livebyday:


Read it again

Calm down

You need to stop quoting me if you have nothing meaningful to say.

philip0906:

The point he is making is young girls are not learning and will never learn in this part of the world.

They are only internet warriors and voltrons. Out there, they still and will always depend on men.

Exactly. They only deceive themselves on social media.

Fountainofyouth:



You need to stop quoting me if you have nothing meaningful to say.

I hear you

BigJoe19:
So she should leave the children for who? If a woman gets pregnant she should be ready to nuture the child.

If a man impregnates a woman, he should be ready to nurture the child.

Parenting is serious business and if a partner chooses to stay at home while the other goes to out to make some money, they both should be appreciated and have equal rights to both the kids and the funds.

Over the last 2 decades, women have proven that they can make money and excel in business and career too if someone else tends for the family and kids. I wonder how many men would excel in career if they were to nurture kids too.

livebyday:


I hear you

Thank you.

LordKO:
The kind of mentality most people have and the absurd things one reads on a forum like this most of the time are so repulsive.

I wonder how any sane person would say that a wife who conscientiously and loyally stayed at home and caters for the family (with or without offspring) doesn't have right to claim that she "helped build wealth in particular and the family in general" with her husband, just because he majorly contributed his own quota of the family success monetarily/materially.

It's an abomination to approach marriage, a sacred union, as commercial business.

OP

Your mother is entitled to at least half part of the family assets, especially if has been a submissive wife all this while. I don't want to hastily conclude that you've a small-minded/insane man as a father.

This small-minded clown

Fountainofyouth:



Thank you.

For what?

CorperKola:

Yeah
Maybe we disagree on the degree of contribution
If the time spent in the marriage is long
And she is entirely helpless finacially
Then shes entitled to some income from me or assets
To say half is jst insulting and unfair to millions of actual workers all over the world

I modified my original comment; your comparison to "actual workers" is totally invalid.

Anyway though your reasoning is mixed up, you have the right idea. She is still entitled to some support, that we can agree on.

manontree:


This marriage was contracted under the customs and from the narrative it appears there was no court wedding or marriage license

Therefore customary law applies and in most native laws of Nigeria this heavily favours the man

Assuming even they married in court, Nigeria is still skewed towards the man. He may easily throw her out and nothing happens. No court would divide a property or properties between a man and his wife unless such properties Re jointly owned in which case a court isnt even needed to determine title

If she wants a divorce by all account fine. For her peace of mind and general wellbeing. But if she is looking at the economic benefit I am sorry, she is in for a really rough ride

Fountainofyouth:



You find it baffling that your wife who stayed at home to take care of the kids, cook for you and made the home front livable, has the temerity to ask for half? You are a disgrace to manhood, do not ever get married and if you are, sorry for your wife, she obviously isn't worth nothing to you.

So you are comparing your wife to an employee? Her sacrifice of being a housewife is not work right? God forbid bad thing for some men these days.

Ladies, shine your eyes when you want to get married so that you won't settle for men like this one, make sure you are working before you get married, and after getting married, do not quit your job to satisfy any useless man, they will burn you when they feel like and see you as nothing, enough said.

You lots are very funny,
When someone said the wife is a disgrace to womanhood for asking what she stands to gain from the assets of the man after divorce and thinking like a common worker
It wasnt a valid criticism then
Its like seeing a marriage as a commercial transaction now, so thinking along that line with her and trying to determine the correct amount of compensation like any other employee is not a crime and criticism of that too is invalid
Since this is purely business, we should remove any pretensions of love, or family or any sentiments like that
So when you calm down you will see your critique is actually very emotional and unobjective(i dont want to say stupid)
Afterall pple even go as far as making pre-nuptial agreements
And i didnt say shes not entitled to any compensation, dont misunderstand me
But to say half is disgusting and unfair to actual employees who actually worked for the husband during said time.
You actually promote the disrespectful impression that some men have about women and marriage that they are all prostitutes that wives are selling their bodies and time to their husbands in the name of marriage for compensation after divorce
Or that marriage is simply a woman selling her body to the highest bidder .
Very sad indeed
Thats what civilization has led us to...

Lexusgs430:



If she is legally married, your father might want to avoid long drawn financial battle, and just do a bezos........

Seems you’re beginning to mistake Nigeria for USA

HarunaWest:

Have you asked you mum why she isn't fixing her marriage?... ..Men dont just change,it's women that make me. change.

You mo see say his papa marry another woman?

Why you still blaming his mum

God bless you

cococandy:
Yes she helped him build it. If he had to stay home to raise their kids, he wouldn’t be able to achieve what he did. That’s a fact.

Her contributions are valid and equal to his. Unless he considers the money to be worth more than his children and family. She birthed and raised them for the family. That’s a significant contribution to the family.

We look down on that because it’s women who do it.
because we are raised to not respect women and their efforts.

Reason why I can never encourage a woman to listen to her husband and stay at home in the name of being submissive. Unless that’s her choice made out of her free will.

After you spend your youth working to raise and keep the home, it’s discarded as nothing and you have to be dependent and subservient. begging for what’s rightfully yours. Even enduring disrespect so that you won’t lose out.

Lexusgs430:



If she is legally married, your father might want to avoid long drawn financial battle, and just do a bezos........

A bezos in nigeria

Truly, u are an oyibo man

You still dey talk go far bros, NYSC too far naw, from 300l they don dey marry. They nor get nothing for account bros only pussy so na to dey house dey lay egg sure pass for them. Na if the husband pity dem he go open shop for them to use dey useful small. Marriage dis days na poverty alleviation scheme for dem girls!

Plead:


Which young girls? you live in USA not Nigeria.


The young girls you’re talking about have only marriage on their mind during nysc and after serving the next thing is to rush into marriage ,they don’t care about having 50k in their account sef and will be very happy staying at home as housewives.


Forget all these internet talks ....in real life, most Nigerian women are still dependent on men, ‘only few are bread winners,well to do/ financially stable, or even have the mindset to make their own money and liberal’.

LordKO:
The kind of mentality most people have and the absurd things one reads on a forum like this most of the time are so repulsive.

I wonder how any sane person would say that a wife who conscientiously and loyally stayed at home and caters for the family (with or without offspring) doesn't have right to claim that she "helped build wealth in particular and the family in general" with her husband, just because he majorly contributed his own quota of the family success monetarily/materially.

It's an abomination to approach marriage, a sacred union, as a commercial business.

OP

Your mother is entitled to at least half part of the family assets, especially if she has been a submissive wife all this while. I don't want to hastily conclude that you've a small-minded/insane man as a father.

LOL, me I can’t talk too much ooh, but from your words. Marriage is sacred and shouldn’t be approached as a commercial business.

If that is the case, why is the woman seeking for financial gains during of after divorce?


Different countries has different societies and different laws. You can’t compare an American to a Nigerian neither can you compare a Nigerian to a Saudi Arabian. The earlier we learn that, the better for us and also gives us time to look for a better thing for ourselves.


At the end of the day. It is what it is.

In the mean time. Let us keep deceiving ourselves.


In a country where court makes decisions and the people do otherwise.


Haven’t you seen a man who was asked to give child support and he didn’t, has they been jailed?


How many people have you seen declared bankruptcy in naija?


If you owe person in this country, it is not a crime, last last, you can decide to be paying 1k per month to someone you owe 5million.



Make we no de use other country laws to judge our own cases. As the laws and the society differs.


Op tell us the truth 1st why did your dad marry another woman? What were his reasons?

Lol we are all talking too much the lawyers aff hands-off the matter

I am actually interested in the legal implications of this kind of case. All I know is that once the man drives you away, thats it

I want to learn

CorperKola:

You lots are very funny,
When someone said the wife is a disgrace to womanhood for asking what she stands to gain from the assets of the man after divorce and thinking like a common worker
It wasnt a valid criticism then
Its like seeing a marriage as a commercial transaction now, so thinking along that line with her and trying to determine the correct amount of compensation like any other employee is not a crime and criticism of that too is invalid
Since this is purely business, we should remove any pretensions of love, or family or any sentiments like that
So when you calm down you will see your critique is actually very emotional and unobjective(i dont want to say stupid)
Afterall pple even go as far as making pre-nuptial agreements
And i didnt say shes not entitled to any compensation, dont misunderstand me
But to say half is disgusting and unfair to actual employees who actually worked for the husband during said time.
You actually promote the disrespectful impression that some men have about women and marriage that they are all prostitutes that wives are selling their bodies and time to their husbands in the name of marriage for compensation after divorce
Or that marriage is simply a woman selling her body to the highest bidder .
Very sad indeed
Thats what civilization has led us to...

Pls buzz off, you're going in circles and still saying rubbish, comparing your wife with employees is stupidity in itself, how would someone says he loves someone enough to marry her, then decides that because she is a house wife, she isn't entitled to half? she took care of your kids, you, fvcked you constantly, things go awry, she doesn't deserve half but should be compensated? and the sacrifices she made by staying at home is nothing?rubbish.

And @bolded, why the fvck will you think fvcking her husband constantly means selling their bodies just to get compensated in the end? I am honestly trying not say my piece of mind to the mistake that is you, nonsense.

Reffone:
Still got two underage won't they count

tell your mom to stay for the sake of her children. Tell her to ignore her husband and the co-wife and she will be happy. There's nothing in their kind of divorce. She can work on her man, if she's ready.
I can talk her into seeing reasons. Bring her to me.

CorperKola:

You lots are very funny,
When someone said the wife is a disgrace to womanhood for asking what she stands to gain from the assets of the man after divorce and thinking like a common worker
It wasnt a valid criticism then
Its like seeing a marriage as a commercial transaction now, so thinking along that line with her and trying to determine the correct amount of compensation like any other employee is not a crime and criticism of that too is invalid
Since this is purely business, we should remove any pretensions of love, or family or any sentiments like that
So when you calm down you will see your critique is actually very emotional and unobjective(i dont want to say stupid)
Afterall pple even go as far as making pre-nuptial agreements
And i didnt say shes not entitled to any compensation, dont misunderstand me
But to say half is disgusting and unfair to actual employees who actually worked for the husband during said time.
You actually promote the disrespectful impression that some men have about women and marriage that they are all prostitutes that wives are selling their bodies and time to their husbands in the name of marriage for compensation after divorce
Or that marriage is simply a woman selling her body to the highest bidder .
Very sad indeed
Thats what civilization has led us to...

What you are saying make no sense

GogobiriLalas:
Self respect or loneliness, the choice is hers

What is this one saying

27Years old marriage. This is great. I would consider it mirage if no physical assault like daily beaten involved. God will see her through this adversity.

I have one question,is daddy performing his the other room duty?

chigoizie7:




LOL, me I can’t talk too much ooh, but from your words. Marriage is sacred and shouldn’t be approached as a commercial business.

If that is the case, why is the woman seeking for financial gains during of after divorce?


Different countries has different societies and different laws. You can’t compare an American to a Nigerian neither can you compare a Nigerian to a Saudi Arabian. The earlier we learn that, the better for us and also gives us time to look for a better thing for ourselves.


At the end of the day. It is what it is.

In the mean time. Let us keep deceiving ourselves.


In a country where court makes decisions and the people do otherwise.


Haven’t you seen a man who was asked to give child support and he didn’t, has they been jailed?


How many people have you seen declared bankruptcy in naija?


If you owe person in this country, it is not a crime, last last, you can decide to be paying 1k per month to someone you owe 5million.



Make we no de use other country laws to judge our own cases. As the laws and the society differs.

I only hold brief for sane/ethically sound/fair-minded people.

Altruism as the soul of a healthy marriage, which makes marriage a sacred union and a non-commercial business, doesn't invalidate symbiosis - benefit - which a healthy marriage yields.

The soul of a healthy marriage is mutual altruism and it yields benefit - the type the OP's mother is entitled to - while the soul of a healthy commercial business partnership is self-interest and it yields exploit rightly or wrongly.

Once more, it's an abomination for anyone to approach marriage, a sacred union, like a commercial business - sane people don't approach it in such manner.

The OP did not give much info. Build as in how?If she was encouraged to be part of the business and she wasn't interested and that became part of the problem, then it's like destroying alcohol but collecting alcohol tax. I expect the man to settle her wella however a lot depends on what the problem is all about. 27yrs is long!

pocohantas:
I thought they said men never leave the woman who BUILT with them?

Now being a submissive housewife is insignificant.

You have to love our men

Fountainofyouth:



You find it baffling that your wife who stayed at home to take care of the kids, cook for you and made the home front livable, has the temerity to ask for half? You are a disgrace to manhood, do not ever get married and if you are, sorry for your wife, she obviously isn't worth nothing to you.

So you are comparing your wife to an employee? Her sacrifice of being a housewife is not work right? God forbid bad thing for some men these days.

Ladies, shine your eyes when you want to get married so that you won't settle for men like this one, make sure you are working before you get married, and after getting married, do not quit your job to satisfy any useless man, they will burn you when they feel like and see you as nothing, enough said.

You also being foolish and emotional
Emotions dont win cases in a court
How much is the salary of a housekeeper or maid.
Nonsense
Her real problem is the 2nd wife
Since they are very educated and proud now, they cant deal with a second wife or any rival for that matter
I am a full fledged muslim man, and by Allah's grace will have my full 4 wives
And i will treat them with respect and care, if Allah wills that i am rich.
Even poor guys here have many wives and everything is in order.
My wives will be lucky to have me and we will all be happy.
No need to divorce anyone like you infidels do and encourage others to do!

Men should thank God for islam and polygamy here otherwise these women would taken over everthing jst the way they did in America with their emotional logic and guilt tripping and shaming tactics

sassysure:

A bezos in nigeria

Truly, u are an oyibo man

A marriage of 27 years, she deserves a bezos treatment.......

Fountainofyouth:



Pls buzz off, you're going in circles and still saying rubbish, comparing your wife with employees is stupidity in itself, how would someone says he loves someone enough to marry her, then decides that because she is a house wife, she isn't entitled to half? she took care of your kids, you, fvcked you constantly, things go awry, she doesn't deserve half but should be compensated? and the sacrifices she made by staying at home is nothing?rubbish.

And @bolded, why the fvck will you think fvcking her husband constantly means selling their bodies just to get compensated in the end? I am honestly trying not say my piece of mind to the mistake that is you, nonsense.

That guy is talking backwards but at the same time "half" exactly, split down the middle automatically is not logical. The OP should be a bit realistic

This is more about acknowledging their efforts as entities in the partnership. She is entitled to a substantial share not because she is like an "employee" but to reflect the fact that they both contributed something into their marital life

They have to sit down and work it out. This is why she needs to look at documentation, especially if they are only married under customary law.

Otherwise she should just stay legally married to protect the childrens welfare and the elder children/mothers side should offer some support. Separation has more benefits than outright divorce in some ways since it keeps you "in the loop"

Fountainofyouth:



First off, how old are you

What do you mean by she is greedy and a disgrace? Explain yourself.

So because she is the one pushing for divorce means she should leave with nothing after 27years of marriage? Why shouldn't she gain, didn't they have it all together all these years?

And what the hell do you mean by the children been the reward? How is the children her reward? Are both of them not owner of the children? With the father having the higher percentage?

With this your shocking, irritating utterance, I have to ask again, how old are you

Your fada!!! Age

Vortex369:


Your Mother is no longer happy in her relationship with your Father. The word 'Dad' and 'Mom' do not deeply express the level of seriousness that parenting deserves.

Your Father has a new wife, a woman who has fully controlled him from 'the same issues' that led to the second marriage, and those 'same issues' surrounds your innocent mother. Mostly inter-universal misalignment of Soulmates. I get it.

What your Mother needs now, is Peace of Mind, Happiness, and Love, Yes Love.

Your Father MUST support her and your family as a man, and provide your Mother an accommodation for Life until/except she has another man.

And you as Children MUST ensure that you do not interfere but support the natural cause of events and ensure that both of your parents are comfortable in their decisions.

You do not need a lawyer, except your Father becomes unreasonable due to the influence of a third-force.

This is the second time I'm noticing this moniker comment on a delicate topic, the first was your advice for the guy on his findings about his 14 year old sister.

And on both occasions, your reasoning, tact and wisdom exhibited in addressing the issue and the solutions offered gave you away as one with a "Great Mind and a Great Thinker".

I honestly believe that your advice is: "So THOUGHTFUL that 99% percent of its readers won't comprehend the wisdom". I couldn't bring myself to say anything else after reading both your comments because they were simply the BEST.

@Reffone, if you want the most diplomatic solution aside from a traditional sit-down with a professional lawyer, this is the best advice you can possibly get. Believe me, nobody will or can say anything better than this.

Vortex369, the next time I see a reply from you "school me", I'm hitting the follow button. #uThinker!!!

He actually blamed God. He said 'the woman you gave me'. Did Adam asked God for a wife? No! He was on his own, God decided a wife will be good for him so that makes God partly responsible for the outcome.
That was the reason God said 'he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord' . Bottom line is, God is not going to find for man again, but if the man finds a good woman, He will bless. He doesn't want to be blamed again!

pocohantas:


Abegi, talk another thing. Always shifting blame.

It started right from the Garden of Eden.

"Adam, where are you?", very simple question. Adam start to talk another thing. Last last he blamed it on Eve, the woman God gave to him. Man has been blaming everyone but himself for his actions.

CorperKola:

You also being foolish and emotional
Emotions dont win cases in a court
How much is the salary of a housekeeper or maid.
Nonsense
Her real problem is the 2nd wife
Since they are very educated and proud now, they cant deal with a second wife or any rival for that matter
I am a full fledged muslim man, and by Allah's grace will have my full 4 wives
And i will treat them with respect and care, if Allah wills that i am rich.
Even poor guys here have many wives and everything is in order.
My wives will be lucky to have me and we will all be happy.
No need to divorce anyone like you infidels do and encourage others to do!

Men should thank God for islam and polygamy here otherwise these women would taken over everthing jst the way they did in America with their emotional logic and guilt tripping and shaming tactics

Finally I've drawn out why you have a backward mindset and warped thinking, you are a Muslim, no wonder you see women as second fiddle, so women in the western world standing up for themselves hurts you real bad right? Clap for yourself,

So in your stupid thinking, Muslims don't divorce right? You are so clueless and uncouth I doubt you went to school, keep your backwardness to your self and type, rubbish.