Hi nairalanders, i happen to be the first child in our family and its expected of me to have a good relationship with my father.
But here's the thing i didnt grow up learning to chat or discuss with him of course we grew up in a military style settings and in an extreme environment, but now he wants me to come discuss with him...but i'm finding it difficult cus i wasnt brought up that way...
Pls i want fellow family landers who have been in this type of situation or the likes with advice on how to go.

I kind of don't like my dad. Doesn't mean I don't love him. We hardly ever talk about anything.

obingo25:
Hi nairalanders, i happen to be the first child in our family and its expected of me to have a good relationship with my father.
But here's the thing i didnt grow up learning to chat or discuss with him of course we grew up in a military style settings and in an extreme environment, but now he wants me to come discuss with him...but i'm finding it difficult cus i wasnt brought up that way...
Pls i want fellow family landers who have been in this type of situation or the likes with advice on how to go.

Truth is, men find it awkward to engage and hold conversation with their male children. For women, it is very easy for a girl to pull up a stool, sit in front of her mother, look into her eyeballs and discuss her heart out. For men it becomes a different, albeit a difficult task.
Experts advise parents to use different approach their to engage their children in discussion. For females children, they prefer face to face discussion and close proximity conversation. Make them warm up to you and they will open up to you.
For boys, sitting them in a stool across from you and asking them direct questions will not lead to them opening up to you.
To get a boy child to talk, avoid a face-me type of conversation. Find out what they like doing or when they are engaged in that act and strike a general conversation with them. Don't pry to hard to get secrets from them and respect their bound.

Op, I appreciate that you want to have a relationship with your dad. Know that it is also awkward for him too. African fathers have been programmed to act as an alpha male that shows little or no emotion. They are trained in believing telling your kids I love you is sissy.
My advice to you, know it is not easy on him too. He feels awkward and embarrassed too just like you, though he may not show it.
Find what he enjoy doing most ( watching matches, wrestling) join him in it and generally comment on what is going on in the screen. It may be politics- discuss political issues with him too.
I had a wonderful time growing up with my dad. He loved music, sports, history, politics and football ( a die hard Chelsea fan). I enjoyed engaging him in all of these, except sport( not a football person). He wasn't happy about it though.
My dad taught my love for music, reading, history and wrestling. I'm like a walking encyclopedia thanks to him.
Op, I believe you can also experience this too. Just try and initiate it. It was easy for me though because my dad naturally was that kind of person that wants to be involved in his children's lives from the start.
I know so many old school music that will shock you.
I wish you good luck and remember to be there for your own kids too.
If you have any personal question, don't hesitate to shoot me a mail

I guess someone must have told him about father and son bonding... or he has seen it with someone and he feel as if he was missing out...

U too, for u to come up here to write it shows that u want to make an effort..

Growing up, there must be a topic u know that tickled his fancy, start with that... Don't bother about an awkward moment, because it will creep in when u ran out of what to say... Just keep doing it, eventually the discussion will start flowing normally... It only requires time and effort and some small cash to buy local beer or suya depending on how buoyant u are... Life is too short make it happen before it is too late...

By the way, remember kids does not come with manual, so no parent can claim to be the perfect one.. he trained u the best way he knows.. don't hold it against him..

nams77:

Truth is, men find it awkward to engage and hold conversation with their male children. For women, it is very easy for a girl to pull up a stool, sit in front of her mother, look into her eyeballs and discuss her heart out. For men it becomes a different, albeit a difficult task.
Experts advise parents to use different approach their to engage their children in discussion. For females children, they prefer face to face discussion and close proximity conversation. Make them warm up to you and they will open up to you.
For boys, sitting them in a stool across from you and asking them direct questions will not lead to them opening up to you.
To get a boy child to talk, avoid a face-me type of conversation. Find out what they like doing or when they are engaged in that act and strike a general conversation with them. Don't pry to hard to get secrets from them and respect their bound.

Op, I appreciate that you want to have a relationship with your dad. Know that it is also awkward for him too. African fathers have been programmed to act as an alpha male that shows little or no emotion. They are trained in believing telling your kids I love you is sissy.
My advice to you, know it is not easy on him too. He feels awkward and embarrassed too just like you, though he may not show it.
Find what he enjoy doing most ( watching matches, wrestling) join him in it and generally comment on what is going on in the screen. It may be politics- discuss political issues with him too.
I had a wonderful time growing up with my dad. He loved music, sports, history, politics and football ( a die hard Chelsea fan). I enjoyed engaging him in all of these, except sport( not a football person). He wasn't happy about it though.
My dad taught my love for music, reading, history and wrestling. I'm like a walking encyclopedia thanks to him.
Op, I believe you can also experience this too. Just try and initiate it. It was easy for me though because my dad naturally was that kind of person that wants to be involved in his children's lives from the start.
I know so many old school music that will shock you.
I wish you good luck and remember to be there for your own kids too.
If you have any personal question, don't hesitate to shoot me a mail

thanks a lot i appreciate fam..

This sounds like my dad except I am not the first child.

In the future, is he wishes to interact or have a good relationship with me or any of my siblings he definitely will be the one to put the extra effort.

I believe it should not be about you being expected to talk to him but him even being ready to start a relationship.

obingo25:
Hi nairalanders, i happen to be the first child in our family and its expected of me to have a good relationship with my father.
But here's the thing i didnt grow up learning to chat or discuss with him of course we grew up in a military style settings and in an extreme environment, but now he wants me to come discuss with him...but i'm finding it difficult cus i wasnt brought up that way...
Pls i want fellow family landers who have been in this type of situation or the likes with advice on how to go.

well, consider yourself lucky if he's trying to make up for lost time.

many guys will give their right hand to have a father who wants to talk to them.

if he is making the effort, the least you can do is to meet him halfway.

it won't be easy at first, (talk about awkward conversations)but with time you will both warm up to the idea.

you can write down some stuff you may want to ask him or talk about beforehand. that should help.

all the best.

obingo25:
Hi nairalanders, i happen to be the first child in our family and its expected of me to have a good relationship with my father.
But here's the thing i didnt grow up learning to chat or discuss with him of course we grew up in a military style settings and in an extreme environment, but now he wants me to come discuss with him...but i'm finding it difficult cus i wasnt brought up that way...
Pls i want fellow family landers who have been in this type of situation or the likes with advice on how to go.

Find a common ground. Music,politics, geometry or military strategy. There's an eroticized sensation felt when you engage someone on a deeper level. This feeling is sweeter than sex for some individuals.

Now, when you can achieve this bond with your woman, you are most blessed amongst mortal men and the envy of gods.

Dude, you have a Golden opportunity right there, talk about anything with him, be it jargon, rubbish until you guys bond.
I had same type of dad, it was too late before i realised... Now i feel sad everytime i remember times i could make things right.
sometimes i just wish to see him for few minutes and let him know am sorry.