@ OP

The psychologist Sigmund Freud says, "He that has eyes to see and ears to hear may convince himself that no mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; the betrayal oozes out of him at every pore".


He has told you he does not want to talk, so what are you waiting for? For him to kill you Mba

@poster,
I believe you are not telling us the real story.You simply are just telling us the part that suits you.

The reason why he is acting that way is that he is disappointed in you about something he can not figure out yet. He is only acting out what is troubling him in his sub conscious.

Unless you coaxed him into marrying you or he is on some strong drugs (not even marijuana), no man ever acts like that within the first few years of a marriage that he intentionally went into.

And you say he beats you? Have you learned not to raise your voice or hand at him under any circumstance? Once again, Unless you coaxed him into marrying you or he is on some strong drugs (not even marijuana), no man ever hits anybody who doesn't raise voice or hand against him.

Also importantly,you have just very few post with your ID as if you are new on Nairaland. I think you have an older Nairaland ID and you are ashamed of people contrasting what you are experiencing now with you old Nairaland character. So that they don't say "that serves you right".

I do not support wife/anybody beating. But please tell us the full story so that we can give you real advise.

Most often in a relationship we notice some odd behavior in our spouse but because we are blinded by so called love and comfort we ignore it. We often get married to images of people rather than who they really are. As they say "wedding is wonderful; it is the living together after that is the problem". Your husband must have exhibited traits of this character while you were courting but you were blinded by the whirlwind romance, that is the common mistake most people make. We often think marriage is an escape route out of our problems or rather we rush into a marriage to rush out. I don't often advice people to leave their marriage because it is an institution laid down by God but nevertheless do not sit down when you know your life is at stake. The deed has been done, try sit him down and have a love talk with him, find out what you doing that makes him behave that way, if that doesn't work talk to his mother or your pastor, let them sit you both down. If that doesn't work then the love is dead, no bond yet, get out while you can still walk with your legs don't wait for a wheel chair or body bag to help you out!

You better pick race before Race pick you

It's only God that can change him, just be prayerful.

But my candid advice is instead of you to die in his hands you better leave(run) for your dear life.

This life is too short for someone to take it away from you.

Just keep trying all you can for peace to regin.

good advice given to you , i just need to add PRAYERS to it. and unpopular as it may sound, you need to get in touch with your in-law, you cant ignore that fire for too long

Poster,Please tell us the truth.I can't believe all your stories now ,untill you open up your own weakness to the man.I am saying this because i know a man can't suddenly change overnight like that."A toad does not run in the day time unless something is after it".

Hello lady,

come think of this issue's before you got maaried. what is it that he love's most you do ?

who his most respested person ?

close friend you ?

his boss ?

farourite foot ?

Nice time to talk to him hard and soft ?

all this you need to know about him, imagine marriage not up to a year like hell i wonder if he really love you and you too really love him ?

try find out all this and you urself wacth your ways and manner of approach.  at this time use this means to catch him alway put the following word when talking to him.

"Sir can i bring your food ?"

"knee asking will you lke be to get you water ?"

thing that make a man feel like a King please him with sweat word.  becasue if a no judge he might have a place call another home outside so try use all this.

Lats dont forget to "PRAY FOR HIM"  your home is your home.


wish you all the best,

Lady Poster,

To say something is wrong is an understatement.
From your post, you are meeting a brickwall each time you try to address the matter.

How's he coping with work? Finances? And other circumstances surrounding your home?
Assuming we believe your story, you are totally innocent.
At least if the guy is not telling you what your fault is, you won't know.
A couple (our friends) went through something similar sometime ago.
The man doing the beating in this case is a caucasion guy. So it happens everywhere.

We advised them to consider marriage counselling. It worked like magic.
I am not saying it will work for everyone but it's sure worth a try.
If you are close to your mother-in-law, let her know.
Certainly let your parents know. God forbid you are found de*d one day, your man could blame armed robbers for it and go unpunished.

For most of us, marriage is trial and error. Some may read a few books here and there.
Marriage is way too important to go into just like that.

Pls dont allow this man to kill u before it is too late.

Your life is more preceious than this.  I heard a storey of a woman who had been going through a whole lot of beating, maltreatment and what have u.  She has had children for this man o.  One day it started, the woman could not take it anymore, she went to the Church, the Church couldnt really do much.  She travelled home, reported the case to the Village elders.  They summoned the man to come home.  After a lot of intense interrogation, accusation and swearing.  He confessed that he has another woman, a mistress.  That he will no longer be leaving permanently with the wife.  one leg in, one leg out.  In fact as I write now, the two legs are out.  He no longer come home.  

So my Dear, you can act immediately.  Take the case to the police, report it to your village elders, or Welfare Organisations.  Just so they can call him to order.  YOU MUST DO SOMETHING.  If you want to remain in the house with him, then act fast, but if you dont, then leave, it wont be the end of you.

@ poster
I give counsel to ladies in your position almost everyday.

You are worried about the shame of a failed marriage.
you may also thinking of your finances esp. that of your family.
you think guys are hard to find.
maybe you 2 had a blood pact earlier.
you may also think {subconsciously}that you deserve whats happening to you.
some south-south ladies actually think that their husbands beating them is a sign of his love.[terribly sad and sickening}

you may throw away all the above good counsel and become his slave forever.
but for conscience sake I implore you -
leave him and start a new life.
Today is the best day.

check your attitude then if you have done nothing bad. Check your inlaws, as you said they didn,t support the marriage. I suggest, they are the root of the problem. You need spiritual assistant. meet your pastor for prayers and deliverance because some parents are bad, they can go to any mile to distroy a marriage they did not support. So 'make the hen while sun shine'. Secondly are you from the east (Anambra), they too contious of their children marriage.

In as much as i would not advise you to quit your marriage, you made a very silly mistake of marrying a man whose parents did not concede to your marriage. Now, your dad is both hypertensive and diabetic. Your mum is late. Who will you run to now except God ? My Dear, check yourself, this man is not a mad man, there are things which you are still hiding from n/landers. Are you the nagging type ? Do you snub? How do you address him ? Are you a good cook ? Is the house always tidy ? Do you give IT to him when he requests ? Do you see yourself as equal partners in your home ? What must you have done or said that would have warranted him to lay his hands on you ? You know this man more than n/landers, pray to God and go on your knees and apologise to him and make amends. He has a mistress that he is already seeing, this i can assure you and you caused it all.

Just table the matter to God in prayers and be [b]patient [/b]for God to intervene. be careful about those you report the issue to and dont take any advice that will lead to total breakdown of the marriage. Just take it cool and as the last poster said check yourself very well

I agree that d poster might be the cause of her hubby acting funny! I always refrain from making definite remarks about stories like this till I hear both sides. @poster there is still hope if he hasnt started drinking yet!!

You can answer your questions if you can clear your mind of love and emotion.

He stays away 5 days or there about in some place. May be his parents or new girlfriends and he feeds there.
If its girlfriend, then he is in love with the new puss(y).

What must you do ? Its a pity his parents didnt consent to the marriage and you forced him into it (by action or words) cos obviously, he doesnt love you from what you wrote. You are the one doing the love.

Best advise, get a witness to these happenings, like his brother. Then leave him (thanks you dont have a kid yet). Come to Lagos and chill for 2 weeks. It will drive him crazy and open your eyes too.  I will volunteer to take you around cinemas and fun places for 2 weeks.

U dey try oh! Honestly. Ur husband doesnt knw hw to tell u to move out, he just discover say bf/gf no be marriage, and dats d only way unless maybe he dey beat u during courtship.
Just find where u go put ur life for d main time. Chikena.

his mom & dad didnt consent to our marriage, so i dnt go there

@Poster,

This might be part of the problem, the fact that your parent in-law did not consent to u'r marriage is not an excuses not to contact them. What did u do after the marriage. There is need for u to unite u'r husband with his parents. Humble u'r self before them, get them to talk to their son. I believe there will be some changes.

Please ladies know that u don't just marry u'r husband, but u'r equally married to his family. Find a way to unite them together, no matter what happened before the marriage. Peace and harmony is the key

I want to believe that u'r husband is hot tempered, that the cause of the beating and staying away. His staying away is for him to be able to get a grip of himself. Learn the old wise way of holding water in u'r mouth when your husband gets angry, that's only if u want the marriage to work, if not take a walk

Okay now I'm curious!

@ poster why did his parents not consent to the marriage

Something is definitely wrong and me thinks you are not telling us the full story!

Dear, I can understand how you feel. The only solution to your problem is God. Seek him and make sure you hear from him.
I had a similar case but not as bad as yours, my solution came when i told God to change me to change him, and we are as happy as ever that my husband confessed telling me that I have changed. it wasn't by my power but by God's grace and mercy.
Seek God's face and you will be smiling soon.
Anytime you want to talk to him, pray and you wld see results.


God bless you.

Ujujoan:

Okay now I'm curious!

@ poster why did his parents not consent to the marriage

Something is definitely wrong and me thinks you are not telling us the full story!

I gave up on the thread and poster yesterday when the poster posted that are Parentsinlaw were nt in support of the union in the first place. I just told myself that there is something the poster isn't telling us, There must be something about her that made her inlaws say no to the whole marriage thing.

First of all sef, which normal thinking woman with a good sense of reasoning and with her brain intact will marry a man witout the consent of her ParentsInLaw?

Poster is seriously sick

God will make a way where there seem to be no way, He works in ways we can not see, He will make a way, _{complete the song}

@ Poster, go on your knees and talk to God. No situation is too big for him to handle.

Goodluck

why is everyone blaming,this man please lets hear from the man itself i know he will have better stories  to tell us all concerning this issue ,people marry for different reasons,theirs might be a different one ,she might be the one head over heal in love with this guy ,and in the long run the guy eventually get marry to her  out of self pity ,the lady needs to check her self ,understand this man ,what his needs are.or perhaps she might be the one suffocating him on trivial  issues.

pls lady try to give this man a chance to think ,give him some little space ,he will eventually come back to you.

obyann:

God will make a way where there seem to be no way, He works in ways we can not see, He will make a way,  _{complete the song}

@ Poster, go on your knees and talk to God. No situation is too big for him to handle.

Goodluck

.

Prayer works, fine but she is not telling us the truth.
I refuse to believe this one sided story abeg.
No sane husband would just wake up one morning and starts behaving like that. Is IMPOSSIBLE.

Please, tell us the whole truth. Only then will u find sincere and good advice.

jennykadry:

I gave up on the thread and poster yesterday when the poster posted that are Parentsinlaw were nt in support of the union in the first place. I just told myself that there is something the poster isn't telling us, There must be something about her that made her inlaws say no to the whole marriage thing.

First of all sef, which normal thinking woman with a good sense of reasoning and with her brain intact will marry a man witout the consent of her ParentsInLaw?

Poster is seriously sick

.

U see now
Is incredible that the poster still went ahead to marry the man despite her parents inlaw disapproval.
It makes me throw up

@ poster
pls check urself & ur past life. did u hide anything abt ur past frm him? it is possible that he stumbled on some of the things u did in ur past that u neva told him. i actually divorced my wife when i got to know that she slept with two of my younger brothers yrs b4 our marriage. i even disowned the two kids she bore


so madam, go check ur self & think of where d problem is coming frm

itsmayiela:

@ poster
pls check urself & your past life. did u hide anything abt your past frm him? it is possible that he stumbled on some of the things u did in your past that u neva told him. i actually divorced my wife when i got to know that she slept with two of my younger brothers yrs b4 our marriage. i even disowned the two kids she bore


so madam, go check your self & think of where d problem is coming frm

.

Serious? .
But why did u disown those innocent children?
Did u do a DNA to confirm their paternity?

itsmayiela:

@ poster
pls check urself & your past life. did u hide anything abt your past frm him? it is possible that he stumbled on some of the things u did in your past that u neva told him. i actually divorced my wife when i got to know that she slept with two of my younger brothers yrs b4 our marriage. i even disowned the two kids she bore


so madam, go check your self & think of where d problem is coming frm

Were they yours?

Sleeping with your brothers years b4 your marriage was not enough to divorce her.
U too are not telling us the whole truth

Ujujoan:

Okay now I'm curious!

@ poster why did his parents not consent to the marriage

Something is definitely wrong and me thinks you are not telling us the full story!

I am sorry to say her husband now sees what his parents must have had against the marriage, and the days he disappears he probably is at one of his family members place.
@poster, I believe there is something your husband just found out about you that his making him behave this way. No man in his right senses will be like this within the first year of marriage.

My advice to you is when next he comes back beg him for forgiveness and appeal to his soft side, maybe he can forgive whatever it is or else im sorry to say he is building up courage to end the marriage if you dont try and get him to forgive and forget

goodluck!

I usually do not comment on personal issues but what I want to understand is - what is the big push to have him talk or stay or eat or sleep or, everything. A relationship is like dancing the tango. It takes two. We have not heard your side. What are you doing to him. Petrol does not just self combust without ignition. Let me try and do some intel on you. The first post - he goes out, sleeps out, does not answer calls, comes late, does not report in. It is only in the second post that - he assaults you. Third post - no one to arbitrate, no marriage consent. If we put these texts together we can deduce what your priorities are. One - the man is about you alone, parents matter last. Two - your control over him is more important that the violence. Three - It is likely the control induces the violence.

The answer is simple. Rearrange the sequence and all will be fine. Switch number three to one. Seek help - not for him but for yourself. Seek Ideas. Instead of burning airtime, get ideas. Instead of gossip, read. instead of worrying, plan. It is so evident that you thought marriage is about you and him alone. How wrong. You need people of ideas to build any type of relationship. Two, avoid the violence at all costs. It can only escalate. So avoid him. When he gets back. Say Hi, prepare food, wash his clothes and go to bed. Marriage is more that you and him alone. have an ambition woman. If you get busy you buy respect. Three. When you gain knowledge of what to do and respect by what you are you can start your interrogation.

Goodluck.

PS. Secretly keep law enforcement within reach in case you cannot help but escalate the situation.
For the unwed, know your man before signing. Haba women, will you buy that perfume without smelling it.

I would like to ask u a few questions here.How long did u date before getting married?How well do u know each other?Was the marriage induced by family or friends?And lastly do u still love this man?My dear marriage they say is not a bed of roses.It is a very difficult hurdle for the mature minds.I would advise that u get elders involved in this matter.Not necessarily ur folks.You could involve elders in ur church as well.In the mean time i wld advise that u take things really easy with ur hubby.Never argue with him.keep being the WIFE.Good luck dear.