[resolved]

Just let him know all the advantages this will give you guys.

I have one child, and I just got a help. Seriously,life has been over all easier.

I am able to come back from work and still go to gym also we have more couples times and that has brought more intimacy because we are not overwhelmed by house chores.

I think you should just try it out from your own expense, when he sees how tidy and sparkly everywhere is, he will come around.

Yes I think you are being unreasonable... if you already think you need a cleaner with just one child, what will you need when you have 3?

As you can clearly see, hubby has no problem helping on this issue... so if he ain't complaining....why do you think it's an issue FOR HIM? i think it is only an issue for you, and only you?

As for having cleaners in Nigeria, yes most people do... but these are children that you raise as your own while living with you and not strangers that come in your private space, on a daily.

House boy/girl in Nigeria shouldn't remotely be compared to cleaners abroad

He enjoys doing it and that might be a hobby for him, taking it away may seem somehow and he might be looking at the cost too

BTW what do you use your free time to do abd what do you guys not have time for

Ooops

You're not being unreasonable. Outsource these things if you want to. He'll just have to adapt. We women shouldn't stress ourselves at all. You come home less stressed, he comes to meet a sparkly house, and the cleaning folks walk home with enough bucks. In the end, everyone is happy!

We aren't in 1894.

Shebi Oga is jeje doing the cleaning,he's not complaining nah

chii8:
Shebi Oga is jeje doing the cleaning,he's not complaining nah

Until when?

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Given the reasons you gave in the OP, I don't think this is an issue at all.
Your husband has no problem cleaning after himself and taking care of his family. Why are you insisting on getting help? Unless, YOU don't want to spend time cleaning, and that is okay. Just don't make it seem like you are doing it for him...

Spending £60 a month on a service you can do without, is not cheap IMO.
£60 * 12 months = £720 a year. Can you think of something more productive to do with £720? I can.

UyaiIncomparabl:
You're not being unreasonable. Outsource these things if you want to. He'll just have to adapt. We women shouldn't stress ourselves at all. You come home less stressed, he comes to meet a sparkly house, and the cleaning folks walk home with enough bucks. In the end, everyone is happy!

We aren't in 1894.

two cannot come together if they dont agree. You can't tell me you will adapt if your husband says he doesn't want to be having sex with you again.

dingbang:
two cannot come together if they dont agree. You can't tell me you will adapt if your husband says he doesn't want to be having sex with you again.

What concerns sex with house chores?

UyaiIncomparabl:


Until when?

Until he ain't any longer and THEN they can look for a solution.... but why spend money on such issue now when it's not a big deal to them?

@Sweetmelanin, pls come answer the very important below question:

kingphilip:
He enjoys doing it and that might be a hobby for him, taking it away may seem somehow and he might be looking at the cost too

BTW what do you use your free time to do abd what do you guys not have time for

elektra:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Given the reasons you gave in the OP, I don't think this is an issue at all.
Your husband has no problem cleaning after himself and taking care of his family. Why are you insisting on getting help? Unless, YOU don't want to spend time cleaning, and that is okay. Just don't make it seem like you are doing it for him...

Spending £60 a month on a service you can do without, is not cheap IMO.
£60 * 12 months = £720 a year. Can you think of something more productive to do with £720? I can.

I don't know if ur based in the UK but £60 is next to nothing.

MrBrownJay1:
Yes I think you are being unreasonable... if you already think you need a cleaner with just one child, what will you need when you have 3?

As you can clearly see, hubby has no problem helping on this issue... so if he ain't complaining....why do you think it's an issue FOR HIM? i think it is only an issue for you, and only you?

As for having cleaners in Nigeria, yes most people do... but these are children that you raise as your own while living with you and not strangers that come in your private space, on a daily.

House boy/girl in Nigeria shouldn't remotely be compared to cleaners abroad

OP, don't take this man seriously.

You need to convince your husband to hire a cleaner.

If he has issues with that, then he should be ready to split the house chores with you.

Being a mother comes with it's responsibilities. Your husband should be looking for ways to ensure your quality of life is easier.

UyaiIncomparabl:


What concerns sex with house chores?

was stating an example for you to be guided

You and your hubby cannot manage/clean a three storey town-house. The idea of doing all the job alone is highly unreasonable and unheard of.

A three storey town-house is not a 2 bed- or 3 bedroom flat. In fact, the comparison with young couples in Nigeria is very very needless as most young and old couples in Nigeria cannot afford such a luxury in the first place.

Why purchase such a luxury when there are no modalities in place for maintenance?

I don’t know why people make marriage so complicated. Just the option of a cleaner and people are already making a huge debate out of nothing. Darling I live in the U.K too and I understand the struggle. I think you should talk to him more about this cleaner option, I think he will eventually succumb to the idea after a while. And if he doesn’t then you both need to come to an equilibrium where you’re not stressed and overwhelmed and everybody is satisfied. Maybe just start it off as a one time thing, see how he reacts. Then progress from there.

Also When picking a cleaner, choose from a high rated trusted agency and do all your background checks and you will be fine, if you do eventually go down that route.

Are you giving her advice or are you questioning what her and her hubby have decided to spend THEIR money on?

Kaiii I don’t understand some Nigerian people. Give advice, no. But to make unsolicited remarks and commentary is what they know how to do best.

Acidosis:

You and your hubby cannot manage/clean a three story town-house effectively. The idea of doing all the job alone is highly unreasonable and unheard of.

A three storey town-house is not a 2 bed- or 3 bedroom flat. In fact, the comparison with young couples in Nigeria is very very needless as most young couples in Nigeria cannot afford such a luxury in the first place.

Why purchase such a luxury when there are no modalities in place for maintenance?

Safitu:
Are you giving her advice or are you questioning what her and her hubby have decided to spend THEIR money on?

Kaiii I don’t understand some Nigerian people. Give advice, no. But to make unsolicited remarks and commentary is what they know how to do best.

I'm giving her the necessary advice required to convince her hubby. How you choose to interpret my point is completely your choice. To put you out of your misery, replace the word "maintenance" with "cleaning".

You can give advice without making side remarks. People come here to the family section for non judgemental advice, do better.

Acidosis:


I'm giving her the necessary advice required to convince her hubby. How you choose to interpret my point is completely your choice. To put you out of your misery, replace the word "maintenance" with "cleaning".

Safitu:
You can give advice without making side remarks. People come here to the family section for non judgemental advice, do better.

Sorry, we are not all the same. I don't know how to dance aimlessly and clandestinely around the truth.

Nothing wrong with using a cleaning service IMO.It gives you more time to rest and spend together.
Who's paying for the extra £60?If it's you then it shouldn't be an issue.If it's hubby,then that could be his reason for the resistance.

sweetmelanin:


I don't know if ur based in the UK but £60 is next to nothing.

You don’t mean it. Y’all must be rich, JK

I practice FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early), and have gotten into the habit of scrutinizing recurrent expenses.

Anyway, since it is nothing to you, you only have to make your husband see the benefits of the cleaning service

Reason w| him if you think you need it. £60 monthly is about $96, which is quite cheap. Just make sure the quality of service you'll be getting is decent.

Well I don’t expect nothing less from Nigerians. Continue as you please.

Acidosis:


Sorry, we are not all the same. I don't know how to dance aimlessly and clandestinely around the truth.

DivineFeminine:


OP, don't take this man seriously.

You need to convince your husband to hire a cleaner.

If he has issues with that, then he should be ready to split the house chores with you.

Being a mother comes with it's responsibilities. Your husband should be looking for ways to ensure your quality of life is easier.

If you had read the OP' s initial post instead of writing deluded rubbish (because you are pained I called you for what you are), you would have seen that hubby ALREADY is sharing the home chores. Duh!!@

Safitu:
I don’t know why people make marriage so complicated. Just the option of a cleaner and people are already making a huge debate out of nothing. Darling I live in the U.K too and I understand the struggle. I think you should talk to him more about this cleaner option, I think he will eventually succumb to the idea after a while. And if he doesn’t then you both need to come to an equilibrium where you’re not stressed and overwhelmed and everybody is satisfied. Maybe just start it off as a one time thing, see how he reacts. Then progress from there.

Also When picking a cleaner, choose from a high rated trusted agency and do all your background checks and you will be fine, if you do eventually go down that route.

You are saying :"just a cleaner" like it's something easy to do. I don't know about you, but I would be very careful before letting total strangers roam freely into my home and private spacevaluables.

Also, let us all understand that husband sees nothing wrong with them doing the chores themselves, as they are young and fit..... shouldn't that come into consideration?

dingbang:
was stating an example for you to be guided

Ok Hector.

Madam i live in the abroad too and a 3 storey townhouse is not beans even if hubby is helping.It would definitely free up spare time for you guys to do other stuff or just simply rest in an environment where there is always something to attend to.
I do not have one because i can not afford.If i could, i would.

You know what method you adopt when you want him on your side.Adopt that method in this case and for you,try to start with a monthly visit first instead of fortnightly.

What do you need that kind of house for

Katier00:
What do you need that kind of house for

Hmmm.A yound family with just a child?

What if the person comes to your house and cleans every room with the same sponge?

If you want to make cooking and cleaning a little easier/faster:

Use a steamer and wet vac. Use a robovac and robomop. Use your dishwasher. Drop off your laundry (let someone else do it). Instead of cooking every night, cook enough stuff for a few days. Make more fast, simple or one pot meals. Cook with a Ninja Foodi or similar device sometimes. You can cook an entire real meal (protein, veg, and grain) in like 30 minutes or less with the device.