Hi NLs,

I'm presently in love with a bundle of intelligence and beauty, and we have started planning towards getting married.  I once dated her elder sister while I was in school (10 years ago) but it wasn't serious, my fiancee didn't even know about it besides, se.x was not part of it.  I have told my fiancee about it and she says it's not a big deal and even thanked me for telling her myself instead of waiting for her to hear about it from other sources.

We have also debated about who should inform her; should I be the first to inform her as her ex? Or should my fiancee inform her, as her younger sister?  What do you think?  And how would you feel if you were in the shoes of my ex, my fiancee's elder sister?

Well, all I have to say is, so long as you have stated it yourself that the then relationship (with her sister) wasn't serious, and beside, their were no intimacy, so kini big deal?

I can only say that she might not be happy over it had it been you guys had s3x, U know our Nigerian gals mentality na? as in i.e "Ehenn. . Ok. After havin sex with me, you dumped me and now wanted to marry my sister abi?" stuffs like that. . . If you inform her yourself, she might reason berra with you at that moment but when she gets home, she might feel sad with her sister and somehow j-llo, so I would prefer BOTH OF YOU to call her, sit her down and explain everything to her, I believe that will be the best and everything would be settled right there between three of you.

Just my take.

Thanks Ranoscky!

@ Poster
10years is a very long time, i believe in a way, she ( the elder sister ) has moved on with her own life too,
and like you said there was no s3x, so the talk should be easier to handle.
love has a way of putting us in a tight corner, but its only a test of time
There is no big deal in it.
like RANOSCKY said for the sake of respect to the elder sister ( bearing in mind that she is your future sister in-law )
both of you would have to sit with her and talk.

btw,
how would you date a girl for some time to the point of wanting to marry her, yet the siblings never knew who she was dating
even if they have never met you ( maybe becos of distance ) but they should have heard of your name several times from her
the elder sister would have known then that its you, so that it would not come as a surprise to her when you say marriage ( just my thought sha )

i dated my ex for some time and everybody in my house knew him, or heard of his name, even my siblings that were never in d country already knew the name before seeing the person.( penny for my thought )

Obo Boco:

@ Poster
10years is a very long time, i believe in a way, she ( the elder sister ) has moved on with her own life too,
and like you said there was no s3x, so the talk should be easier to handle.
love has a way of putting us in a tight corner, but its only a test of time
There is no big deal in it.
like RANOSCKY said for the sake of respect to the elder sister ( bearing in mind that she is your future sister in-law )
both of you would have to sit with her and talk.

btw,
how would you date a girl for some time to the point of wanting to marry her, yet the siblings never knew who she was dating
even if they have never met you ( maybe becos of distance ) but they should have heard of your name several times from her
the elder sister would have known then that its you, so that it would not come as a surprise to her when you say marriage ( just my thought sha )

i dated my ex for some time and everybody in my house knew him, or heard of his name, even my siblings that were never in d country already knew the name before seeing the person.( penny for my thought )

Thanks a lot.  My fiancee knew me when I was dating her elder sister, just like their other siblings.  But they all thot that we were just friends.  Besides, I was in the university then, while she (my ex) was yet to gain admission at the time.

My fiancee and her elder sister (my ex) are in different locations, but we have agreed that whenever they are together and/or when they are having a phone conversation, my fiancee should mention my name by either referring to what I said or did so that by the time we inform her, the element of shock would have been reduced drastically if not eliminated.

Like I said, all her siblings and even her parents already know me.  But they may not know about our intentions yet (at least officially).  My parents and siblings are all aware, but we just want to finalise some things before officially informing her family so that the defense of the "Project" on the part of her family will be done easily.

Obo Boco:


btw,
how would you date a girl for some time to the point of wanting to marry her, yet the siblings never knew who she was dating
even if they have never met you ( maybe becos of distance ) but they should have heard of your name several times from her
the elder sister would have known then that its you, so that it would not come as a surprise to her when you say marriage ( just my thought sha )

I never planned to marry her elder sister. It wasn't serious, just a date that amounts to an "extra curricular activity." There was no intimacy and thankfully, we are still friends.

190:

Never

herself and her sister you onced dated can make life miserable for you

there are too many women in the market

Go out there and BUY as many as possible!!

U mustnt be stuck on one family u know!!

In between the sisters, I have dated other ladies of diff tribes, colour, etc, I aint stuck on one family. I'm hooked to my fiancee, we have a bond which I didnt have with her sister 10 years ago, I intend to make her my last bus stop and we are about to take it to a higher level.

jayfoster:

In between the sisters, I have dated other ladies of diff tribes, colour, etc, I aint stuck on one family. I'm hooked to my fiancee, we have a bond which I didnt have with her sister 10 years ago, I intend to make her my last bus stop and we are about to take it to a higher level.

ohh so sweet, I can feel your sincere love to her, just go on,her elder sister will understand since it's been 10 years ago.Good luck!

Thanks Mediatrix8

my bro dat tin wey u won enter so no be small tin o,small time ur sister in law(10yrs ago) go come una house
dey jelous as u dey treat hin sister,dey love am wella,pas the way u was with her ten yrs ago,come mara say
u must to do am too join her sis,b4 u know wetin dey u don preg both of dem,come enter serious dilema.women
no be like u think say dem go just understand like dat o,hin go shock u as she go change character when she see
say u dey do wetin dey sweet her sister belle,my bro na dice u been dey play o,all the best sha

jayfoster:

I never planned to marry her elder sister. It wasn't serious, just a date that amounts to an "extra curricular activity." There was no intimacy and thankfully, we are still friends.

i never said you wanted to marry her elder sister, any reference i made to marriage i meant it to your present love. ( the younger one )
i never condemned you, read my post again.
i said it was ok.
10years is a long time.

^^^ Thanks Obo

yankite:

my bro dat tin wey u won enter so no be small tin o,small time your sister in law(10yrs ago) go come una house
dey jelous as u dey treat hin sister,dey love am wella,pas the way u was with her ten yrs ago,come mara say
u must to do am too join her sis,b4 u know wetin dey u don preg both of dem,come enter serious dilema.women
no be like u think say dem go just understand like dat o,hin go shock u as she go change character when she see
say u dey do wetin dey sweet her sister belle,my bro na dice u been dey play o,all the best sha

Bros I feel you! Me too I don think am go dis level before, and I don put correct strategy and defense in place. I even thank God say she too dey into serious relationship with another person now. So, these factors, discipline, principles, focus and determination plus God on our side, we go overcome all challenges both now and in the future.

Obo Boco:

i never said you wanted to marry her elder sister, any reference i made to marriage i meant it to your present love. ( the younger one )
i never condemned you, read my post again.
i said it was ok.
10years is a long time.

I understand your point better now and I appreciate it. Thank you very much!

Do you also intend to inform her parents about your relationship with her elder sister?
Her = Your fiancée

Hmm. .Op, Ama be right back pls, let me finish watchin a programme called 'THE AMAZIN RACE'.

Missy ★ B:

Do you also intend to inform her parents about your relationship with her elder sister?
Her = Your fiancée

Good question! What do you think?

Personally, I believe that it wont be necessary cos we (the three parties) will sort things out as adults at the tribunal level, so hopefully, there wont be any need to take the issue further to appeal court and supreme court levels


On a more serious level, it wasn't a serious date, besides, we parted ways amicably cos it simply didn't work out. No hard feelings on either side!

jayfoster:

Personally, I believe that it wont be necessary cos we (the three parties) will sort things out as adults at the tribunal level, so hopefully, there wont be any need to take the issue further to appeal court and supreme court levels

Then what are we stil on about?

Just like I said Initialy, two of you (your fiancee) should call her, sit her down and explain every damn effing thing to her and I deffinately believe, lookin at the eye balls of you and your fiancee at the time you'll be explainin everything to her, she might find nothin but love in the eyes of two love birds, and that might give her more courage not to even think of any negative taught about the past between you and her.

So, my advice stil remains, both you and your fiancee should both do the explainin together to her , simple!

jayfoster:


Good question! What do you think?

Personally, I believe that it wont be necessary cos we (the three parties) will sort things out as adults at the tribunal level, so hopefully, there wont be any need to take the issue further to appeal court and supreme court levels

On a more serious level, it wasn't a serious date, besides, we parted ways amicably cos it simply didn't work out. No hard feelings on either side!

It ought to go that way but sometimes, it usually doesn't.
We (women/ do I say humans) can be very dramatic sometimes that, our actions leave you puzzled because it beats comprehension.
Not saying/hoping it wouldn't/shouldn't go the exact way you want it, I'm not giving any advice either BUT Actually, I think Yankite has a point.

Don'tchu think Fiancée should tell her mum about it, emphasizing on the fact that t'was nothing serious. It could serve as defense if unforeseen wahala comes.

What I'm saying is, how can you be so sure she's over you or having you at close range, married to her sister wouldn't give rise to desire to have you back or regret of your r/s not working out?
I understand she doesn't know you're dating her sis. Why don't any of you start by telling her and see her reaction.
Is she married? Just asking.

just end this topic >>> before notorious elements hijack and derail it >>> Ranoscky has given the advice >>> wats all the yapping 'bout ?

Yes i would, without a 2nd thought sef

Ranoscky:

Then what are we stil on about?

Just like I said Initialy, two of you (your fiancee) should call her, sit her down and explain every damn effing thing to her and I deffinately believe, lookin at the eye balls of you and your fiancee at the time you'll be explainin everything to her, she might find nothin but love in the eyes of two love birds, and that might give her more courage not to even think of any negative taught about the past between you and her.

So, my advice stil remains, both you and your fiancee should both do the explainin together to her , simple!

It remains a very valuable point which we will consider.  Thanks a lot!

Missy ★ B:

It ought to go that way but sometimes, it usually doesn't.
We (women/ do I say humans) can be very dramatic sometimes that, our actions leave you puzzled because it beats comprehension.
Not saying/hoping it wouldn't/shouldn't go the exact way you want it, I'm not giving any advice either BUT Actually, I think Yankite has a point.

Don'tchu think Fiancée should tell her mum about it, emphasizing on the fact that t'was nothing serious. It could serve as defense if unforeseen wahala comes.

What I'm saying is, how can you be so sure she's over you or having you at close range, married to her sister wouldn't give rise to desire to have you back or regret of your r/s not working out?
I understand she doesn't know you're dating her sis. Why don't any of you start by telling her and see her reaction.
Is she married? Just asking.

There's a lot of wisdom in your contribution.   Life truly is not just a one way traffic.  But I always hope for and desire the best and brace myself for the undesirable.

She's not married yet, but already has a kid with her present guy who has already seen her parents with his elders.  So, I love to believe that I'm the least of her problems right now, cos she will be too busy with her kid(s), lover, relationship/marriage, career, etc, which I don't think she would mortgage just becos of me.

All the same, thanks a lot.

^^

Even with the reasons you came up with on your first post, I stil believe there's no probs with you marryin her younger sister at all (accordin to the reasons U gave). And now, you'r stil comin up with more tangible reasons that made me wonder why you stil have to worry about 'who should inform her first' or 'Is it wrong to marry the sister to your X', I was like. . .Really, is that a problem?

Ok! Bros, make I ask you this question. . .What do you think would be her taught (or reaction) if she's informed?

Ranoscky:

^^

[b]Even with the reasons you came up with on your first post, I stil believe there's no probs with you marryin her younger sister at all (accordin to the reasons U gave). And now, you'r stil comin up with more tangible reasons that made me wonder why you stil have to worry about 'who should inform her first' [/b]or 'Is it wrong to marry the sister to your X', I was like. . .Really, is that a problem?

The truth is that I have more than enough reasons to proceed with the whole thing without bordering myself one bit about how my ex would feel.  But I just want to avoid a situation where she would feel scorned, and you know how dangerous a scorned lady can be,

So to your question, I don't know exactly what her REAL thought or reaction would be.  She can either support us, oppose us, or have mixed feelings.  I just want to be fully prepared for any of these.  Besides, I want to avoid a situation where she would stand and oppose our union at the 11th hour, or on wedding day just because she feels that we ignored her or weren't sensitive enough to give her the respect she deserves.


As Missy B rightly said, Women in particular and humans in general can be highly dramatic and unpredictable.   But I will continue to hope for the best.  Thanks to you and others, my coming to NL with this issue was worth it cos I now have more options and strategies.

I believe the only 'highly dramatic and unpredictable' she can be is when she finds out by herself (maybe thru someone else or so), and that would (somhow) make her feel ill sad about it. But I stil believe the earlier she's informed and everything is sorted out, the berra the chances of a "ALREADY SUCCESSFUL" marriage.

So, pls, don't let her get informed anonymously!

jayfoster:

Hi NLs,

I'm presently in love with a bundle of intelligence and beauty, and we have started planning towards getting married.  I once dated her elder sister while I was in school (10 years ago) but it wasn't serious, my fiancee didn't even know about it besides, se.x was not part of it.  I have told my fiancee about it and she says it's not a big deal and even thanked me for telling her myself instead of waiting for her to hear about it from other sources.

We have also debated about who should inform her; should I be the first to inform her as her ex? Or should my fiancee inform her, as her younger sister?  What do you think?  And how would you feel if you were in the shoes of my ex, my fiancee's elder sister?

Una see dis story,na HUGE LIE!
Comot here abeg!

^^ No worri, we don notice your attention.

Ranoscky, You are too much!