Hi Nairalanders,
Hope the lockdown had been fair enough with you. God will provide for all your needs if only you can put your trust in Jesus Christ.

I have a little question to ask this evening, cos the issue has been making me feel as though relationship/marriage should be majorly a one sided effort.

I have read so much about how a man should always make the wife happy, listen to her, pay attention to her needs, give her breath taking love making, provide and take care of her needs etc...

I read abt how a man was checking the wife's phone on suspicion of cheating, and 80% of the advice I saw nairalanders give was for the man to stop checking the wife's phone and start showing the wife love and all what not...

The basic question here is, why can't the major issue be addressed, rather than start saying pay attention to your wife etc.... Is it the women that all efforts to impress be directed to, or rather that it should be a shared effort?

N/B I am married, and it equally beats my imagination sometimes when my wife wants me to me the initiator and originator of all things...

Yet I will hear a fellow man and some ladies asking maybe the man is boring and what not... Can't women too be interesting and spontaneous?

Mod please the needful

Thank God you're married. Be asking questions there don't initiate Shey you hear. You go nack soapy sotay soap go see you e go japa .

Just as you can't drive an airplane and you can't fly a car so it is for women. They are meant to be pampered. They were built for pampering. Please note I said women. Because they know they've won by marriage. You too you noticed she changed after wedding na. Na so e dey be.
Na universal scam
Keep on adding the spice. One day e go balance.

I believe both parties should put efforts together to make it work.

Like when you say your wife wants you to be the initiator or originator of things, what things exactly? Is it like ...a discuss, jist, sex, planning for the home front or the family menu?
OK... If its any of the above, both of you should be fully involved. A woman should not always Wait for the man to initiate sone of these things most of the time cos it only makes her looks incompetent and like a slow thinker.

I overheard a lady recently, saying she can never ask her hubby for sex first unless he initiates it first. I now asked, so if he decides not to ask for a year? She said that's his biz, that she won't bulge. I was shocked like seriously, it's either she's not friendly with him or... I just couldn't place it. The man maybe moody and not feel like jisting, the woman can initiate a discussion and try to cheer him up maybe by tickling him until he laughs or throw in a funny joke. same goes for the man too.

in all, a woman as well as the man should both collectively contribute to making a marriage work. One sided is a nono and a huge stress for the other party.

Right, as usual na only the man own go pain you,
but right before it is a woman that posted her husband's chat, this one was caught cheating..(atleast that man is still just suspicious) yet men still commenting that she should be told to stop check his phones and work on herself or what she is not doing right that makes him cheat.

No, because spontaneity/reciprocation (of goodness) is the soul of understanding - reciprocation, however, doesn't have to be in equal and proportional measures. Understanding breeds love.

xendra:
Right, as usual na only the man own go pain you,
but right before it is a woman that posted her husband's chat, this one was caught cheating..(atleast that man is still just suspicious) yet men still commenting that she should be told to stop check his phones and work on herself or what she is not doing right that makes him cheat.

Please don't get me wrong here.
The question here is simple, isn't it both parties responsibilities to make a relationship/ marriage work?
N/B: I am not fronting for men... All I am saying is, droping the blame on one party makes it all look like its a one party thingy

Shibaraba:
Thank God you're married. Be asking questions there don't initiate Shey you hear. You go nack soapy sotay soap go see you e go japa .

Just as you can't drive an airplane and you can't fly a car so it is for women. They are meant to be pampered. They were built for pampering. Please note I said women. Because they know they've won by marriage. You too you noticed she changed after wedding na. Na so e dey be.
Na universal scam
Keep on adding the spice. One day e go balance.

You are pretty funny.

Life can only be better if we learn to live and let live... Don't you think so?

It is supposed to be a two way thing but because we are in a patriarchal society, the only way women feel they can be heard or respected is to play the victim card. Reason why she can turn down your sex request but if you dare turn her down, heaven will fall. Sadly, they carry this mentality to their various matrimonial homes.
Their normal excuse for their indiscretions is mood swing. .

If you're unfortunate to be in a situationship with a girl that is always having mood swing, you're finished. She'll stab you and blame it on mood swing.

You cant buy corrola 2003 and be expecting it to run like land cruiser jeep. Na you know wetin u marry. No one forced u

Bro...see eeh....When it comes to marriage (Family) matterx... just know it that "It takes two to tango" The two people involved (Man and woman) need to always make the necessary move to keep the Union glowing.

If the woman is not romantic enough...the man should take the lead and teach the woman how to be romantic..but you can't force it Sha...It takes time

Eulalia:
I believe both parties should put efforts together to make it work.

Like when you say your wife wants you to be the initiator or originator of things, what things exactly? Is it like ...a discuss, jist, sex, planning for the home front or the family menu?
OK... If its any of the above, both of you should be fully involved. A woman should not always Wait for the man to initiate sone of these things most of the time cos it only makes her looks incompetent and like a slow thinker.

I overheard a lady recently, saying she can never ask her hubby for sex first unless he initiates it first. I now asked, so if he decides not to ask for a year? She said that's his biz, that she won't bulge. I was shocked like seriously, it's either she's not friendly with him or... I just couldn't place it. The man maybe moody and not feel like jisting, the woman can initiate a discussion and try to cheer him up maybe by tickling him until he laughs or throw in a funny joke. same goes for the man too.

in all, a woman as well as the man should both collectively contribute to making a marriage work. One sided is a nono and a huge stress for the other party.

If not that I don't belong to the generation of people that only think intelligent people are whites, I would have said you are white...

You are so intelligent beyond your years.. God bless you

FeminineSniper:


If not that I don't belong to the generation of people that only think intelligent people are whites, I would have said you are white...

You are so intelligent beyond your years.. God bless you

Thank you. Glad it helped.

If your relationship before marriage was that of master & servant,marriage wont change it. You will always have one partner doing the most for the other without getting much in return. But if your relationship was built on common respect, interests and goals,then pleasing your partner will not seem like such a chore,it will come naturally. Wash my feet,and I will rub your back kinda tings .

ednut1:
You cant buy corrola 2003 and be expecting it to run like land cruiser jeep. Na you know wetin u marry. No one forced u

This dude is funny...
Anyways, point to note, I don't have a problem with my wife, cos I keep doing what a man got to do....
I wish you well when you do eventually get married.

FeminineSniper:


This dude is funny...
Anyways, point to note, I don't have a problem with my wife, cos I keep doing what a man got to do....
I wish you well when you do eventually get married.

if i marry . Truth is the society and culture has wired them that way

Very thoughtful. I’ve been thinking along this line for long too.
The society favors the female gender more for reasons I still can’t wrap my head around, perhaps because they are perceived as the weaker vessel.
This is one of the reasons entitlement mentality is common among the female folks.
Where men struggle to get what they want, a woman, especially pretty one will get it without much hassle.
It’s high time men begin to demand equal amount of love, care, and other qualities from their female partner because relationship should never be a one sided affair.

PureGoldh:
Bro...see eeh....When it comes to marriage (Family) matterx... just know it that "It takes two to tango" The two people involved (Man and woman) need to always make the necessary move to keep the Union glowing.

If the woman is not romantic enough...the man should take the lead and teach the woman how to be romantic..but you can't force it Sha...It takes time

True talk my man... God bless you beyond your years

24kmagic:
It is supposed to be a two way thing but because we are in a patriarchal society, the only way women feel they can be heard or respected is to play the victim card. Reason why she can turn down your sex request but if you dare turn her down, heaven will fall. Sadly, they carry this mentality to their various matrimonial homes.
Their normal excuse for their indiscretions is mood swing. .

If you're unfortunate to be in a situationship with a girl that is always having mood swing, you're finished. She'll stab you and blame it on mood swing.

.

It then begs the question, of what Value do does a woman bring if all she wants is to keep receiving and to be cared for without reciprocating same?