The V has got no PhD.

Dear Sophisticated Eve,

I thought to write you in response to your frustration and frequent complaints that your man chases skirts of the less educated in total disregard for your class, your mental prowess and your physical sophistication.

Contrary to what you think, the D hardly respects class, even though it should. Agros or konji as it is called in our world is no respecter of degrees, and even sometimes, facial beauty. The D is hardly woken up by mentally stimulating conversations. This is disappointing, even to the carrier, and to you, but it is the truth.

I write, not to excuse infidelity, (as a matter of fact, I have nearly spent a decade in marriage without playing a single away match), mad temptations aside, but to let you know that sometimes, The V has got no PhD.
we men even disappoint ourselves with the lack of discretion of John Thomas when under the fire of attraction.

You see, I am fresh from a trip where a lady shared the front seat with me along with the driver. First impression, not so fine. English, nearly horrible. But oh my, from the moment I stepped in the bus, she was all good manners, and she gave me her full attention.

Everything she bought, she offered. It was almost outright seduction. She even almost put the food in my mouth when I declined. I collected it halfway and gobbled it, along with all the sparks that came with her eyes. Meanwhile, the sparks included bad grammar and terrible spellings (we since moved stuff to Whatsapp)! Head on my shoulders every time she got a chance to use the maneuverings of the car as an excuse.

Alagbere ni mi abi?

I must mention that the soldier was saluting severally. Thoughts of setting P were in my head. When I was leaving the bus, she said she never had company so good, and that she would miss me. I told her I hadn’t either, and this was me being honest. We exchanged calls later that day, and then at night, after several fleeting thoughts and salutations, I deleted her number as I knew I was nearing wasimi.

Okay. So I am an adulterer, yes? In the strict sense of scripture, I am. I let the lust linger, but I later called out to a friend in confidence and told him I was falling. I pled that he holds me accountable. He took it like a full time job. I have since escaped. I am not returning her calls.

In short, I disappointed myself. I let God down. I since said sorry. I trust that he’s had mercy.

You see, many men fall. They fall for women less beautiful than you are because we can be weak. Give us a little bit of attention, the slightest seduction, the pigeon hole opportunity, and we are gone. Piam, just like that!

Many men have fallen for the charm of the house help. She is just simply free. Her freedom often includes her top without the bra. Biko, do you think that pointed nipples have a certain certification when they hug the dress? They serve Oga on their knees, ask if he has eaten, ask if he is full, ask if he needs ‘anything else’, and smart uneducated foxes they are- they even talk Oga up after you have dressed him down with your PhD tongue. When you are around, they act like dumb mutes though...awon ogbologbo!

Meanwhile, you do wrapper all day, and your everything has become a common sight. Or are you the type that believes in being cajoled, begged, even worshipped before you let Oga have the V? Dey dia, what people are willing to hand over for free.

Madam missionary, you are a classic b***ch everywhere except in the bedroom where you are frigid. And you think he will keep his John Thomas hanging unattended till eternity?

Maybe you don’t understand that most men, despite the anointing never fail to notice the skirts that are high up and these bum bums that are getting firmer every passing day! Maybe you don’t know that these big bosoms are in our line of sight...

We should repent. We need to do better. We need to be better, really. But you should too.

We disappoint ourselves, but babes, we need you to know that we need your help. We need your creativity. We need you to unleash your sexiness. In the small chance that you have a spiritual man, don’t take his sexual vulnerability for granted to avoid stories that touch the heart.

We need you to know that humility and respect are great turnons too.

The V is amazing. It is arguably the sweetest experience on the earth. I honestly haven’t tried one from someone who is less educated and of a lesser class, really, and you should know by now that I am trying to be brutally honest with you. But I can tell already that the V of the rich, the classy, the sophisticated, the doctor, the professor and that orange seller wiggling seductively are all very likely, equally efficient, equally dangerous instruments of pleasure, distraction and destruction.

Repeat after me, ‘the D is no respecter of person’, and ‘There is no PhD in V’!

Edakun e ran wa lowo! Save us from ourselves when you can!

Atenkyu!