MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

liberalchick:

Et tu? You were one of the few good ones left.

Do you really think the bolded is the reality of the family DNA in Nigeria? Since pre-colonial era with most ethnic groups and eventual Nigeria, it was never a norm in our culture for a wife to be a real housewife. It’s actually a stigma to be a real housewife.

OP, I absolutely agree with you. However, it’s changing, the current generation of Nigerian men are actually more hands on than their fathers were. In my circle, the dads are very hands on, they bond with their kids.

olabrinks:
Or maybe daddy should work smarter and not harder, instead of slaving himself for a job that doesn’t belong to him.

MrBrownJay1:


sista, we can only be honest on this issue in order to possibly have a chance to solve it... in Nigeria/Africa, a man is "solely" viewed as a breadwinner, the one that goes to work and slave away, while women are seen as the cook/cleaner and womb attendant. who are we kidding? so mummy stays home all day while daddy is no where to be found raising these kids, how can he be on the same level as mummy, regarding the bond she has with these kids?

you cant be absent in these kids life and expect to be viewed just as "gloriously" as the one who spends most of the time with them.



true but that aint "that" easy to achieve... it takes time and energy to put a biz on the right track so you dont have to be there physically... and unless daddy works from home, he cant possibly see his kids as often as he should.

olabrinks:
nothing in life is easy. But in everything you must find a balance.

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

mumumugu:

He is not alone in this, there are thousands of Nigerian men who ends up sad lonely old men every year.

liberalchick:


Et tu? You were one of the few good ones left.

Do you really think the bolded is the reality of the family DNA in Nigeria? Since pre-colonial era with most ethnic groups and eventual Nigeria, it was never a norm in our culture for a wife to be a real housewife. It’s actually a stigma to be a real housewife.

OP, I absolutely agree with you. However, it’s changing, the current generation of Nigerian men are actually more hands on than their fathers were. In my circle, the dads are very hands on, they bond with their kids.

fieryy:
What exactly are you talking about?! Just because your mum was home watching Telemundo all day, doesn't mean all mums do. Are you blind to do women on the streets hawking under the scorching sun all day, women who are into businesses (small or big), trying to support their families. We live in a world where women are doctors and lawyers, engineers and teachers etc.

So get the f out of here!

MrBrownJay1:
i blame African society and mentality for that... how can a man have a decent r/ship with his kids when he has to slave away 24/7 while wifey is at home watching Telemundo and having a fantastic r/ship with the kids?!?!?!

as soon as kids are old enough (3yrs old), you BOTH need to work so that daddy can work less and spend MORE time with kids.

MrBrownJay1:


in a proper society, possibly, but the family setup in Nigeria/Africa is bent from the get go, and can never find a balance. unless a wife is ready and willing to go to work as soon as kids are going to kindergarden, the family setup in Nigeria/Africa will always be unfair. you have two able-bodied adults here, but sadly one will be slaving away while the other would stay home for no damn reason, doing absolutely NOTHING (especially when housegirl/boy are around). i dont understand this mindset, but sadly it is perfectly normal in Nigerian/African society.

the important balance we really need to figure out IS: is it better to work 24/7 for your family so that down the line you wont even get the proper value/respect/love that you deserve?

let us all also remember....wifey stays home while daddy works all day, then he gets home, he is dead tired while mummy is fresh and ready/willing to do fun stuff.... so daddy and mummy are out of synch, and start to grow apart.

MrBrownJay1:


thank you, have a wonderful day!

cococandy:
@bold: no kidding.

Is that what you actually experienced in an honest analysis of families around you?

cococandy:
This is an absolute falsehood.
Don’t join the ranks of those who speak lies with confidence.

mumumugu:
Chris Nwabueze Ndu
This is for men.
I had a chat with a workmate who told me that a man he worked with in another job is old and it appears he lives alone.(I won't mention his nationality for obvious reasons)
His three children now adults don't even check on him.
This man continues to struggle with work with a poor health.
He is struggling but not saying much as to how he arrived at his current situation.
He is not alone in this, there are thousands of Nigerian men who ends up sad lonely old men every year.
You see some of them abandoned by their children and some even their own wives connived with the children to make their father's life miserable in his old age.
How do you think most of them arrived at that unfortunate situation?
Let's discuss.
The average Nigerian man's description of a hard man or a real man is a bully and a brutal dictator.
That's what many father's are.
Monsters barking instructions, beating up their wives, assaulting their children and call it training.
Emotionally detached from their children as they grow.
Mothers becomes the shoulder to cry upon while the father is feared like a terrorist.
Few years later, the monsters you raised will turn against you.
I know some women whose children haven't seen their fathers for years.
Those men are not dead, they are alive in the same country.
Their birthdays come and go, no father to celebrate with.
Other children talk about how their dad's celebrated their birthdays, yours have nothing to say.
Christmas come and go, other children show off gifts and stuff their fathers bought for them, yours have nothing to say.
No card, No calls, no show.
On father's day they made cards, waited for you but no show.
Other kids talk about their father's day fun with daddy, yours have no story.
Your children live like fatherless while you are still on earth.
Perhaps in the arms of a strange woman you totally ignored your children.
You won't be young forever.
There will be a day of reckoning.
Age have a way of catching up with humans and then you will wish you can roll back the years.
You will wish you cared, You will wish you played with your children.
You will wish you were the man they will be proud of.
You will wish they have something good to say about you.
No, It will be too late.
You will end up a very sad and lonely old man.
Side chic and all the distractions would have melted away, reality will be dawned on you.
Time to act is now, now or never.
You don't deserve life if you made your own children to live like fatherless children.
Be there for them because you brought them here.
You don't need billions to be a great dad.
Those little things matter so much.
You can be a hard man outside but a shepherd at home.
You can be frightening to strangers but loving and playful with your children.
How can you be a father whose children run away from? You call that discipline? No, The moment the fear of you drives them away from you, you've lost it.
Oh, you say your relationship with the mother is not good that she is a bad woman.
Of course some women are not good enough, that shouldn't be news.
But, Your child or children didn't do anything bad to you, so why punish innocent children because of two adults that can't get along?
Why deny them birthdays, Christmas and other special times in the year because of what you think of their mother?
Why deny them your company they thoroughly deserved?
Have you ever wondered what their conversation with other children would be like?
A good shepherd shouts when he has to and plays with the sheep as well.
Leads from the front and more importantly prepared to lay down his life in defence of the sheep.
You can't even give up ordinary side chic because of your children, how much more laying down your life for them.
Be a true father now and reap the rewards later or risk dying a sad lonely old man surrounded by people but died lonely.
Great day ye all.

fieryy:



Don't mind him. African women are the most hardworking women I know. Period!

MrBrownJay1:


yes sista, thats my honest analysis of family in Nigeria/Africa... sadly you people are blinded by the fact that its MBJ (a man) who says such, while we all know that part of the blame is these same Nigerian/African men who dont allow/want their wives to get a job (to begin with), thanks to their misplaced ego.
again, we have to be honest here. majority of women are NOT desperate for marriage because they want to be on equal ground with hubby, they want marriage so they can become what the Nigerian/African society believes she is.....AKA a cook/cleaner/womb attendant.



how can you call MY opinion a lie?!?!?! call it a wrong opinion, if you may, but a lie?! nah!

DanDeeBoss:
The reason why I wasn't really bonded to my dad is 'Harsh discipline I received from him( no nonsense man)' that alone made me forget the fact that he paid our fees and supports the family

fieryy:



What exactly are you talking about?! Just because your mum was home watching Telemundo all day, doesn't mean all mums do. Are you blind to do women on the streets hawking under the scorching sun all day, women who are into businesses (small or big), trying to support their families. We live in a world where women are doctors and lawyers, engineers and teachers etc.

So get the f out of here!

cococandy:
Well your opinion and experience is not a hard fact. So let’s just call it your opinion. Maybe culture matters.

In my neck of the woods, women toiled and still do to contribute financially to the homes. Telemundo? Many of them will ask you what is that.

And that’s not even to say the woman who’s a cook and womb attendant and all that stuff is not working hard enough already. They still do all that in addition to bringing money home.

AwkaetitiBabe:
Well, you don't expect him to spare the rod and spoil the child. Someone needs to instill proper home training in kids.

MrBrownJay1:


yes sista, thats my honest analysis of family in Nigeria/Africa... sadly you people are blinded by the fact that its MBJ (a man) who says such, while we all know that part of the blame is these same Nigerian/African men who dont allow/want their wives to get a job (to begin with), thanks to their misplaced ego.
again, we have to be honest here. majority of women are NOT desperate for marriage because they want to be on equal ground with hubby, they want marriage so they can become what the Nigerian/African society believes she is.....AKA a cook/cleaner/womb attendant.



how can you call MY opinion a lie?!?!?! call it a wrong opinion, if you may, but a lie?! nah!

MrBrownJay1:


in a proper society, possibly, but the family setup in Nigeria/Africa is bent from the get go, and can never find a balance. unless a wife is ready and willing to go to work as soon as kids are going to kindergarden, the family setup in Nigeria/Africa will always be unfair. you have two able-bodied adults here, but sadly one will be slaving away while the other would stay home for no damn reason, doing absolutely NOTHING (especially when housegirl/boy are around). i dont understand this mindset, but sadly it is perfectly normal in Nigerian/African society.

the important balance we really need to figure out IS: is it better to work 24/7 for your family so that down the line you wont even get the proper value/respect/love that you deserve?

let us all also remember....wifey stays home while daddy works all day, then he gets home, he is dead tired while mummy is fresh and ready/willing to do fun stuff.... so daddy and mummy are out of synch, and start to grow apart.

ireneidiva:

Where did you crawl out from? In this 2019? Watching telemudo at home? So all the female bankers, school teachers, engineers etc stay at home all day and watch TV? Interesting. Very interesting.

DanDeeBoss:
Yeah...Then, I and my siblings thought he was being wicked

AwkaetitiBabe:
He was simply performing his fatherly duty

liberalchick:


Et tu? You were one of the few good ones left.

Do you really think the bolded is the reality of the family DNA in Nigeria? Since pre-colonial era with most ethnic groups and eventual Nigeria, it was never a norm in our culture for a wife to be a real housewife. It’s actually a stigma to be a real housewife.

OP, I absolutely agree with you. However, it’s changing, the current generation of Nigerian men are actually more hands on than their fathers were. In my circle, the dads are very hands on, they bond with their kids.

liberalchick:

That’s why I was surprised at his post, I’ve always known him to be objective most of the time.

Nigeria’s form of patriarchy is unique in the sense that women are expected to take up traditional roles while not being a ‘liability’ and this has been true even before organized labor.