Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? - Family (3)

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Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? - Family (3) - Nairaland

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The Hatred I Have For My Mother Is Getting Worse / Dear Wives, Why Do You Deny Your Husband Sex? / Why Children Of Strict Parents Turn Out To Be Worse (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Amanee(f): 8:42am On Mar 13, 2020

Op you are 100% right

4 Likes

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Nobody: 12:16pm On Mar 13, 2020

Acidosis:

While women are by nature better caregiver, we can't conclude that single men abandon their parents. By the time the parents are aged and inactive, majority (both men and women) in the family already are married.

Let's not forget the fact that it is the same women that resist the idea of entertaining relatives. Usually when the man wants to invite his aged parents to the house, most wives are never comfortable. But when it comes to theirs (like we are discussing on this thread), they're willing to give up their master bedroom.

You can't justify this trend/thread by ignoring the obvious fact that women are selfish.

true. We really need better orientation as a society.

Family approval is important in a marriage

1 Like

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Ishilove: 3:12pm On Mar 13, 2020

crackkhaus:

Lmao...

The thing is, even in situations where a male is present with the sick person at the hospital...it's still those nurses and ward orderlies that will observing him in a funny way

In Nigerian hospitals where ward orderlies don't like to get their hands dirty, it's the present family member who does the cleaning, washing used sheets/clothes, and bathing the sick person. And the hospital staff prefers when it's a female...

This one will just come online and be typing whatever she likes and some people will be busy nodding head like agama lizard.

I grew up in and around hospitals following my mom to work and playing in the hallways (one time even spying in to witness a woman give birth), it's even the nurses that will be telling any male that has stayed too long to go and look for money to settle bills, or go to the pharmacy, or go get this/that...anything to get them out of sight.

It's a simple sturvz, really grin

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by fredopareto(m): 9:57pm On Mar 13, 2020

I can say she is right and also Wrong..I see it as an open eye..###

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by GreatResearcher: 10:59pm On Mar 13, 2020

funmisticqueen2:
Back in the day when I used to date, my ex came to my house straight from the hospital looking really depressed. He said all the male patients he attended to had their female relative taking care of them. Could be their wife, mother, sister, daughter or inlaw. Whereas all the female patients had not one single male relative.

He said there were elderly patients who had been at the hospital for months and for one day, their sons never visited. Their daughters would raise money and still alternate the nursing duties.

Daughter one will stay one month. Daughter 2 will stay the next. Daughter 3 will stay. And so on.

All the sons do is call on phone. That's all. Not one visit. Yet the sons are always listed as next of kin.

Interestingly, most of these women were married and had jobs in faraway cities. Some had to give up their jobs, some had to take leave, while some had to ask to be transferred just so they could take care of their parents. Some of them actually go to work from there.

He ended it by saying he wanted girls. That didn't sit right with me because it seemed he wanted girls as potential caregivers and nothing more. But since I knew I wasn't going to be the mother of those bedside daughters, I kept my thoughts to myself.

Apart from the stats he pulled from the hospital, I noticed same trend in our society.

Husband is sick. Wife cares for him. Carries him everywhere. Does everything for him. Stays with him at the hospital. Gets a loan to use and blablabla.

Wife is sick. Wife's relatives come to take care of her. Wife's relatives carry her everywhere. Wife's relatives do everything for her. Wife's relatives stay with her at the hospital. Wife's relatives get a loan to use and blablabla. Husband starts cheating to relieve the "stress" of his wife's sickness.

I thought this was a Nigerian/African thing, but it is not. It is a universal thing.

In the western world, only 3% of wives leave their husbands when they are ill. But among women, about 21% of husbands leave their wives after they became ill. The men leave within 6 months of the diagnosis. This one is not from the bureau of inverifiable facts. This was from a detailed research that studied men and women and their fight or flight reactions to spousal illhealth.

I don't know where I'm going with this but I just wanted to remind you, woman, to put yourself first.

When shit hits the fan, you are all you've got.

These men ain't loyal!!

Copied

Have u ever asked yourself, when these women leave their jobs to stay with relatives in the hospital, who provide the bill? The men of course. Did that your friend tell u that most of these women when they are bein sent by their husbands to go stay with relatives in the hospital for some weeks, they spent few days in the hospital and most of the days in their sugar daddy's hotel room.

1 Like

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Nobody: 11:59pm On Mar 13, 2020

GreatResearcher:
Have u ever asked yourself, when these women leave their jobs to stay with relatives in the hospital, who provide the bill? The men of course. Did that your friend tell u that most of these women when they are bein sent by their husbands to go stay with relatives in the hospital for some weeks, they spent few days in the hospital and most of the days in their sugar daddy's hotel room.

you are very bitter and insecure. I would advise you to see a therapist after what happened.

You are becoming a toxic person.

6 Likes

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by GreatResearcher: 8:32am On Mar 14, 2020

funmisticqueen2:
you are very bitter and insecure. I would advise you to see a therapist after what happened.

You are becoming a toxic person.

i am not toxic. It's d truth

1 Like

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by frozen70(f): 1:28pm On Mar 14, 2020

Your question about sickness and health works better in situations where thean really prove himself by taking care if his home amd loving his wife

No woman will leave such a man

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by proclinician: 3:02pm On Mar 14, 2020

funmisticqueen2:
so the women who look after these patients are jobless?

This is the most irrational and unintelligent post i have ever read today. I won't go into the dynamics of women being psychologically more empathic towards a helpless one and would be more triggered to offer help which is why women starting with Florence Nightingale started the nursing profession.

I will focus on the inequality in income distribution in Nigeria and world over. It is no news that men preponderantly receive more pay in salaries than women whom do not really get to climb in careers because of the glass ceiling.

In nigerian households where both parents are employed men tends to get more pay than women and this has been a subject of feminist debates in saner climes except the imbeciles in Nigeria that seek entitlements from men all in the name of feminism.

You even have households where women are unemployed or self employed or even underemployed while the men are the breadwinners. Which is why the women are most of the times available because of the flexibility they enjoy and are in a better position psychologically and otherwise to be there and provide care.

How many times will employers grant a staff leave with allowance to go and stay with a sick child in this Nigeria?

During my primary school i was admitted in a hospital my dad works in a bank and my mom was a teacher. The bank provided medical insurance for our family already so we didn't have to pay medical expense and It was easier for my mom to come to the hospital and stay since she has to teach one or two subjects 3-4 days in a week and of course earns less than my dad with no insurance.

My dad only gets to drop by in the morning, during lunch to bring ice cream and in the evening before going home to prepare for next day work while my mom stayed.

Pls before you talk nonsene understand some pressing issues pay attention to dynamics.

Before u come and reply nonsense here ask yourself between ur dad and mon who earns more money and whom will it be more economically viable and wise to resign and take care of a sick child or parent while the other stays on the job. Peradventure you have a useless dad it's not my problem.

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Nobody: 5:01pm On Mar 14, 2020

proclinician:

This is the most irrational and unintelligent post i have ever read today. I won't go into the dynamics of women being psychologically more empathic towards a helpless one and would be more triggered to offer help which is why women starting with Florence Nightingale started the nursing profession.

I will focus on the inequality in income distribution in Nigeria and world over. It is no news that men preponderantly receive more pay in salaries than women whom do not really get to climb in careers because of the glass ceiling.

In nigerian households where both parents are employed men tends to get more pay than women and this has been a subject of feminist debates in saner climes except the imbeciles in Nigeria that seek entitlements from men all in the name of feminism.

You even have households where women are unemployed or self employed or even underemployed while the men are the breadwinners. Which is why the women are most of the times available because of the flexibility they enjoy and are in a better position psychologically and otherwise to be there and provide care.

How many times will employers grant a staff leave with allowance to go and stay with a sick child in this Nigeria?

During my primary school i was admitted in a hospital my dad works in a bank and my mom was a teacher. The bank provided medical insurance for our family already so we didn't have to pay medical expense and It was easier for my mom to come to the hospital and stay since she has to teach one or two subjects 3-4 days in a week and of course earns less than my dad with no insurance.

My dad only gets to drop by in the morning, during lunch to bring ice cream and in the evening before going home to prepare for next day work while my mom stayed.

Pls before you talk nonsene understand some pressing issues pay attention to dynamics.

Before u come and reply nonsense here ask yourself between ur dad and mon who earns more money and whom will it be more economically viable and wise to resign and take care of a sick child or parent while the other stays on the job. Peradventure you have a useless dad it's not my problem.

Well your dad came, some don't come at all.

Not coming at all is what I have an issue against. Abandoning your terminally ill wife is what my issue is. If you work in the clinical setting, you know how it is. I am not in the mood to fight abeg

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Nobody: 5:01pm On Mar 14, 2020

GreatResearcher:
i am not toxic. It's d truth

it is your truth. Not the truth

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Magnoliaa(f): 9:46pm On Mar 14, 2020

Davash222:
Daughters are to stay with their parents at the hospital while the sons go and hustle money for hospital bills. If everyone stay at the hospital, how will they pay for bills?

It's time you girls drop this una nonsense feminism that is making you girls look and act like dummies.

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Magnoliaa(f): 10:14pm On Mar 14, 2020

Ishilove:
Copied from where?

The immutable reality is that biologically women are predisposed to nuturing while men are providers. In all almost all species of living things the females nurture while males hunt, except for a few cases like lions and even at that lions defend and protect their territory and pride while the lionesses nurture their young and feed the alpha male lion.

We can try to analyse and nitpick at why women seem more caring than men, but the fact remains that that is how we have been designed.

Argue with Nature...and your keypad.

I wonder what the point of anything we do is then. Since it's nature. It can't be changed. There's no point of civilization,
education, social institutions and structures, communication and technology. All of these are NOT natural. I wonder how and why we changed, to get to this stage that we're at in human history and development. The suitable, compatible natural design would have remained since it's natural. It could have only been the best way. We should have remained naked, eating raw food and drinking from rivers.

So, I wonder how deviations from 'conventionality' arose. Where they came from. Unless you'll agree that it's not all natural, then nothing else could explain the changes in human behavior. Certainly not biology.

1 Like

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by pocohantas(f): 7:41am On Mar 15, 2020

proclinician:

I won't go into the dynamics of women being psychologically more empathic towards a helpless one and would be more triggered to offer help which is why women starting with Florence Nightingale started the nursing profession.

Wow. So women are now psychologically more empathetic? I thought after devil women should be feared o.

Franchasng, what do you have to say about this?

grin

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by franchasng: 7:52am On Mar 15, 2020

pocohantas:

Wow. So women are now psychologically more empathetic? I thought after devil women should be feared o.

Franchasng, what do you have to say about this?

To some extent he is right; women love fixing spoilt things to acquire, not to fix and let go. That is why they fall for bad guys, they want to change them and become their Cinderella but it always end in tears or grave.

Women show more empathy to an outsider than men, but just remain outside their home because when you come into their home, their empathetic behavior towards you may turn to horror.

And the women empathetic behavior is common to mostly white women, it can be found among very few black women.

Google 'Resistance Women' and read more about their bravity. White women are way different from black women when it comes to empathy, but black women also have some areas they are better than white women

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by pocohantas(f): 7:55am On Mar 15, 2020

franchasng:
To some extent he is right; women love fixing spoilt things to acquire, not to fix and let go. That is why they fall for bad guys, they want to change them and become their Cinderella but it always end in tears or grave.

And the women empathetic behavior is common to mostly white women, it can be found among very few black women.

Google 'Resistance Women' and read more about their bravity. White women are way different from black women when it comes to empathy, but black women also have some areas they are better than white women

But we are talking of black women here na. All the women in the story tending to a sick child and horseband are black/Nigerian.

Can you kindly stick to that and explain? cheesy

3 Likes

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by franchasng: 8:03am On Mar 15, 2020

funmisticqueen2:
Back in the day when I used to date, my ex came to my house straight from the hospital looking really depressed. He said all the male patients he attended to had their female relative taking care of them. Could be their wife, mother, sister, daughter or inlaw. Whereas all the female patients had not one single male relative.

He said there were elderly patients who had been at the hospital for months and for one day, their sons never visited. Their daughters would raise money and still alternate the nursing duties.

Daughter one will stay one month. Daughter 2 will stay the next. Daughter 3 will stay. And so on.

All the sons do is call on phone. That's all. Not one visit. Yet the sons are always listed as next of kin.

Interestingly, most of these women were married and had jobs in faraway cities. Some had to give up their jobs, some had to take leave, while some had to ask to be transferred just so they could take care of their parents. Some of them actually go to work from there.

He ended it by saying he wanted girls. That didn't sit right with me because it seemed he wanted girls as potential caregivers and nothing more. But since I knew I wasn't going to be the mother of those bedside daughters, I kept my thoughts to myself.

Apart from the stats he pulled from the hospital, I noticed same trend in our society.

Husband is sick. Wife cares for him. Carries him everywhere. Does everything for him. Stays with him at the hospital. Gets a loan to use and blablabla.

Wife is sick. Wife's relatives come to take care of her. Wife's relatives carry her everywhere. Wife's relatives do everything for her. Wife's relatives stay with her at the hospital. Wife's relatives get a loan to use and blablabla. Husband starts cheating to relieve the "stress" of his wife's sickness.

I thought this was a Nigerian/African thing, but it is not. It is a universal thing.

In the western world, only 3% of wives leave their husbands when they are ill. But among women, about 21% of husbands leave their wives after they became ill. The men leave within 6 months of the diagnosis. This one is not from the bureau of inverifiable facts. This was from a detailed research that studied men and women and their fight or flight reactions to spousal illhealth.

I don't know where I'm going with this but I just wanted to remind you, woman, to put yourself first.

When shit hits the fan, you are all you've got.

These men ain't loyal!!

Copied

This is Biological than psychological.

Before you can understand what you wrote better, you need to understand Biology.

A woman is a vessel of production designed to produce, care and give life to her loved ones, a man is a vessel of protection designed to protect and provide.

Women have the genetic trait to care for their loved one due to their biological design than men.

A woman can patiently breastfeed her sick baby hoping he or she gets well but a man won't be patient enough to do same because he is wired to act and react different to such situation.

The only place I disagree with is in the area of financial provision because I doubt that part of your post.

The men would believe by natural default that providing money will take absolute care of their sick loved one even if they are not physically around while the women would naturally believe that staying around is the most vital to the persons recovery.

So this thing has to do with human biological trait than assumed gender misbehavior like you think

1 Like

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by franchasng: 8:08am On Mar 15, 2020

pocohantas:

But we are talking of black women here na. All the women in the story tending to a sick child and horseband are black/Nigerian.

Can you kindly stick to that and explain?

yes you guys are absolutely correct; women are more empathetic to their immediate loved ones than men when it comes to care giving.

This is different from how you treat a distant relative, a stranger or a child who isn't your biological child that is living in the same home with you.

Women's empathy towards strangers and non-immediate relatives end the moment they move into the woman's home, once you do, she assumes you to be her slave and expect you to quantify whatever little favor (feeding, shelter) she is giving to you with quadruple workload, and if you fail, you incur her wrath

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by ednut1(m): 8:09am On Mar 15, 2020

This babe funmi u get issue smh

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by proclinician: 8:22am On Mar 15, 2020

pocohantas:

Wow. So women are now psychologically more empathetic? I thought after devil women should be feared o.

Franchasng, what do you have to say about this?

LoL queen relax. It used to be that way then things changed. Nursing initially wasn't a profession just a group of ladies that love to come around the hospital to clean up patients, feed them, just help them. then gradually they felt they should have some sort of organization or a union with rules u know dos and donts then gradually a profession with code of ethics of practice.

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Magnoliaa(f): 2:57pm On Mar 17, 2020

FrLukas:
You don't know where the thread is going?

I think you do.

I think we all do.

This thread = men are evil/men are scum.

No. Not exactly.
Don't see negativity in everything...

There are many things the thread points to. And also draws attention to. Like how men can be more involved in emotional matters.

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by DateMynd44(m): 3:10pm On Mar 17, 2020

crackkhaus:
I thought this one was in love with another Nairalander just a week ago...

What happened?
He ain't loyal?

the guy sef don japa

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Nobody: 3:20pm On Mar 17, 2020

Magnoliaa:

No. Not exactly.
Don't see negativity in everything...

There are many things the thread points to. And also draws attention to. Like how men can be more involved in emotional matters.

Well, I would concur with your view, but here's the last statement she made on the thread which makes it all suspect

These men ain't loyal!!

Sounds like she has a beef with men.

If she was counseling men to be more emotionally involved, the tone of the post won't be accusatory. It would be more engaging.

Re: Dear Wives, Is In Sickness And In Health, For Better For Worse Really True?? by Omenaalanka: 3:21pm On Mar 17, 2020

[s]

FrLukas:

Well, I would concur with your view, but here's the last statement she made on the thread which makes it all suspect

Sounds like she has a beef with men.

If she was counseling men to be more emotionally involved, the tone of the post won't be accusatory. It would be more engaging.

[/s]

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