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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Jokes Etc / Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES (819 Views)
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Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by TrendsTV: 4:06pm On Jul 25, 2020 |
� During sex when you hear the lady telling you "should i put on my panty or should i wait" just know that she is asking for the round two� � Invest two goats and get 3 cow in 40 seconds, � ask me how? No be only una sabi crazy� � Sometimes it is not the Tailor's fault..My_sister you just don't have the same shape as the lady on the catelogue� � U can't date a guy living with his parents, but u can date a man living with his wife? Aunty come and enter heaven let me see!� � I have CERTIFICATE in kissing, DIPLOMA in Caring, DEGREE in loving, MASTERS in Petting and PhD in Sex. Pls who has job 4 me� � Just a reminder to all married people: If you have promised ur wife / husband that you will love her/him 24/7 then today is 24/7.. ��♀️ � No man is as humble like a man who is asking for a lady's number in public. He will just be sounding low like a new generator. If you experience, you know. � � Nigerian girls are like NEPA...Once they Start given you Light just know that bill is Coming� � Some girls wahala tire me. Why will you go and have sex and later get pregnant and start shouting ooh God this can't be me. My sister who do you want it to be. Your mother?� � Buying ❀ flowers for your Village girlfriend is not an issue. The problem is when I receive a message from her the next day saying "boo, the vegetables you bought me tasted somehow" Na wa oooooo. � � Abeg which part of Nigeria is my father land�️ because as I dey now am broke I want to sell my own portion�♂️ � She asks you for money and you complain that she loves money, she decides not to ask you anymore and you say she has another boyfriend. My brother what really is the matter?� � Ladies, please take a moment to thank and appreciate those guys that dated you in secondary school. They loved you with no makeup, no Brazilian hair, with your short hairs, your over sized uniforms, your shapeless bags and rubber sandals. "That was true love"� � That moment when you want to pull out or withdraw,then she holds you tight.My brother just whisper into her ear that you will raise this child alone � � Some visitors get mind shaaa�,them serve you food, you say make them help you change meat� � One of the advantages of being a beautiful girl � is that you will buy something in the market and pay with your phone number Ugly girls ayam sorry� � My brother hustle ooo, make dem no hold your hand for Club dey tell Bouncers say e dey with me...� � One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.� � Nothing is sweeter than separating two ladies who are fighting. If you're a man, you're lucky because You can hold any part of their body for free� � Just say you want us to break up... Which one is "Unlock your phone � lemme check something".� � How come when a lady spend a night with you .. their phone never ring? I don't understand..� � When a relationship is coming to an end, what are signs and symptoms 1. Deafness: I didn't hear it ring. 2. Blindness: I didn't see your missed calls. 3. Formination of busy: when you called, I was frying stone 4. Nowhere to be found: Can we meet? Oh I'll be going to the moon with my mom �5. Online but not chatting: I just on my data to check if the sun is shining � The problem with ugly people is that, they always expect too much from the camera� � Husband no scarce, Na you dey find Hushpuppi, with a touch of Johnny Sins, and Pastor Adeyemi� � You see someone with a good house and a good car. You are there screaming vanity. Oh, so nobody in your family has reminded you that poverty is also vanity.� � I went for an interview yesterday, BOOM!!! My Ex was the interviewer� Satan's only begotten daughter asked me to mention 7 Indian Biscuits� � Wait O, Can Last Born Marry Last Born? What If They Wake Up At Night And Start Crying �, I Want To See My Mummy?� � Akwa ibom state police command released 350 dogs on the street to enforce lockdown in the state. Now the dogs are remaining 6 � � Maybe The Reason Why Jesus Didn't Have a Female��♀️Disciple is because He Called Them And They Were Asking For Transport Fare� � Finally, i hv learnt hw to toast a girl!. Baby, as i set my eyes on u, my slippers cut� � Ladies Don't be too shy to ask your Ex for airtime, it's part of your retirement benefit � � Okay, Ladies sometimes when you see a Guy staring at you it's not that you are attractive. It could be your makeup is not matching your neck..!� � Stop boiling bathing water with cooking pot, one man was smelling egusi soup in the bank today � � Respect the woman who cooks for you. Poison is not expensive. � � So if I marry now and snake enters our compound my wife will tell the kids to go and call their father.� To come and do what exactly?��♂ � Who said that English is easy? Fill this blank with "YES" or "NO" 1. ______ I am not a Virgin. 2. ______ I don't have Sense. 3. ______ I am a Cheat. 4. ______ I am Stupid I'm in my house� Come make we fight MEANWHILE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9gtZEoNBFo The 8 most dangerous cult groups in Nigeria |
Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by lordaltruist(m): 4:30pm On Jul 25, 2020 |
TrendsTV: I can't stop laughing. |
Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by TrendsTV: 11:14am On Jul 26, 2020 |
1 One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.� 2 No man is as humble like a man who is asking for a lady's number in public. He will just be sounding low like a new generator. If you experience, you know. � 3 Sometimes it is not the Tailor's fault.. My_sister you just don't have the same shape as the lady on the catelogue��♂ 4 Now that you didn't buy Easter hair, shoes and dress did you die? You just put pressure on somebody's son � 5 The beauty in a woman is perfectly revealed when her husband is responsible. irresponsible husband destroys a virtuous wife.��♂️ 6 Don't let anyone give you pressure! Some people are only rich on SOCIAL MEDIA� 7 Stingy boyfriend will never tell you that your hair is old. They will be like, "BaBe, this hair keeps shining everyday".� 8 DATING A TWIN IS A PROBLEM, YOU CANT EVEN SAY BABY THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU☝ 9 BOYFRIENDS are NOT responsible FOR your BILLS, stop CALLING them BROKE because YOU can’t AFFORD your OWN BILLS. � 10 Pls oo, if ur galfrn texts you "Will be coming to ur place around 6am tomorrow with my mum" what does it mean?� Watch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKKJUCpgKeY |
Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by TrendsTV: 11:23am On Jul 29, 2020 |
MEANWHILE ¶¶I say make I patronize you and u say shoe na 150k....... How much come be my leg?? � ¶¶I wonder how rich people sleep at night with fridge full of food. Me just 1 yoghurt, I couldn't sleep till I finished it� ¶¶Slim girls with big belle be like small letter "b"� ¶¶My post are to make you laugh and forget stress so keep your seriousness and maturity for your family meetings� ¶¶Ur parents named you Fortune And u went ahead and added Mhizfortune and you think your village people don't understand English � ¶¶Eat good food just in case u vomit in publicmy friend vomited rice nd red oil today, I shame go buy Meat drop on top of d vomit� ¶¶Many guys are single because they refused to reply that simple text: "Please can you do me a favor� ¶¶Dating broke married men is not only a sin, is like stealing an empty handbag� ¶¶One thing about one room apartment is that you wake up and see all your properties at once.� ¶¶If I did succeed in making you smile, drop one prayer point for me� https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6igcqOFvsiU Fatal accidents caught on camera |
Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by fijinjesu92792: 9:38pm On Jul 29, 2020 |
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Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by Jamesarua: 10:00pm On Jul 29, 2020 |
make i sitdown laugh wel |
Re: Let's Start A New Thread! 1 MILLION JOKES by TrendsTV: 10:52am On Aug 14, 2020 |
My neighbor Chike was a champion when it comes to bedding social media female friends. He had so mastered the game that no week passed without him having a female visitor from social media platforms. He'd always brag about his ability to convince girls he'd not met before to come and spend a day or two in his one room self-contained apartment. In his words, "I be the social media Casanova, them girls no fit resist me" True to his words, all the girls that visited him were the prettiest. The type of girls I'd see and thank God for creating women into this world. The type of girls that would make one a man of vision; envisioning them in their natural forms in bed. That set of girls that were proportionally endowed, possessing just an adequate of boobs, hips and facial beauty. Those were the type of girls my neighbor Chike, imported from social media. How he convinced them to visit him at home remains a mystery to me even to this day. Sometimes, I envied his convincing ability and what he enjoyed using it. I had at a point, begged him to teach me the tactics and styles he used in wooing and convincing these girls. He taught me wholeheartedly but my naive mind couldn't grasp the lesson. The only time I tried inviting a girl I met on social media to my house was the last day I tried it. She insulted my body, my soul, my spirit and even my shadow. She extended the insults to my parents, accusing them of not training me properly which was why I could come on social media and invite girls to my house. Little did she know that they (my parents) gave me the best training but copying Chike's lifestyle wouldn't let me uphold it. When I told my neighbor, Chike, what I experienced, he laughed off the remaining part of my already diminished ego. After laughing, he told me that I couldn't convince her because I was not born with the ability. He further advised me to leave the game for them who were 'blessed' with the convincing abilities. I concurred with him even before he said so. I've already decided to leave it for his likes, after all I have earned enough insult to last me a lifetime from my failed attempt. Time went by and Chike continued hitting jackpots. His social media games continued blooming. Then one day, I was washing some clothes in front of my apartment when Chike entered the compound. He looked so happy and lively. Seeing him, one could tell that something good just happened in his life. He was full of smiles. He walked to where I was doing my laundry and sat beside me. I curiously asked him why he was smiling like someone who had just been duped. He didn't say a word, rather he brought out his android phone and showed me the picture of a very beautiful and endowed girl. "This is my Amanda and she is coming to visit me this weekend", he said with so much pride and gloat. "Wow, she's so beautiful", I managed to reply after swallowing hard. He went on and told me how he had to put so much time and efforts in wooing and convincing 'his Amanda' to come and spend time with him. He also told me that Amanda used to warn him that he may not like her when they'd eventually be together. While he spoke, my thoughts went wild. I started imagining and wishing that this damsel would be my guest. The thoughts of all I could do with her in bed flooded my mind. "What's there not to like about this beautiful damsel?", he concluded, jolting me back into reality. I told him that everything about her was lovable and his happiness increased. The D-day finally came. Chike had made sure that his house was sparkling clean. He also made available varieties of food stuff they'd need throughout the weekend. I'm sure he did that because he wouldn't want anything to shorten the time he'd spend in bed with Amanda. In the evening, around 5 pm, the almighty Amanda arrived. Oh my God! Her beauty was out of this world. Her physical appearance was way beyond what her pictures showed. Beyonce have nothing on her when facial beauty matters. Her curves and thoracic endowment were so perfect. When she greeted me, I only heard a melody. In a nutshell, Amanda was the perfect description of a beautiful woman. On seeing her, I started envying Chike. "How could he be the only one having all the fine babes while I only watch?", I thought. That night, I couldn't sleep. My mind wouldn't stop imagining how Chike would be dancing on top of Amanda. I imagined her touches, the taste of her plump breasts and maybe her juice, her moans and most importantly the expression on her face when she'd be cumming. I was still in my thoughts when I heard the door of Chike's apartment opened violently. Before I could get to my own door, Chike had already started banging on it (the door) loudly. I quickly opened the door only to find Chike totally naked, using his two hands to cover his 'rod' and 'balls'. On seeing me, he started shouting "Onwere amu, Onwere amu (she has penis, she has penis)", before rushing into my house. I couldn't understand him. I slowly tiptoed to his apartment and peeped. There I saw a very large penis dangling inbetween Amanda's legs. Looking upwards, I saw two big boobs on her chest. I then realized why my neighbor ran away from his house. Amanda was a transsexual (transgendered). ������ **************************************** Watch this funny video below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IemCcdLXumc *SUBSCRIBE AND ENJOY MORE UPDATES EVERYDAY* |
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