essenceplus:
What is wrong with our men. Why does this continent breed these kinds of men. Bukatyne lilmissfavvy pls answer me. I'm tired of reading such gawop daily. Ibkayee can you answer this question and help me out of this dilemma

Lol

Marriage prep after just one month of dating is way too soon, sounds like you were fear mongered into the marriage (typical), but whilst I understand the pressure you were likely facing, your decision to enter a marriage with a complete stranger was less than sensible. But like I said, I can imagine the harassment pressure you were facing

I would leave him personally, you don’t have any children tying you to him which is usually the main incentive for people to stay even though they’re suffering in their marriage. It’s not even like you guys have history together so 'broken heart' won’t be an issue. You don’t depend on him financially either. I guess you’re worried about how it will look? Which is fair enough but is it worth the nonsense he’s putting you through? Cut your losses and divorce him dear. Good luck

ibkayee:

Lol

its fvcking my mind hard

I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious.

I am too young to convince you to stay or leave your marriage, but I would advise you to work on your character.

You should also desist from blaming your pastors. I want to believe you've always known him since you guys work in the same firm. You didn't marry a complete stranger. Certain things (e.g. character) are just not right.

Acidosis:



I am too young to convince you to stay or leave your marriage, but I would advise you to work on your character.

You should also desist from blaming your pastors. I want to believe you've always known him since you guys work in the same firm. You didn't marry a complete stranger. Certain things (e.g. character) are just not right.

No.i never knew him. s company is quite big. we work in differ depts so I never knew him

ibkayee:
Marriage prep after just one month of dating is way too soon, sounds like you were fear mongered into the marriage (typical), but whilst I understand the pressure you were likely facing, your decision to enter a marriage with a complete stranger was less than sensible. But like I said, I can imagine the harassment pressure you were facing

I would leave him personally, you don’t have any children tying you to him which is usually the main incentive for people to stay even though they’re suffering in their marriage. It’s not even like you guys have history together so 'broken heart' won’t be an issue. You don’t depend on him financially either. I guess you’re worried about how it will look? Which is fair enough but is it worth the nonsense he’s putting you through? Cut your losses and divorce him dear. Good luck

d same church, d same establishment. not easy at all. if not for those circumstances,but I am looking for a way around it.

Really sorry about your predicament, I don’t think the problem is how long you knew each other but just character issues.

My friend is depressed now, he just ended his 4 years relationship. The lady was dating her ex and him. It is a crazy world

You had different relationships in the past but you were unserious.
Before you knew it, you were in the mid 30s and desperation came in which led you to a demon husband.

I have no pity for women like this. Many young girls are still coming to learn the lesson you have learnt.

Youth is fleeting.

She said he slapped her. That is physical abuse. He also subjects her to severe emotional abuse, by blackmailing her on issues of childlessness, even when he knew he had health issues.

Deepfeel:

Emotional abuse not physical, emotional abuse most times is worse than physical beatings

Elesta:

d same church, d same establishment. not easy at all. if not for those circumstances,but I am looking for a way around it.

Choose the option least likely to end with you in a casket sha, the guy is scum

Best of luck dearie

As a youth leader I was speaking to a lady in church on Sunday asking about her general well being.

She couldn't even make proper eye contact, and was busy behaving like the queen of England because of beauty and youth.

I just dey look am.

Elesta:

you married a reasonable person, I didnt

My dear, let me tell you! My husband is not perfect o! It has taken us work on ourselves to get to that point. But I did not marry an abuser. However, marriage, it’s a constant situation of self reflection and rectification of wrongs. I also can be impatient and I have a temper! We have just figured out how to respect ourselves and we have grown from our numerous issues.

You are not perfect either! So, take some time to evaluate if there are issues you can work on. If yes, please work on it. If no, then you can always leave the marriage. I absolutely do not advocate physical violence.

desvi:
please don't have children for him they will suffer in such an environment

Your moniker should be "devil" not desvi.

Elesta:
No.i never knew him. s company is quite big. we work in differ depts so I never knew him

Okay, my bad.


If I may ask, what happened to your last relationship?

any wise person can see that you are the major cause of whatever bad thing that has happened in your marriage through your post and replies, but many are not going to tell you this because of one reason or another. if you marry another man without changing somethings about you you will have this same experience again. i wish you well in your decision all the same

Elesta:

with or without NL,i am the one wearing d shoes. Thanks for your concern but it's just a matter of time, I know I can't stay in such a marriage nits affecting all areas of my life, physically, psychologically, spiritually

Then move along na, what are you waiting for?

Tell your pastor u are quitting and then quit, forget d side talks. I dnt knw anything abt marriage bt i hate seeing husbands treat their wives bad. Divorse that dimwit and ask God for forgiveness. Good thing u r even working

Abfinest007:
I got no sympathy for u .what were u doing before u got to ur mid thirties .I guess u chase d serious guys away

Really sad for your parents..

You dated for four Months and got married already

You married him because age was no longer on your side and because of your pastor and that is so annoying.
If the kitchen seems so hot, get the fvck out of it.
Marriage is not for everybody.

Take your Marriage out of Nairaland.
People here will scatter it even further...

The man tho

Simply him to his face that you are moving to another house until he is ready to live his life like an husband who care and love.

Am not talking about divorce, just separation, in fact you can be calling and checking out on him to see if he is fine, if your body needs him you visit if will.

But living under same roof with and is making you unhappy is no different.

But risky sha oo.

PLEASE GO TALK TO YOUR PASTOR ABOUT IT.

Flee the marriage as fast as you can.

Leave the fella.

Elesta:
Hello family, I have a long post about my terrible marriage. Please bear with me, I just have to pour everything out because it's killing me slowly.
I am in my mid 30's ,got married to this man in his mid 40's who has never been married before.We attend the same church although different branches, so the pastor of his branch and the pastor of my branch brought us together. We started dating and he seemed head over heels and started talking about marriage immediately. At first, the way he was talking and his reaction to things I wasn't interested and I even told him, but he begged me and the pastor begged me so I overlooked and continued especially considering my age. If I wasn't in my mid 30's and if I hadn't done fibroid operation and so, eager to take in, I won't have made this terrible mistake. We also work in the same place so everything seemed perfect.

Now we started making wedding plans just after one month of dating and we got married 4months after because of church process. It seemed blissful but I stumbled on his messages with a lady he was saying before me and eventually at the same time with me. I discovered he kept begging n begging her even while me n him were dating .he kept telling her to agree to attend his church or dey can be going to their separate churches but the girl kept insisting that they should attend the same church. I. e. he should leave his church and she will leave hers. Don't get me wrong, if this had happened before we started dating, I wouldn't have gotten angry. but all these happened while we were serious and even after he came to see my father, I discovered he was still pleading with her as per church matter. Who does that?? So what if she had agreed for the church matter, he would have dumped me n embarrassed my dad??

I brought it to his notice and he kept saying he never meant it, he was just using it as an excuse not to marry her.

Now in the marriage, emotional abuse never ends. Just fewonths into the marriage, he started behaving somehow bcoz I hadn't taken in. all kinds of insults oh. one day, he said if he knew I couldn't have children he won't have married me. this was just 4months into d marriage. any little thing he complains. on weekends, he expects me to get up by 7am m start preparing his breakfast oh. weekend which is supposed to b for resting since we work Monday to Friday. Every little thing, he keeps saying if he knew he won't have married me.
I still remember how he slapped me several times, he insulted me n i insulted him back, that was what caused d slap. even when he saw me crying he wasn't moved. I have complained to family members and friends ,they have spoken to him, he will change for a while and later go back to his terrible ways.
I have never seen this kind of acrimony between couple. I am not a bad looking person, I have dated people in d past, they didn't treat me half as badly as this one. I was just too unserious. I want to leave this torture. but we work in the same place and I am trying to avoid wagging tongues. I just tired. I have seen and experienced mutual love and it's not like this. I long to share love with someone that loves me just the way I am. I don't deserve to be with this animal. When it comes to food, he eats so angry if his food isn't ready on time.

Please I need advice. he went for test n it was discovered he has low sperm count. that made him humble for some fine but recently he started saying again that if he had married a younger lady, d lady would have been pregnant by now. just imagine this kind of torture. God knows I have absorbed so much from this man

You must love yourself enough to walk away from a toxic relationship or marriage. My question is, do you love yourself enough to walk away from high blood pressure or potential homicide? The choice is yours!

Op, next time he abuses you of not having a child, tell him straight "Mr. husband, the doctor said I'm okay that you should come check your sperm count because the problem might be you"
No child yet so this is a good time to find your way.

This just reminds me of "I got flowers today"

Is like you don't women, very indecisive.

youngest85:
I stopped reading when I read ' he begged me and pastor begged me'
They begged you to embark on a life time journey in which you are not interested in partner?

essenceplus:
What is wrong with our men. Why does this continent breed these kinds of men. Bukatyne lilmissfavvy pls answer me. I'm tired of reading such gawop daily. Ibkayee can you answer this question and help me out of this dilemma

Feminists have arrived...

They will forget all news about irresponsible wives now..

"Men are scum" crew loading..

mhizdebbygold:



Seeing him is not to resolve issues but to let him know that what he joined together is on the verge of collapsing and you ain't interested.

To achieve what exactly? Total BS, makes no sense.