Busy_body:


Yup thats the damn word, EGO TRIPPING, thats the word I was looking for right there, chei, my student Stillwater has surpassed and overtaken me in the intelligentsia league It is well though





To answer your query;

1) Where was there any mention of a career driven bossyboots who would crush anyone in her path, eh Jenny, word of advice,  when they give us our nightly dosage in Yabaleft, and  start doing like me and start hiding your medication under your tongue INSTEAD OF BLOODY SWALLOWING IT, IT HAS NOT BEEN TESTED ON HUMANS YET

2) Naija women are raised to be frigid prudes hence reason girls from other tribes always rub it in that Naija men tell them we ain't gat no game and just like lying there like a piece of wood, counting sheep so free the OP's friend biko

Besides,  my ex-husband Sagamite confessed he left me and my slippers agbada blom blom for your perky ones because according to him "no matter how many times he flips and twirls you in the air, you always land on [b]it and he also reminisced about the way you love sliding down that pole in the bedroom and swinging from the chandelier Oya carry go from my front before i vex you barawo Husband snatcher, thiefy thiefy jankoliko ole jankoliko[/b]

was just passing thru and having fun till i read this  i don laff loose my temp. for hia chai! 

Naija women are raised to be frigid prudes hence reason girls from other tribes always rub it in that Naija men tell them we ain't gat no game and just like lying there like a piece of wood, counting sheep 

so i'm a frigid prude, lying there like a log of wood and counting sheep.

e go better!!!!

rita@NL:

Busybody and all i showed her all comments on this thread and she was sobbing badly and for the record she's not selfish but i guess she is scared of so many things. She is a very hard working person and for those that says who is shining the Kongo, she is one of those women that belivs you only have sex for baby makin purposes,so she's not cheating on her husband. she has no kids yet but pregnant.

She narrated how her sister brought her husband from 9jia and the man ended up not working when he got here . The wife is a personal support worker and the wife ought to take two Jobs to cater for the family. She said her sister's husband was a bank manager in naijia when the man got here,he was suppose to write some exams  he can have his managerial post back or whatever but the man refused saying, how can a whole him go and start writing exams all over, he siad he will never take any degrading Job either cos he cant tell his friends in 9jia that's he's now working in a factory. The man later decide to be a pastor,so he wasnt workin apart from the peanut he earns from is church. So the wife ends up doing all the runing of the family.

she said since her husband is comfortable in 9jia,there is no point for him coming here and end up complaining that he cant take up any job below what he does in 9jia or that he cant go for upgrading in his field since he already said he does not wanna go to school. He said the husband really wanna come here but he does not wanna do all the things that will make life better for them here.

See where I was coming from? There is nothing wrong in a family seeking a better life for themselves and their children, and we all know a lot of people feel "abroad is it", and in this instance, by whatever means, your friend has found herself in the situation, which sometimes unfortunately means that families have to be apart sometimes. She is just worried about the same fate that befell her Sister to affect her too. And if you can see the number of links I have pulled up from other threads below, you will see the stories are pretty much the same. Your friend is blessed with the wisdom and foresight in seeing the future and what lies ahead in her marital union, and afterall she married him, so she should know.


The fact though is that the whole World is facing a downturn and recession and immigration to these Countries are getting tighter, so she needs to grab this opportunity whilst it is still available and help her Hubby file his papers, before they could pull the plug and her Hubby's assertion that she is an enemy of progress manifests.


I was going to touch on communication and seeing that she has already embarked on this, what she needs to do is sit him down and explain the situation to him about how the Country is set up to favour their own first, and show him links to the many forums that abound online about the negative side of an immigrant living in Canada.


In the first two links below, the gentleman had a good job in Nigeria, so he relocated his wife and children to Canada whilst he stayed back in Nigeria. In the subsequent link, the Hubby refused to work as he felt anything less than working as a Doctor is beneath him, and wifey unfortunately started feeling used and unappreciated, WHICH POTENTIALLY IS THE SAME FATE THAT WOULD BE AWAITING YOUR FRIEND DUE TO THE SAME EGOISTATICAL MINDSET HER HUSBAND POSSESSES, AND THE LADY IN THIS CASE STILL HAD HOPE BECAUSE HER MAN WAS WILLING TO STUDY, BUT YOUR FRIEND KNOWS HER HUSBAND WOULD NOT WANT TO GO DOWN THE FURTHER EDUCATION ROUTE, AND IF SHE TRIES TO FORCE HIM, he can turn round and unfairly claim she is just ashamed of his semi-illiterate status, so she needs to TREAD VERY VERY CAREFULLY

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-272024.0.html#msg3863364
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-570972.0.html#msg7364352


https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-413367.0.html

clarinet:
Hello everyone,

I need some input on whether the way I am feeling about my husband now is normal, or if I am simply overreacting.  This might be a little long, so please bear with me.

A bit of background - I live int he United States and have lived here for a long time.  I am a professional, earn a good income, own a home, work pretty hard, etc.  I met my husband on one of my trips to Nigeria-- he is a medical doctor and was doing okay at home when I met him.  We dated, largely long distance, as I was here and he was in Nigeria.  We eventually got married, and he has now joined me in the U.S.  We have been married for a little bit over a year and half now.  Since he has come, he has not been able to work as he is preparing for different medical examinations.  So i have been the one working and taking care of us, while he takes his exams.  I pay the mortgage (i owned the house before he came, so no wahala there), I pay for two cars (mine and his), our health insurance, car insurance, feeding, everything.

The problem is that I sometimes feel completely unappreciated by my husband.  I hold a pretty time consuming and stressful job, but I feel like he expects me to work, pay the bills, take care of us, and still do everything domestic that a "typical housewife" would do.  He helps out less and less around the house.  Because he is "so busy studying" he spends very little time with me.  Sometimes I even go to work and come back and he does not even have 20 minutes to sit with me and ask "how was your day?"  "how was work?"  When I try to talk about it, it is like all i do is complain and he is not responsive.  

I think he is disrespectful to me sometimes in the things he says-- sometimes he tries to compare me to the wives of other men who are more domestic, but forgetting that those other women also do not work the kind of job i do and are not the ones supporting thier homes.  I feel like my emotional tank is getting drier everyday with him, and recently, all we seem to do is argue.  Like today, we went to church and came back, and he locked himself up studying. He has not even said one word to me all day.  It's like he is always upset with me, for what I do not know.  Also, he never is able to see where he has done anything wrong.  Whenever we have arguments and we try to resolve them, I always begin by apologizing even if I do not really believe I have done something wrong.  i apologize to him for the fact that I offended him.  Getting him to say sorry to me or any form of apology is like pulling teeth.  I can count on one hand the number of times he had apologized for anything.  As far as he is concerned, I am the one who is always wrong.  Moreover, he gets offended too easily.  he is many years older than me, but, honestly, I don't see him acting any more matured than me.  When he tells me that I caused an argument,  I apoloigize, but then I tell him, even if I was doing something wrong, as the man and the elder one, you should not have responded in kind.  

Recently, I asked him to help me do something with my car and he said he had no time.  I told him that his time is more flexible than mine since I have to actually be in an office every morning,s o it might be easier for him to do it.  He does not.  He got offended and said i was saying he had nothing doing.  I never said he had nothing doing, I know he is working hard for his exams.  What I meant was that he  has a better ability to flexible  with his time - I don't.   It's like he thinks because he is studying, my work is not as important as his.

I understand that this is a time of sacrifice for me and I do not mind supporting us until he gets on his feet.  I have absolutely no problems with that-- i knew that coming into the marriage.  I also know that i am not perfect and, yes, I admit, I am not the most domestic woman out there.  But I try, I make the effort.  What i want in return is to be appreciated, for me to feel like he really cares about me, that he is there for me emotionally, that he does not take me for granted.

He is a private person and would be offended if i went talking to others about my issues with him.  But when I try to talk to him, all i get is more blame back, the conversation may end up in an argument which makes matters worse.  And, another thing, when we have an argument, he won't speak to me for days, I am not used to that.  SOmetimes when we argue, he tells me if i am tired of carrying the load i should just let him know now so that he can go back because he had a good job in Nigeria.  

Most importantly, I am beginning to feel like my love for him is going away.  I used to be madly in love with him, when we met and married.  Not so much anymore.  And, the scary thing is, I am beginning to miss being single!  I know the grass is always greener on the other side, but I would be lying if I said I don't feel down and alone.  What should I do?  Any input is appreciated.

tpiah!:






so i'm a frigid prude, lying there like a log of wood and counting sheep.

e go better!!!!

Slow your roll Tpia, the Jury is still out whether you and I are female of the species due to the excessively excess testosterone coursing through our vein which is enough to power the whole of Africa, and apparently, the results are in and only one of us is a female, and it is in the bag already [s]Thank you Baba God I have an insatiable knack of nacking men and as my luck would have it, 8 of the serving members of the Jury happen to be a part of my 69 e-gigolos/e-boyfriends/e-harem/e-etcetera [/s] Not saying nowt henceforth and me lips are sealed, i'm just saying I have no stomach for mago mago

ikamefa:

was just passing thru and having fun till i read this  i don laff loose my temp. for hia chai! 

Talk about rubbing it in my face and trying to kick a dog that is already down, and to crown it all it is coming from Ikamefa with the shapely mound of almighty federal bakassi she is packing and rocking only to again cruelly remind me how Sagamite always complained about my own flat pancake chinko-ish yansh which he claimed reminds him of a baboon's yansh

Vexing about my flat yansh will not make it bigger but I will find something else to vex about, Ehn hen, i can vex about this Here I go; now look hia, berra warn that spambot cousin of yours that I purposely posted that long post up there to catch him so he berra not fall into my trap by banning me I am not a snitch but I have my eyes on posters like Lastpage, Ivynwa, Oyinda, MissyB, MrBrownJay, Shy-one, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera WHOSE POST COUNTS IS ALWAYS 25,000 WORDS MINIMUM, YET HAVE NEVER HAD ONE POST SEIZED BETWEEN THEM, so if that yeye spambot seizes my post and temporarily bans me, it will have to permanently ban all of them too join, otherwise we will all have to enter one knicker settle this fight Okay, that got me vexed and wound up for 10 mins Mscheeew Shior No worry Ikamefa, i go find another offence rope that ya neck or find something to make you jealous me That will teach you not to make fun of my flexible agbada boobies again At least i can proudly say Sagamite used to love me using them as abebe to fan him whilst he snores his head off everytime NEPA takes light, so you see, you see, you see, I am a sexual being too, so Jenny should go and siddon, i bet you lot can't do this


[s]Chei, Jennykadri, I think they changed our medication again and hiding it under the tongue wouldn't work, abeg, you sabi if this one get antidote, i can't handle this verbal diarrhoea at all, shuo i go burn my cable the way the circuit on my head, my  light, my head light, my brake light, dey touch like so, chei, JENNY COME AND GET ME OUTTA HERE [/s]

whether you and I are female of the species due to the excessively excess testosterone coursing through our vein which is enough to power the whole of Africa,

nigeria could certainly use some help with the power generating problem.

and apparently, the results are in and only one of us is a female, and it is in the bag already Thank you Baba God I have an insatiable knack of nacking men and as my luck would have it, 8 of the serving members of the Jury happen to be a part of my 69 e-gigolos/e-boyfriends/e-harem/e-etcetera

so which of us is female then.

did you say you.

bb!:



No worry Ikamefa, i go find another offence rope that ya neck or find something to make you jealous me Angry That will teach you not to make fun of my flexible agbada bosoms again Angry At least i can proudly say Sagamite used to love me using them as abebe to fan him whilst he snores his head off everytime NEPA takes light, so you see, you see, you see, I am a sexual being too, so Jenny should go and siddon, i bet you lot can't do this Cheesy


Chei, Jennykadri, I think they changed our medication again and hiding it under the tongue wouldn't work, abeg, you sabi if this one get antidote, i can't handle this[b] verbal diarrhoea[/b] at all, shuo i go burn my cable the way the circuit on my head, my light, my head light, my brake light, dey touch like so, chei, JENNY COME AND GET ME OUTTA HERE

find offence for my neck? na wetin nor be u i dey laff oh na jenny!




your only antidote na sagamite QED

tpiah!:




nigeria could certainly use some help with the power generating problem.

*^{dimming eyes at Tpia cos she is agreeing with them instead of joining hands with me to go and smack them in the mouth}* How apt that the only solitary confinement in Yabaleft only became unoccupied this week, due to the previous occupant being shipped off to Alcatraz I knew they would not have to wait long to find another worthy occupier

tpiah!:

so which of us is female then.

did you say you.

I am just saying I have no stomach for mago mago, so thank God all the members of the Jury are all exceptionally, outstanding, high moral responsible member of the Society who understands the need to maintain Law and Civility with the utmost fairness to be just at all times

ikamefa:

find offence for my neck? na wetin nor be u i dey laff oh na jenny!




your only antidote na sagamite QED

No worries, no need to come and save face Of course I don't expect you to be bold enough to come out to say you are jealous of my agbada bosoms and its ability to stand in as a fan, and wish you could flexibly use your firm stand well well bosoms like mine And if not that i consider boasting bad taste, i would have rubbed your face in it too that i can use my slippers bosoms instead of a dominatrix whip too, jealous much yet

And stop reminding me of Sagamite, my the-one-that-got-away Jennykadry. may you grow a big boil on your nose and yansh so you can never ever sit again and i hope those stairways to heaven legs of yours be covered in pimples and mosquito bites  

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the "logic" of this wife and nothing adds up. How does keeping your husband back in Nigeria help "solidify" the marriage? It makes no sense. I believe there are things she's into that she doesn't want the husband to know about e.g having casual affairs. The whole story points to only one conclusion===> She wants her freedom and not the bondage of marriage.

The wife has several skeletons in her cupboard beyond what is disclosed here. She is more concerned the husband may want to monitor her. If the man is doing very well here financially, I suggest he should stay rather than go there and wait to be certified before working, he would become a burden for his wife. The wife is talking about the kids could come for vacation, what about the husband? No bend bend sleep until further notice? Please, tell the wife to get rid of her skeletons completely before anything if she wants to save her marriage.

I'd have divorced her long ago. What an absolute biyatch.

Mobinga:

I'd have divorced her long ago. What an absolute biyatch.

So you will divorce a woman you just got married too and the marriage is not even up to 6mths? you will divorce a woman becos she wants you to improve yourself academically so that you can fit into another enivorment ? You will divorce a woman becos she doesnt want you to earn below want you earn where you are coming from cos it might shatter your ego as a man knowing you cant provide for your family like you would want to?

Now listen very good ! GBOGBO OBINRIN TO WAN NI FAMILY E NI AJA !

For those sayin she is cheating on her husband and she has a skeleton, yes she's cheating on her husband and she has been cheat on him for the past 3 year but the only thing she having an affair with is her work ! I have never seen her with a man,she doesnt even have the time,sometimes i wil even tease her by asking her how she dey manage feed her kitten, lol .

I've known this woman for  more than three year and i must confess, i envy her energy .  she left 9jia over three years ago as an accounting graduate,she got there and realized she cant really make it in banking industry ,so she opted for the health industry. Ever since i've known her all she does is school,work and school.she will come to school sometimes without taking a bath not that she smells but when you see her with same clothe the next day,it wont be hard for anyone to figure out she didnt sleep home. The only time she was not working was when she has to be my chief bride's maid . Every year she has to pay back reveune Canada cos she has really over worked ,it is either her income tax is begin garnished or something.

To be rational, the woman does [/b]have some valid points.
Unlike what most people in naija think, moving to yankee is not a cake-walk.

If you're doing okay in Naija, it is best you remain there kamkpe, unless a company is sponsoring you over or you have an international business (which you should HQ in naija) or if you are very sure GOD has given you the move order and it's not just you wanting to go. I've come accross people here who were balling in naija with their families. Driving company car and everything with housemaids and madam never having to lift a finger.

Just for them to win US visa lottery, drop everything, and fly there. Come see sukpa life afterwards. Levels just change anyhow.
---------------
Now from the other side of the coin, It's not right for her to lay seperated from her husband and children like that as that will inevitable lead to further [b]complications down the road  (if [b]complications [/b]never happen already). But it is something they can work out if they are honest with each other. But I imagine if he asks her she will say she has submitted the papers. [b]Anything [/b]that is powered by a lie is doomed to fail.

I would suggest she has him visit occasionally first and see what his job options are before doing that "all bets are on" jump that our naija people typically make when they jump over.

BusyBody

Your own case na another thing, na jenny i say her wahala too much but your own self na die ,only be say you make sense and thank you so much .

We sent the application today . She spoke with the husband yesterday but he was still bent on not going to school .  I spoke to the guy myself and the guy said ,he already made it known to her from day one that,he wont go to school,he said he wanted to learn trade and he did . He said he does nt believe he cant make it there without going to school,i told him he as to go for atleast 6months but he was like we shouldnt worry God will see him through when he gets here but he's never gonna go to school cos he never liked school and that was why God made him prosper in his business in 9jia without going to school.

Well some peopl for 9jia beliv say na God dey take miracle put money for people pocket here oo,even when dem no work . anyway Wella dey,he go dey collect wella feed him family .

^^ I'm pained to hear that he intends to be that stubborn about it.
That may change soon. I believe a man has to do whatever he has to do to feed the fam.
But I'm happy she doesn't have to live under the lie of not having submitted his application

Let's hope he checked with God to see if his will and HIS will are in alignment.

2buff:



Just for them to win US visa lottery, drop everything, and fly there. Come see sukpa life afterwards. Levels just change anyhow.

My cousin who won lottery 2009 was complaining bitterly about not having anybody to help him with the children ,that in 9jia, your mother or sister can alwayz watch your kids for you while you are at work but abroad noffin like that and you get too much bills, In 9jia if you dont pay your rent,your landlord go just dey threaten but here you have to pay or you become homeless . . . . . all this things peopl in 9jia dont know, they beliv abroad is money money money.

rita@NL:


So you will divorce a woman you just got married too and the marriage is not even up to 6mths? you will divorce a woman becos she wants you to improve yourself academically so that you can fit into another enivorment ? You will divorce a woman becos she doesnt want you to earn below want you earn where you are coming from cos it might shatter your ego as a man knowing you cant provide for your family like you would want to?

Now listen very good ! GBOGBO OBINRIN TO WAN NI FAMILY E NI AJA !

It seems you are the lady herself. Selfish Woman why did you get married to him in the first place you bitch?

Mobinga:

It seems you are the lady herself. Selfish Woman why did you get married to him in the first place you naughty woman?

Olori buruku . Yes i am the woman does that make you eja.culate ? Ode oshi !
I know say you be mad dog but i wont be caught wasting my time with you.
i will let you be from now on . Omo ale.

smh. Carry your feminine wahala commot jor, there's a match going on. Goodluck with your husband

Let him do what he knows best(what he's passionate about). .he'll be happier.
Passion is vital 4 some people(4 others not)

The guy doesnt want to school in Canada, the woman is hesitant to bring him

Let them divorce and go their separate ways.

Afterall she saw that he was not well educated before she married him. Most likely the man is shining Kongos all over naija now

rita@NL:

BusyBody

Your own case na another thing, na jenny i say her wahala too much but your own self na die ,only be say you make sense and thank you so much .

We sent the application today . She spoke with the husband yesterday but he was still bent on not going to school .  I spoke to the guy myself and the guy said ,he already made it known to her from day one that,he wont go to school,he said he wanted to learn trade and he did . He said he does nt believe he cant make it there without going to school,i told him he as to go for atleast 6months but he was like we shouldnt worry God will see him through when he gets here but he's never gonna go to school cos he never liked school and that was why God made him prosper in his business in 9jia without going to school.

Well some peopl for 9jia beliv say na God dey take miracle put money for people pocket here oo,even when dem no work . anyway Wella dey,he go dey collect wella feed him family .

You spoke to her husband? why you no dey mind your business?

Anyways If I post now you go say i dey do gra gra, gra gra for speaking my mind?

These people have spoken about this thing right from the time go, he told her from the beginning that he was not interested in going to school, your friend seeing that age was catching up with her decided to marry him and then make known her intentions later.

All of una no well

@BB
Eku' se ooooo, I see your handwork, if no be say I was busy trying to get sagamite's weapon of mass destruction going and at the same time trying to awaken dayokanu's ozumba rock that decided to go on exile after the last time you had him, I for face you and give you my mind word for word

jennykadry:

You spoke to her husband? why you no dey mind your business?

Don't mind her

rita@NL:

BusyBody

Your own case na another thing, na jenny i say her wahala too much but your own self na die ,only be say you make sense and thank you so much .

We sent the application today . She spoke with the husband yesterday but he was still bent on not going to school .  I spoke to the guy myself and the guy said ,he already made it known to her from day one that,he wont go to school,he said he wanted to learn trade and he did . He said he does nt believe he cant make it there without going to school,i told him he as to go for atleast 6months but he was like we shouldnt worry God will see him through when he gets here but he's never gonna go to school cos he never liked school and that was why God made him prosper in his business in 9jia without going to school.

Well some peopl for 9jia beliv say na God dey take miracle put money for people pocket here oo,even when dem no work . anyway Wella dey,he go dey collect wella feed him family .

I can't imagine my friend calling my husband to plead with him to go to school so he'll be 'man enough' to provide for me when I do him the favour of bringing him to join me in Yankee . . . .  Chei!     

^^ Seriously that is very downgrading, I thought about it myself, both women have just brought that man down.

jennykadry:

^^ Seriously that is very downgrading, I thought about it myself, both women have just brought that man down.

I wonder what my husband would do if I did something like that to him

^^^ Ok let me help you imagine . I will play your friend

Uju: [/b]Honey please you just have to do something, even if it's a 6 months course, that way you are sure of getting a job here.

[b]Mr UJU: Baby I told you from the beginning that I don't wanna go to school, why are you bringing this up now? my mind is made up and that's it.



Jenny in the background mouths out to Uju to give her the phone


Jenny: Mr obialujuaku bikonu ehn, you need to go to school ehn, your wife and I can't afford to have you as a liability when you get here, illiterates are not allowed in canada, yes I know you can read and write so I won't really call you an illiterate, I'd rather call you a partial illiterate.

Mr Uju: Jenny I have discussed this with my wife, why on earth did she marry me then? If she doesn't want me there let her tell me, I will rather stay here than get myself involved in things that won't make me happy.

Jenny: Please think about it, even if the school fees is too much for your wife to pay, I will help pay it off for you, you can always pay me back instalmentally when you start working.Please think about it.

Jenny gives the phone back to Uju and at the same time tells uju in a loud voice "Uju please talk to your husband I have done my best, he is just being stubborn"


There, you have the right imagination now

jennykadry:

^^^ Ok let me help you imagine . I will play your friend

Uju: [/b]Honey please you just have to do something, even if it's a 6 months course, that way you are sure of getting a job here.

[b]Mr UJU: Baby I told you from the beginning that I don't wanna go to school, why are you bringing this up now? my mind is made up and that's it.



Jenny in the background mouths out to Uju to give her the phone


Jenny: Mr obialujuaku bikonu ehn, you need to go to school ehn, your wife and I can't afford to have you as a liability when you get here, illiterates are not allowed in canada, yes I know you can read and write so I won't really call you an illiterate, I'd rather call you a partial illiterate.

Mr Uju: Jenny I have discussed this with my wife, why on earth did she marry me then? If she doesn't want me there let her tell me, I will rather stay here than get myself involved in things that won't make me happy.

Jenny: Please think about it, even if the school fees is too much for your wife to pay, I will help pay it off for you, you can always pay me back instalmentally when you start working.Please think about it.

Jenny gives the phone back to Uju and at the same time tells uju in a loud voice "Uju please talk to your husband I have done my best, he is just being stubborn"


There, you have the right imagination now

ROTFLMAO

I hope I've packed my bag before that conversation . . .

Mr kadry will throw me out with my ghana must go bag

Lmao

some women sef!

Speaking to the man on phone is a no-no

I think the man should just leave his wife because she is not ready for marriage. The more reason why I said she just wants to be called a MRS.

With all the work/career/job name it, no common sense and the OP is not even helping her.

BTW OP, did you talk to your own husband to know his opinion first before talking to your friend's husband?or you just talked to the man as the I too sabi wey you be?