PEEP BEFORE YOU LEAP, A PREMARRIAGE SPEEDOMETER
The rate at which cases of divorce are rising among Christians and others in the society at large in recent time is quite alarming. These couples shamelessly, give flimsy excuses and reasons for their actions. I have not said that there might not be cogent reasons for annulment (not divorce) of marriages. The fact still remains that most couples while entering into marriages always play the proverbial foolish farmer that his forgotten tools at home prevented him from working in the farm.

My brothers and sisters, what are those tools you need to go to farm (marriage) with so that you can – weed the grasses of marriage, cut the leaves, stems and storms of marriage, stake the line of marriage, etc?

Please, as you resolve to propose to her or accept proposal from him, be sure both of you have answers and firm understanding to these questions. If you don’t, you might be heading to matrimonial gallows.

1. Why are we getting married?
2. What do we as a couple want out of life?
3. How would you describe yourself?
4. How do you think I see you?
5. Do we think our relationship will change after we are married?
6. Where and what do you think we will be doing in forty or fifty years time?
7. Do we have problem with alcohol and getting drunk?
8. Do we have problems with making friends (mainly opposite sex) and keeping them?
9. Are there friends I am keeping now you are not comfortable with?
10. Are there some of my attitudes now that you don’t like?
11. What was your childhood like?
12. Am I a jealous person?
13. Have you ever hit someone before? Is beating a corrective measure?
14. How are our temperaments?
15. Do you have a criminal record?
16. Are you an adopted or biological child to your family?
17. Does madness or any terminal sickness run in your family?
18. Have you in any way married before?
19. Do you have unsettled controversial issues in your former relationship(s)/marriage(s)?
20. Do you have a child(ren) before now?
21. Are we comfortable with our present academic qualifications?
22. Was your family an affectionate one?
23. Do you think we will have problems with your family during visits?
24. What values do you want to bring from your family into our own?
25. Does you family have problems with our getting married?
26. What do you like and dislike about your family?
27. What do you like and dislike about my family?
28. What do you like and dislike about your parents’ marriage?
29. What do you like and dislike about my parents’ marriage?
30. Do I have trust issues or feel insecure?
31. How important is affirmation to me?
32. Do I handle compliments well? How would I like to be appreciated?
33. What is our love language?
34. Do you think we listen to one another well?
35. Do you think it is important to know one another’s reproductive, physical and mental health histories?
36. How are we going to divide up the household chores?
37. How do you want us to spend our free times and days off?
38. Do you believe that we should be doing everything together – eat, bath, sleep?
39. Can we each pursue our own interests?
40. Do you need time alone – sleep alone, own-bedroom, meditations?
41. How would you feel if I want a night out with my friends now and then?
42. How will we make sure we have quality time together?
43. How much time will we spend with our in-laws?
44. Can we talk about money – joint/separate account, joint/personal business?
45. Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
46. How scared are we of poverty and low living standard?
47. How much do we owe in debts and what are our assets?
48. Do you want to have a budget?
49. Where does our money go?
50. What are our financial goals?
51. Do you consider going to the show, birthday party, garden, club, bar, view-centre and having a vacation every year a necessity or a luxury?
52. Do you have any outstanding debts?
53. What are our future plans for building or purchasing a house?
54. Do we both know where our important financial documents are located?
55. How will we make decisions together?
56. Do I practice my profession/work or join you in your business or be a house-wife?
57. Do we want to have children?
58. If we decide we do, how many children do you want us to have?
59. How long should we be married before having children?
60. Which kind of schools are our children going to attend?
61. Which career/vocation/profession are we going to introduce/lure our children into?
62. What kind of parent do you think you will be?
63. What is your parenting philosophy?
64. What type of birth control should we use if we want to postpone or prevent parenthood?
65. How do you feel about adoption?
66. Can we talk about sex?
67. Are you comfortable discussing your sexual likes and dislikes?
68. What are your expectations of our sexual relationship?
69. Does religion/denomination play an important part in your life?
70. Do you think faith and spirituality are important in a marriage?
71. What is your image of God?
72. Do you think it is important to be faithful to one another?
73. Which Church is going to be our family Church (where you are from different denomination)?
74. Are we both willing to face into difficult areas or do we try to avoid conflict?
75. Do you think we have problems in our relationship that we need to deal with before our wedding?
76. How are we different?
77. Do you think our differences will create problems in our marriage?
78. Do you expect or want me to change?
79. Can we both forgive?
80. Are we both willing to work on our communication skills and to share intimately with each other?

…and so on. Sometimes love is not enough to keep a couple together. The love you think you have for each other is not enough to keep you going. Solidify your love for each other with understanding of these fundamental facts above.

Don’t make that mistake. Don’t get married without knowing your future spouse’s thoughts on these issues that can kill a marriage. Compromise is usually not an option if the two of you disagree on these issues that can be deal breakers.

Marriage is a RELIGION; Practice it. It is a way of LIFE; live it!

Good questions

So one must provide answers to these lengthy questions before getting married? Let me hear word abeg....If both of them are doing well financially, more than 80% of these questions would take care of themselves.