You are already love blind that is the reason why you cannot see the handwriting on the wall.

The fact is that he doesn't love you: you are only forcing yourself on him....period!

The earlier you realised this fact, the better for you.
The earlier you bolt away, the better for you!

Your boyfriend would end up marrying someone else....quote me later!

If you like, sit tight with him and be forming "good wife material".

You may actually end up being his "baby Mama".

Confusedgirl869:
Hello everyone. This account is created for this .

This issue has been bothering me a lot and I am very confused on what to do.

We have been together for more than 2 years now and we hardly have issues, infact we are a perfect match or so I thought.

I am 26 while he is 35, we both working and I never disturb him for money, I take care of all my needs myself. He is very calm and peaceful, doesn't hit me and I really admire him a lot. I on the other hand is also good, hardworking, not materialistic and all that makes a good woman.

So after thinking of our relationship thoroughly some weeks ago, I realised that there is really nothing stopping us from getting married this year or next. I decided to hear what he has to say because he never talked about us being or getting married. I also noticed that whenever he sees or hears about bad marriages he felt lucky he is not in yet. This always makes me feel bad because I know myself. I also wasn't a fan of marriage before I met him because of so many bad men out there, but everything changed when I met my guy, he is what I want. The very first day we met, the first thought that came to my mind was 'this is my him' I don't know why I had that thought being our first time meeting.

Anyways, few weeks ago I decided to ask him what his plans are. Are we in on a long thing or not? I got the shock of my life when he made me understand that he doesn't want to be tied forever, he loves his space and the way nobody disturbs him. That he only wants a baby mama, he wants me to be the mother his kids but not in marriage. I was mad and I cried for days. He was even sounding like nothing is wrong with being a baby mama, maybe not but I just can't.

Well, I made him understand that I can't be a baby mama and it will also be hard for me to move on with another person. I've bonded so well with him and all that. And I also hate jumping from one man to another. I told him to talk to people who are in successful marriages and stop looking at the bad ones. Today when we were talking I asked him about it and he is still maintaining his stand on the mama.

I don't want to give birth to kids that have 2 homes, I grew up like that(it took me lots of self discipline not to become useless) and wouldn't want that kind of life for my kids, I want them to grow with their parents in ONE house. At the same time, I don't want to lose my good man and relationship.

I need your opinions please.

mrpaedo:

There are many things people don't tell men in our Nigerian society. If men knew these things, they would NEVER marry the way they currently do.

They don't want men to know that men have all the bargaining chips in the marriage deal. Yes, marriage is a deal and not a love thing.
Men increase in value (in the eyes of women) over time while women decrease in value (in the eyes of men) over time. Women know this and don't want u to be aware of it. If you become self aware, you will avoid women until you realize your value. Note that it takes time and investment to be valuable. Women want marriage with a valuable man but they don't care that marriage to a man who isn't realized yet, makes the realization for him HARDER. This is what happens generally and there are exceptions.
Men don't age as badly as women. We actually become more good looking as we mature. We will attract younger and hotter women at out prime. Which married woman wants this?? None. They don't want you to know earlier in life that if u take ur time and build yourself, you can have your pick of ladies

Of course... The women carry the pregnancies, have the birth (VD or CS), breastfeed for years and still manage to work through it all. But trust me, if both genders are on same pedestal, everyone would age equally.
Plus, it's not just men doing all the self-realizations these days. Both genders are....and it's good for us all. These days, women themselves are valuable and men now have the option to either pick an economically valuable woman, or a woman valuable in the homefront.

funmisticqueen2:
Actually yes a relationship with no end goal in mindsuch as marriage and growing a family is a waste of time, i don't date like a scalar quantity, but like a vector quantity.

So if someone has amazing, highly enjoyable relationships, maybe a child, but never gets married, they have wasted their lives, while someone trapped in a loveless marriage fir 50 years hasn't??!!

shawnfamous:
I would suggest u become the baby mama that he craves for.. and stop crying over it.

Since u people don't have sense to think about what u want for ur lives.. I will keep on giving you mumu responses.

You gave her the wisest advice but she may not ever take it.

TomMary:
Chicken brain only weaklings are scared of marriages

Haha, how about introduce more buzzwords from your dictionary of manipulation? Such as man up, be a man, and the best one, "real men"?

Even bible sef make marriage optional, so why the hassle ? At the end of day, marriage na choice. Just as you decide who you sleep with, he should decide who he commits to. Not entitled to sex you say, well, you are not entitled to commitment. Its called freedom of choice.

Desmond0007:
With all this, are you sure that I will get married?

Just has you made a path for yourself to make your life meaningful and better that is what marriage too should be.

Or imagine when you are growing up and your parent who have seen life just decide to go drop you in the river because they are scared that the toll of life will finish you before you get to anywhere.

What you have not even tried you scare of it because you see and hear..

CAN'T YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
By the grace of God I got married at 28 and still happy after 3years because I determine my marriage will work

ogene144:

with the way our ladies are doing one wont pray to get married infidelity everywhere in Nigeria no lady is exempted even me my single mother baby mama can bleep for 1,000

Na ashawo you give belle ni?

Tadeknkeepcalm:
Lose your good man?

In all honesty, he's not as good as you make him out to be.


No responsible person will opt in for babymamaism.


So paddle your boat elsewhere.



Current generation are so scared of commitment. They want all the goodies of a thing but not the baggage that comes with it

That guy will marry her but he doesn't want to be told when to do it.

Did she mention he has ever cheated ? No.

You need to see how some girls trouble men to wife them, when they feel you are the perfect man.

You will prefer to run.

DrayZee:

Manipulation as usual. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to counter his post by telling us what exactly men gain from marriage?


And to the Nairaland ladies advising that she should leave the man she loves (and who loves her) to get married to another person...it really makes me wonder why exactly women want to get married...because in this case, it sure as hell isn’t because of “love”

Love ke? Na to secure the bag bros. And that is natural. Women go for security and provision, men go for youthfulness and fertility. Blame nature

Igbojihadist:
sex dolls

Loi

The answer is straight!
Either you be baby mama or you leave the relationship.
The choice is yours.

You have spoken the truth to her. It now depends on her to listen to the advice.
quote author=Mayng01 post=90527437]Truth is bitter, if only you would accept and execute it. Request for some rooms to breathe from him , keep that for a while like that, & make sure sex too isn’t involved anymore during the task. If truly you’re meant to be together, he will come back for you & tell you he is ready, if he does not, God has not destined you for each other. Pray to God for your man and he will surely locate you. Unleash yourself from infatuation & face reality, the fact remains from his comment, you will be used and dumped................ a word![/quote]

You still don't know what he's trying to do?

Women are unpredictable, you need wisdom in following them, As for you boyfriend he is scared of having a failed marriage, the solution is to educate his mind and also to pray

JOSH54:
I never regretted marrying, whoever says marriage is bad has missed it all

Don't generalise, Others on this same thread have called it their biggest mistake

Boredasf:
So you want him to sacrifice his freedom by marrying you abi
Abeg shift!!!

That young man is wise for not wifeing you up.
Marriage benefits Women not men.

I sincerely hope more men adopt this philosophy.
You women don't deserve marriage.
Any man that decides to marry any woman in this 21st century should know that he is doing her a HUGE favor!

when people write shit like this,it makes me wonder the home thy came from#parents#when your family is united,your mum and dad are happily married you will want to be like them....that says it all...Goodluck with this ideology....

Op move on! He is a boy and not man enough. No time to waste!

Better men bokù

Confusedgirl869

Your boyfriend is a very wise guy. If you can't have his children outside marriage, please move on. He will get another woman to fill the space and you would get another man.

Periodt.

All these new nairaland account people sef

TheRedpillguy:

Unfortunately she is not young. Remember the I don't use to belive in marrige only take dick cus so many bad men are out there. Badmen! Such BS. This was one those am only here for the dick then she looked in the mirror and felt the guy slipping now she wants to lock him in. I see the BS, he sees the BS but you Simps will simp

I saw the bullshit. She just saw she was getting old.

@poster
Honestly you don't need anyone to advice you,he is not scared of marriage,he is not seeing his future with you...take it or leave it....you know what to do...best of luck...

Confusedgirl869:
Hmmm Thank you sir.

It's not by saying "Thank you Sir" I hope you have heard.

These girls with fish brain sef... Already paintd the guy like angel then 3 months into marriage you will create another new nairaland account. Rubbish

Critical Issue sha... from my own side of view as a guy, d guy is placing u on a tight corner. He knows u wont paddle low to b a baby momma so he is using it to hit u... If am to say, give him space..... thank God ur age is still in bright side.. n one more tin........ he has forgotten ur worth....

Omar09:
It is gonna take a hard time for the good girls to convince us that marriage is safe for men. Courtesy of those ones who ruined it.

In the past, men were blind to the manipulations of women especially in marriages. In fact we enjoyed working our life out just to please our women. Until feminism ruined everything. For women. Not men.

Men and women NEED each other. Most men eventually WANT to get married

Chummynoni:
tho, there are so many shallow minded and crazy people on nairaland but this forum has taught me a lot in all sphere of life especially maritally, which i know i wont have problems if eventually i settle down. kudos to the intellgent and sensible ones here.
Back to you @ Op. if you know what is good for you, leave that guy ASAP. because if you coerce and convince him into marrying you which i doubt, the marriage may be unbearable to you, then you would be surprised how your acclaimed perfect man turns demon overnight. the guy has his mind made up.

Na only "Hmmm, thanks Sir" this agbaya OP dey reply. I have a feeling she is a troll.

Confusedgirl869:
Thank you all so much for your contributions. Let me make a few things clear

I said he is a good man because he doesn't womanise which is very important to me because I so much hate cheating, he is hardworking, he lives a simple life just like me, he is very peaceful.

He was once married and the lady (a white girl) made life very difficult for him, he almost killed himself. But then, I'm not the lady abi

I have decided to ask him one last time today, if he still maintain that, I move.

Now you understand his reasons.
They say once bitten twice shy. Don’t give up on him yet, give him some more time. He’ll surely come around.

You guys seem so good Tony and I wish you the best.

profilemessages:
Before marriage they will be gentle like Angel Gabriel.

After marriage they will be hotter than Hell Fire.

Meet Nigerian ladies. You will enjoy them.

go for the ones with fish brains...even better

SweetCunt97:
Add your name first. Or you think i don't know what you did last summer?

Onyi's apprentice what did we do last summer and wait i don't even know you in person maybe your boss once tried to refer you to me.

Alexaonfleek:
Who wants to do a bet on whether or not this topic will make fp?
As for the topic and op.
I know it's most likely to gain traffic,but they're probably other girls in similar situation here.

I'm not an elder,I'm still learning.
But I cannot stay with any guy that sees me as just a baby mama at that your age,and with the length of time you guys dated.

Of course it is front page material.

To create a front-page worthy thread on Nairaland, it does not have to make sense or add value. It should simply drive traffic. That's why topics like "Tonto Dike changes the colour of her underwear" will make fp several times a week

Macnnoli4:
Let him go and adopt or do surrogacy thing and become lone single dad rather than dragging innocent girl into his wahala. He be K1 de ultimate brother abi Oprah Winfrey cousin abi he is planning to go U.K or U.S. and dey fear their divorce laws

What makes you think this guy has not already made such plans and is letting this confused girl know his stand on marriage?

alexsoftwork:
quote author=shawnfamous post=90527016]I would suggest u become the baby mama that he craves for.. and stop crying over it.

Since u people don't have sense to think about what u want for ur lives.. I will keep on giving you mumu responses.

lol no mind me bros

Kenneth10110:




Onyi's apprentice what did we do last summer and wait i don't even know you in person maybe your boss once tried to refer you to me.

Lolzzz... I'm a boss of myself.

victorian:








My dear, use your brains


Don't end like other baby mama's with different kids from different dads.

With all the true life stories u hear around u. Increasing number of ladies in their 20s with kids Upandan without father or husband figure in their lives and kids lifes, do u still want to open. Your eyes wide and fall into that category?

Sho fe gbo!


Any child born without the parents married is labelled as ILLEGITIMATE CHILD!


is that what u want for. Your kids?

Your parents didn't get married, you remember what u faced growing up. So
Why do this sacrilege to your unborn kids.

Jeez!

Not sure she has. Thanks for trying tho