[b]I am about to get married to this girl who I have been dating for the past 5 years and my reasons are as follows:

1. I am a lot more comfortable now since my business is doing wonderful.
2. Completed my home within Lagos, and I dont want to move in alone.
3. The girl has sacrificed everything for me and she loves me passionately.

But she has these problems:

1. She's a spendthrift and she's contributing little or nothing financially.
2. She isnt a learner and its hard to teach her new things.
3. She's getting a little fat, and she's defending it as been great (though I hated it).
4. She hasnt learn much from how I do things and I just do my best to make sure I dont see all these little faults. But, well they are still there.


Has someone married a woman of such qualities and come to regret it?
Does a woman loving you qualify her to a ring, or must there be some other better qualities besides been a great cook in the kitchen?
I need help here people.
I dont want contribution from women. I want the married guys, or non-married ones to contribute.
God bless.[/b]

Contributions Please

@poster

You know how she is. DO NOT expect her to change. You must ask yourself if you can cope with her the way she is. If you can then plan your life with her attributes in mind.

Like the poster wrote, she is not a learner. What you see is what you get. Don't expect any changes when you are married. Assume this is the final product. Then ask yourself, can you cope? or move on?

perfect is powerful word on its own, no one is perfect

may be perfect according your defination or likings

johndoe200:

@poster

You know how she is. DO NOT expect her to change. You must ask yourself if you can cope with her the way she is. If you can then plan your life with her attributes in mind.

You've opened my eyes to a big reality sir. Atleast, I am aware she's still the same girl I met 5 years ago, and she will be the same girl come 20 years from now. Seems like the marriage wont be taking place. I am not looking for excuse, just wanted to be sure I dont make a life-long mistake.

deniyor:

Like the poster wrote, she is not a learner. What you see is what you get. Don't expect any changes when you are married. Assume this is the final product. Then ask yourself, can you cope? or move on?

Its hard to cope with someone that doesnt change. Thanks for giving me a clearer idea. I appreciate.

Getting married doesn't change a person overnight, if you can picture her qualities, attributes, abilities and you are comfortable with them then move on with her.

No one is perfector near perfect.deal with it.I bet if ur girl comes in here,she might list a zillion things u are not doing right.
Marriage is abt tolerating each others weakness and celebrating each others strenght.If u think u cant tolerate her weaknesses,theres no point marrying her.

as you said she has sacrificed alot for you,so she deserved to be your wife,abandoning her now that things are getting better for you and go to another unknow woman is an act of terrorism,this might make you impotent for life GOD does not sleep,do not pay back good things with evil.

Many men has done that and remain childless after wedding another woman

OCCULTIST:

as you said she has sacrificed alot for you,so she deserved to be your wife,abandoning her now that things are getting better for you and go to another unknow woman is an act of terrorism,this might make you impotent for life GOD does not sleep,do not pay back good things with evil.

Many men has done that and remain childless after wedding another woman

Do you really believe this? All you Naija people and your scare tactics.

OCCULTIST:

as you said she has sacrificed alot for you,so she deserved to be your wife,abandoning her now that things are getting better for you and go to another unknow woman is an act of terrorism,this might make you impotent for life GOD does not sleep,do not pay back good things with evil.

Many men has done that and remain childless after wedding another woman

You can believe whatever you want to sir. You can get blackmailed into marrying your girlfriend by all these cheap and stupid beliefs; its your life.

dplordx:

[b]I am about to get married to this girl who I have been dating for the past 5 years and my reasons are as follows:

1. I am a lot more comfortable now since my business is doing wonderful.
2. Completed my home within Lagos, and I dont want to move in alone.
3. The girl has sacrificed everything for me and she loves me passionately.

But she has these problems:

1. She's a spendthrift and she's contributing little or nothing financially.
2. She isnt a learner and its hard to teach her new things.
3. She's getting a little fat, and she's defending it as been great (though I hated it).
4. She hasnt learn much from how I do things and I just do my best to make sure I dont see all these little faults. But, well they are still there.


Has someone married a woman of such qualities and come to regret it?
Does a woman loving you qualify her to a ring, or must there be some other better qualities besides been a great cook in the kitchen?
I need help here people.
I dont want contribution from women. I want the married guys, or non-married ones to contribute.
God bless.[/b]

If she has sacrificed a lot for you and loves your passionately, what else do you need?
She is human just like you are.
The only near perfect woman is made for a near-perfect man.
Are you near perfect?
Can you predict the future?

Has someone married a woman of such qualities and come to regret it?
Does a woman loving you qualify her to a ring, or must there be some other better qualities besides been a great cook in the kitchen?

You sound very immature and confused.

1. You do not judge your own relationship with others out here or there.
2. Marriage ALWAYS comes with an element or several elements of regret no matter whom you are with. For temptations after marriage are numerous.
3. No. A woman loving you does not qualify her to a ring. Yes, there are always qualiities besides being a great cook in the kitchen and a great lover in the bedroom. But you must create them in your partner.

Lessons in life.
No partner comes ready-made. Whatever you want in a partner that is not there, you must leant to create or do without. The most desireable men and women people wish they have have been built by others who took time out to work with them. Make your's to fit. Then it becomes your's and to your credit.

The best men and women have been made and won by those who deserve them and are not available for cheap, conspicous comsumption on the streets.

Make your's to fit for you attract what you are.

Let us look at her negatives.

But she has these problems:

1. She's a spendthrift and she's contributing little or nothing financially.
2. She isnt a learner and its hard to teach her new things.
3. She's getting a little fat, and she's defending it as been great (though I hated it).
4. She hasn't learn much from how I do things and I just do my best to make sure I dont see all these little faults. But, well they are still there.

No different from MOST women I know.


Let us look at her positives

1. I am a lot more comfortable now since my business is doing wonderful.
2. Completed my home within Lagos, and I dont want to move in alone.
3. The girl has sacrificed everything for me and she loves me passionately.

Different from MOST women I know.

Use your tongue to count your teeth. You cannot find this kind of woman on Nairaland. Do not be distracted please.
She is a keeper.

@Blazay

Thanks a lot. I will think a lot more about this.

dplordx:

[b]I am about to get married to this girl who I have been dating for the past 5 years and my reasons are as follows:

1. I am a lot more comfortable now since my business is doing wonderful.
2. Completed my home within Lagos, and I dont want to move in alone.
3. The girl has sacrificed everything for me and she loves me passionately.

first of all, let me just say that these are DEFINITELY NOT reasonable excuses to marry someone,with that you could marry ANYONE.
- whats fantastic and special about HER that you would want to spend the rest of your natural life WITH HER and not anyone else?!
- what does she brings to your life that no one else can?

But she has these problems:

1. She's a spendthrift and she's contributing little or nothing financially.
2. She isnt a learner and its hard to teach her new things.
3. She's getting a little fat, and she's defending it as been great (though I hated it).
4. She hasnt learn much from how I do things and I just do my best to make sure I dont see all these little faults. But, well they are still there.

if you are looking for a faultless person then you better search again as you may never find her.
what you should do is let her know exactly what you wont go down for or accept from a mate and stick to your guns.
you may also postpone the wedding plans until she get her act together (believe me, she will) as you are merely expecting her to be her right self.

Has someone married a woman of such qualities and come to regret it?

and what qualities might that be sir?! you have not said anything positive about your bride so far?!

Does a woman loving you qualify her to a ring, or must there be some other better qualities besides been a great cook in the kitchen?

it all depends on whats important in a wife TO YOU but i am safe to say that "someone loving you" ISNT/SHOULDNT be a reason to put a ring on it.

@Dplordx.

You have been dating the gal for 5 years now. And ever since you have been 'less comfortable', the traits you mentioned weren't inherent in her right?

Having together for all that long, you have been able to know her so well before now and model her to your taste.

do not go into marriage out of sympathy, is very wrong. it is not every dating that leads to marriage even if it had lasted for 20yrs. there are somethings i can overlook if being perpetuated by my girl friend but will in no condition tolerate it from my wife. if actually your observations while both of you were dating did not suit your imagination, you are bond to regret it eventually if you settledown with her out of smypathy.

Dont marry who you dont like out of sympathy. But make sure the next one will be the right one. Settle the old one financially if need be.

Personally you have pointed out some questionable things about her that would make me be wary of marrying such a person.

But she has these problems:

1. She's a spendthrift and she's contributing little or nothing financially

This is a NO NO. A woman who is spendthrift and contributes nothing? Run farrrr. If the source of her spending which is you I presume dries up or has a little problem, How would she keep up with her lifestyle.

I know some women like that and its an incurable disease. Not marriageable for me.

Be a spendthrift as long as you are spending your own money.

She contributes NOTHING is dangerous, Isnt she a leech?

Its easy for any woman to love you passionately and sacrifice everything for you when
1) You have built your own house at a young age

2) You pay for her expensive lifestyle.

2. She isnt a learner and its hard to teach her new things.

Another NO-NO. If she isnt willing to learn at 20-30, WOuld she now learn at 40? Everyone should be willing to learn and Marriage they say is a place for learning and compromise. If she isn't willing to make necesary changes and learning then RUNNNN

3. She's getting a little fat, and she's defending it as been great (though I hated it).

This is also tricky, If she is getting fat before childbirth then when you marry you might need to watch it.

Most women gain weight after marriage and childbirth, You, just like me don't like Fat people, After 5yrs and she don chop up wella, WOuld you still find her attractive or you would go for your Lepa specs outside. Which is cheating.

4. She hasnt learn much from how I do things and I just do my best to make sure I dont see all these little faults. But, well they are still there

.

Another mistake, You are trying to overlook some faults that bother you. When in marriage these faults would blow up.

Bros, Sit her down and talk to her, especially about the first 3 points, and watch if she makes amends, If not abeg o, You no wan use petrol fry Plantain or use generator as pendant