I Found He Had A Baby Boy With His Ex-girlfriend Before The Wedding



Yesterday, we gave a marriage notice to the registration office, and I told my friends this good news.

Today, I found him had a baby boy with his ex-girl friend from a text message. I called the girl and she told me she loves him and just want him to be happy and wonldn't stop me from marrying to him. But she also said they were together for a few years and she said I m the third person in their relationship.

God, I never knew her and just found that she got a baby with the man I thought I am going to marry and stay with for long long time. I am so sooooooooo hurt! god! Also, the man told me they were just friends, and she wanted the baby by herself and they were just together for a few months.

God, how could this happen to me? I am so depressed and so hopeless, and I don't know what to do? should I cancle the wedding and stay away from this for ever? or should I just carry on with everything as it was?

Please give some comments, I really appreciate your advices.

~Hmm,did he tell you "they were just friends and she wanted the baby"  after you discovered the text mesage? if he did,then there's a whole lot of things to woory about!!!  TRUST should be the basic and foundation on which any relationship should function on,and here you are, about to devote you life to a man you thought you knew well enough,only for him to betray that trust,if he can't accept the responsiblity of makin a baby w/another woman,who's admitted you became the third person in their relationship,then please don't be hasty to get on w/the weddin just  becoz you've told friends and family !!! Am sure they'll rather see you happy than married and miserable!!!

~You should look at this like a blessin in a way,as you  found out just in the nick of time,the date can be changed for the weddin should you decide to go on with it,but please do not make the mistake of this been a case of "he said,she said"  and continue with weddin plans like this never happened!!! right now you need to find out whats been goin on w/ his baby mama N baby,you have to get him to tell you the truth,by marryin you,unless he never intended to be a part of his baby's life,you are part of that decision in acceptin that child,as you would your own !!!

~Am really sooory you had to find out like this,but on the flip side,that text message may likely have saved you a lifetime of misery,there are certain thing you keep away from your loved ones but a child,isnt just going to go away,disappear in thin air,grrrrr i just hate it when one's taken for granted!!!   anyways,the most important person to think about right now is you,if he doesnt give a logical explanation and you can't see you, have trust for him anymore, then let him go !!! You'll be better off,Good Luck !!

Thank you very much for your reply and your sophistic explanation with consideration and recommendation.

I never felt so hurt before. I thought I couldn't really figure out a clue but now it is more clear, thanks to your advices.

First of STOP calling the Lord's name in vain.

Second, thank God you found out before u got married to the low-life.

Third, the guy is a d**k, neglecting to mention a little thing like HAD A BABY to his fiance is not a trivial matter (even if it was against his wishes).

Fourth, don't beat yoslf down but be thankful that your guiding star is indeed doing a great a job!

Lastly, not sure how long u was with da guy 4, but ensure the next time u are really inquisitive and truely know the person (to the best of your ability) before u say YES n walk down the aisle.

Oh ma goodness this one is just hard.

But sincerly lets thank God that you found out before the bid gay, i can imagine you feel shattered and your whole you feel is just crumbling around you.

Girl take heart, its all good.
There is nothing new under the sun but rite now darling its the rite time to decide.

The thing is u gotta decide whether this is what you want - if this man is really worth staying with. You live with him you and only you know how he is and how good he is to you at home.

True you feel betrayed that he dint tell you he had a child. I believe that the mother of his baby will always love him and whenever he goes to see her, HE WILL STILL BE SLEEPING HER - believe that.
And if you not careful, she will have a second and a third for him - so girl its your call.

Do whatever you see fit but, postpone that marriage girl cause you need some time to think clearly.

Good luck girl and keep us posted - k.
Keep your chin up- i know its real difficult but you will get yyou through, let God really soothe your pain He is just waiting for you to call.

Yes Yes YES get out of there now
who knows the other skeletons he has in his closet that he hasn't told you about yet?

Maybe you are just a friend of his too to another girl

Better leave.

No way in hell would I marry someone with children or even someone who would lie about something as big as that.

Lol I like how he decided to tell you after the whole wedding set-up. probably figured that you are now trapped. Better run. That "baby mama" will make you miserable and will constantly remind you that she had his child for him first.

again. you better move on.

@topic,
Girlfriend, hell NO to this BABY MAMA DRAMA, I am telling you, your life will be misery, That heifer won't leave you alone. As Red-Lips said, she would ALWAYS be reminding you that she bore him his first child.

There are many fishes in the ocean waiting to be hooked, leave that sprat alone,

please check thi oh , are you sure the guy doesn't just want paper , i know someone that was going to have a big wedding all for the girl to discover a week b4 the wedding that the guy had a family , so be careful

thnakGod

i feel for you. do not rush to any rash decisions, you still know him more than we do here. You guys need to sort it out quick. I dont think he would be marrying you if he didnt love you or want to be with you. i think he just got scared he'd loose you that's why he kept it quiet. Listen he has proably had lots of problems with girls becos of the baby issue, i think he loves you and does want to loose you, anyway instead of running around you need to do some talking asap, forget us here, we aint in your shoes, go sort your man, try and forgive him and have your own life with him.
My cousin had a baby with a girl years back and when he met his now wife , he kept it secret cos he was scared she'd run, he loved her so much. They had a year or so of problems and had to build on the trust, they even had to prolong their engagement , i know to you its like deceit but be fair , didnt this whole baby thing happen before he met you? come on forgive him. Don't loose the man you love and am sure loves you cos of this,

Yea fear of "losing" someone is definitely a good reason to keep something that important from someone until you believe that you've trapped them under a marriage proposal.

Nonsense.

Red_Lips:

Yea fear of "losing" someone is definitely a good reason to keep something that important from someone until you believe that you've trapped them under a marriage proposal.

Nonsense.

thiefofhearts

thank God there is a thing called other people's shoes

We all know who I am, no need to constantly call my name. alafishe

and your "other people's" shoes thing has nothing to do with the thread at hand.

If these so called people, your cousin included actually cared about these women, they would hav said the truth from the start and whoever decides to stay with them despite that situation is the one they should be with. Instead of trying to trap someone into a relationship before telling the truth.

Then again I wouldnt expect someone who's against woman's rights to understand that so nevermind.

Hi

There is this saying that a broken courtship is better than a broken marraige.what most pple dont know is that wedding is an event,the koko is the marraige which is a long life invesrment,whose foundation is built on trust and above all the fear of God.

My dear,i suggest u see ur church marraige counsellor,if you are a xtian if not consult wit the an elder.

My advice to you next time is to avoid sex before marraige,betrayal of trust such as the one on ground is the end result.

I wish you well in you endeavours,pls invite me for the wedding when u ve finally made up your mind


caio

Where in the entire thread did she say ANYTHING about sleeping with the guy befor hand?

I swear you people just give ridiculous advice that has NOTHING to do with the topic. What is she saying and what are you talking about? Someone is talking about her fiance having a kid outside their relationship and you are talking about her having premartial sex.

Stop making stupid assumptions.

What a fiance!!! _{*shakes head in anger and bitterness*}

@Radiant
Did you had a baby by a white boy ??

You Nigerian girls self with your fast @$$, A white will use you because he knows you are culture shock and will later dump you for his own kind. I pity you o !!

OMG are u ok, omg, am so sorry, dat aint good, if it was me, i will just kill him

Ohmigosh,
If he conviently ommited this 'insignificant' fact, what else has he forgeotten to tell you?
To the kerb with him ASAP and dont fail for all the sentimental BS he will definately feed you.
No trust and honesty, no relationship, we all know where marriages build on such foundations go,
Downhill!!

the bottom line is this don't go further yes yes you'll have the pain but its for a while after that you'll be free who says you cant be loved again , i wish you well but please end the relationship 'cos you know why he broke that trust

It's really a tough call. But I agree with Sisimose, I think this lady should think it over and not just dump the guy.

Perhaps postpone the engagement and wait for a couple of months to see how she feels about the whole situation before making a final decision regarding marriage.

LONDON GUYS? LOL.
@TOPIC,  SO SORRY ABOUT THIS BUT WHAT WERE U THINKN?

i swear i haven't seen so many self-righteous people until i got to nairaland! Everyone has secrets, and 7 out of 10 guys will keep a secret from the people they love if they think it'll lead to a collapse in the relationship.
And the truth is, many of y'all can't marry a man who has a child from a previous marriage, that's all fine and good, but many girls don't see the big deal in that too. So i feel it's a lot better to find out from the girl in question if the baby boy is a deal breaker as far as the wedding is concerned.

Also, the initial post isn't worded clearly at all. It's difficult (for me!) to make out if the guy and the ex are still seeing each other. If (as i think) they're not , then what does it matter if the ex loves the guy or not?

many many men and women lie about their age before marriage. Same principle!

I realy pity you on this, take heart, it is one of those tricks seen in men. But if i am to ask you, does it mean you did not date this man before accepting his proposal or is time running out of you? Didn't you make proper enquiry about the man before it got to this level. If you are in good terms with your inlaws, you would have heard it from them before now. Don't you have any sister of the guy as a close friend? If you don't, get one now, she will tell you the truth about the family, the man and thier village. How many of the man,s intimate friends do you know?
There is always a go between in marriage, what did he tell you about where you are going and the man?
Pls, i am sorry on what happened but ti appears you were carried away by the man's proposal. Make proper enqiury, you will still see more hidden things than you have seen.
Do not forget that men is somehow attached to thier ex. I was shocked the day it happened to me because i did not believe i will do it,but i did. Your man is still sleeping with that ex and do not be surprise if he marries her later after you have wedded him some years back. That will relegate you the the second position authomatically.
Sit this man down and find out more truth from him. For now, postpone the wedding until the coast get clearer. I realy feel for you.

eeeyahhh!!!

Thanksgod I believe you are a pretty girl, forget about that guy and move on with your life, cos it won't be easy for ya, come to think of it dat child is the first and he is the first, u can't kill him. your guy will acknowledge him very soon as his son.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Where in the entire thread did she say ANYTHING about sleeping with the guy befor hand?

I swear you people just give ridiculous advice that has NOTHING to do with the topic. What is she saying and what are you talking about? Someone is talking about her fiance having a kid outside their relationship and you are talking about her having premartial sex.

Stop making stupid assumptions.

thiefofheart
no need to hyper ventilate over another person's issue darling , for starters you not the poster, not married, never been married, not even engaged, don't have children, still under 24? what exactly qualifies you to shut all these good people down when then come offering their advice?
''other people's shoes'' is very much at play here honey, if you were so experienced in life , you won't say otherwise. Anyway this topic is not about you , why don't we just see how others can help this woman uhm?

*whispers quietly* Bishop gave very good advise actually, don't blow a gasket cos you don't agree luvvie

Back to the poster

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE, 4GIVE HIM BUT AFTER GIVING HIM A SERIES OF PUNISHMENT.
THEN IF HE PASSED THE TEST/ PUNISHMENT THEN MAYBE JUST MAYBE HE HAS LEARNT HE'S
LESSON COS I KNOW YOU STILL CARE: IF not walk away and never lookkkkkkkkk back.
From what i've read, i would never do that to someone like you. it just a pity

texazzpete:

i swear i haven't seen so many self-righteous people until i got to nairaland!

I agree with you, non-the-less:
@Poster, Count your blessings and forget that liar. If you stay know that this guy has no conscience and a serial liar! How can someone deny his own child? His story doesn't add up, the mother is still very much in his life and he is bound to that child by blood and law, that is my thoughts on the issue
The LIFE's decision is yours!

Well if ya huby tells you the truth when you ask him dont give up. Your lucky that the gal owned up and accepts your marraige its ok and will be well just dont give in to this temptation concentrate on your marraige. Good luck.

begin another sprinster life and go men's hunting again. he sucks

Sisimose. I beg you, LEAVE ME ALONE. I rebuke both you and the person who sent you to be hounding me around.

Again instead of you trying to make this thread about me, how about you stay on the topic at hand again before I report you for going off topic to bother me as usual. What does my not being married have to do with this? You're such a disgusting person. Everyone can see through your "im so sweet" facade.
FI MI SI LE. Abi ki lo de na? Leave me the hell alone. I dont owe you any money. ok?

anyway
Unlike YOU Im sticking to the topic. What exactly was so "great": about Bishop's advice? He told her that she shouldnt have slept with the dude, WHERE pray tell did the OP even say anything about that?

tezapete is busy going on some tangent about age. How does one lying about age compare to lying about children?
Dude, you said there are some girls who dont find a dude having children a big deal and you are right which is why he shold have just let it all out from day one and if she decides to still stay with him. That's fine. Not to rope her in with a proposal THEN finally tell her such a thing. How malicious.