There are issues attached to any action you take, but first of all your wife have done the rigth thing by telling you the truth because its eating her up she can't live with it anymore, i guess she went through a lot for the 20years keeping it to herself, she just freed herself by telling you.Guess the paternity of your children might come to play, but there are also issues with the truth, ( what of if they are not yours) i can't imagine what will happen , but if you can bear it, go ahead and do DNA.
if you divorce your wife of 20years where do u want to start from?
The new wife you might inventually marry will also have past issues( Women always do)
If you decide to continue your marriage, love will heal you but how long,its only time that can tell.
For you to survive this, you have to be very prayerful and strong, above all think of what will make you happy.
If i was in your shoes, .............. i move on with the..........marriage. .

Betrayed: I have been married for 20 years and we have 2 lovely kids.  Until recently I could say I was very happy in the marriage and that would be candid.  We have lived an average and comfortable life financially and otherwise, and of recent God has blessed us even the more and we can afford more luxury.  All of a sudden, my wife have come up to tell me about the relationship she had just before we met.  This is something she has never mentioned before.  The man is about my age and now a very successful and wealthy man, even though he was just starting when they were going out, and would have passed for an average person then as well.  From her story, she was double dating us then and I did not even know.  She obviously prefer him to me and for reasons best known to her she told me what a wonderful man he was and that he was actually better than me in all aspects of life, even on bed.  The only reason she did not marry him is because he had another girlfriend then, also known to her who was more compatible with him, and they eventually married.  Their separation was mutual and obviously they must have remain as friends.  While he could have been so 'wonderful' or whatever as he has made a big success out of his life, I don't envy him in anyway. I am very proud of who I am. We are all individuals and what anybody is or is not cannot have anything to do with me.

I feel betrayed because we have discussed all our ex before we married and I believed I knew everything.  I did ask specifically and she lied to me.  I have been on the road most of my career and have left her alone in the house for extended period without any iota of suspicion.  We live in the same town with the man and worst still he is a public figure and known as a womaniser.  Me and this man are completely different in personality, character and interest.  With the benefit of hindsight, most of the problems and quarrels we had early in our marriage was because she would want me to do things and behave in ways that this man normally would and I wouldn't cause we are just different people.  I also did not know about him, so I didn't even know where all those issues and interest were coming from, and we were just quarrelling for nothing.  She was trying to see this man in me which obviously was impossible.  She took me through that stress for nothing.

I am a family man and have lived all my life around my family.  To discover at this stage that I have invested all my adult life on a woman I really didn't know is quite a disappointment.  It's heart breaking to imagine that my own dear wife had such a deep relationship with another man when I thought we were both madly in love in the courtship that led to our marriage. A marriage in which I have so far remain faithful and committed. I see the picture of this man often on TV and in the papers and can't imagine what must have been in her mind all along as she must have been seeing it too.  This is very difficult for me.  If this man did not suceed as much, would I ever know? How many others were out there or still there that I didn't know and may never know just make everything look difficult. It's quite painful

My kids are grown and now spend most of the time in boarding house.  I don't think a divorce will hurt them as much as when they were still at home.  This is just difficult for me.  It's a sore that may never heal. I spend every single day now in agony.  I'm extremely bitter.  She must be thinking she took me for a fool  This is difficult for me.

From the story, the wife never CHEATED on him during the twenty years, so what exactly is this man fuming about? @Poster, if you know the man(the one whose story this is) please tell him to go get himself some counseling. His wife dated someone before marrying him and he wants to throw a 20-year married in the gutter because of that? Sounds like the man is loosing his marbles and needs to get them re-packed before it is too late.

Is there anything wrong with ''VENTING'' ? Thats exactly what this man is doing. He just needs to talk about it and needs peoples support and encouragement thats all...He never implied or mentioned Divorce..what is wrong with people!! Every lottle thing D WORD! ...I tire O.

OP sir...the Lord is your strenght sir...IMO..I thought you must have done something to madam to make her blurted out those feelings out of the blue...I mean who doesn't have a past...like somebody mentioned..you need a vaca wit madam TOGETHER not alone o! so you don't do what you will regret...evil for evil brings everlasting sorrow and regrets...look at your children..please for the sake of them ...E ma binu ...we do wrong to God and he forgives us so who are we..I am sure she is regretful too but please move on..please

I know my own marriage is half of yours and marriage is a continous learning institution but I have seen a lot and I wish you happiness.

It is well.

Sir...a woman dat compares u to her ex z not worth remainin your wife..cos itz obvious she finks hez better dan u in every aspect...i'm a realist...jes divorce her

me i think the man is dino melaiye. LOl

Kobojunkie:

From the story, the wife never CHEATED on him during the twenty years, so what exactly is this man fuming about? @Poster, if you know the man(the one whose story this is) please tell him to go get himself some counseling. His wife dated someone before marrying him and he wants to throw a 20-year married in the gutter because of that? Sounds like the man is loosing his marbles and needs to get them re-packed before it is too late.

wooow you seriously have trouble understanding the gravity of this issue, the fact is the feelong of the person are hurt its like waking up and your lover says i didnt want to marry you i ad no choice but i prefer that other person,#just saying , we all know this hurts yeah he is complaining but it makes you wonder if she hid this from him all this time what about other things .... its the truth the matter is that she doesnt prefer him

No man will understand the gravity of your pain, except he has d experience.it cuts to heart most especially if she is a woman you love so much.the spirit of Eve is still operating in many women.God will heal yo wounds which will take time.See your pastor, be sure if she commits adultery with the man and not just what they had together before you both knew each other.sometimes,it is better to remain unmarried than to face the agony of an unfaithful wife.

favouredjb:
Eeya,sorry I knw aw u feel,but dnt let mere suspicion of ur wife of twenny years ruin everything

Madam, hold it there, how do u mean this is a mere suspicion...............?? Tell me u are jokin? A faithful man has just been taken for granted and seen as sencond option!!

@ OP.....I don't feel ur pain oooo, but I can imagine how it hurts! And sequel to advice from others, arrange a heart-to-heart talk with her and don't be fooled that there no much to the whole story....especially when ur job requires u were on the road all the time at the begining of the marriage, she can't just compare! Get the genesis of this revelation, the chronicles of aLl those other things hidden away from u.
Lastly, u need to do the DNA so that u won't regret at the long run.....
The greatest tool to use in this case is forgiveness, even if the kids aint urs, still forgive, love them and let go
#my2cent#

Wow unto any man that trusteth a woman....I never trust any woman b4 , even d one with me now...don't trust her. That's d way to protect ur heart....learn from me. If u want to know ur woman place CCTv in u house and travel a month. ..u will b amazed wot u ll find out about ur so trusted wife....just d call she makes u will cry...