance there is some risk involved. So far, my "risk" is paying off in the way of a really good man. Thank you for the virtual hug, I needed that 

@Everyone else, (well almost everyone) thanks for the advice and insight. As an update, I spent more time with David and we had a long talk about a lot of things: how we met online vs a typical setting, his culture, some of the differences and similarities between the US and Nigeria, about me thinking he was too perfect and so much more. Needless to say I feel much better. He UNDERSTOOD why I would feel uneasy about some things. More importantly, he showed me how patient and considerate he could be by taking the time to listen without being defensive or jumping to conclusions. I am still going to keep my eyes open (I don't want to be a dumb girl in love/lust who is blind to the important stuff) but, I really think this is the start of something wonderful. I am excited about what the future may hold for us! Wish us blessings in our budding romance!

I wish you both all the best

@Pinkriver - You must come back and update us again in 4-6 months time. You can't just start something this interesting and then vanish o.

Wish you well.

@Omo-fat, since u even proud to use d weight of ur body as a username here show ur obesity is an extraordinary, i'm sure u'll be proud to consume 6folks meal at once wit dat phat belly (no offense)

@Omo I will keep you posted!!! Hopefully it will be good news 

D way blk ppl reason will always different from white dats y some niggas prefer being wit white ladies than their black ladies wit d way they reason or act sometimes turn u off about ur race.

if it seems to good to be true it probably is. Just wait a few months to see the real him then decide. Its always sweet in the 'honeymoon' period. So wait, keep your wits about you and your eyes open.

@Poster:

Find out if he's of the Ibo tribe. If he is. . . .Well, sorry to tell u homegal, but u gonna be replacing the turkey for Thanksgiving. . . . .

@ bk.babe he is from the Yuroba tribe. I am not familar with the various tribes?!? I would be interested in learning what you might know.

pinkriver:

@ bk.babe he is from the Yuroba tribe. I am not familar with the various tribes?!? I would be interested in learning what you might know.

Then u good! Nah, even the Ibo dudes is cool peoples, I just like yanking they chains on this site! Well, I'll say every human is unique. No two humans act the same. Cultural differences will occur! I've known Nigerians all my life and they seem like every other person to me,YET, some things they do always got me like "WAAATT" ! But on the whole, theyre a very loud bunch (amongst themselves) but kinda shy and timid among outsiders! Most of them are go getters, very nice and hospitable people, love to party. . . . BUT, beware, they could be real sleek too! Not saying this to alarm you cus u say ol' boi is a christian and all that good stuff, and he's a citizen (which shouldnt mean a thing even if he wasnt) so u know he aint just after you for the sake of getting the U.S passport. Just tread gently, he seems to be a good dude, go with the flow, follow ur heart, dont let his culture "disgust" you, learn and teach each other. I think u'll be aight!

Travelista:

I'm really tired of your undue aggression.

The "undue aggression" is coming purely from you. Read my post again, you're the only one seeing this "aggression"?

This was the ONLY line addressed to you - lol maybe in your own neck of the woods. Where i lived for 5 yrs we were the toast of the town.

Everything else was directed mostly to pinkriver.

Travelista:

I was concerned about her meeting a man off of CL and possibly rushing in to things; how you and everyone else thought it was an issue of 'Oh, here comes the big, scheming Nigerian!', I have no idea. Whether you were the toast of town or the runt of the litter in your little hamlet is not my concern; I stated my piece and gave her the advice she requested. Why the need for abuse?  A lot of you are upset about the rep Nigerians have and that's understandable but stop wearing your hearts on your sleeve; PinkRiver should have been just as apprehensive if the man were White (or Apache, German, etc as I stated in a previous post).

For starters, i was not addressing you in that post. Secondly where is the abuse you allege?

Travelista:

Speaking of being dense, you always twist words around. Where did I say you could use google to ascertain citizenship?  I swear, what's wrong with you? This isn't the first time you've tried to put words in my mouth and you need to stop.

lol it seems you type and forget immediately . . . here let me remind you -

'Akata' means Black American and it's meant to be condescending; if anyone tells you otherwise, they're lying. As for your safety: be cautious until you're fully aware of who you're dealing with. 'He seems to say and do all the right things'? PinkRiver, you're making me very nervous right about now. [size=13pt]At the very least, Google the guy and/or find out if he's really a citizen.[/size] If you find anything off about him,

From travelista, post #5, page 1.

Travelista:

You're smarter than this, so I'm confused as to why you insist on being such a douche. If you see 'Travelista' anywhere on a page, please skip over to the next posting. You've yet to be positive towards me, so why waste your energy on negativity? 

is that so? Sorry about that! I truly am! [quote][/quote]

You posted an AD online looking for someone and you are now scared of the person you met as a result of your online AD.

You might be right, the guy might be too good, Maybe you should dump his arse and look for those that aint that good that would make you more comfortable.