W
'If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother'

Maya OppenheimWomen's Correspondent @mayaoppenheim
Tuesday 28 May 2019 14:33

The Independent
Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population, a prominent expert in happiness has said.

Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, said unmarried and childless women are also likely to outlive their married child-rearing counterparts and are healthier than them.

Speaking at the Hay festival on Saturday, Mr Dolan said the latest data demonstrated that long-established, traditional symbols of success did not necessarily correlate with happiness levels.



The best-selling author, who carries out original research into the measurement of happiness and its causes and consequences, noted men in comparison benefited from marriage as they “calm down”.

He said: “You take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and she dies sooner than if she never married. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children".

Mr Dolan added: “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they are asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable.


“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”

Mr Dolan’s latest book, Happy Ever After, cites evidence from the American Time Use Survey, which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals. The study discovered levels of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than those who do not have spouses, but only when their husband or wife was in the room.


People who were not married reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when their spouse was not present.

Other studies have measured some financial and health benefits in being married for both men and women on average, which Mr Dolan said could be ascribed to higher incomes and emotional support, allowing married people to take risks and seek medical help.


While Mr Dolan pointed to men displaying more health benefits from getting married due to them taking less risks, women’s health was mainly unaffected by marriage. But middle-aged married women were at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single peers.

How to dance your way to happiness
In spite of the advantages of an unmarried childless existence for women, Mr Dolan said the fact marriage and children were seen to be traditional, established emblems of success meant the stigma could cause some single women to feel unhappy.

He said: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Mr Dolan said that having children can be harmful to people’s well being – saying many parents might secretly agree with a famous academic colleague who “said that he liked the existence of his children but not their presence”.

“It would be categorically awful if anything happened to them, but the experiences we have with children are largely miserable,” he added.

Mr Dolan said that having children is “an amazing experience” for some, but added that “for a lot of people it isn’t, and the idea that we can’t talk openly about why that might be is a problem.”



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

lies

CHoccolaTE:
W
'If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother'

Maya OppenheimWomen's Correspondent @mayaoppenheim
Tuesday 28 May 2019 14:33

The Independent
Women who are not married and do not have children are the happiest group in the population, a prominent expert in happiness has said.

Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, said unmarried and childless women are also likely to outlive their married child-rearing counterparts and are healthier than them.

Speaking at the Hay festival on Saturday, Mr Dolan said the latest data demonstrated that long-established, traditional symbols of success did not necessarily correlate with happiness levels.



The best-selling author, who carries out original research into the measurement of happiness and its causes and consequences, noted men in comparison benefited from marriage as they “calm down”.

He said: “You take less risks, you earn more money at work, and you live a little longer. She, on the other hand, has to put up with that, and she dies sooner than if she never married. The healthiest and happiest population subgroup are women who never married or had children".

Mr Dolan added: “Married people are happier than other population subgroups, but only when their spouse is in the room when they are asked how happy they are. When the spouse is not present: f***ing miserable.


“We do have some good longitudinal data following the same people over time, but I am going to do a massive disservice to that academic science and just say: if you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don’t bother.”

Mr Dolan’s latest book, Happy Ever After, cites evidence from the American Time Use Survey, which compared levels of pleasure and unhappiness in unmarried, married, divorced, separated and widowed individuals. The study discovered levels of happiness reported by those who were married was higher than those who do not have spouses, but only when their husband or wife was in the room.


People who were not married reported lower levels of misery than married individuals who were asked when their spouse was not present.

Other studies have measured some financial and health benefits in being married for both men and women on average, which Mr Dolan said could be ascribed to higher incomes and emotional support, allowing married people to take risks and seek medical help.


While Mr Dolan pointed to men displaying more health benefits from getting married due to them taking less risks, women’s health was mainly unaffected by marriage. But middle-aged married women were at higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single peers.

How to dance your way to happiness
In spite of the advantages of an unmarried childless existence for women, Mr Dolan said the fact marriage and children were seen to be traditional, established emblems of success meant the stigma could cause some single women to feel unhappy.

He said: “You see a single woman of 40, who has never had children – ‘Bless, that’s a shame, isn’t it? Maybe one day you’ll meet the right guy and that’ll change.’ No, maybe she’ll meet the wrong guy and that’ll change. Maybe she’ll meet a guy who makes her less happy and healthy, and die sooner.”

Mr Dolan said that having children can be harmful to people’s well being – saying many parents might secretly agree with a famous academic colleague who “said that he liked the existence of his children but not their presence”.

“It would be categorically awful if anything happened to them, but the experiences we have with children are largely miserable,” he added.

Mr Dolan said that having children is “an amazing experience” for some, but added that “for a lot of people it isn’t, and the idea that we can’t talk openly about why that might be is a problem.”



https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

lol
tell that to our Mothers here in Africa... everyday when will u marry

Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that they hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

mankettle:

lol
tell that to our Mothers here in Africa... everyday when will u marry

That's because misery loves company. Majority of them are in miserable marriages so they want to rope others in with them.

CHoccolaTE:
Hahahaha

This topic always pains men

Men are such hypocrites.
They go about declaring that you hate marriages
And have no need for it
Marriage is bondage,
Etc etc

But when women open their mouths to say they are happier without marriages just like men they get angry and forcefully insist that women want and desire marriage

.
not to join issues with you but I have a lot of guys( Nigeria not foreign) who are single and don't have any intention of marrying soon. these guys are well paid and have good careers.
whereas I also have female friends who also have good jobs etc but are sad because they are not married.
I am not doubting the research done, but I believe the research wasn't carried out in Nigeria and so what applies there may not apply here.

mankettle:
.
not to join issues with you but I have a lot of guys( Nigeria not foreign) who are single and don't have any intention of marrying soon. these guys are well paid and have good careers.
whereas I also have female friends who also have good jobs etc but are sad because they are not married.
I am not doubting the research done, but I believe the research wasn't carried out in Nigeria and so what applies there may not apply here.

The only reason women appear to 'want' marriages is because they have a biological need to bear children and they can't do that outside marriage because they and their children will be stigmatized. Many married women are miserable as hell in their marriages, single women are better off than them when it comes to peace of mind.

I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

CHoccolaTE:
I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

Such a wise lady, you are just too much ma'am.

Meanwhile check my signature for Good Shoes you can resist

CHoccolaTE:
I asked this question before in another topic and I will ask it again;
What exactly do women gain from marriages apart from escaping societal pressure of getting married and having kids?

Men are the ones prolonging their lineage with marriage and kids,
Men are the ones in charge of whatever homes they set up after marriage, they have control, they have the final say. Everyone submits to them.
Men are the ones who get both a co-breadwinner and lifetime cook, cleaner, sex slave ( trust me many married women lack sexual satisfaction, sex after marriage is mostly for husband's benefit),
Men can even cheat with impunity and have children outside wedlock and go scot free, he basically maintains his freedom to have wanton sex just like when he was a bachelor, and he gets no blame and his wife is advised to stay with him because men are ' naturally polygamous'.


Yet society wants us to believe women benefit more from marriages.


With loss of freedom, loss of former identity ( changing surname even if the man you now bear his name cannot take care of you or provide for you), loss of beauty and youth after having children that belong to another mans lineage and family, horrible unsatisfying sex life in many cases, is forced to overlook cheating husbands behaviour, must balance greatest majority of housework and breadwinning while husband contributes barest minimum to housework. The man might even be jobless but the wife is advised to stay and support her husband and help him grow.

Infact the list of losses is endless.

you are not entirely right

CHoccolaTE:


The only reason women appear to 'want' marriages is because they have a biological need to bear children and they can't do that outside marriage because they and their children will be stigmatized. Many married women are miserable as hell in their marriages, single women are better off than them when it comes to peace of mind.

not entirely true

Firstly, that assertion is a pure lie. Unmarried and non-mothers are not the happiest especially in Africa.

Secondly, to the comments above, I think marriage favour both men and women. But if women feel they are better without men, its okay. Like we can just mate, you give me a baby, I give you money, you go I go.
That's fair right?
Nonsense ingredient!!!

This is strictly the opinion of the writer. And, he is entiltled to it. True marriages these days are not what they should be but there are a lot of people having great times in their marriage. Though the bad ones get more publicity than the good ones but there are a good number of good ones out there.

Anyone can get angry at men, society or even religion but for a woman, having a life companion, -someone you can feel completely at home with, free without any inhibitions or shame, having your back at any point in time. Someone you can look up to as a friend, mentor, a good father to your children and even someone to get vent on - is the happiest thing that can happen to one.

The caveat however is making the right choice.

The truth is that women who know how powerful they are know that they are the ones controlling the home. Not the man. The problem most women have is that they think it's by confrontation. When that doesn't work they start crying foul.

No doubt marriage is a truest test of One's character but if one gets it right it can be heaven on Earth.

I am for finding ways for people to make right choices and making their marriages work rather than discouraging them completely.

Yes, I am married........ 11 years and counting.

When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable
Do not use your frustration and heart brokenness to abuse the subject matter.
Marriage is sweet. If na lie ask you mama why she born you?

They think so?

Unmarried people are the happiest

Keep deceiving yourselves.

The fact that some marriages are bad doesn't mean marriage itself is bad.

Somebody will wake up one day and brainwash people with his/her problem.

yemisolar:
This is strictly the opinion of the writer. And, he is entiltled to it. True marriages these days are not what they should be but there are a lot of people having great times in their marriage. Though the bad ones get more publicity than the good ones but there are a good number of good ones out there.

what should they be?

Anyone can get angry at men, society or even religion but for a woman, having a life companion, -someone you can feel completely at home with, free without any inhibitions or shame, having your back at any point in time. Someone you can look up to as a friend, mentor, a good father to your children and even someone to get vent on - is the happiest thing that can happen to one.

it's subjective isn't it?

The caveat however is making the right choice.

how?

The truth is that women who know how powerful they are know that they are the ones controlling the home. Not the man. The problem most women have is that they think it's by confrontation. When that doesn't work they start crying foul.

No doubt marriage is a truest test of One's character but if one gets it right it can be heaven on Earth.

first it was heaven on earth, now it's a test
which one is it again?

I am for finding ways for people to make right choices and making their marriages work rather than discouraging them completely.

but nobody ever says how to make the right choice

Yes, I am married........ 11 years and counting.

hopefully happily

Pusyiter:
When purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable
Do not use your frustration and heart brokenness to abuse the subject matter.
Marriage is sweet. If na lie ask you mama why she born you?

make the purpose known then

some married people are happy and others are miserable
some singles are happy others are depressed

CHoccolaTE:


The only reason women appear to 'want' marriages is because they have a biological need to bear children and they can't do that outside marriage because they and their children will be stigmatized. Many married women are miserable as hell in their marriages, single women are better off than them when it comes to peace of mind.

Read the bold again and juxtapose with the topic. Can you see how senseless this thread is?

Why want children when children make you unhappy? Better search yourself and define what happiness means to you.

Lol

Satan is a liar, those spiritually simple ones will always believe him

Lies,at least for Nigerians.

Unmarried,Childless women are a special kind of bitter. Very acidic and vindictive. Its like bile flows in their veins instead of blood. Whether they are teachers,bankers,professors or even market women they are never happy and consciously make others unhappy too,especially if they are getting on in years. Let them get married or bear a kid and watch all the animosity drain out of them like oil from a leaking pipe.

The worst of all,are those not married,childless and undicked...they harbour atomic spite and bile. I hope not to meet such again,amen.

Who Wrote The Crap

for where?? .. unless na rev sisters

Time will tell

Lmao.

All I see here is an unmarried, childless 35+ year old woman consoling herself.

I'm yet to see a woman past her prime who is single and truly happy. Even the holy book says; "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Let's not get into the financial benefits women gain from marriage. Even to afford a flat on their own they cannot. In this Nigeria, most women cannot sustain themselves without the help of a man: husband, sugardaddy, boyfriend, whatever you wanna call it.

To fix their hair sef, they need a boyfriend - but you'll see them all over nairaland posting trash.

Sidenote: I would love if more women adopt the OP's ideology. If women reject marriage in its entirety, it will save men a GREAT chunk of our hard earned resources!

There's nothing more satisfying than holding my baby in my hands and looking at those innocent eyes looking back at me.

People like Tacha them

Your idea is too jejune