Guy I can imagine how you feel bro.
Truth is you're not wholly at fault neither is your lady. Your marriage to her was circumstantial and maybe early.
Don't paint it bro, you're not fancying her any longer and you're thinking you just married too early. Trust me bro, whatever need to happen better happen now or before you'd say Jack Robbins another kid go don land. Thank God you're inferring that the dislike is like mutual for both of you now otherwise, if she wants to tie your bloody ass down, she very well can and you can't do a damned thing about it.
Decision is yours bro and you need to take it NOW otherwise, you'll end up in a marriage you'll continue to regret and continue to cheat like you're already doing.
If it's possible for you, you need to stay far away from her now. And while at it, give yourself time to assure yourself what you actually want. Thank your stars you ain't both wedded. Act fast before she commits you further bro.

Have you heard about pregnancy hormones that controls her nervous system which might be the cause of her sudden change? Bro, its a challenge to test your mental and spiritual strength. So, work it out. You may meet the worst, forget the packaging you see in your new alternatives because everywhere is rainy heavily, smooth weather comes at a season. Fight a good fight with prayers and also with wisdom based on the wide scope of knowledge you have acquired, not with alternative and if you lack it, ask... Bro, boost up.

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

Listen carefully young man, go home and put your house in other. I can see from your write up, your just inexperienced and that is what is making you act imature. In the first place, why are you having an unprofessional chat with a lady, whether its a collegue or whatever as a married man? Now let me ask you this, if you found your woman doing so in her place of work, will you take that nicely? Tell yourself the truth, don't come here and paint your wife black for us to give you thumps up or to tell to go ahead to carry your selfish act. You guys are young couples and still growing, so I expect you as the man of the house to do what is right and go home and fix your home and cherish your wife. Women are very delicate creature and not all there actions or behaviour you carry at heart. A woman can tell you something terrible in a minute and the other minute you find her feeling regretful of her actions because its in their nature as weaker vessels. If she told you to find someone as you said, and you fell for that because your looking for easy way to get out of the mess you created because your not being man enough to control your home and when she herself is still with you. She said what she said out of fustration, lack of attention, which both of you are creating for yourselves in your marriage. After reading this go home, and find a nice evening or one of this weekends, take your wife out, spoil her a bit and aplogise humbly. Be a gentleman and your home will be lovely again because I see no problems in your marriage at all from your write up. Its just lack of understand and youthful exuberance in marriage that is affecting you both.

"sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.''
And you still need advice? Is like something is doing you

xteve:
na so this marriage thing be?

lol my brother, na so e b if u no take your time.

Nigerians are professional when it comes to advising people to get married...but they wont share your problems with you.

I thank God i dont follow herd mentality and i do things on my own terms...

WHEN i see people getting married, i wish them well.

I know myself and i cant trade my peace of mind for anything in this world, neither will pressure.

Getting married to the wrong person will be the end of u, just like this op.

Nairaland family dey always totori me

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

HMM . You av chosen a part that you can't run away from until either both of you are dead. You were asking a stupid question earlier if you're both married or not. You see Mr. Man, as you make your bed so you will lie on it.
I am sure you enjoyed the sex before it led to an unwanted pregnancy and back then she was an angel but all of a sudden she became a devil to you. Now , you have made her pregnant, so who do you want to drop her for? And why now after destroying her life?
And now you are eyeing another woman outside n you have the enfontery to date another woman why you are still married to her? put yourself in her shoes, if she's doing this to you I mean seeing another man with her coming to look for her in your home or house , what will be your reaction? can you stomach it? here you are painting her with all sorts of paints.
young man if you know what is good for you you better who I'm beg her and fix your home. life is not a bed of roses, as you make your bed so you will lie on it. if you want peace it is in your hands and if you want trouble it is in your hands. you are a married man grow up in stop acting like a child.
the truth is that you are married in your eyes are outside stop it. treat her with love if you want to be loved .

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

How comes guys are not using condoms again?

Unwanted pregnancy everywhere

You've not settled the matter at hand, you already started dating another woman! It's well with you. You said you have not completed the marriage rights but you already started the process. Please kindly note that both families have already consented that you are both husband and wife. Claiming she's not yet your wife is wrong.
You still think you have options. That's why you want to leave.

My counsel to you is for both of you to seek counselling either from your Pastor or someone you both have high respect for.

Bros, your marriage can still work if you do the right thing and also remove your eyes from other women.

Thanks

24kmagic:


Sometimes I read comments on nairaland and I wonder if the comments are coming from the so called intelligent/sapiosexual folks

He only asked a simple question that requires a yes/no kinda answer with little explanation.

According to him, there was no formal court/church wedding, meaning the marriage doesn't have paper.

His question is would it be considered a divorce if he separates from this lady and settles for another?

If yes, why?
If no, why not?

Some people are even blaming him for not involving Jesus from the beginning of the relationship, what nonsense! We have a divorcee as one of the renowned men of God in this country who people look up to.

Asin, we lack understanding of some basic things in this country I swear

OP, it is not a divorce because the marriage isn't backed by the law since it has no certificate.
Separate from that Jezebel before she sends you to your early grave.

God knows I can't endure such problems for even a week. I like my peace and happiness, and nothing (not even a wife ) can take that away from me.

u nailed it,na man u b

Op, you believe she has no scruples, no morals, no conscience and no common sense. It is clear that you have no respect for your relationship or your intention.
You may think you are happy now, but the joy with some comments above, but when you quit, you might see more of the worst. Dont throw away a good future for you and your kid when a woman simply has had enuf.

shugaboy6102

You did not marry out of love and compatibility. You married because she is the mother of the child. I also suspect you married a bit too early.

Always remember that the first year of marriage is always turbulent as both of you have to learn to start thinking as one rather than as an independent bachelor and spinster. The fact your marriage was not based on love may make things harder.

An unprepared child should never be the basis of marriage. A love child is a consequence of pre-marital and should never be a condition for marriage. What you have is a gunshot wedding between 2 consenting but ill-prepared adults.

Marriage is sacred to God. He hates a divorcing for good reasons. Broken families leave with it a lot of heartaches for the couple and the children. No loving father will want his children to be unhappy.

The only spiritual basis for divorce and remarriage is adultery. If the innocent party decides to remarry on that grounds, it is acceptable before God.

Think carefully of what to do. I feel a separation would be best as it is obvious your wife is beginning to be fed up with the marriage.

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Wait. Are you scared of being a divorcé or what? It doesn't matter whether you'd be considered a divorcé. You're both unhappy. Save yourselves and stop caring about what people will call you or think of you. Divorce is not a crime. If you feel the need to try again, go ahead. Do you.

Japa 😂😂

kushme:
[/b]

You are welcome...
I am in my mid-thirties and I spend my money alone, eat anything I want.. No female, no child support... I fvck when I want to..
Just look at you, you still wanna live with another woman... Yous a puusy nigga.

Guy you Will die alone

Try and marry

Don't eat alone

kodix:
Are you sure you will survive this mess you're trying to put your self in,you have marry and have a child from your wife and you still want marry again I pity you you're just digging your grave, Pls bend down so that your marriage will work for you, why are you still looking at women while you are married,How sure are you that this second lady will be perfect,! I pity you

OP this one will disappear when one of u end up hurting or killing the other

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

The mistake people make is u think u shud marry a gal just because u impregnated her. This is a very wrong process. U don’t marry a gal because u got her pregnant. U marry her because she aligns with ur beliefs and dreams and ideology. In other words, chemistry, connection and understanding. If a gal is pregnant for u and these items are not in the mix pls don’t waste ur time and resources marrying her unless u just want to do it for formalities and either endure or break up later.


If u can’t agree then leave and move on with ur life. She has even suggested it cos she knows and u also know u married for the wrong reasons. The process depends on the culture get it family involved and do necessary right to end the marriage.

I won't judge any of the two, but I have a question to new couples in the world. Can't couples blend and try to make things work between eachother, respect eachother at least if not for the sake of love, at least for the sake of the children every new couple has. Research says that 95% of children raised by single parents, either rich or poor always have problems. Please stop running the lives of these children who are supposed to have a bright future. I do not care at all about your relationship, what I care about is the child/children your relationship produced.

xteve:
na so this marriage thing be?

No! Good marriges abound.

Teaveapoet:
what if i say its too early to think you have met a new person.and what to settle down with her? you say this lady that has a child for you was your girlfriend, definitely things were going well before she got pregnant. why don't you sit her down and counsel her or both of you should meet a counselor or elders in your family. i don't see divorce as an option here and marrying another wife is more like double trouble.

A wise counsel

shugaboy6102:
thanks a lot. I remembered vividly one of the days we had an a bitter fight and she told me something that bruised my ego, between God and man she said that no woman in this life will ever fall for someone like me that am a useless and a worthless person. I am not a man that goes after women or looks outside but those words pierced me deeply and I didn't know when I fell into the arms of another woman. I did it out of ego but am falling for this woman

first of all, you are married to her because you've done all the necessary things. So before God and man you are married but not legally married. To be legally, then you have to go to the court of law.

About what she says to you - not every thing we say we mean(we say things that we don't mean all the time) . So, She say that out of anger.

My advice

(1). Never argue with any woman because you can never come out alive or winner(women argue with emotions while we men argue with brains). One of the first thing to do now in other to win her over now is to not argue with her no matter how tempting she tries to(that is just a bait women use on men) lure you into argument

(2). Nevertheless, I have this against you, because you have forsaken your first law. Remember therefore from where you have fallen, and repent, and do the first works. Revelation 2 vs4-5(a)part... Remember your first love and the way you treated her during your courtship and early marriage. When was the last time you gave her a early momo kiss? When was the last time you take her out? When was the last time you make her feel like a queen? When was the last time you commend her in the presence of people?

(3). As you show her love and care, also don't forget to be firm in your decision making but humane. Let her know you are the leader of the house with actions but not with too much words but you SOMETIMES(not all the time) let her also have final say on things that trivial(minor).
Actually, women love men who stand by what they say and are unmoved by what they say.

I must confess, these are very hard to do, but you will do well if you follow them diligently and practice them.

Also you can search for Carlos Zuma's book SECRET OF THE ALPHA MAN

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]pls

shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

something went wrong in between l still Think there is hope for you two, some of this problem at times are spiritual, but will always draw our conclusion in the physical take it to God in prayer, get a believing church and pastor go for prayers and counseling, above try once again to see if you can mend ur home, you have a kid already and start having them here and there.

Most newly married couples experience these initial arguments and fights. It is very normal.

Considering your ages, I think the age you guys started living together as husband and wife is rather early.
She got pregnant at 19 (probably), abandoned her dreams and aspirations to nurture the pregnancy and the baby. Has she now gone back to the process of achieving her dreams?

Also, what level of understanding did you guys have during courtship even now, have you both tried to work this out together?

OP, sorry but I have to say this, you have to put your family together. Stop seeing her as a mere babymama, stop flirting, concentrate on your family, show her love irrespective of what she does. And give it time, she would change. She probably is trying to catch up with the exploratory phase every young ladies would love to experience, of which she missed.

If she doesn't listen to you, then try talking to her family about it.

You have a lovely family already, water it and make it blossom.

Teaveapoet:
what if i say its too early to think you have met a new person.and what to settle down with her? you say this lady that has a child for you was your girlfriend, definitely things were going well before she got pregnant. why don't you sit her down and counsel her or both of you should meet a counselor or elders in your family. i don't see divorce as an option here and marrying another wife is more like double trouble.

Well said... I think the guy is immature to handle a relationship let alone marriage.

@shugaboy6102
You have bleeped her so many years that, you have lost interest in her.
You don't want to show that you love her, you value her, etc.
All this equal IRRESPONSIBILITY!

You shouldn't act like a criminal pls.

bonnyhope:


How comes guys are not using condoms again?

Unwanted pregnancy everywhere

and they will purposely release inside. Very foolish men these days.

U have a child,married and still looking at other women,how are we not sure that the WhatsApp message u received from ur female colleague was not a love or sex message,I will not pass judgement until I hear your wife's side of the story cuz I know we guys can be sometimes very promiscuous,,,,,I am married too but pls God cover my eyes and thought with d blood of jesus cuz the kind goods way person they see for office everyday nor b hear,u can only overcome if God they ur side kia lauretta will not kill someone at the office o lord direct my path my eyes and my prik

Marriage is no longer necessary. You need a girlfriend, and not a wife. I do not think it is necessary to commit self to one person alone.

Marriage is not natural, it is an imperfect institution designed for a purposes which are no longer necessary.

Marriage has been weaponized.

Honest and best answer from a happily married man

1. Leaving her now is not divorce because you were never married, you are just senior fornicator


2. The new lady is who is really getting you confused now


3. The lady was not ready for marriage when you impregnated her. She would have aborted the baby if your mum hasn't intervened because she needs to see her grandchild in quick.
Now, your wife (sorry, senior fornicator partner) is no longer feeling comfortable with the idea of you chaining her down when her single peers are there hoeing.

I can categorically tell you she is also hoeing another man right now but can't leave because of you guy's family involvement. Don't lie, you too has been digging another hole by now.

If you now want to know what to do, WhatsApp me on 08030834800 and let's talk

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

I think u can go ahead n ask your so called wife for separation. Pls forget about another woman fir now you're still young you dont need to jump into another one. Get separated live by yourself for sometime n then decide on what u want. Dont jump into another relationship it's too early.