What relationship facts should everyone know before getting married?

Do not rush to get married. Date for several months, then live together for a year or so first. Everyone is on their best behavior in the first 6 months to a year of a relationship, so to truly know them you need to be with them a long time before you get married.

Do not have children in the first 2 to 3 years of marriage. You need to concentrate on getting to know each other, iron out the big kinks, learn how to communicate and settle disagreements, and get financially settled before children are brought into the picture. Children do not stabilize a marriage.

If you have children, do not marry someone who isn’t 100% excited and into being a parent. If you want children, do not marry someone who is not 100% excited about having them, and make sure their timeline on when is compatible with yours.

Be financially stable before you get married. Finish your education, get a good job, start saving money and start a retirement fund, be stable in your living arrangements.

Have lots of long discussions with the intended spouse on important topics. Where they want to live, who should do what in the marriage, how they process love and sex, religion, politics, relationship to families, how money is spent and budgets are made, what is important, what acceptable behaviors are in public, in private and in the bedroom. How disagreements will be handled. How much time you want to spend with each other. How do you want to spend your free time and vacations.

Being head over heels in love does not guarantee a good marriage. Feeling safe and secure with the person, like you can be yourself with them, and that they are your best friend are very important in a good marriage.

You don’t have to be two peas in a pod, but you do have to be accepting of each others differences.

Sex often does not get better. In a very long term marriage sex may eventually become impossible. The marriage cannot be primarily about sex.

Be respectful and polite of your spouse. Let the little stuff go. Don’t call names or say ‘always’ or ‘never’ when talking about things you don’t like.

“You can choose to be right, or choose to be happy”. I don’t know who said this originally, but they are right. If you fight to the death because you are right about something and it is not a life and death issue, you are crushing your spouse’s spirit.

Before you say anything to your spouse, ask these three questions. “Is it nice?” “Is it necessary?” and “Is it true?” If all three questions cannot be answered yes, don’t say it.

No matter what, support your spouse emotionally. Even if they are wrong, they deserve to know you have their back and will go down on your side. Disagree in private but present a united front in public.

If you hurt your spouse, there are steps to a proper apology. First, say you are sorry you did the thing (or didn’t do the thing). Second, say you won’t do it again because you don’t want to hurt them. Third, either do something to make up for the wrong or ask them what they want done to make up for it if you cannot think of anything. It is not an apology unless you do all three steps.

All the big decisions need to be made together with each spouse having an equal vote. If you disagree, find a compromise or agree to take turns getting what each of you wants.

Don’t go into a marriage expecting to change your spouse. They will stay the person they are to start with. They may even become more of the person they were to start with. Make sure you can live with who they are now instead of expecting things to improve.

You can add to this please.

nice write-up

if one follows some of da steps u mentioned here, that person will find himself in da middle of Sahara desert without knowing how he got there.

mike4zeal:
What relationship facts should everyone know before getting married?

then live together for a year or so first. Everyone is on their best behavior in the first 6 months to a year of a relationship, so to truly know them you need to be with them a long time before you get married.

seriously,
so two people should live together for one year before deciding if they can get married?
hmm

mike4zeal:
Do not have children in the first 2 to 3 years of marriage. You need to concentrate on getting to know each other, iron out the big kinks, learn how to communicate and settle disagreements, and get financially settled before children are brought into the picture. Children do not stabilize a marriage.

so after living together for one year before deciding to get married,
they should also spend extra 2-3 years in order to know each other?
dz thing don turn course o.
wow

mike4zeal:
Be respectful and polite of your spouse. Let the little stuff go. Don’t call names or say ‘always’ or ‘never’ when talking about things you don’t like.

for someone that dislikes domestic violence,
so it's wrong to say: "I will never lay my hands on u"

okay o

mike4zeal:
You can add to this please.

sing "duduke" to each other before u go to bed & immediately u wake.

I have tried

Na mumu post be this. After spending time & u find out that u r not compatible nko? You start afresh. Was that how our parents got married? You are encouraging co habiting and pre marital sex with lots of abortions in between All in the name of trying to find out if they r compatible. Shift joor... U no get talk here

Wonderful write up, good job