Am at a breaking point in my life.i need to find a way to move on,but it seems an unseen force keeps holding me back.
It all started almost 8 years ago while I was in my second year in school I met this lady who came seeking admission into my school.she stayed at my place off campus for a while at the behest of a close friend.we got close to the extent that when she got admission and I was in my third year we started dating.Initially there were issues,not between us but from external parties like my friends and family especially my mum to end the relationship.They all thought she was well below standards in many ramifications,but I didn't see what they were seeing.all I saw was a girl who cared for me and I adamantly remained faithful.i graduated a year before and even when we were serving we remained very close and we were still dating.we have had mini breakups and makeups and fights,but we have always pulled through.i loved her so much.And then in 2017 I found out that she cheated on me with someone she met on facebook.i was devastated,never felt pain like that in my life before,I was very tempted to move on but I couldn't,she begged and moved heaven and earth,promising it won't happen again,so I forgave her, choosing to see it as an unwitting mistake,as it wasn't in her character to do such.we got back on good terms,but then it happened a year later,this time under the influence of a close female friend I had warned her seriously about.i was ready to end it,but that unseen force held me back.i felt defeated.she begged and I forgave and we moved on.Fast forward to 2019/2020,i had plans to travel outside the country to further my studies,but my visa application got rejected twice in 2019.so I recently made another application to another country,of which I expect the whole process to take around six months.i had hoped to go over there and settle down and arrange for her to come meet me there.For the mean time I had lost my job and was on the lookout for a new one so I moved to her state where there was more opportunities to sought out one temporarily.initially I was staying in a hotel,but due to paucity of funds,I took her up on her offer to stay at her place till everything settled.i stayed there for two months and it was nothing short of hell,initially she was supportive,no job was forthcoming,and I was getting really low on funds,any funds coming my way was put into my travel plans.she just changed,someone I thought I knew for over seven years started degrading me in any way possible,I even later found out that she was seeing some guys.she denied it .someone who loved seeing slot started giving me the cold shoulder,I couldn't even touch her anymore.it was as if she now hated me because she thinks am broke.This was someone I had stood by,forgiven and supported for over 7 years.a girl I was ready to spend the rest of my life with,raise a family with.she now treats me like scum,like a nobody.Anytime I prepare to leave with my things,she changes back and begs and gives all sort of excuse and promises to change,but alas! just give her two days,it's back to square one.i do not want to continue with her again,but here is where the force holds me back.Am attached to her,I have known no other woman.i don't even know how to start over.i have tried,it doesn't work out.i don't know want to do.i have and want to leave,but don't know how to.what do I do? Nairalanders I need your help sincerely,no insults please.forgive my typographical errors and lack of appropriate punctuation,I typed in a hurry.

look under my profile and see my latest topic martinelli....there u av it

dating a Naija lady should top American anthology television series "ONE THOUSAND WAYS TO DIE"

What u feel is normal, most of us have been there. You love her and have been together for a long time, completely normal that you would feel this way. There is NO force holding you back, just the fear of starting over and the feelings you still have for this woman.

Just be strong and move on, the pain will get better soon, give yourself time and allow yourself to 'mourn' the relationship. You don't deserve such treatment and there's certainly a lot of good people out there. You deserve good things, just tell yourself that. You also need to know that human beings are very fickle and that good deeds are not always returned in kind. Carry your cross and move on.

Well.


Everything you've posted happens and you're not alone, but a man dies but once.

You've done enough "forgiving" for someone you've not engaged/married, let it end now.

The way you will play this is; Do things that makes her happy on a "particular day" this day is particular to you because it's the day she'd loose you. Be sure she'd be leaving her house that "day" make her happy, plead for no reason, once she's gone, carry your loads and return home or find somewhere else to stay..


If you can, block her....

You've just been saved from going into a toxic marriage with a cheat and a materialistic lady.

Young man, there is no force holding you back. Your self esteem is the issue here, how on earth can you keep forgiving a cheater and staying in an abusive relationship if not for your low self esteem?

Firstly, you don’t love that Hoe. A guy that truly love a girl can never forgive her after cheating on him.

Secondly, don’t just break up with her now. You will lose. Be nice to her until it’s time to stop being nice, then destroy her!

If ubunja comot talk now, them go climb him head with nonsense rants but this is exactly what he's talking about.
Men becoming simps. Worshipping women in the name of love.
Lemme break it for you. THAT BABE DOEN'T LOVE YOU! SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU WITH SEVERAL OTHER GUYS. SHE ONLY KEEPS YOU IN HER LIFE BECAUSE SHE'S AFRAID YOU MIGHT TURN OUT WELL IN THE FUTURE AND SHE WOULDN'T WANT TO MISS THE OPPORTUNITY.
The sooner you make peace with this truth and move out of her life, th better for you...
Unless them don put your picture for inside bottle throway am for sea, na d only reasonable explanation for th "force" pulling you back.
You're welcome.

It is hard... but for your good, you've got to pull that plug like right now!!!

No force is holding you back Man. The force that's holding you back is the love in your heart to her and not the love in your brain. Why not start by meditating in a prayer manner thanking God for showing you the signs that she's wrong for you. This will strengthen you to move on. Start having the mindset of "Abundance" Girls are in abundance hence i will never settle for the less.

Your problem is she sleeps with other guys right. Hear this. The vagina is not your own. The custodian of the vagina has every right to do whatever she wants with it. Write this on a piece of paper and read it out to urself everyday.

Just move by simply moving on

proclinician:
Your problem is she sleeps with other guys right. Hear this. The vagina is not your own. The custodian of the vagina has every right to do whatever she wants with it. Write this on a piece of paper and read it out to urself everyday.

if you read what I wrote to the end you will notice that the crux of the issue is how she treats me now.

Martinelli35:
if you read what I wrote to the end you will notice that the crux of the issue is how she treats me now.

She's treating u whichever way because u let her. It's inconsequential

my brother, they have wash your head with pu**y water... u can't be yourself again

Bro, you deserve to be treated like shît.

Why?

Cos you expected too much from a naija lady. They are not raised to take responsibility for or even share responsibility with men. They are taught by society to take and not give.

It is better to live in your fathers house than to squat with your babe. If things do not improve, you guys will eventually breakup and she will kick you out.

If things do improve for you, she will feel entitled to your newfound wealth and start claiming that she stood by you through tough times. But the truth is, she made those tough times tougher for you. You should leave now that the disrespect is still in it’s early stages.

Leave and ignore her. She is not worthy of your love, to be honest. She is not worth it.

Dump dat b!tch like trash!

Olanrefront3355:
Well.


Everything you've posted happens and you're not alone, but a man dies but once.

You've done enough "forgiving" for someone you've not engaged/married, let it end now.

The way you will play this is; Do things that makes her happy on a "particular day" this day is particular to you because it's the day she'd loose you. Be sure she'd be leaving her house that "day" make her happy, plead for no reason, once she's gone, carry your loads and return home or find somewhere else to stay..


If you can, block her....

You've just been saved from going into a toxic marriage with a cheat and a materialistic lady.

Martinelli35....use this and you won't regret it...

Martinelli35:
.

i rarely comment on peoples posts but this one really touched me. Bro please, i know how hard it is to move on from the one you love. It is very easy said than done but please move. Summon all the courage and strength within you and move on so you don't lose your life in the process because she is killing you slowly. I'm so sorry for your travails

Dump her

Kennywags

I've been in this space before so to an extent, I can say I understand how it feels... the truth is, there's no force holding you back. You're just attached to her emotionally - 7 years relationship isn't childs play...

Clearly there's nothing for you in that relationship, so you just have to leave... forgive yourself, forgive her and move on... eliminate everything that connects you to her - pictures, gifts n even her phone number... unfriend her on Facebook, unfollow her... just do away with everything that connects you to her. It'll be difficult but you'll be fine in a couple of months... takia

Women don't love men. They have no love to give. They see men as utilities. They are only with you for what they can benefit from you. Sorry, she never loved you.

One thing I, Ubunja, and other red pill men have always told people is that never give a cheating ex a second chance. Women cheat and always keep cheating no matter how many times you forgive them. It hurts for many men but it's the truth, deal with it.

Naija ladies are trash. Asin egocentric zombies

You are jobless, niqqa. Your number one focus should be how to get back on your feet. All you have to do is wait till she is not at home then pack your kaya and get the fvck out of that house.

It sha seems like you have not reached your breaking point. When you do nobody will tell you to flee on your toes.

Martinez39s:

Women don't love men. They have no love to give.They see men as utilities. They are only with you for what they can benefit from you. Sorry, she never loved you.

One thing I, Ubunja, and other red pill men have always told people is that never give a cheating ex a second chance. Women cheat and always keep cheating no matter how many times you forgive them. It hurts for many men but it's the truth, deal with it.

This kind of rubbish thinking is why Luis Suarez bites people. How can you even think in this rotten, utterly stupid way? Who told you women don't love men?? Your confident ignorance is inspiring, though. Since you couldn't dazzle us with your intelligence (seems you don't have enough to awe anyone), you chose to baffle us with bullshit.

Very inspiring.

Octopusssy:

This kind of rubbish thinking is why Luis Suarez bites people. How can you even think in this rotten, utterly stupid way? Who told you women don't love men?? Your confident ignorance is inspiring, though. Since you couldn't dazzle us with your intelligence (seems you don't have enough to awe anyone), you chose to baffle us with bullshit.

Very inspiring.

just shut up. You once told a guy here the same thing Martinez39 is telling OP:

Octopusssy:

Unrequited love is a bitter pill to swallow, but swallow you must otherwise you will slowly waste away because of heart break. The woman you love abandoned you when you needed her the most, so how can you keep hanging on to the vain hope that she will come back? You are her plan B. "If all fails, I can always go back manage him".

Such a person will not hesitate to leave you again. They dont deserve your loyalty.

Or are there things you aren't mentioning?

You better wise up.

You've done well forgiving a cheating partner, which is a deal breaker for some of us. Seven years is quite a long time to throw away just like that but if it'll give you back your peace and sanity, then by all means do it.
Take the bold step and leave. Leave her house, leave her life and regain your respect back. What's the worst that can happen without her in your life? You'll cry, you won't eat, you'll stalk her on social media, thoughts of her will fill your mind but las las, with time, you'll be fine.
You can also stay back under her roof and in her life, with her erratic affections and be chopping shit The choice is yours to make.

ubunja:
just shut up. You once told a guy here the same thing Martinez39 is telling OP:

Octopusssy should not be taken seriously. She came for me because she knew I was telling the truth and she too is just like that.

Martinez39s:
Octopusssy should not be taken seriously. She came for me because she knew I was telling the truth and she too is just like that.

it's amazing how people forget the things they type smh.

Yuneehk:
You've done well forgiving a cheating partner, which is a deal breaker for some of us. Seven years is quite a long time to throw away just like that but if it'll give you back your peace and sanity, then by all means do it.
Take the bold step and leave. Leave her house, leave her life and regain your respect back. What's the worst that can happen without her in your life? You'll cry, you won't eat, you'll stalk her on social media, thoughts of her will fill your mind but las las, with time, you'll be fine.
You can also stay back under her roof and in her life, with her erratic affections and be chopping shit The choice is yours to make.

these modern day men crave the comfort zone. He'll move back with her and endure the crazy. All just because he can't stand being lonely for a short time while looking for someone to start afresh with.

God have mercy. It will be a pity if all the years he's wasted on that Lowlife female convinces him to stay with her. The Sunk Cost Fallacy at its best. Poor guy.