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Would You Propose To Your Girlfriend After A Mastectomy? / Best Gift To Give Your Mum On Her Birthday / How Long Can U Allow Your Mum To Stay In Your Matrimonial Home? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: . by malaika(f): 12:45pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
:/ |
Re: . by Princek12(m): 1:02pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
You should put your mom in the place where she belongs. Even if your mom finds offensive your girlfriend's extended stay at your place, your mom exceeded her powers by driving her out. I presume your mom pays no bills and is not responsible for the upkeep of your residence, so your mom has impermissibly invaded your personal space by deciding how long your girlfriend can stay in your own house. Be cautioned that your mom's nosy behavior presages more invasion into other private areas of your relationship, even when and if you become married. As such, don't be shocked when she later comes in your eventual matrimonial home and dictates to your wife, for example, the kind of clothes to wear and how she should wash the dishes. |
Re: . by nkilirox(f): 1:21pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
apocalypse: I couldn't have messed up like your girlfriend sha, why would I even spend one night in your house (& presumably) in your bedroom while your mother is there? The day I see your momsie in for a surpise visit, is the day I surprisingly visit my own home or a friend's place. Even if your parents are cool with it, its shows a lack of "proper" (i.e. Nigerian conservative) upbringing to do sleepovers while parents are around. |
Re: . by nkilirox(f): 1:22pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
apocalypse: I couldn't have messed up like your girlfriend sha, why would I even spend one night in your house (& presumably) in your bedroom while your mother is there? The day I see your momsie in for a surpise visit, is the day I surprisingly visit my own home or a friend's place. Even if your parents are cool with it, its shows a lack of "proper" (i.e. Nigerian conservative) upbringing to do sleepovers while parents are around. |
Re: . by ifyalways(f): 1:25pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
apocalypse:Now,shes preparing to marry you,now is the best time for her to wake up and accept mama the way she is.Love is not all abt expecting someone to be what we want them to be,its all abt accpeting someone,all their faults and extremes included. and Nope,mama wont be intrested in what goes on in your home after your mariage,she wud be too soaked in her bible to give u guys a thought . . she just does not want to condone any form of sin now that u are yet unmarried. Moreso,if mama was the bossy type,she wudnt have accepted that your gf seeing shes neither born-again nor a deeper-lifer like her. My mum is a pastor and i know what it was like growing up. she wont just force u to be like her but she wont still be part of or see any appearance of evil and keep mute.Till date,i and ny hubby love and adore my mum but we are not born-again or even share same religious views with her and guess what . . .she has nit changed and we have not stopped loving her ![]() apocalypse:lol You were thinking of the humping u missed that day. Sweetie,im married and we love swinging on the chandler,those sexy lingerie et all but when mama is ard,i compose myself in my matrimonial home as a good married woman shld. I and my hubby even make jokes out of it,laugh abt her and we call her names like CCTV and feel bad anytime shes leaving cos inspite of everything,we wud miss her. She loves to pray room to room midnight though silently so we mind ourselves while erhm . . This is real life,your mum is your mum come what . . u and your girl have to adjust and accept and love her . . she and her dislike for every form and appearance of evil,illegal humping esp.lol |
Re: . by asha80(m): 1:30pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Princek12: +1 The people supporting the mother do not seem to realize the problem that is going to brew in the future here.From the poster's history it seems that the mum has had a very great control over his life till now that she cannot really believe that the son is now a grown up. Why not sit the guy down or both the guy and girl and voice her views?By the action she just took she has zilch confidence in the ability of the boy to make his own decisions.Also going by the the way he was brought up he seems like a classic mummy's boy.How many ladies to be honest want a typical mummy's boy? It is good that the mum went through a lot for him but there comes a time to draw the line. |
Re: . by Buzman: 1:36pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
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Re: . by ifyalways(f): 1:37pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
asha 80:I dont see this problem u guys are seeing. The poster did not say the mum threw out the girl. The mum told the girl to stop sleeping over till they are legally married. Now,which mum in Nigeria wud not say that,not to talk one that is born again ![]() The GF prolly filled with guilt,got ashamed of herself,packed her things and left. You ppl need to show me how that describes to being bossy ![]() |
Re: . by asha80(m): 1:38pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
One more quastion to poster on a lighter note Are you from Anambra going by the stereotype of mother's control over their sons ![]() |
Re: . by upc: 1:39pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
if your gf friend is anoid, that means she is not matured to be a wife let alone to face challanges of marriage. I am ones in that shoes but, my fiance then, was so angry but i continue talking to him that your mother is right because she is a good christian mother and doesnt want to condole evil. even when my husband declared for the marriage for the parents to lead him to our house the mother totally disagreed that people from my side do not make good wife. he discussed with the her more than 4 good hours till she accepted and told him to bring me home. In all this circumstances, i dont even be angry rather i pray without ceasing till the will of god be done. We are now happily married with a bouncing baby girl and another one on the way comming by the grace god. And my mother inlaw is my best friend as I am speaking with you. Nothing i requested from her that she cannot give me unless she doesn,t has it. therefore, this is the first challanges as she you people are stepping into marriage. There are many things you will face, so it depends your faith to win the race. |
Re: . by Ikedonn(m): 1:40pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Your mom did the right thing.Don't take becuase what your mom did and hate her.Bewarn. |
Re: . by upc: 1:44pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
if your gf friend is anoid, that means she is not matured to be a wife let alone to face challanges of marriage. I am ones in that shoes but, my fiance then, was so angry but i continue talking to him that your mother is right because she is a good christian mother and doesnt want to condole evil. even when he declared for the marriage for the parents to lead him to our house the mother totally disagreed that people from my side do not make good wife. he discussed with the her more than 4 good hours till she accepted and told him to bring me home. In all this circumstances, i dont even be angry rather i pray without ceasing till the will of god be done. We are now happily married with a bouncing baby girl and another one on the way comming by the grace god. And my mother inlaw is my best friend as I am speaking with you. Nothing i requested from her that she cannot give me unless she doesn,t has it. therefore, this is the first challanges as she you people are stepping into marriage. There are many things you will face, so it depends your faith to win the race. |
Re: . by Madcow(m): 1:45pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
If the girl really loves you, She would not take offence! in fact, she would thank your mother for everything and pray to God to forgive her! What your mum did was in the interest of both you and the girl. If the girl does not see it in that light, she is very very stupid. The girl has no business sleeping in your house considering you are not married to her! How would you feel if you had a sister in year 2 co-habitating with a man who has not put a ring on her finger? She is not married to you and she wants to bring enmity between you and your only mother! Na wah oh! When you get married to her and she kills your mother and begins to prostitute herself, your eyes would clear! The girl is loose, you should start looking elsewhere before it is too late, there are still many girls out there who respect their chastity and would love your mother as theirs Be wise! |
Re: . by johnwell(m): 1:49pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
From the look of things and as a man, the mum is wrong, she should have discuss this with the son. it is the son that brought this lady, not the mum, she has no power to do what she did, she was wrong, except she wants to or she is married to the son. Am Married, anybody that comes to my house no-matter the relationship, you're a stranger and you have no right to decide in my house. whether you like it or not, you have to abide on what you see or , In addition, if in-case the son gets married to this lady how do you think the family will be? will there be peace between the parties involve? we all should let our mothers know that; when they come our house, whosoever, whatever the see they should let it be or they ask their child what they don't understand. "sosongo k'mkpanutong" |
Re: . by asha80(m): 1:50pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
ifyalways: Ify read the poster's posts carefully.It is not just this incident but there seems to be in the posters mind that he has been caged by the mum activities for a long time.Agreed that the mum took good care for him and even suffered for him but there poster also seems to feel that he needs some space in his life.I do not know about ladies but as a guy i know that feeling of wanting to do your own thing without the feeling that your mum is breathing down your neck.In one of his posts he said that the mums actions prevented him from being streetwise and i guess for him to say that he is a bit dissappointed in that. The guy says he is in his early thirties so there is that urge in him to feel independent.This action by mum has deflated that a bit and if you are a man you must know how it feels.The issue here is the approach by the mum in doing it.i personally believe the best approach is calling the man aside and telling him how she felt about the whole situation and reasons for feeling so.A man must never be made to feel he is incapable on managing his home in a blatant manner his own unless he admits it. |
Re: . by tpiah: 1:56pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
there seems to be in the posters mind that he has been caged by the mum activities for a long time since when? ![]() when she was changing his diapers? everybody should move on abeg. the guy should let it go and be wiser next time. the girl should overlook it since what the mother was telling her was for her own good. Did she not know the mum was religious? yes, his mum was rather direct. Older people can be that way even though it's annoying. |
Re: . by asha80(m): 2:05pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
tpiah: Read the guys post in detail to understand what i am saying. yeah everyone should move on.i guess we all can behave anyway we want without minding the cosequences on what we are doing. |
Re: . by Amychike: 2:07pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Ur girlfriend should have left immediately ur Mum came.It shows respect. |
Re: . by tpiah: 2:08pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
asha 80: what consequences? ![]() the girl and her boyfriend were in the wrong here. they were very disrespectful to the mother. if indeed the mum is very controlling, then the son should wise up and arrange things so there's no clash between her and his girl. was the mother supposed to keep quiet for the duration of her stay and just listen to them banging each other every night? ![]() |
Re: . by omogidi234(m): 2:09pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
@ poster, I noticed u are more disposed favourably to those who hold the same view as urs as per ur mom being old school. me think it is a privilege to have a mom like her, most people don't have mom (either they are dead or they have abadoned their wards). forget about the approach and think about the intention. |
Re: . by tpiah: 2:11pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
me think it is a privilege to have a mom like her i agree. |
Re: . by tpiah: 2:13pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Am Married, anybody that comes to my house no-matter the relationship, you're a stranger and you have no right to decide in my house. whether you like it or not, you have to abide on what you see or if you're married, that's a different kettle of fish. the guy in question is not married. |
Re: . by asha80(m): 2:13pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
omogidi234: This statement is what differenciates a matured way of handling issues and an immature way of also doing so. |
Re: . by jaybee3(m): 2:19pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Is it wrong for my girlfriend to stay over @ my place for a while? Wrong but acceptible in ma own books ![]() ![]() Can I stop my mum from coming over unless she's invited , cos honestly I'm not really feeling her on this. You can't stop your mum because of your girlfriend but your mum shouldn't have gone over the top by working her out. As long as you are a man and make your own decisions then the right thing she should have done is speak to you about her not being comfortable with you and your gf's living arrangement. Would have been a whole different ball game if you were still living at home. If I decide to stop my mum from coming over , what reactions should I expect from my family? Don't know how you are going to dig yourself from this hole cos in my eyes and probabaly hers, it simply means your mum will continue to have considerable amount of power over your relationship. |
Re: . by ifyalways(f): 2:20pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
johnwell:Very sick. If ur mum comes to ur house and sees u shagging a mad woman she wud keep quiet? Heavens be praised,u are married and hopefully have kids. . i dont know what u guys are fabricating,the mum and the sons GF have not had any problem b4. Arrgh,cos we are priviledged to enjoy freedom and our eyes are open one shld just flush down decency down the drain ![]() asha 80:Dont imagine things. I dont how or saw where the OP said he felt or think that hes caged by the mum. i dont still see how her mums action translated to "hes not man enough to run his home" Lets just deal with the matter as it is.she talked to the girl,she did NOT throw her out puleaseeee. Tell me Asha,if ur mum comes to ur house and see a girl sleeping over,what wud she do? asha 80:so now the mum is immature ![]() Jeez ! This woman has always been a strict woman who calls a spade a spade unlike most of us here. O ma se oo. |
Re: . by dayolove: 2:21pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
AP, let me join those telling you that no right-thinking person born of a woman will out rightly condemn your mum for what she did. look at this way before, think about the danger of anything happening to the girl while in your house - say she falls sick and God forbid something more happens to her. in the eyes of the law, traditionally and otherwise, it will be difficult for you to come out of it without so much traditional rites since your relationship is still not formalised. this could be what mum was trying to communicate. until the ladies wealth price has been paid, she is not legally you wifey and can not enjoy the rights and priviledges attached to that position. this is also in addition to the fact that it is morally wrong for her to stay with you while your mum is there. she would have left the next day or as fast as she can to give your mum that respect. any mother that looks the other way in this kind of situation and in a sane and morally upright household, will be viewed as morally bankcrupt. i suggest you take time and meet with your mum and run some of these issues with her with all due respects and acknowledging the fact that she means well for you while subtly letting her know you are becoming a full grown up man. u shld do this while she is relaxed and ready to listen. 4get anyone that tells you that you wouldnt need mother/parental consent for your marriage. strained Motherinlaw/daughterinlaw relationship is not what you should pray for in a marriage. you can hardly handle it. God said obey your parents that you may live long - this is the only assurance of long life in the bible. once the lady becomes your wifey legally, your mum will naturally begin to know the boundaries but must be loved still while your wifey occupies first position in your heart and anywhere but dont start that way with mum else, the repercussion is better imagined. finally, let your GF know mum means well and have high respect for her else some mothers will be violent about it and even put a slap through to the lady or engage in other more embarrassing approach. goodluck. |
Re: . by ifyalways(f): 2:23pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
Amychike:This is just it. Respect the woman and respect urself,quietly give space No one needs to tell/teach anyone that. |
Re: . by asha80(m): 2:27pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
ifyalways: The bolded actually happened to my elder brother and i was at his home then.She arrived from owerri to lagos where he was staying and meant the girl.Obviously she was mad but she still waited for my brother to come back to tell her how she felt about the whole thing.Of course mt brother later had to tell the lady the score and stepped off. i still believe she has to talk to the guy and make the guy do what he is supposed to do. |
Re: . by johnwell(m): 2:28pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
tpiah:I know the guy in question is not married, but remember that both has introduced themselves to their families/relatives, but I tell you that the same guts she has to send the lady away, the same she will do to his wife, I have seen it severally |
Re: . by silami(m): 2:29pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
omogidi234:[quote author=omogidi234 link=topic=532007.msg6964293#msg6964293 date= Exactly my brother! If u know she is old school and you not ready to change ur mindset, why did u bother people here. Your mom is absolutely right! Your bf staying at your place to do what? Have u paid her bride price? Are u legally and morally married? Or u just want give her bele and deny later? The girl should even thank ur mom Jare. |
Re: . by jaybee3(m): 2:30pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
asha 80:CASE CLOSED That's what i would expect ma own Ma to do in same situation. Parents are not always right. The approach was wrong but message was bang on point |
Re: . by asha80(m): 2:33pm On Oct 18, 2010 |
ifyalways: Sorry but though strictness is good how you apply it matters too.In my street where i grew up i have seen two families where the severe stictness of the parents have made the children all who are older than me not to communicate with the parents again.In one of the families the dad died and 4 of his 6 boys refused to come for his burial. |
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