I wonder how a single guy will openly marry a single mother. I don't know why some men like stressing themselves. The baby father will still Bleep his wife .

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

You are a selfish woman, may be you are planning to leave this same marriage by disturbing the peace of the home.
Though I know is a fiction write up just commenting anyway

Blackdeewhy:
Give him up for adoption.
Don't take this in a wrong way, there are still GOOD FAMILIES, that:
1. Don't have kids YET;
2. Their children has traveled out/ all married;
3. Those who want big families etc... They are in our society and you can find one.

Wait when yours start coming then you can give them up for adoption because you think it’s a easy thing to do

SecretSpy666:


God bless you sir/ma. That is the point. The woman is a wayward woman who do not have regard for her family or the family of whoever sample her. If she has a good relationship with her family, at least one person will accommodate her child. I will never marry a woman who do not care about knowing my family members. This woman doesn't deserve a man. Highly irresponsible

This is a very wrong conclusion

decision01:

Are u a father? I know u are not.. I am one and no human being nor gods can travel close to me & mine baby girlie..

I have 3 kids. Married for over 8 years. Live in UAE with my 3 kids.
My kids love me. But that doesn't change the fact I love my mother most in this world.
And i expect my wife to love my kids more than me. It's normal. I am just being realistic.
What I am against is men thinking a women will choose them over everyone. It's a lie. It's her kids first.
I can have many kids but I cannot have many mother.
You want more info??

Vyvyanvyvy:

I foot 70% of the bills , I pay my daughter school fee including my first child with my husband I pay half of her school fee ,all my son need is a place to stay, my husband won’t be the one paying his school fee

madam stop claiming the victim here and own up ur responsibilities... no man will train another man son just like that...since u claim u foot 70% of the bills then its simple send ur son money to be taking care of himself so he can stop stealing from people and be disgracing everybody

Oyindidi:
You love the mother but you no want her son in your house. Yeye husband

put yourself in the man shoe

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

at this point u av to choose between ur husband and ur child. if u love ur child den u might leave ur husband to rent ur place

movement2020:


See, I work in a social welfare department and this is not new to me. We try as much as possible to mediate and see if there would be reconciliation or M. O. U, if not, the court decision is the final.

The reason why we (friends, relatives, couples themselves) need to ensure couples stay together because in advent of any separation or divorce, the children will always bear the brunt.

At this stage, the boy can stay with either of the parents except the court says otherwise.

From your experience, now that the Father is nowhere to be found, isn't it best that the child stays with his mother?

Shegzy8:

Stop been myopic!! if he accepted the boy and left the girl, people like you will say he is misogynistic. Leaving one for the other is wrong. Stop making all decisions look shady. Reasons like this are why men don't tangle with single mom, little issues get overbloated and underlying detectives starts suspecting him for every action or steps he takes towards the kids.

At least we agree on something.

Gforce2015:
Your husband doesn't have any obligatory role to take of your son. Though he has to accept you as a single mother to bear his children to him and not to spend his entire life training another man's child. If you think you have what it takes, why can you establish your children somewhere and somehow and foot their bills since the original father is irresponsible?
and that's why marrying a single mother is disgusting because the lady is looking for a man that will help her raise those children. Some might have the financial and moral capacity while some might not have it. So, young woman, take your new husband as he is. Respect yourself and keep your children elsewhere or you go with your children and leave the man alone. A lot of guys die prematurely because of the family burden they are carrying. So you can't go and committing shit somewhere and be expecting one foolish man to solve your shit.

true talk

Gforce2015:
Your husband doesn't have any obligatory role to take of your son. Though he has to accept you as a single mother to bear his children to him and not to spend his entire life training another man's child. If you think you have what it takes, why can you establish your children somewhere and somehow and foot their bills since the original father is irresponsible?
and that's why marrying a single mother is disgusting because the lady is looking for a man that will help her raise those children. Some might have the financial and moral capacity while some might not have it. So, young woman, take your new husband as he is. Respect yourself and keep your children elsewhere or you go with your children and leave the man alone. A lot of guys die prematurely because of the family burden they are carrying. So you can't go and committing shit somewhere and be expecting one foolish man to solve your shit.

EJanni:
Pls, go and take that boy back. guard and guide him proper. Don't be so selfish to bring an innocent boy in this world and suffer him. He is innocent of all the bullshit going on between you and your Ex.
Think in the end your current husband may live you but that child will stick to you forever. He will never forget your sacrifices.
You're a mother pls act accordingly.
Remember what you suffered during pregnancy and labour. That child needs you now than ever.

Thank you I am going to pick him on Sunday

Vyvyanvyvy:
I had 2 children. When I got married, my husband had none and accepted them like his own children.

Before marriage, we had discussed about the children living with us after marriage but that couldn’t be possible anymore because we were having financial problem so we couldn’t afford to move to a bigger apartment. We were staying in a room self contain with my daughter while my son was staying with my elder brother and his wife.

Now three years after we had moved to a bigger house still my husband doesn’t want my son to come and live with us. At the moment my son is going through hard times. My sister in law has been maltreating him to an extent that he has been stealing, he was caught and beaten like an animal. My brother said he doesn’t want him in his house again. He wants me to come and collect him.

I pleaded with my husband for me to bring him with us but he said no, he should stay there because he doesn't want him to damage our children. I’m angry at him I stopped talking to him and I don’t know where my son will go because I have no mother no father it’s only my elder brother and kid sister even my sister who is married doesn’t want him. I’m pained and in tears seeing my only son suffering while I’m still alive and I’m helpless to protect him.

Sister, I will only tell you the truth why your husband doesn't want him to live in his house.

The reason is because he is the son of another man. If he sees him every day in his home, he would start thinking and reasoning another man's penise inside your pussy; like how he slept with you......

Your brother and sisters failed you by not homing him. What you should do now is to enrol him in boarding school till he is done with schooling, a solution would be out.

You just have to be strong. Forget about all those who has been criticising you. No one is perfect in life. You must be a good person for your husband to marry you despite having other children which ain't for him.

The two children [the boy and girl] are a blessing and should be treated with love. He would allow your daughter to stay, but "son", I don't think so. He doesn't want future problems especially when you deliver of a son ( I just hope you get)

Even if I was in his shoes and you come telling me --- a no I would say.


Your daughter from the other man can stay : She is a female and would get married one day.

Your son is carried away by lack of love, he doesn't even stay close to his mother talk more of the father. Wherever he is now, he needs love and care from his family --- else he grows to be a monster.

You seriously need to do something so as not to regret for not being too close to him.

There are two things you husband loves and doesn't wanna lose: you and his daughter.

.

Davash222:

How is she independent when she’s still living with a man
If she’s independent, let her divorce the man and rent a house for herself and her kids. That’s what I call independent.
She’s begging a man to accommodate her son and you’re claiming she’s independent.

Sense will not kill you

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks I will rather be alone with my children . I’m thinking of going there on Sunday to pick him up from my brother and I will let him do his worst. If he denied him access to the house then I’m ready to quit

Though I really don’t believe your OP (because it’s near impossible for a woman to get pregnant again for the same man after 6 years and not know his people), but if your story is true and you eventually resorted to divorce, I’ll advice you abort the pregnancy if it’s still safe to do that. Don’t allow another baby suffer single parenting.

.

Sirvingeo:
I wonder how a single guy will openly marry a single mother. I don't know why some men like stressing themselves. The baby father will still Bleep his wife .

Don’t go there...

Davash222:

How is she independent when she’s still living with a man
If she’s independent, let her divorce the man and rent a house for herself and her kids. That’s what I call independent.
She’s begging a man to accommodate her son and you’re claiming she’s independent.

I love your bad mouth, but I am sure you must have been slapped severally.

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks my dear my children comes first too no matter what . I taught getting married will bring more happiness for us but since things are not working according to plans, it’s better for me to protect my children

What were you still looking for after you had two kids already. And you're pregnant AGAIN.

You got scammed by the first man yet you didn't learn, this new 'husband' has scammed you a second time. You ladies never learn.

1StopRudeness:



Don’t go there...

don't go where ? The stress is too much nah ? The children plus the baby daddy . The husband has not seen anything yet.

gabicon:


I sympathize with you on your plight, the truth is that you didn't make any concrete plans for your children before you got married. What your husband is doing is called bait and switch, he knew the only way to get you was to agree to taking your kids even if he doesn't want them, now he has you, he can now switch to his natural inclination.

Secondly, every man knows how difficult it is to raise boys, not to talk of a teenager that the man has no history with, now a maltreated teenager who assumes the whole world is against him, I can tell you for free that they will clash with each other which could end badly and put a strain on your relationship with your spouse. No man wants anything or one that will trample on his authority.

You fell in love but never considered the implications of integrating a blended family together, better put you had no concrete plans on how this would work, your plans were based on assumption.

I will suggest you get professional help, go see a councillor who have experience in dealing with these kind of family crisis, I will recommend Mr Praise Fowowe. Add him as a friend on Facebook and see if you can get an appointment. I will also suggest you don't get extended family on the matter yet, a councillor will guide you on how to navigate them in the process.

P.S don't go about telling people you fund your family 70%, men have ego as thing as a thread, you need your husband to embrace your son, that's the goal do not create another problem that will take your attention away from the goal. Also make the necessary plan for the rehabilitation of your son, he has gone through a lot and will need professional help too.

By their suggestion you will know mature minds from teenagers and inexperience people in this forum. OP, you are one of the matured mind, keep it up. You have said it all as experience person

Oyindidi:
How? The man promised to bring the boy in when they move to better place. Where your conscience dey?

Yes, but the boy wasn't a thief then

hello,there is some1 I know she has 3 kids from her previous marriage left dem in her family house got married. d only son died due to frustration & maltreatment,d two dautas are not doing well presently. madam u should be involve in raising ur Kids. Pls use ur head.

franconian:


Though I don’t believe your OP (because it’s near impossible for a woman to get pregnant twice and not know people who are very close to the man), but if your story is true and you eventually resorted to divorce, I’ll advice you abort the pregnancy if it’s still safe to do that. Don’t allow another baby suffer single parenting.

Please go through all my replies to my post you will get the answer to your question because I don’t want to keep repeating the same thing over and over again. I’m 6 months pregnant even if the pregnancy was 2 weeks I will never abort my child I have done it before with my 2 children and will be fine with 4 because even now That im married I still see myself as a single mother there’s no different from before and now

While not register him in a good affordable
male boarding school.l will recommend CIC Enugu (Sampe fidelis)or St bigards seminary secondary school Enugu...
Time to time, you will be visiting.. During break period or vacation, he would be with you. Am sure your husband won't reject that option.
With that, you will be at peace!
He needs you. No one else can understand him ,love, and shelter him like you would do!

Vyvyanvyvy:

Thanks for nice advice. You are right my son has become a thief due to the way my sister in law has being treating him , depriving him from food and many bad things the boy had no other choice than to steel. Since I’m alive I want him to be with me and I will take good care of him

You also have to take ur husband’s concerns into account. Mothers always overprotect their boys.. which is a good thing but can also hide and underplay their bad characters... You’re already blaming ur sisters/relative when in fact it’s U that started this whole mess... yes by marrying a man with proper arrangements for your kids.. Deal with ur problems and less blame.
Also discipline your son more.. everybody cannot be fearful of his behavior.. you’re in denial even though you dont live with him and still think that giving him more stuff, he would be better.. you remind me of a family relative whose son I had complained about in the past, she felt I was bein unfair to him 2 months ago, her son got in a big SARS case and 500K was needed... she was begging for assistance and I said no cos I had warned her... buying more stuff for him is not training.

Dear OP I am also a mother like you and I can tell you with all sincerity that your son is your responsibility and therefore must stay with you.
These children have been given to you by God to nurture and train in the right direction, if you fail in your duty as a parent God will judge you, But if you train them in the right way God will bless you.
And please I beg you don't put the boy in a boarding school, most of the problems we have with the youths today started from some of these boarding schools.
Take your son with you, he is your own and that is the most important thing.

kpada22:
Hello sister, even if he married you when you have 12 children, you deserve some respect and security for your children. I was a mutual agreement as you said as such, since you have try to explain to him but he refused to understand, report the situation to anyone he respects so much, not necessarily his family members. And if he refuses after that, it means he doesn't really love you wholly. You can then take your decision because a caring mother cannot let his mother suffered when still living.

Bringing in a 3rd party in a family issue is a no go. It has nothing to do with whether her hubby loves her or not. I don't understand why people make such statements with no basis. Who are u to even suppose such a fallacy?
There are men that automatically shut off once a 3rd party is brought into their family issue. It cause more confusion and modules everything. Ur advice was wrong beyond all counts.

This is why men should marry virgins!

But some shameless men (mmeee) would not listen. They'll go ahead and marry a lady who is already 2 points ahead and still expect to play a draw or win the match. Mumu men everywhere!

Sirvingeo:

don't go where ? The stress is too much nah ? The children plus the baby daddy . The husband has not seen anything yet.

Some men like trouble....it makes them feel alive and energetic....

Me....?? Another person pikin?? Rough play that I cannot do even for 30billion dollars