A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.   She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen  table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought,  just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.  "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
   "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you  were only 16?" he asked.
   "Yes, I do," she replied.
    "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?"
    "Yes, I remember."
    "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?"
    "Yes, I do," she said.
    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know, I would have gotten out of jail today and be free."

Submitted by sam milla

There was this little old lady who was nearly blind and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best son to her.
So Son #1 bought her a 15-room mansion thinking this would surely be the best any of them could offer her.
Son #2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included thinking her would surely win her approval.
Son #3 had to do something even better than these so he bought her a trained parrot that had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask of him any verse in the Bible and the parrot could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's much too large for me to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."
Then she confronted her second son with "Son, the car is beautiful, it has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and I really don't like that driver, so please return the car."
Next, she went to son number three and said, "Son I just want to thank you for that most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes", whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No".
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.
"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the policeman"?
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?, asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman", came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there"?
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "They're looking for me"