Everybody is hung up on domestic abuse by men against women. Nobody spares a moment to find solutions to the equally devastating verbal abuse men suffer in the hands of their wives. It is worse because men can't discuss what their wives do to them for fear of scorn and derision. They suffer in silence. Time bomb.

Unfortunately, the Nigerian society has little or no support systems for this kind of situation. Little or no counselling services. These women are raising daughters. Their daughters are hearing and seeing how they speak to and treat their husband. What kind of wives will they grow up to become? Those that treat their husbands as kings or those that believe husbands are nothing but verbal punching bags?

We've all agreed and rightfully so that a man has no business hitting his wife. So how then do you stop a wife raining verbal missiles at you? Leave the house? Okay. But you'll return and it will continue. What next? Leave again? For how long?

Recently, I visited a senior friend, an important man in the society and while we were downstairs gisting, the voice of his wife could be heard upstairs. She was spewing unimaginable bile against the man. She called him all sorts of unprintable names. Impotent, wretched fool, miserable man that was nothing when she married him, etc. This is a well respected man. A father of 4 children. She tore at his very core and mocked everything society respected him for. She said he'd soon crash and she'll be there to laugh at him.

I was so uncomfortable as I beheld the man. He was shrunken before me. He was deflated. He tried to gamefully continue the gist to distract me but it was not working. The woman's vitriol was a ceaseless torrent. Uncomfortable silence ensued. I excused myself and left his house.

I was really sad.

You want to know the truth? This is what most men go through in their houses. They labour and toil and build respect but when they return home, the one who ought to speak to the king in them tears them to shreds and tries to deflate their self-esteem. When they are outside, they try to act cheerful and happy but back home, they are shrivelled because the person they live with makes it a point of duty to verbally assault them.

A sad story comes to mind. There was recently a Nigerian Ambassador who was recalled because his wife released a story to the press that he beat her. She also released pictures showing fresh injuries on her body ostensibly inflicted by the man.

In a dramatic twist, their children came out to debunk the stories and said their mother faked the injuries to embarrass their dad. Grown up children.

A particular sentence by the 1st son saddened me. He said it was as if their mum woke up every morning with one mission in life: how to make their dad miserable. They said they were witnesses to how their mum constantly harassed and abused their dad and wanted the whole world to know that their dad was not who their mum was painting him to be.

Yes, opinion shifted on the scandal but the damage had been done. The Ambassador was recalled and nobody heard from him again.

A family is currently at odds with the widow of their son and brother. The wife was constantly verbally assaulting him. Nobody wanted to visit them because each time they were around, it was always quarrel and the wife would call him unprintable names. Even in their presence. When they try to interfere, she will give them their own. The man died recently of heart-attack caused by high blood pressure. He was in his late 40s. The family insists his wife sent him to his early grave with her verbal torments.

Our bars are filled with men who are afraid to go home to their wives for fear of what verbal torment they will go through. Men are finding every excuse to travel because they'll rather be anywhere than in their own homes.

Everybody is focusing on men as culprits in domestic abuse. Who is talking to the women

More on this and many others on https://www.yourlivingideas.com/2019/07/domestic-abuse-of-men-by-women.html?m=1

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seun

Stop doing things that will make her angry.

Beautiful and apt write up. May God have mercy on some women whose mouths are sharper than razor blade...

chiommy123:
Stop doing things that will make her angry.

Na to just SMH for you

1:99.

Any woman who verbally abuse her husband is in the same category/league with a man who physically abuses his wife.


They are both animals.

chiommy123:
Stop doing things that will make her angry.

Wow!


I'm afraid of modern women!


So, if a man make his wife angry, the next thing is for the woman to unleash verbal bullets on the man?

And I'm sure that if it's the other way round, you would have advised that the man should walk away.

Talk of double standard!

chiommy123:
Stop doing things that will make her angry.

Chioma! You disappoints me With the above statement maybe because of your age but this is for women not girls or kids, this is marriage not child talk and not for boy/girlfriend relationship... So know when to talk and what to say ...
I don't know where this new generations are heading for heaven sake because moralities are decaying rapidly from our females children's ,wives and mothers...

chiommy123:
Stop doing things that will make her angry.

LOL!
Of course this flew over some people’s heads.
Can’t you mofos recognize your own advise?

Oluneutral:





Wow!


I'm afraid of modern women!


So, if a man make his wife angry, the next thing is for the woman to unleash verbal bullets on the man?

And I'm sure that if it's the other way round, you would have advised that the man should walk away.

Talk of double standard!

No. We have seen it too many times on this forum and in real life. If it was the other way around, you and others will ask the woman to stop what she is doing to make the man angry. You will say it is only a mad man that abuses without cause. She must have done something to make him angry and she need to stop doing it.

I wish men talked about it more. Then they will get the help they need. One reason the focus is on abused women is because they speak out more.

You fix it by separation. It is unfortunate but just like physical abusers, you can’t change people. The abuse will likely continue until you leave.

So what do you want us to do to the women

To sill their lips with supper glue ir what

Every woman has the nagging inborn with them

It's only when things dies work out that they bring it out
. Be transparent, open and protective of your wife, she will limit her miuThat is to say, it is about seven months that I have not seen her. We only talk on the phone,” he said. “I know the importance of her coming to stay in Lafia for some period of time, to take care of the new born baby whose mother is late. I thought it was my own responsibility to help my son-in-law and the new baby of my late daughter. So, I allowed my own wife to come and help.” Then he turned to you and asked rhetorically: “Is that an offence?”

You asked how he learnt about the abominable news. His words: “Two weeks ago, a friend ran into my wife in Lafia and called to tell me that he saw her with bulging stomach. I was speechless with shock and asked, how come? I didn’t want to believe it or confront her on the phone. She has been here since June last year. I decided to visit them to also see how the little boy is doing. I was coming with so much joy, not knowing that I was coming to meet disaster waiting for me. When I got to the house of my son-in-law, I met the shock of my life as I saw my own wife with a protruding stomach. I stood transfixed to the spot as I looked at her, trying to recall if there was any time she told me she was pregnant but I could not remember.

“I quickly asked my wife what happened and she broke down and confessed that Mr. Chori seduced her and they had sex and it became frequent and the result was the pregnancy. She started begging me for forgiveness. She said that she actually allowed him to have his way as a way of checking her fertility status and it turned out to be this way and that she refused to abort it because she has spent 10 solid years with me without a child. She said it is almost getting late as she is no longer getting younger. She pleaded with me not to cause her any embarrassment or disgrace by exposing her to ridicule and shame. She actually begged me to handle the matter in a mature way, but I’m yet to get out of the shock seeing my own wife impregnated by my own son-in-law. My anger knows no bounds. If it were during my days as a military man, I would have used my gun to kill the two of them. But if I do that now, I will be taking the law into my hands. What I will do now is to go back to Taraba. I have asked my wife not to come back to my house. As for Christopher Chori, I leave him to his conscience.”


Chori’s side of the story and battle with conscience

That, Christopher Chori insists, is even a worse punishment than being killed as he doesn’t know how to deal with the continuous tugging of his conscience. For him, it would have been better if Kwange had used the military-issued rifle he was talking about to kill him outright. It would have shortened the emotional trauma he is going through right now.

His story: “After the death and burial of my wife, my mother-in-law came to stay with me here in Lafia, to help look after the baby because my mother is no longer alive; she died many years ago. I work with one of the federal government agencies in Lafia. My younger sister who is equally staying with me is in SS2 and could not combine her studies with taking care of the baby. So my father-in-law asked his wife to come because his first wife who happens to be my real mother-in-law is late.

“I live in two-bedroom apartment. So when she came to take care of the baby with the assistance of my younger sister, I left one of the rooms for them to use while I stay in the other room but I come home regularly to check on them and to ensure that she does not lack anything especially when my younger sister is out in school.

“In the first one month of her stay with me, nothing happened but during the second month, which was July 2019, something happened that left me with so much guilty feelings. My sister went to school. I did not go to work that day, leaving me and my mother-in-law alone in the house. It rained the previous night all through and the weather was very cold. I was checking on them in their room to see how my newborn baby was doing. But when I opened the door, I was she will limit her mouth from running like a tap