tensor777:

^^I am sure she can laugh over it now as its in the past, but if you were in her position at that time what exactly would you have done?

Right now i'm a few years away from teenage but I have two teenaged youths living with me. They are not related to me so i'm careful how I discipline them,but when I think its above me, I go to my 'big mummy'(my auntie) and report them.She punishes or rebukes them.
I give them pocket money weekly,but if they disobey,I hold back.Before going to work,I get their text books and give them double assignment if i'm disobeyed.Attimes I just ignore and remain unaccessible,any way these methods and a few others help me move along with them.

^^Always good to have extended family around to give much-needed support.

davidylan:

wow i can understand cruelty to kids but not to your spouse. That was something my dad must have been very careful not to let us notice if it ever happened. I'm sorry.

AMAZING!!!!! YOU CAN UNDERSTAND CRUELTY TO KIDS I'm truly amazed! I cannot even understand CRUELTY to animals. Man some views and opinions are so warped

^Well I see where he is coming from. To me it is an absolute taboo to disrespect or humiliate your spouse in front of your kids. That is a no-go area.
I was lucky enough never to have witnessed that as a kid.

tensor777:

^Well I see where he is coming from. To me it is an absolute taboo to disrespect or humiliate your spouse in front of your kids. That is a no-go area.
I was lucky enough never to have witnessed that as a kid.

But ofcourse it's ok to be CRUEL to your kids Why should you be CRUEL to anyone! I'm not surprised you see where he is coming from Tensor, I have been following your train of thoughts for a while on this thread. No surprises on that.

^^Well you can't just conclude  in that fashion. To be brutally honest though, failure to punish a child when he tells lies or is wantonly disobedient may turn out to be the REAL cruel option.

mädchen:

AMAZING!!!!! YOU CAN UNDERSTAND CRUELTY TO KIDS I'm truly amazed! I cannot even understand CRUELTY to animals. Man some views and opinions are so warped

are you shocked by that kind of thinking? the nigerian parent-child dynamic is different from that of the west. heck the teacher-student dynamic is vastly different too. hence the i'm i your mate ideology some nigerians have.

mädchen:

AMAZING!!!!! YOU CAN UNDERSTAND CRUELTY TO KIDS I'm truly amazed! I cannot even understand CRUELTY to animals. Man some views and opinions are so warped

did u ever live in Nigeria?
yea cruelty to kids and animals seem very barbaric now that we are exposed to civilized western culture. but doesn't mean Africans have a warped mind. it's just a different and imperfect culture that's all. some aspects of it definitely need to change. we definitely shouldn't be so cruel to our children.

^^ I don't even think she is a nigerian or was born and raised there

All her "I am yoruba" doesnt go down well with me.

Actually I cannot recall anything my parents did right now but I know of two cases:

My classmate's brother was beaten by his father who then pushed him around to the extent that he smashed his head against the glass sliding door and it was only God that saved him. The doctors said the glass that cut through his head was very very close to his brain Even after that he was still stubborn.

A friend of mine told me how her mum put chili in the eyes and private part of their housemaid ( I think it was a poor relative staying with them) for stealing some pieces of meat form their pot of soup

My friend's cousin's mother cut the back of her daughter's palm with new razor blade for stealing and then rushed her to the hospital She has the bold scars till today. Stealing is the worst offence a child can commit and most parents(especially fathers) almost killed their kids for it. I know of a neighbour who hit his son's head against the wall repeatedly.

Upon all these how come we are classified as one of the most dishonest and devilishly cunning sets of people in the world and even at home? Maybe its our level of poverty as a country and the irony of wealth and poverty dwelling side by side sha.

Another thing I have noticed is that some parents just give commands "Don't steal, don't lie, etc" and do not take time to explain the reason why the kids shouldn't do it or even the consequences of their actions on other people. They don't have the time to really talk regularly to their kids and just take the caning shortcut to put them in their place. So the kids only obey as long as they are with their parentsor still dependent.

Also, some Nigerian parents are naturally very aggressive in nature.

Whoaaaaa, thnx God i was not born wen mosst of u guys were born ohhhhh, Can imagine myself living such a life, God bless the 21st Century, haha

freshera:

Another thing I have noticed is that some parents just give commands "Don't steal, don't lie, etc" and do not take time to explain the reason why the kids shouldn't do it or even the consequences of their actions on other people. They don't have the time to really talk regularly to their kids and just take the caning shortcut to put them in their place. So the kids only obey as long as they are with their parentsor still dependent.
Also, some Nigerian parents are naturally very aggressive in nature.

These are issues to do with right and wrong which should be known almost instinctively. However you should be more honest and realise that it is up to individuals to take personal responsibility for their own behaviour and not blame the parents who may happen to be saddled with such stubborn or dishonest offspring.
As a matter of fact I think that most of these kids tend to pick up bad habits from outside the home, in the school to be precise, and imbibe them, maybe out of moral cowardice.

i think we need to differentiate between outrightly abusive parents and disciplinarian ones who, while maybe being a bit harsh on their kids, did so out of concern for their welfare.

back in those days [dont know about now], no decent parent wanted their child joining gangs, shooting drugs and/or getting some girl pregnant/becoming pregnant.

being too permissive is also a bad form of parenting. ie setting no rules and just letting the child do whatever they like with no guidelines. So neither extreme is good.

youbas say omo ti won ba ko nile, ita lo nti gba eko.

meaning the child who isnt trained right at home, will get his training on the street.

i dont support the kind of discipline that stems from sheer wickedness and maybe madness, but i think it's important to draw a line.

also, imo, if your discipline has no effect on a child, then it might be necessay to find a different way that the child will respond to. Hard to do that back home, i know.

Even wen u are 2nd position and a few marks behind d 1st my mum wil make u feel u were d last meanwhile classmates wit lower position wil even be rejoicin at what there parent wil giv dem bak home.i wonda if ma mum eva took 1st position.

ha