shugaboy6102:

Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

Sometimes I read comments on nairaland and I wonder if the comments are coming from the so called intelligent/sapiosexual folks

He only asked a simple question that requires a yes/no kinda answer with little explanation.

According to him, there was no formal court/church wedding, meaning the marriage doesn't have paper.

His question is would it be considered a divorce if he separates from this lady and settles for another?

If yes, why?
If no, why not?

Some people are even blaming him for not involving Jesus from the beginning of the relationship, what nonsense! We have a divorcee as one of the renowned men of God in this country who people look up to.

Asin, we lack understanding of some basic things in this country I swear

OP, it is not a divorce because the marriage isn't backed by the law since it has no certificate.
Separate from that Jezebel before she sends you to your early grave.

God knows I can't endure such problems for even a week. I like my peace and happiness, and nothing (not even a wife ) can take that away from me.

24kmagic:


Sometimes I read comments on nairaland and I wonder if the comments are coming from the so called intelligent/sapiosexual folks

He only asked a simple question that requires a yes/no kinda answer with little explanation.

According to him, there was no formal court/church wedding, meaning the marriage doesn't have paper.

His question is would it be considered a divorce if he separates from this lady and settles for another?

If yes, why?
If no, why not?

Some people are even blaming him for not involving Jesus from the beginning of the relationship, what nonsense! We have a divorcee as one of the renowned men of God in this country who people look up to.

Asin, we lack understanding of some basic things in this country I swear

OP, it is not a divorce because the marriage isn't backed by the law since it has no certificate.
Separate from that Jezebel before she sends you to your early grave.

God knows I can't endure such problems for even a week. I like my peace and happiness, and nothing (not even a wife ) can take that away from me.

you are wonderful. Thanks for that response

shugaboy6102:
you are wonderful. Thanks for that response

See your life.It is what you want

You're seeking.validation to go for the second lady because you're pained and unhappy. Bros cool down. Dat thing wey dey shack u go soon clear for your eyes. I be wan slap dat ur head but com chill.

Take your woman at home out on a weekend treat.e no dey cost, just eatery and take an evening walk in one quiet area and ask her what the matter is, her concern, her fears anything. Trust me she will open up. Then try and see things from her perspective, then assure and alay her fears and worries. Like someone said, you were once in love, so you need to rekindle that fire. Forget about that second lady oh. You are too young for the stress and wahala that will come out of it.

Nigerian marriage counsellors always have different prayers for both men and women.
They tell the woman to endure and pray while they tell the man to pursue, separate and divorce

The Nigerian hypocrites,
First of their kind,
Descendant of adulterated specie of Homo sapiens.

Theyoungmatron:
Nigerian marriage counsellors always have different prayers for both men and women.
They tell the woman to endure and pray while they tell the man to pursue, separate and divorce

The Nigerian hypocrites,
First of their kind,
Descendant of adulterated specie of Homo sapiens.

so wetin you come advise the OP na?

farady:


so wetin you come advise the OP na?

Take a vacation if he can afford it and cool off without the half-wife and the new fling beclouding his judgements. At least let him clear his head on whom he really want in his life. Away matches are always sweeter until they got home and sniff the ground.

Theyoungmatron:
Take a vacation if he can afford it and cool off without the half-wife and the new fling beclouding his judgements. At least let him clear his head on whom he really want in his life. Away matches are always sweeter until they got home and sniff the ground.

Okay noted. But man and woman wahala matter no dey end. It comes in different shades and dimensions. I chuckle as I remember what a medical doctor said during a marriage seminar sometime ago. He was telling the men that the make up of all women sexual organs are the same. In effect saying all woman are same save for the faces. The reactions of the men showed they didn't agree

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man. Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper. After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone. There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.
Fast foreword I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind. Note: I haven't wedded in a church before of done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?
I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Don't allow your happiness and joy to be determined by another person

Inform your family that you have had enough of her and wants to quit

Your family will go with you to inform her own family

If it works out, don't drag that child with her for its the last thing she will ever compromise with

Make sure you give her upkeep and move on with your own life

Relocate from your present place by getting another accommodation

Start another relationship so that you don't allow the past to weigh you down

In your next relationship, don't be in a hurry, take your time and an extra time to study her before you commit yourself

If you don't know how to withdraw, use condom to avoid another trap

xteve:
na so this marriage thing be?

Bros nobi small thing oo, i tell you marriage nobi moi moi o no matter what they tell you marriage is serious hard work in fact there is nothing sweet about it, I have thought of it severally, challenges here and there wahala here and there.

farady:
You're seeking.validation to go for the second lady because you're pained and unhappy. Bros cool down. Dat thing wey dey shack u go soon clear for your eyes. I be wan slap dat ur head but com chill.

Take your woman at home out on a weekend treat.e no dey cost, just eatery and take an evening walk in one quiet area and ask her what the matter is, her concern, her fears anything. Trust me she will open up. Then try and see things from her perspective, then assure and alay her fears and worries. Like someone said, you were once in love, so you need to rekindle that fire. Forget about that second lady oh. You are too young for the stress and wahala that will come out of it.

Oga looks like you are not married, this one you are writing is story o, after the outing nko, patapata one week later they will be back to quarreling and fighting.
Once you aren't compatible with your partner, you aren't compatible that's it there will always be fights, unhappiness etc

The issue here for both guys with similar problem is your wives actually know you have not accepted th as wives and partners in both union, rather you accepted them because of circumstances and have seen them as such, your wives sees your marriage as circumstances and rather than assure them you both want this marriage as men involved and would do everything to make it work and also ask if they the women also want it, you guys have not done that, I believe you should start from there and watch things fall in places

You better end it now

With all these marriage issues being exposed daily, why do people still walk to the altar every Saturday?

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Bros, you're not married to her yet. Free yourself from this bondage.

But then, how are you sure the next girl will be better?

The truth is, we cannot decide for you, do what your heart tells you.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

If u both are willing to make d effort, ur marriage can thrive. Getting involved with another woman is not the solution o, ur wife and urself wr first in love bfr things became sour . Please make the effort and spice up ur union bro. The grass is greener where you water it.

Relish your single days, flex it super well cos things gonna change when married. You can't visit this or visit that or hangout with this or hangout with that... Just saying

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

why don't you wait till you drop dead from hypertension before you know what to do. look I don't believe in living an unhappy life infact God himself don't want you to live such so if there is anything that's will change God's plan for your life it is best that you cut it off that's my advice

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Marriage should not be endured.

Get out of that rubbish you call a marriage as soon as you can!

Ungrateful man. Marry another person and it will be from frying pan to fire. Rubbish

farady:
You're seeking.validation to go for the second lady because you're pained and unhappy. Bros cool down. Dat thing wey dey shack u go soon clear for your eyes. I be wan slap dat ur head but com chill.

Take your woman at home out on a weekend treat.e no dey cost, just eatery and take an evening walk in one quiet area and ask her what the matter is, her concern, her fears anything. Trust me she will open up. Then try and see things from her perspective, then assure and alay her fears and worries. Like someone said, you were once in love, so you need to rekindle that fire. Forget about that second lady oh. You are too young for the stress and wahala that will come out of it.

God bless you.

xteve:
na so this marriage thing be?

Nooo
Person own spoil no mean say your own go go the same way.....
However, marriage should be organised only for two mature human beings, who are ready to make it work come what may

What is her temperament? Is she choleric? If she is, then you are on a long thing. You will have to bend for the union to work.

You sound like an unfaithful fellow. This is one of the traits of sanguine. Just know that no woman tolerates a flirtatious spouse. Sanguine fellas are typical of that. You are married now! Whether partly or fully, you are married!

The relationship can be salvaged.
Young age might be disturbing you people.
Both should try and see marriage counselor.
Good luck.

ngwababe:



Bros, you're not married to her yet. Free yourself from this bondage.

But then, how are you sure the next girl will be better?

The truth is, we cannot decide for you, do what your heart tells you.

I appreciate your advice

LadySarah:
Nobody is perfect in anyway.While You are having problems with this one,the other one might send You to your grave.
I'm not saying You should endure,but to make You understand that You cant Enjoy a person until both of You decide to make it work.

Can You guys Go back to the drawing board and find out how and Where things started getting bad.

Do You feel You got pressured cos of the baby?
Did you love her before?
She might be feeling unfulfilled considering taking away her shakara period from her(pregnant at 19).

You knocked on the Door and did half rite,You are her husband.

Sorry oohh!

No vex because I am asking you this question.

Could there be any special reason why you chose to capitalize all your 'Y' in your post, even when it appeared in the middle of your sentences.

I am just curious cos I know its only when we are referring to God that we consider using that approach based on some grammatical rules.


Thanks for your friendly response in advance.

juman:
The relationship can be salvaged.
Young age might be disturbing you people.
Both should try and see marriage counselor.
Good luck.

thanks alot

MarianaTrench:


Marriage should not be endured.

Get out of that rubbish you call a marriage as soon as you can!

Solution machine, kudos! And get into a messier rubbish! No way, he should make it work.

Who con dey enjoy marriage

fatymore:
Guys are the same.


Once you see a new lady like this, the old one becomes a witch


Leave her now and think you will enjoy the new marriage.

Instead of you to work on your marriage and do the right thing..

some women think that because you married them,they have earned the right to make a man miserable.
Turn against your family and want you to take side with her.
Mock your friends,even the ones that helped you without batting an eye.
Then they will always guard you to church so that the church would influence you from treating their mess.
My wife tried that nonsense,I left her and am happy and free.
I don't care what a silly pastor or members would say.
Advice your fellow women to have sense.
Nowadays we don't order women to leave our house,we leave the house for them and vamose.
Nonsense and ingredients

When will y’all learn to keep a latex handy
All these are totally avoidable from the onset just with a latex. Is it that difficult

You are the only person that can advice yourself. The both of you should sit down and talk. What if the new woman turns out to be a problem to you? I know women are stubborn bt try to sort things out. I know say the new woman nai dey shack you.. Take it easy..