The War: If I Don’t Make It Home.
Part l
To the end, to the end, they remained.
Into the thick smoke of war,
They fell, they fell, and nothing remained.
Do not cry my dearly beloved,
Be strong and when I am away, take care of our
boy,
Son, when the wind blows away.
When the storm ranges and darkness gets deep.
Remember me, remember my words.
I leave you with your mother, be a man and take
care of things around.
Respect your mother.
Listen to your mother and help her every time she
needs help.
I will be with you guys, whether it's in heaven or
here on earth fighting a war that might leave me
with so many bad memories of my brothers who
fell on my feet.
where I am going, bullets won’t choose who to
take first.
I might be a victim.
So, If I don’t make it home,
I want you guys to know that the fire within my
heart will forever burn for you guys,
You guys are my world, and I will fight to keep
this world at peace for you guys.
They are ready for me now.
I have to go, please be strong.
Remember If I don’t make it home, then it means
I died serving my country.
It means I died, fighting for peace for you guys.
But if I return, I will return to the world that I
know there is peace.
I love you guys.
My love, I will write to you, I will think about you
often.
My son, remember me. On my return, I hope you
will be ready to play soccer with your old man.
Slightly I chuckled while holding back megalithic
drops of tears in my eyes.
A chain of conversation vacant the silent we just
had.
“I know you are leaving, but can you please
promise us that you will come back, please
dearest”
“My love I don’t want to give you false hopes,
but I will try by means to survive for you and our
boy, if there will be peace, I want to see that
peace with you guys"
“I will pray for you every minute of the day,
every minute of the night”
“That’s so kind of you”
“Daddy, please, don’t go”
“I wish I can stay son, but I have to go, promise
me that you will be a good boy”
“Daddy, I don’t want to miss you, if you go now,
when are you going to come back?”
“Please don’t cry my son, I don’t know, but I
promise, as soon as this is all over, I will come
home back, I will come back for you, be strong my
son, and take care of your mother. I hope and
pray this will not be the last time we see each
other"
My footsteps followed me, and just before I get
inside the bus, my son ran to me crying his tears
out.
If I don’t make it home, at least let me take him
back to his mother and say goodbye to them both.
And just like that, tears had south, you give your
last hug to hear their hearts one last time.
You leave your family behind, for you are a
soldier and you must serve,
We scorched the land with our eyes leaning
uncomfortably on the tall trees,
On the ground, there is so much blood,
The trees wave and the smell of a gun power drug
me
The trees wave and I hear the crying of children,
my heart drowns in fear
My legs quake.
I hear the cry of many men who lost their lives
and some left injured
“How many have lost their lives here?”
Corpse butchered and shoes left with streaming
blood
We covered our nose, for the smell was thick
enough to make you puke.
At the peak of the hot sun, finally, we secured
the place and on the bank of the river, we
camped for the night, then I remembered my love,
I remembered my family.
I wondered deeply how my wife and kid back at
home are doing
This time we would be watching movies,
Oh, my humbled little family,
I miss the joy that you too bring in my life,
Oh, the loud noise of my son “this boy, reminds
me late my late brother Joshua” how time flies
when you are happy, just years ago he was just
a little boy crawling on the ground like a lizard
A voice stride slowly to my eardrums.
“Soldier, I see the way you are looking at your
family, you really have to fight to survive and go
be with them, sorry If I disturbed you”
“No, no it’s okay”
“Is that your wife?”
“Yeah, we have been married for three years and
this right here is my son”
“I can tell from the smile that you have on your
face that you really love them, you have to go
back to me, don’t be engulfed by this endgame”
“From the bottom of my heart I do and I have
said my goodbyes to them because I know this
might be the last”
That night, me and Emmanuel we became friends,
we fought side by side,
No matter the brutality of the war, he had hopes
that it will be over and we will soon go home.
He is expecting a baby with a French woman, he
told me how they met,
He can’t wait to see his son.
Emmanuel, gave me hope that I too, can go home
and be with my family
I should stop worrying if I will make it home or
not
Dear my lovely family, I hope things are still
okay, son, I hope you are taking good care of
your mother. I have read the letter you wrote to
me, I really miss you too.
My love, only the sun, only the moon and only the
rain, knows how much I want to be shed under
you, I have felt nothing but the pain of
remembering how much I love you and how much I
miss you
Every night I dream about you, but our dreams
are mixed with the gunshots and enormous loud
noises of bombs. I hate to go sleep, but in my
sleep that's where I spend time with you, I can’t
stop seeing dead people, I hear them, crying,
crying, and crying, I want to sleep, and dance
with you in my dreams, I want this war to stop,
so that I can be with you. Do not miss me oh dear
love, your letters bring you close to me, more
than this war I am happy to know that I can still
smile when I am reading your letters,
please do not wait for me, this war is full of the
ups and downs.
I have kept myself alive with the pictures of you
and our son.
My love, there is something I have to tell you,
yesterday I killed a man,
it was either me or him, here I am writing to
you, to be honest,
I wish the bullet had missed him,
what if someone is waiting for him at home,
what if he had someone who loved him, I don’t
understand this war, why can’t we stop fighting
and talk.
Today
might be the time, we are heading to the core of
the war.
I have lived long for you my love and if this is
the last time, always know that my heart will
burn in fury with love,
I am going now,
I am going, I hope,
I hope I will still be okay when you find this
letter.
If I don't make it home, don't cry for me, I will
always be with you guys...
.
.
……............
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will post part ll...

THE WAR: I am home and you are not here. Part ll
I have slept amongst the dead bodies.
I smelled nothing but the smell of dead men and
women.
The sound of a machine gun spooks me in my
sleep.
Amongst the dead corpse we lit on fire, I saw the
face of a young boy covered with blood. That
reminded me of my child back home.
“Son, if you can see me now, I am weak and my
tears are pouring down like a rain”
The war leaves nothing behind, it’s like a house
on fire. Everything in it. It takes without
asking.
Why did you have to massacre so many innocence
souls?
Why did you have to leave them
-Homeless
-Fatherless
-And motherless?
When a child cries beside a dead body, my tears
stream down, and no matter many streams I
make, I can never repay the damage or bring
back its mother.
I saw her, looking around. Her tiny hands holding
a doll tight to her chest. Her eyes strong enough
to hold tears but if you look closer you will see
that she cried and her tears are dry on her face.
My heart leaves me in awe.
“Who will take care of them?”
Their dreams are stolen from them
Schools are flat on the ground, no more
education for them
Hospitals are full, no medication, for them
Farms and shops are destroyed, nothing is left,
for them
I am fighting for the world where my child will be
safe, but what about them?
Right there, in the depths of the air polluted with
pain
I wanted to put my gun down, and go home
I wanted to go home so bad. My mind is corrupted
and I can’t get these pictures out of my head.
I think it’s better to see the dead body of a man
next to a gun than a dead body of a child next to
a doll.
We walked the surveillance to where it is safe
and there’s food.
A child ran to me, she looked at me with a sad-
looking face,
“Please don’t leave mommy behind”
I asked her, “Where is she?”
And then she said that “she’s still sleeping there
but she will wake up, please don’t leave her”
She pointed me to a dead body, that was about to
be thrown into a wheelbarrow and into the fire.
I looked at her, she had hopes impregnated in her
eyes
I picked her up and I started walking. Her legs
floated in the air, and we both cried as we
ploughed to safety.
“Why are we fighting? Why can’t we just talk?”
So many times, I asked myself these questions,
what are the politicians doing? Why are they not
here fighting?
We vote for them and our crosses get us nothing
in return.
Brave men die in vain for their countries.
Children are forced to be soldiers
Women are raped and killed.
Politicians sleep on the bed with warm blankets,
while we sleep with pigs.
They make money and buy expensive pieces of
jewellery.
They live long to see their grandchildren.
We live half of our lives to be buried with our
country flags.
Dear president do you know my name?
It was 4 am when they pummelled us in our sleep.
They were invisible, we didn’t know where they
were coming from.
We were protecting the people and at the same
time shooting what we can’t see.
After so many gunshots like a TV game.
The dust settled, the air is throng with
shrieking.
What remained was the dead corpse of men and
women and children and soldiers plunged to the
ground.
I looked for my friend, who I haven’t seen since
nightfall.
There was no sign of him, I thought of the
worse, but accepting that fate, that was not
what I wanted to dwell on.
I searched and when
I found him, he was with wounded limbs and the
nurse then told me that he will never walk again.
I looked at him, lying there on the bed trying to
be strong, he laughed, we laughed and we joked
about it but I knew this is the end.
He was in great pain. But his spirit was
unbreakable
During all the laughter, and jokes. H’s eyes were
getting smaller and smaller.
His voice was getting weaker and weaker
On his left pocket, he took out a letter he had
written
He said he trusts me with it, he told me to give it
to his partner when I get home.
He told me that, no matter the fate of this war,
I must get home to my wife and children and that
letter must get to his partner.
I looked at the letter, with a sharp pain in my
eyes.
“My friend, don’t cry, this war is almost over,
soon you will go home, you will be with your
family,” he said.
“No, we will be with our family, we will get there
and have a cold beer while watching soccer, we
will watch as our children grow old…” the voices
outside indulged
“What’s going on outside? Where does this noise
come from, get your gun ready, maybe they are
back” he tried to get up but in that condition, he
couldn’t do anything.
“Lay back my friend, I will go and investigate, be
strong okay? I will come and get you”
“Don’t worry about me, I will be fine, the pills
the doctor gave me are strong, I feel no pain”
I ran outside the tent, outside everyone was
dancing and cheering
“Does this mean… hey, what’s going on?”
“Didn’t you listen to the radio? The war is over”
A phantom stir, a pounding heart, news I have
always wanted to hear, finally hit my eardrums.
My tears went down and I am happy this is all
over.
I ran back to the tent to tell my friend the good
news.
But…but he had stopped breathing.
His eyes closed and his face is smiling
“Stop joking, please wake up”
Right there I wished death was a joke and he
would wake up and laugh at me.
I wished this was all a prank and he would wake
up and tell me that he just wanted to see my
reaction.
But death is an inevitable guest.
It held him by his hands and walk with him to the
other side.
Even though I knew that he was gone I still
begged him to wake up, but he was smiling and I
was crying, the freedom he spoke of before, he
can’t see it now that his life is over. He was 38
years and he had hope for the future, he gave me
hope in this war. “Sleep well my friend, I will
fulfil your wishes”.
My love, I am sure you heard that the war is
over, today we are flying back home.
My heart is filled with sunshine when I think
about you and our child.
I can’t wait to be with you.
I really miss you.
I am coming home, I am coming to be with you.
It’s been years since I have seen your face. I
can’t wait to see you.
I used to see soldiers coming back from war to
get all the cheering and stand ovation as a young
child.
I know my son will be proud of me when he sees
me.
There is something good waiting and it hurts me
that this helicopter is taking forever.
If it wasn’t for the delay, by now we would have
been with our families.
I have seen these men fight in a battle.
We fought in the rains, the colds and the hot
suns.
Look how delighted their faces are.
Though we went from hell, now everyone looks
happy because it’s all over.
The chopper lends its feet inside the ship.
Down on the harbour, the media in a distance is
flashing their cameras.
The large crowd of people are here to welcome us
home.
Our country flag waves proudly in the air.
I am the son of the soil and this opens my heart.
In the crowd, I know my family is there shrieking
my name.
My son is old now, does he look like me?
In the blink of an eye, the unexpected happened.
Daring men who fought hard in a foreign land
watched as the bomb ingurgitate the faces of
women and children.
The sound of it left us shivering on the ground.
The air shattered with black ashes.
I twitched my eyes more than I can count.
I looked down on the harbour, and my eyes
flunked to give me what is left.
The frost of blood, startled on the dead harbour.
My brain cringed in fear.
Someone screamed “it’s a suicide bomb”
My heart twitched, twitched, I screamed my
lover’s name.
The silent was filled with sirens of firefighters
magnate to the scene.
“What happened?”
I jumped into the ocean, swim with tears bearing
from my eyes.
Legs, shoes and dead faces are all I see as I swim
to the harbour
Blood like mud.
Blood flew like a river.
Bodies shaking like a headless chicken,
Nothing is left only the ghost of our loved ones
I saved people but I couldn’t save my family
All is lost and the house is empty
The nights are full of war memories.
I have no friends.
The pictures of my family smiles while looking at
me.
The frost of nights finds me with a bottle of
whiskey.
What’s more to life, if all you love is no more?
The war is a stalemate, our hearts are no more.
PTSD notches us to our death until we are no
more.
Soon the house will be empty and I will be no
more...