Soliloquy
I have come to the cross roads perplexed and uncertain yet inevitably resolved to chart a path, to appraise yesterday, evaluate the realities of today and strategize for the eventualities of tomorrow. Here l am, pondering on my believe system, values and paradigm. So far, how far? Time to sieve and discard frivolities and unproductive allegiances. Had a hard look at the mirror, what did l see? Who did I see? ……… myself……..yes only my face staring back at me, didn’t see family, didn’t see friends nor acquaintances. This is a stark reality that l am solely responsible and accountable for my life and must act accordingly.

Given my sole responsibility and accountability, how far have l acted accordingly? When faced with decisive challenges or options, what naturally comes to my mind first? Is it how others will react and think about my decision or is it considering what is best for me? Do l aim to be accepted and applauded or do l aim for personal growth and intellectual cum spiritual enlightenment and illumination. What if that which will benefit me is not acceptable to those close to me? What if l have to make a choice between my happiness and public acceptance? Is it ideal to sacrifice my “needs” for public “wants”? For each time l make decision based on others opinion, l find my self-worth diminishing and my spirit being getting stuck in a quick sand.

So far, how far?..........hmmmmm how do l want the last mirror image to look? A fulfilled face reflecting a contented and purposeful life? A pathetic face masking a shallow life, lost in the delusional sea of public approval and acceptance? Humo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto!!(l am human and anything human is not strange to me!!), yes l am far from being perfect and just, l am not complete but l want to glance at the mirror and recognize who l am and not be confronted with a face embellished with borrowed cosmetics. Now l must pause to answer this nagging question that has perturbed me for long, that will determine my next step, yes it is time, it is now or never.

WHAT DO I WANT? ……..l want to be ME. Yes l want to be ME not YOU not THEM and definitely not US. For long l have lived on the corridors of others and public opinion where their reactions are the deciding factor in all my decisions. Enough!! When l take a stock of all l had wanted that l didn’t reach out for because of others opinion, l feel and l realize that l have failed ME……for l am the creative force of my universe, l have the unction for greatness, l am unstoppable, l am an eagle, l am the BEST!!! I have to rediscover ME, I have to follow my instincts and my mind….if l fail, l will get up with dignity and strive harder……….l want to know the pains of failing, the triumph of flying……..l want to stand tall…..l want to look back with pride that no bully, no villain nor setback could stop ME.

Yes still at the cross roads but now l know which way to go for my destination is now clear and my strength has been renewed. I march forward, never to look back because now l know who l am.

OCHULOR KING